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III. It was just a dream

Goku felt so much better after eating! It was like he was alive again! He felt that tonight he definitely had the energy to venture into another tapping session. A little bit more of his power from the other side of his barrier and he'd be that much closer to reaching his goal! He'd fallen into a twilight sleeping state almost instantly after laying down. Even as he could almost hear himself snoring, he was probing at the ever-weakening barrier that separated himself form his true power. For the past several weeks he had been visiting this barrier, prodding at it with his already formidable strength. Even still, it was pretty much impossible to get beyond the seal. After all, it had been the gods themselves who placed that seal on him. He didn't expect that it would be easy to get around that kind of power.

It was actually an accident that he discovered the loophole…well…it wasn't exactly a loophole. It was just kinda strange. He had been fighting the barrier for a while, struggling with all of his strength. It seem like the more he struggled though, the stronger the barrier stood against him. He had begun losing hope. He pulled away from the limiter's strength for a moment one night trying to think. As he reached deeper and deeper into himself trying to figure something out, trying to think like Hakkai or Sanzo would, he noticed something strange about the barrier between himself and the rest of his power. A small glimmer of strength seemed to be seeping away from it. He just barely turned his attention towards that power with no intention of attacking the barrier again, and the power sort of just came to him. He wasn't quite sure why, but that's how it happened.

After that, the process had been pretty straight forward. When he went to sleep, he would revisit the barrier and keep himself focused on that space for a time, and after a while, small sips of power would move towards him as though he attracted it like a magnet. The more power he was able to absorb, the larger the sips would become. Simple as that.

He hovered now at the very edge of his power, very near to sleep. As he waited, again, the power sought him out. He felt the energy merge with him, and as always before, he somehow felt just a little bit more complete.

With every one of his visits, the barrier seemed to be getting weaker. At his current power, he was sure that he'd probably be able to break through and release his full strength all at once, but he was also pretty sure that if he did that, he would not be able to control that power in his current condition. So he accepted the small amount of energy that had come to him, then allowed himself to drift fully into sleep. And in doing so…he dreamed…

Again…Sanzo, Gojyo, Hakkai, all there, yet all very different. He didn't understand what was going on, but he felt that it was somehow important that he figure it out, and soon. He allowed himself too observe himself and his friends as one could in dreams, trying to understand the nagging feeling that all of this should have made perfect sense somehow.

Even as he sat watching though, an overwhelming since of foreboding flooded him launching his heart into his throat. He turned to not-Gojyo to find empty, dead eyes staring back at him. Goku's vision began to fade to red. He turned to not-Hakkai who lay bleeding beside not-Gojyo. His vision continued to fade.

He knows what's got to be coming and wills himself not to see; fights to keep himself from turning. But he has no control over his dream body, and he turns to see Sanzo—no, not-Sanzo— lying in a pool of his own blood, the copper tarnishing his golden hair. Goku's world fades completely to red; and then his heart stops.

They're all dead

Goku bolted up-right gasping. His vision was still tinged with red. He looked around in confusion trying to figure out what was causing this reaction in him. He was ready to kill. He was feeling a bloodlust that only awakened with his other self, so what would bring him so close to losing control?

They're all dead

He leapt from bed. Where were the others? They had been here with him hadn't they? He couldn't remember; his head was all mixed up. If they had been there all along, then where were they? None of their things were in the room, but his were. And there was no way that they'd ever let him have the only bed in the room, yet he had definitely been sleeping in it. Where were they?

Struggling with the fear that was threatening to wash away his consciousness, he rushed down the stairs of the inn. They had just gone to breakfast…that had to be it! They couldn't be dead…not all of them! As he emerged from the stairwell, a beam of sunlight tore into his dilated pupils. He heard himself snarl as he blocked the light from his eyes, and knew that snarling was not a good sign. But as his vision began to clear, he noted that there was a table just beyond the stairs, and its occupants were staring at him…all of them, including the small dragon perched on one of their shoulders. His vision cleared

Thank the gods!

Goku stared and Sanzo, Hakkai, and Gojyo like a wild animal caught in Jeep's headlights. This probably didn't look too good. He'd have to make a quick recovery if he didn't want the others to think anything was wrong.

"You guys ate without me…" he said lamely, trying to get his heart to beat at a normal rate.

"It's almost noon, baka." Gojyo commented into the awkward silence that had formed between them. "Were you expecting us to wait for you all day?"

"I guess not." Goku began retreating up the stairs. He had to get back to their room before he totally freaked out. "I'll go get dress now." He turned and fled full speed back the way he'd come.

They're ok…They're ok…

He kept repeating the words to himself until he was safely behind closed doors. Then he slid to the ground, back pressed against the door, and wept with relief. His world had almost ended. If anything really had happened to them, it would have all been over. He sat now weeping with relief not only because his family was still alive and well, but also because he knew that if they had not been, if they had all truly been killed, the world would not have survived the wrath of his pain.

Gojyo sat at the table with Hakkai and Sanzo all of them staring at each other in silence. They had spent the morning discussing exactly what they wanted to do in regards to the chibi saru who was still asleep up stairs. Jeep "kyuu"ed mournfully from Hakkai's shoulder at the oppressive silence that lingered over just their table. The rest of the room was pretty loud with the carnival in town and all, but the three travelers were at an impasse. Hakkai had been trying to encourage Sanzo to talk to the chimp about everything. Sanzo was being his usual bastardly self and ignoring everything, and Gojyo was stuck between the two polar opposites as they clashed in their weird silent way. Oh joy.

