Author: Elrohir
Disclaimer: I don't own an of the HP characters. Phooey.
Summary: One-Shot. Completed. Sirius lies awake, listening to the howling of a certain werewolf, and muses.
Genre: Angsty-ish. Angsting for others, perhaps?
Rating: PG-13 for angst and suffering.
Vigil
I never get much sleep on the full moon. It's probably due to the howling. I never understood how anyone could sleep through those horrible, haunting cries, echoing eerily through the night. I used to try and sleep through it all, try and block out the sound. I would begin to drift off, almost asleep, only to be awoken by another cry. I used to try and guess what he was feeling, just by listening. Was he sad? Angry? Joyous? I could never figure it out. But I try not to think about that anymore, because, one day, I guessed the reason behind the howls. It's always the same. Anguish. Suffering. Pain.
I never get much sleep on the full moon. Maybe it's due to all the worrying. I never let the rest of the Marauders know how much I worry. To them, I always seem charismatic, care-free, and I usually am. But not always. Once a month, I worry. I worry about what he'll do; not to others, but to himself. I know what happens after he's locked away in that excuse for a shack. I've seen the scars.
We always visit him the morning after. His bed always has the curtains drawn, shunning curious students and their prying eyes. When the rest of the hospital wing is empty, or not paying attention, we draw back the curtains and sit with him. We bring him loads of sweets and chocolate, and we laugh about how, soon, we'll be able to keep him company. If James isn't there, Lily leaves his homework on his bedside table. We act like she doesn't know about it, even though we know it almost impossible that she wouldn't have guessed by now. We pretend that we're subtle.
We do a lot of pretending. We pretend not to notice the fresh scratches on his arms and face after each full moon, as if, maybe, we can deny that he's suffering. We pretend that we'll be Animagus soon, even though it could take months for Peter to get it right. And it's not just Peter that's slowing us down. As irresponsible as James is, he is a leader first and foremost. He frets that he's putting us all in to much danger; what if something goes wrong? And what if, when we do become Animagi, one of us gets bitten? What then? Peter is always eager to agree with him. I guess it's just me keeping the whole project going; I try to rationalize with them, convince them that it'll help, even though what I really want to do is stand up and shout that I would risk anything, anything, if I could stop him from hurting himself. They call me reckless.
I never get much sleep on the full moon. I sit in the that common room, waiting out the night, holding a silent vigil for reasons I don't even understand. I guess it the closest I can get to being with him, down there, as close as I can get to howling along with him…
It's a full moon tonight. I don't think I'll get much sleep.
FIN