Chapter 14: A confession you'll never hear.
Putting on my best show face, I played the part of a broken lover on the stage; singing out a persona's feelings, their soul. I was hitting all the notes, batting my over exaggerated lashes and the crowd loved it. I saw flickers that waved back and forth from the back. Lighters no doubt. I did my best to engage myself in the current activity full heartedly.
"…wishing this wasn't the last time I'd be in your arms…" I sang.
I could feel tears forming again… aching to grace my cheek bones. I refused to give in. It was only the first verse. I decided to shake it off by utilizing the stage. I walked back and forth from right to left, then back again landing in my original mark for the chorus.
"...I'll just break… break and cry… it's just so hard for me to say…"
The music slowed a little, I remembered writing that portion when I found out he was going to leave for the first time. I could almost hear his voice… I couldn't get him out of my head.
"I just can't say… goodbye…"
Instrumental break. I was close to tears… and the crowd was loving every bit of it. I could hear some friends from school cheering my name… I could have sworn I heard Sasuke's voice calling my name… but I didn't want to give into that fantasy. So I just dove into the second verse. Doing my best to hold my tears.
--
"SAKURA!" Sasuke yelled. He saw her on stage… wearing his favorite dress. He love it, after all, he was the one who gave it to her.
"SAKURA!" He yelled again as she started into the second verse. It took him a while to digest the fact that SHE WAS ON STAGE! And she couldn't HEAR HIM from up there. Frowning slightly he closed his eyes and listened to her words. Drowning himself in the heavenly sound that was her own. He listened to every word she sang and it took every fiber of his being to restrain himself from going up there and taking her into his arms. He opened his eyes. They widened at a sight so beautiful and so moving. He looked up at her just as she finished the chorus for a second time and was heading into the bridge. She was crying…
--
I couldn't hold it in anymore. The very thought of him haunted me. I did my best to write a song portraying someone else… but I denied the fact that it ended up being a song about me… and how I couldn't say goodbye… I couldn't say it to him face to face. So I wrote it down.
Part of me wanted him to hear this confession from my own lips tonight… but I knew that wasn't going to happen. I felt somewhat relieved; maybe it was because I was so scared of him rejecting me. But he wouldn't. I was afraid of rejecting him. What could I do? He was on a plane now! Maybe 5000 feet in the air. He couldn't hear me anymore! I felt the need to say it. I felt the need to yell it to world! I wanted to! Oh I wanted to so badly. But my voice can't compare to the rummaging and thunderous sounds of Sasuke's new life. But I had to try right? So I did. I wrote this for you Sasuke… ONLY YOU!
I was balling my eyes now. My voice matched the chords of the guitar just as I wrote it.
I belted it out. The lettered confession he would never hear…
"Hey you… I just wanted to tell you before you leave… that I love you. I really do. I always have and always will."
Images of Sasuke ploughed into my head.
"You're the only one who can make my heart beat fast and slow at the same time."
My heart was pounding so loud I swear people in the back could hear it.
"I'm so sorry I was stupid enough not to notice!"
More tears fell… I scrunched my hand into a fist and held it close to my heart. My knees were wobbling and I felt like I was going to fall over. I shut my eyes as I admitted to myself what I had done…
"I let you go…"
I was full out crying now. Tears, running mascara, uneasy breathing.
"You deserve so much better!"
I opened my eyes and gazed at the blur of an audience in front of me. I couldn't make out anything. It didn't matter anymore anyway.
He was gone…
"I'm happy for you… really I am…"
He's not here…
"I just don't want to say…"
He left…
"Goodbye…"
I'm alone…
"I can't…"
--
He watched her small fragile body float atop the stage. He took a few steps closer. Then a few more. She looked like she was going to fall over. He wanted to be the one to catch her. She was singing her heart out. He wanted to sing with her… for her… he loves her. And he called out to her…
"SAKURA!"
--
My song was almost over… and I had broken down onstage in front of hundreds of people. Something I promised myself I would never do! But I did it anyway. I had the courage to open my eyes. But my sight was still blurry and I couldn't see a thing.
"I need to hear your voice…"
It was almost over…
"I need to see your face…"
I had to get used to life without him…
"I need to feel your breath once more…"
I DON'T WANT TO!
SASUKE!
"I just can't say…"
I gave in… my knees buckled and I fell to the floor. I could hear the audience gasp. My head hung…hiding everything but my lips…
Finish it Sakura…
"Goodbye…"
The curtains fell shut. The audience roared with a standing ovation. I should be happy… But I wasn't. They thought it was all an act… I just poured out my soul to him. But all they thought it was... was an act. That was more than just an act! That was my confession.
My confession…
My confession…
Sasuke didn't even hear it.