They were sitting at the table closest to the stairs so that the saru wouldn't miss them when he finally came down. Hakkai had also been kind enough to request that food be set aside and kept warm for him so they wouldn't have to put up with his whining for long…it was almost lunch after all. This was two meals that he had missed in the past two days; definitely not normal for Goku. Gojyo didn't really care what they did actually, as long as they did something. The way things were going, who knew what else could go wrong with this whole mess. He was opening his mouth to say as much when there was the hurried thump of feet on the stairs.

Here he comes, Gojyo thought, better get the food ready. He looked up at the stairs, a snide comment about monkeys and beds ready on his lips, but the words died unspoken. As he was preparing to speak, he heard a snarl come from the darkened stairwell where Goku stood in a half crouch shielding his eyes with a hand. That was the fist sign that something was off. As the youth lowered his hand, Gojyo caught a glimpse of wild, slitted pupils. That was definitely a bad sign. The kid was moments away from going completely berserk.

Even as they sat there staring at him, he was visibly struggling to control himself. The noise of the inn went on, its inhabitants oblivious to the fact that they had all just been moments away from very messy untimely deaths. The saru spent a few frightened moments staring at them before speaking.

"You guys ate without me." Gods, his voice was so strained it sounded like he was about to pull something. Seeing as Sanzo and Hakkai were not being particularly talkative at the moment, Gojyo offered a response. They couldn't cause a scene here.

"It's almost noon, baka. Were you expecting us to wait for you all day?" Goku beat a hasty retreat then, mumbling something about getting dressed. Sanzo grunted, Hakkai glared, and Gojyo had had enough of this non-sense.

"Friggin' A! Do I have to do everything around here!" The kappa rose, went to the food counter to collect the boxes of food that had been set aside for the ape, and stalked after the youngest member of their party.

"Oi! Saru!" Gojyo kicked at the door. "Open up, it's meal time!" He heard a muffled scrambling sound behind the door before it finally clicked open.

"Yeah FOOD! You have no idea how hungry I am!" Gojyo eyed the chimp with annoyance. Who did he think he was fooling? Here he was doing his best to act "normal" for them while his eyes were swollen, his hair a mess; he'd obviously been crying. Add that to the little display downstairs a few minutes ago…

"Shut-up and eat." Gojyo shoved the food into the kids face. Goku seemed to finally get that he was caught and took the food without complaint. He shoved a meat bun in his mouth and continued getting dressed. Again there was the awkward silence as the things that no one wanted to say created an ever-growing chasm in the room. Gojyo sighed. It was apparently up to him to begin filling that chasm.

"So are you going to tell me what happened or am I going to have to beat it out of you?" He asked lighting a cigarette. Goku froze in pulling on a boot, glanced up, then turned back to what he was doing.

"It was just a dream," he mumbled not looking up.

"Yeah?" Gojyo mumbled around his cigarette. "It musta been pretty bad to get that much of a rise out of you. What? Did you think we left you, cause if you're worried about that—"

"You died." The words stopped Gojyo mid sentence. He hadn't been expecting that, after all, death was a very real probability in the life they led. "If that were to really happen…if any of you…" The kid couldn't continue…he didn't need to. Gojyo knew all to well the consequences of them dying and Goku going berserk. Nothing would be able to stop him, and he wouldn't stop until nothing was left living in the world.

"But it was just a dream," he said gathering the last of his things and heading towards the door. "Just drop it ok?" Gojyo was struck with a sudden insight about the saru. This quest of his was not just about getting stronger, it was about control; about taming the beast that lived within him, and in doing so, protecting everyone and everything from himself. He all at once felt an odd sense respect for the kid and what he was doing.

"Hey," he called after the retreating youth, "I know this isn't usually my style, but stop trying to act tough about all of this," he took a long drag from his cigarette. "If you need to talk or anything, I'll listen." Goku stopped just outside the door glancing back at Gojyo over his shoulder.

"Thanks," he said simply before heading out, and Gojyo knew he meant it. Apparently their chibi saru was growing up. He chuckled at that thought, gave the room a once over to make sure they hadn't forgotten anything, then headed out to Jeep who was transformed and waiting in front of the inn. He did not comment on the fact that Sanzo was not currently occupying the front seat, the frigid smile on Hakkai's face explained the situation in volumes. He chose also not to comment on the new bedroll he saw tucked amongst the monk's belongings; Gojyo knew that the others had gone out earlier to buy a few supplies, but he hadn't thought that Sanzo would notice the business with Goku's bedroll.

They pulled out into the crowd without a word, and continued their journey. Hakkai spoke quietly to Gojyo asking about the conversation he'd had with Goku, Sanzo sat silently brooding in the back seat, but Goku was oblivious to all of this because he had once again fallen into an exhausted sleep.

Author's Note:

So the story is coming right along…I've got about two more chapters of this plot before the story's over, but fear not! The sequel's already in the works (you'll understand when you read the last chapter.) Thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed…it's your support that keeps me writing!

Right now I'm still trying to figure out how the second half ends, but that's good because it means that I'm completely prepared to finish this story. It shall be done! I do my best to update once a week at least, so please be patient with me. I'm just not a very fast writer. Sorry. Stay with me tho, the best part is yet to come! I really like it at least

Laterz!