Author's Note: Okay, peeps. Sorry this took way too long, bu-ut I have an excuse. Since... last Wednesday, I have been at my aunt's (with no internet) and my grandparent's (retirement community. 'nuff said.). So I had no time to write, let alone update.But as soon as I got home and ate and watched a movie and checked my e-mail and read the fanfiction that was updated I started to write, and I just got into it. So it's a bit longer than usual. :D
GreatOne: No, Han is not lying.:) But Leia's hurt. Yes. Badly, maybe. And I guess no Star Wars is Star Wars without Goldenrod. Even if he's annoying. :DD
Aowyn: Ooooh, new reader. :DDDD Thank you for taking time to read this, and calling my plot entertaining. :)) Warms the heart.
pip: Read and you'll find out. :)
Dovasary: ... oo; Too much caffeine for you... okay. - hands over peach-blueberry cobbler (whatever that is, I can't believe you insulted my apple pie!) topped with vanilla ice cream, but keeps Harrison Ford for self - You're correct! - cheesey game show music -
Okay then. To your questions (trust me, I have thought of these things, I have a bit of a baackstory in my mind for reference. I'm just as much of a geek as you are!). ;) He did that "four - no, six years" thing, because he was a slave and really didn't have a very good method for keeping time, so he had to think about that one for a bit. So does that answer all the others consequently? He didn't lie, therefore having no reason to do something he didn't ever do, and he didn't see Leia in Syrmé and wonder. Well, maybe a bit, but not enough to brood on. One of your questions is answered in the update if you think of it hard enough. ;))
Trust me. Everyone loves Han Solo (it's impossible not to). Lol, thank you:) I doubt I stole your muse, though. Mine's gettin' kinda lazy, so I'm beginning to have trouble writing these updates. But I do them, because I know how torturous it is to wait for an update. :D And I suppose I do them satisfactorily, and I love all of your reviews.
MarshaMarshaMarsha: Wow. I'd be a bit of an idiot if I was 'utterly insulting' my own self, wouldn't I? But I appreciate the flame - it's my first! Or is this a flame? Maybe. I think you'd be less upset and a lot more useful if you offered constructive criticism instead of just insulting my summary. Which, I agree, is probably not the best summary in the world, but I haven't had a complaint yet, and many people here are teens who are aspiring writers, and they don't seem to have a problem with it.
I certainly am not generalizing. I never have thought that all teens run away every time they are confronted with challenges. I'm just saying that there are some that do. Most 'missing persons' that are teens are usually dismissed as runaways until... about a week (I honestly have no idea how long until they're thought to be kidnapped, wild guess there). Even that one that was missing for, like, nine months... Elizabeth (maybe, forgot her name)... I want to say Hurley, but I doubt that's it. Anyway. You know the one? Real religious family, abducted by the dude that painted her house once and thought he was the next Jesus? And it turns out that they were in the hill, like, above her house? Anyway, people are still saying that she may have run away from the pressures of a religious family. I don't really believe that, but it's still out there.
So think of it as sort of a joke. Humor. I wasn't saying that all teens run away when there's a bump in the road (am I repeating myself here?) - I was really simply playing on the view on runaway and/or missing teens. But you didn't find it very funny, I guess.
Oh well.
yellow-lily: xDD Where did you go? But you caught up. And this is an important chapter. So... you're here for this installment, anyhow. :D
CHAPTER TWENTY
It's not Han's fault. Not really. Contrary to what he implies, he actually has a sort of basic understanding of the Force. He believes that since my mom left while agitated, she wasn't able to use the Force to sense the ambush, therefore causing her injuries.
That may be true, and I feel really bad for putting partial blame on my mother in her current state, but the fact is is that she left. She let her emotions get a control of her (which happens to everyone, I'm not singling her out), and fled. When confronted with the basic flight-or-fight stimulus, she fought, got tired of it, then fled. She's human. So it's really not her fault either, it's her instincts' fault.
So there. I'm inclined to blame her ambushers, who are a good person all-around to blame, because they're our enemy so it's common to blame them for everything that goes wrong.
Take the ramp, for instance. They shot the controls, which made the ramp malfunction. And if they weren't under that ship when shooting at us I wouldn't have made it explode and then the piece of engine wouldn't have trapped the ramp.
So there. It's all their fault. They're all to blame.
Ha.
Han's busily (and quietly) double-checking the coordinates that I entered, then pulls back the lever. We are now safely in the white-blue swirl off hyperspace.
"Han, quit blaming yourself."
He doesn't answer.
So, in an attempt to get him to talk (anything but this silence), I say, "Stop being so stupid, you godsdamn idiot! If I say it's not your fault, it's not your fault!"
He just shoots me a sharp look, then says nothing again.
How annoying. Now I just want to bang my head against the controls.
But I doubt that'll get him to talk. Dammit.
