Okay, this will be chapter 3 of my first ever fan fic. I said on my last chapter that I would update monday, so here you are! I was feeling completely uninspired for this chapter, but i just wanted an in between chpter beteen the last and next one, so i threw this one in. after very many alterations, chapter 3 finally came to be. I am mostly and completely satisfied with this chapter. i did one half of it on friday, and all day long i've been working on this one, whenever something good popped into my head. So excuse the crappiness of this chapter, but its as good as it'll probably get.

Disclaimer: I do not own Suze, or Jesse (sigh), or Paul (double sigh) or any other characters you might recognize. I do however own the plot (i think) so yay for me!

Read and review please! I'd like some feedback! Thanks to apotterlover and Mrs. Nikki Slater for reading and reviewing! I hope you enjoy this chapter and the others to come.

888

If I'd thought that first day I went to visit Jesse was hard, I had no idea how much harder it'd get. Days and days went by, then eventually weeks, and still, no sign if him quite waking up yet. I made sure I'd go on minimum three times a week, since I couldn't drive myself, well I could, but Brad always had the car, so I couldn't really go.

I'd been so excited about our date that Saturday, longing for it since he invited me, then the next day, what do you know? He's landed himself in a coma. I think I was most miserable that day, no, it was the day Paul and I'd brought him back through time. That was my most miserable day.

Paul was really sweet that day to me. He bought me one of those humongous teddy bears that are like half your size and white orchids. He spent the whole day listening to me mope, holding me tightly when I couldn't stop sobbing. My birthday and winter formal came and went, but I was too depressed to celebrate either.

One week ago, I turned 18. I had been longing for that birthday my whole life, even more so once Jesse fully came into my life. But I couldn't bring myself to celebrate, despite my mother's attempts, and Cee's, and Paul's, and anyone really who tried to cheer me up. Even Brad's been nicer to me. Shocker. He even bought me an ice cream from Cold Stone Creamery, anyway way I wanted it.

No one understands my pain, and I suppose they never will. What Jesse and I have is far beyond love. It's unexplainable. Our relationship was fated to be together. One true love that will last forever Madame Zara (A/N: That's her name right? And what she said? Can't remember exactly) had said. I'd thought that that had meant that Jesse would remain a ghost forever and would always be there for me. But I soon found out otherwise he was going to live with me until the end of time, then we'd die together and if we came back as ghosts, we'd be together then still.

Paul's told me a million times I'm a walking zombie. And in a way, he's right. About two weeks into Jesse's coma, I finally accepted the truth. I stopped crying. I stopped sobbing. I am unable to convey any emotion anymore. My smile has been wiped off my face permanently; my laughter is stifled within me. The only thing keeping me alive is the thumping of my heart. I barely eat, exercise, sleep. Nothing, I really am a walking zombie.

Now, a month later, I still am in the same state of no emotion. Jesse's been out of it for the last month and two weeks. I turned 18 a month ago. I still go to school, but very much against my will. Father D's worried too. He says he prays for me and Jesse each night, but whatever belief I once held for prayer and God was eliminated the day the greater forces made Jesse fall into a coma. In this past year, I started believing in God, I finally had a reason too: Jesse. But without him, there's no reason to believe, it just goes to further prove that if there is indeed a God he doesn't give shit about me, therefore, he doesn't exist to me. It's easier that way instead of putting all your hopes in God.

So a zombie I will be. A living, walking, breathing zombie devoured completely by depression and hopelessness. Having nothing but to wallow in my misery, I am very sure I will spend my Christmas break sleeping and never leaving the refuge of my bedroom. Maybe Jesse will appear once more at my window seat sometime in the next three weeks and I'll at least be able to talk with him-even if he is a ghost. Anything would be better than nothing.

It has been a month and a half and de Silva's still in a coma. Naturally, Suze hasn't quite been Suze since then. I don't think I can remember a time that she's smiled or laughed or shown any emotion for the last month and a half. The girl is consumed by this tangible grief. Everywhere she goes, it follows her. Her doom and gloom spreads to those within a five radius of her. Or maybe it's just me. Not being able to stand the way she's become so lifeless this past month.

So yeah, it's depressing seeing de Silva sprawled so helplessly across the hospital bed untouched and unmoved. It's weird, there was once a time I'd of given anything for something similar to happen to de Silva, that way Suze would no longer be convinced that they belonged together and she'd be with me. But now that I've gotten to know de Silva and Suze, it's just plain out weird.

In way, de Silva is the only true friend I ever had, him and Suze. De Silva got over his hate for me for Suze's sake and in the end befriended me. If that would have been me, I would just make nice, not bothering to befriend what once was my sworn enemy. So Jesse's been really cool to me, he's changed me. I'm not that obnoxious arrogant rich kid I was a year ago. And Suze notices it too, which makes it all so much more worth it.

I think I'm the only one who can relate to what Suze is going through the most. Jesse, to me is my best friend, to her it's the love of her life. We, along with Father Dominic are the only ones who know exactly what Jesse has gone through, so it makes it easier for me to understand her wallowing. Only, I never did realize she loved him that much.

The nothingness is consuming me. Inch by inch, I can feel my life being torn from me the longer I stay surrounded by this darkness. I do not know how long it has been, but I just wish it would end. The last time I felt this, I died. Now, here I am feeling the very exact feeling 154 years later. Just please, someone get me out!

Querida, if you can hear me, take me away from this place. I'd much rather die a thousand deaths if it means I can at least see you again. Te quiero, querida. Get me out of this nothingness.

I know you're there querida, I can feel you. I don't how to explain it, but suddenly I can your muffled voice, sometimes sobbing in the distance. I can feel your hands on my body, only I can not see a thing, and I certainly can not see you. The only thing I have to go with is the memory of you and your beautiful face. Memories, this is all I have. Memories of you: the only thing that keeps me sane.

I'm pathetic, I know. I spend every possible moment at the hospital, and when I'm not at the hospital, I stay in my room devoid of all human interaction, staring out my window from my very own window seat, Jesse's spot.

So you can imagine why mom might be a little peeved with me. It may be her mood swings, or the fact that for once, I actually have friends and I refuse to see them. But I can't muster an inch of happiness, not even for my mother's sake. I feel much better drowning in my misery. The misery I have grown accustomed to without Jesse.

I never pay any attention to what goes on inside that room when I'm with Jesse. There's a woman in Jesse's room as well. But with the curtain pulled across, I never know what's going on over in that half of the room. I let myself get sucked in to sweet memories of Jesse and scenarios in which he'll at last wake up. So, excuse me for not noticing the guy talking to me. Excuse me for thinking that Jesse had finally woken up. "You're in here a lot." The voice said, no doubt masculine, and smooth.

My head perked up in hope, my eyes tearing. I longingly waited for a reaction from Jesse. A flutter of his eyes, a curve of his lips, anything to signal life. I waited and waited but no such thing happened. "You're in here a lot," the voice repeated, and with my eyes staring at him intensely, I knew he hadn't spoken. Great, now I'm going crazy. Perfect, just perfect.

Ahem. I turned around at last, and realized, that I indeed was not going crazy, and saw a boy hovering over me, behind the chair I'd dragged to Jesse's side. "Jesus Christ! I thought… I-I'm sorry…. It's just…"

"It's okay," the boy smiled, looking down on me. I stood, so we'd be more level, but h hovered over me still. At about the same height Jesse would hover over me.

"I'd thought he'd woken up," my eyes began tearing, something I absolutely, even more so in the presence of strangers. I stifled the urge to cry, no way was I going to cry in front of him.

"Like I said already, you're here a lot." I nodded dumbly. I hadn't ever really noticed him, except for a couple times when I came or left. But I never really paid attention to him. "Would you like to go grab a coffee or something?" I nodded dumbly… again. "Great, let me just grab my coat." I nodded… dumbly… again. Suze, stop it! Can I take this moment to say that he's cute? Like really, really cute. Not hot, but he's way cute. His cuteness makes him cuter than hot… does that even make sense?

I followed him to the hospital cafeteria. When we finally arrived, he finally broke the silence that had engulfed us on the way down. "So, um, like, what's your name?" His hand shot up behind his head, where he rubbed his hair, revealing some nice arm muscles.

"Su- Suuuze," I slurred my name a little, still shocked that I someone had interrupted my Jesse time. "Wh-what's yours?" I finally choked out.

He smiled, revealing a perfect set of white teeth. Can I be any more demented? My one year-boyfriend, whom I happen to love very much is upstairs lying unconscious, and I can't keep my cool around this guy who brings me down for coffee? "I'm Chris, or Alex. I don't really like being called Chris, but, whatever you like is fine."

"Um, Chris-or, I mean Alex. So, um, Alex, how long had you been trying to get my attention? I wasn't paying attention at all, if my reaction was any indication to this. I was just lost in my memories of Jesse-the guy in the room. And well, I've been waiting and waiting for him to wake up, but he just won't it's been like a month and a half already, and there's no signs yet of him waking up. And now I think I'm just rambling, so I'll shut up now." He laughed at me, a very light-hearted laugh.

"Suuuze," he mocks me too! "I wasn't there very long. I'd just gotten there when I noticed you were in there. I've seen you so much, and I've wanted to talk to you, so I finally sucked it up and approached you."