I stand, make a point to push past his chair, then storm down the straight hallway and into the captain's cabin, where my mother was now on her back, taking slow, deep breathes. Luke seems to have been attending to her, his hand laid softly against her forehead, but his eyes snap open as soon as I step in.
"What is it?"
"He's being DIFFICULT." I say, accusingly pointing my finger back in the cockpit's direction.
"What's he doing?" Luke asks wearily.
"He's - " I hesitate. "He's not… he's not doing anything! He's just… sitting there! And he's giving me the silent treatment, gods know that I didn't do anything in this whole fiasco…" Luke sighs, as if he knew exactly what I was about to say. Which he probably did. Irritating.
"Syrmé, you just have to leave him alone. Let his sort out his thoughts. He's upset, you know that. He'll get… normal soon enough. And what did you expect me to do? Punish him for not talking?"
"Well, I was expecting you to persuade him, you guys seem to have been friends - "
"Syrmé – I probably don't know anything about him. For all I know, he's a totally different person. It's been nearly sixteen years."
"Yes, but do you remember that holo-vid? Trust me, he's exactly like that."
"He probably is, but do you really think he's let you in very much?"
"Yes."
He looks startled, yet intrigued. "Oh? Why do you think so?"
"Han told me what happened when he left. And trust me. He's not a bad person, he hasn't changed, he didn't abandon mom – he's got a very good reason for doing what he did."
Luke blinks. He sure as hell didn't expect this. "What?"
"I'm not going to tell you." Now that'll piss him off.
"What?"
"No. It's not my business. You said that we had to let him sort out his thoughts, and he'll tell you and everyone when he wants to."
Luke sighs, then rubs his forehead tiredly. "I guess…" he says reluctantly, looking away from me and at my mother. "She's in a bad condition. She sort of was in shock when she left, and that weakened her Force sense to practically nothing. And all those Stunners…"
Oh Force. No. I shake my head. "She's not…"
"No, she won't die." I feel myself relax, and my knees go weak with relief. I swallow, putting a hand on the wall for support. "Luckily, Mara got there before she was carried away, practical medicine alone wouldn't have revived her very well – but I feel that if I help, she'll get better much more quickly, as well as rest and medicine. If we're lucky, she'll wake up within the week, and be almost normal within three days after that. …That's just my guess, though." He gives a rather sad glance past me, to the cockpit.
I flash a weak smile, one that I don't mean. "He'll be long gone by then, won't he?"
"I'll bet." He pauses thoughtfully. Then he opens his mouth, and closes it again shortly afterward. "When he left the first time… it was hard. We thought he was dead, and none of us could take that. I've always had a… feeling, that there was something not right, but I dismissed it; I didn't want it to be voiced aloud to Leia anyway. She was under a lot of stress as it was. She resigned as Senator because she was carrying you - " He stops abruptly. Then blinks.
I – what? I mean… what? Did he…?
Yes. He said that. I am…
Shit. Oh, holy bantha shit.
My fingers are tingling, my legs are numb, the color's draining from my face rapidly. I feel myself blink, then shake my head once or twice.
I must have heard him wrong.
"Wh – what did y-you say?"
"I – I mean…" He stops, looking down, rubbing a temple nervously. "Syrmé, I'm sorry, you weren't supposed to find out like this…"
No. I heard him correctly.
"You mean I wasn't supposed to find out at all!" I yell. Who cares if he's ten yards away? Who cares if I'm in a room with my comatose mother –
The woman who gave birth to me. The woman who lied to me.
"Syrmé – now, calm down. We were going to tell you - " he reaches his hand out to my arm, but I jerk it away, and his chair is suddenly pushed backwards as if he received a blow to the chest.
"Syrmé, calm yourself." he orders sternly. Oh, don't worry. I know, Uncle Luke. Anger is of the Dark Side, isn't it?
Who cares about the Dark Side? At the moment, I don't. I'm too busy feeling as if I was tricked into thinking that Hoth had a nice, warm summer resort and I arrived in a swimsuit.
"WHEN? When were you going to tell me! As I lay dying? Because I'm under the impression that mom had no intention of telling me AT ALL!"
"Syrmé - "
"LEAVE ME ALONE."
I turn, blindly. I feel the Dark Side. I feel the rage.
No. Breathe, Carr.
And I do. And I feel slightly calmer.
The walls are shaking, but I realize that's just my trembling. I throw a dirty look at Luke, and storm out, into an empty bunk room. After the door shuts, I kick it. But I don't feel the pain. I only feel the Dark Side. It clouds my vision, my mind.
Breathe, Carr.
Another breathe. Slightly calmer. Don't let the Dark Side take me. There are more important things than…
Breathe.
In, out. In, out.
Breathe, Solo.
- sings - Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me... gimme fifteen reviews and one for good luck. ;)