"Oh." I have barely paid enough attention to notice his presence, yet alone want to talk to him. "So, the woman in the room, is she your mom?"

He nodded, "Yeah. As soon as I found out she was hospitalized, I came out here, to stay with my step-dad." Now I nodded. Have I become some kind of bobble head doll? "That guy, he your brother?"

If he sees any resemblance between me and Jesse, this guy is clearly blind. Jesse and I look nothing alike. At all, so no, we're not related, you dumbass. Get your eyes checked! "No, he's my boyfriend." His smile wiped off his face in that moment. I couldn't help but add, "We've been together for a year. Well, would have, but this coma thing kind of took over him a month prior to."

"That sucks. A lot. You must really love him, though. You're always in there."

"He's got no one else really. He needs someone to be there for him."

"He doesn't get along with his family?"

How much should I tell him, really? "He doesn't have any," that could be taken in many ways and essence the truth, nothing that will reveal he's lived 150 years.

The expression on his face showed sympathy. He rubbed his hand in his hair again, probably getting uncomfortable. "What about you, and your mom?" He doesn't need to know anything more about me and Jesse.

"Well, she's not in a coma. But that's not any better than her actual condition. The doctors diagnosed her with this rare disease, and, well I don't rally know what's going on, but it's weakening her more and more as the days pass. So, as soon as the semester ended, I flew out here to stay for my break here in Carmel."

Turns out Chris/Alex is from Chicago. He's considering transferring to a school here in Carmel. He asked me where I went, but I told him I graduated early, because if he finds out where I'm going, he'll pull a Paul and transfer to the Mission. It'd be just my luck, too, if he did indeed show up at the mission. Not that I'd mind being graced by his cute presence and all. But being the dedicated girlfriend I am, I will allow myself to think nothing else of him, other than that he is in fact very cute.

His initial shock to the California brightness and warmth was quite funny to hear about, having gone through the same thing two years ago. At least I'm not a total loser, entranced by the great Pacific Ocean, and dumbfounded by the sight of palm trees everywhere you look.

Finishing up my coffee, I told him I had to go. Total lie, but I know that if I stay, he'll totally stay at the hospital all day with me. I took out my cell and dialed Paul, asking him if he could pick me up.

"Paul, can you come pick me up now?" I asked into the phone. He said he'd be here in a couple minutes. Chris/Alex followed me out to the parking lot, saying he wanted to wait with me.

Not having anything to discuss, and hating the silence, I asked him the next thing that occurred to me, "Why are you called Chris, or Alex?" Lame, I know.

"My whole name is Christian Alexander Rydell Parsons, but that's too lengthy, so my friends all call me Chris, while my family refers to me as Alex. I've never liked the name Chris, but my friends call me that anyway."

I nodded, "So, which do you prefer I call you by?" Even lamer. Not like I plan befriending the guy.

"Alex. I hate Chris."

"Just like I hate being called Susie, my mom's the only one who gets away with it."

"You don't look like a Susie; it's too cutesy for you." He chuckled.

"Thank god I'm not the only who sees that." I smiled. Finally, after so long going on as a zombie, I smiled. This whole isolating myself was torturing me. I needed to get out with my friends and enjoy life. I can't keep on waiting for Jesse to wake. I'll be there for him if he wakes up, but I really can't let myself go for him. As previous incidents have shown, I'm to willing to do anything for him.

"Suze, would you like to get together sometime later? Show me around great Carmel?" At that moment, Paul pulled up to the curb where we were waiting.

"Simon, get a move on it! We've got something planned for you!" I looked through the window he rolled down, and saw no 'we.'

"We?" At that moment, the back window rolled down, revealing two extremely happy people: Adam and Cee, those have never had a bad day in their lives. "Hey guys!" I turned back to Alex, smiling at him. "Yeah, maybe that'd be nice. We'll set something up when I see you next, k." I turned away and waved at him as Paul pulled out. I'd give the kid a break. It's not like he'd be foolish enough to kiss m, knowing my situation with Jesse.

"Suze, spill. Who was that cutie?" See, I told you he was cute, not hot.

"His mom's the lady who shares the room with Jesse. We had a coffee and talked, that's all. I am 100 percent Jesse's girl and no one else's."

"But, come on, he is totally cute."

"Yeah, he is." Should I take this moment to describe him? Well, his hair is long, and completely spiky, a dark brown color. Darker than Paul's light brown, but lighter than Jesse's black. His eyes are a deep green color, jade green, I would say. His smile is framed by two totally cute dimples on his baby face, minus the fact that his eyebrow is pierced. His leg muscles are very well toned, not shocking since he told me he's a runner. He doesn't seem like the running type, but his legs very much prove him to be. Okay, so he's hot! Who am I kidding?

I feel like I'm being disloyal to Jesse, thinking another guy is hot, when Jesse's stuck in a hospital bed. It's bad enough I have sick twisted fantasies about Paul… wait did I just say that?

"Guys, where are we going?" Once I noticed we were not heading in the direction of my house, I realized Paul had said that 'we' have something planned for me.

"We're taking you out. Cee Cee's aunt works at this salon where she's agreed to style and color your hair, free of charge. Anyway you like. Then, we're going to the mall, getting you an outfit for Kelly's New Year's party, that, by the way, you are going to. The rest of the day, we'll just hang out. We're sick of your moping Simon, you need a change, and it'll start with this make-over." This had been decided about a week earlier, when Cee Cee came to me, worried about Suze's sate of mind. I whole-heartedly agreed with her, and we started thinking of things we could do to get Suze out and about. Deciding we'd get her to go to the New Year's party, we decided we'd treat her to an outfit and a make-over, which was made all the easier with Cee Cee's aunt working at a beauty salon. Not that Suze needed one, she's gorgeous either way, but we need the old Suze back. I need her back. She needs herself back.

Suze groaned deeply, "You guys don't have to do this. Besides, I don't have money to get any new clothes."

I'd been ready for that one, so I pulled out my parent's credit card, the one they gave me for" emergencies," this counted as an emergency, in my opinion anyway, so I'd put it on the card, and have Cee and Adam each pay a third later, the set agreement. "We've got you covered Simon. As your friends, this is our treat to you. Merry Christmas." Her arms folded across her chest in defeat. Three against one isn't fair and there's now way she'll change our minds otherwise. We've got our minds set on this.

I caved, okay. Their sympathy make-over thing worked. It worked! For approximately five hours, my mind was devoid of all things Jesse.

My once mid-back length hair was reduced to just an above the shoulder length. And it was highlighted! It was weird, for the first time ever in my life my hair was a different color than my natural shade. Light brown and red highlights streaked through my once all brown hair.

And the dress I got, absolutely gorgeous! About trying on over twenty dresses in five different stores, I found the perfect one. Poor Adam and Paul, having been exposed to the girlie tendencies I try so hard to keep hidden. But they insisted. I found the perfect dress at Dillard's in the winter formal section. I found an emerald green floor length strapless dress that matched my eyes perfectly. With a fitted bodice embroidered with lace and other such things, it shaped my body out well, and the skirt didn't have a ridiculously poofiness to it. It was perfect. I got silver shoes that looked well with the dress and a matching purse.

I'll admit it: I had a good time. For the first time in weeks, I was having fun. Laughing and smiling just like the olden days before Jesse, well, I think you know, so why should I repeat myself?

Despite having to wait for Suze to try on a million dresses, this whole thing was worth it. It really was. She seemed alive, I guess, for lack of a better term. She's been sulking and moping for so long, that I forgot what a smile looks like on her, the rich sound of her laughter.

The dress we got her was perfect, too. All the others, after she modeled them for me and Adam didn't measure up to this one. This was her perfect dress. I'll admit I liked seeing her try on different dresses, the way each one shaped her body differently, letting me see her individual curves differently.

She's perfect, just like she and I could be if she got over de Silva. Cold, I know.

888

So maybe winter break wasn't as big a bust as I'd intentioned it too. After going to the mall with Cee, Adam, and Paul that one day, I decided then and there to give up my sulking. Yeah, I still have moments where I can't stop thinking about Jesse, but I haven't really let myself get to the point where I lose myself in sadness. Jesse would understand, really he would.

One last thing, I went out with Alex, too. We had a great time, and I think I might like him. But, I clearly told him that I couldn't do anything, not while Jesse's still in the picture. He understood, and told me that, yeah, he likes me, but he wouldn't want anything to happen if I'm not ready for it. Oh, and he's also transferring to the Mission. Just my luck, right? I told him that I really didn't graduate and indeed still go there, this being my senior year. He's a senior too, which'll make it tough for him, but he wants to be here with his mom. He says he doesn't really like his school back in Chicago, for reasons he would not tell me, andlooked forward to ending his high school years in a new city.

Imagine my surprise when I found him mediating a ghost.

888

That's a slight cliffie, but I mean, honestly, you saw it coming didn't you? There'll be more of Alex/Chris, who I at some point just needed to add in the story for no apparent reason. shrug

Well, chapter four will hopefully be added soon. I'm hoping tomorrow, if I work on it hard enough, if not I really don't know when cuz I'll be busy this week. But I'll have it up asap and am working on a new fic, which most likely will be tomorrow, should I wish to pursuit it.

Read and Review

Thanks, Kim