Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing nor it's characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi) , major A.U, some OOC I think, mpreg (mentioned, implied, so on)

Reflections of the Past

Part 20

Alright, Duo knew when to admit he was wrong, so all the rumours were not exactly rumours. After a month of living with these people, who constantly refer to themselves as Shifters and not Men; it happened to be a degrading term amongst them, he learned that they were a vicious as the rumours set them out to be. They were sometimes the most cold blooded things on the face of the earth and they killed without apparent remorse. There were things here as well that scared the hell out of him. Ugly hulking monsters that these Shifters had no fear of, and beautiful beings that seemed right out of story books and children tales; they all existed here and they had returned to pay respect to Duo Maxwell, the Healer that bore a child. They all spoke to him of things he couldn't remember and made references to things he would rather forget. Everyone stared at him with such awe that it made him uncomfortable, but Duo knew it wasn't really him that everyone was in awe of, it was the Healer that was no longer there, the Shifter that died long ago.

Everything in Duo's life was wrong right now, adding to the deep depression that had hit him rather painfully. Odin hated him, Heero was extremely cautious around him, Trowa and Wufei treated him like a stranger, Zechs looked at him with an odd look of pain in his eyes and Quatre studied him like he was a worm. He couldn't take it anymore. He felt so lonely all the time, so isolated. He didn't fit into this place, the land didn't speak to him like the rest of them.

And Gee, his, no, Duo's supposed teacher. That man stared at him with murder and lust in his eyes. He feared so much for his safety and the first time Heero had brought him to meet Gee, he had pressed so deep into Heero side, it would have taken five fully grown men to pry him from the tribe chief's side.

Most days, he sat in a smallish house that he guessed was more for single or dual occupancies, gripping his chain, his cross, the only familiar thing in his life at the moment. He took comfort in it, feeling the edges biting into his hand was a grounding point for him, allowing him to sense reality. He stared out into the wilderness, one hand touching his now rather swollen belly, a testament to the freak he was. His children moved often now, sometimes to the point of causing him discomfort. Instead of feeling pride as he had thought he would for his own children, he was only appalled at the changes in his body. He was even growing breasts! He had broken all the mirrors in the house, or what they called dwellings. He had taken one look at his swelling midsection, the stretching pale skin and the growing chest and had completely freaked out. Heero had walked in at that point and stared at him with something glowing in his eyes. Pride, maybe but it had merely sparked Duo off as he destroyed that mirror.

"Duo, stop it," Heero held him gently but firmly, not wanting his mate to hurt himself. "You look beautiful, you are beautiful!"

Duo flinched in Heero's grip. "Don't touch me! I'm a damned freak!"

Heero gripped Duo's shoulders painfully. "You are not. The damned sorcerer screwed with your mind. You loved this, you wanted this more than anything."

"How could I want this?" Duo cradled his stomach, his voice filled with disgust. "There is something growing inside me, something I don't even remember making it with…" He choked. "…you." He shuddered.

Heero looked like he had been punched. "You… are disgusted with me? With us?" He backed away from Duo.

Shit. "No, Heero, no. That's not what I meant. It's just that… I can't believe that I am with a man." This was getting embarrassing and completely difficult to explain. There was something stirring inside Duo every time he looked Heero, but he wasn't sure exactly what it was. He couldn't face the fact that perhaps it was attraction, that he was attracted to this stoic man with messy brown hair and deep blue eyes. No, that would never happen. He was a man and men don't fall for other men.

"I… I understand." Heero turned and practically ran out of the door.

"Damn it," Duo cursed. He didn't mean to hurt Heero like that. The pain that flashed through Heero's eyes twisted a little part in his heart. His fingers closed over his cross almost be reflex, finding comfort in that small article of his old life. He refused to think of his old life as something fabricated. Dorothy wasn't as bad as they made her out to be. He had to believe that.

He needed to speak to someone, anyone. He got up from the bed, ignoring the stab of pain in his lower back and made to get out of the house for the first time in days by his own volition, until a rather irate looking Wufei came striding in through the doorway.

"Where do you go off telling your mate that you find him disgusting?" Wufei raged and looked seconds away from punching Duo out.

"I didn't…" Duo trailed, realising his every body language said that very clearly.

"Do you know how much he missed you? You were missing for an entire month and he never gave up on you!" Wufei paced the smallish room not giving Duo a chance to respond. "He went around looking like half the person he was, all from worrying about you and how did you repay him? You think he is repulsive."

The doctor stumbled, sitting back onto the bed. He was rendered speechless.

"You and Heero had something special, you had the very thing I wanted. I had no choice but to give it up, but you…" Wufei's lips curled in revulsion. "You threw it away. You pushed him aside." He pointed to Duo's expanded waistline. "That was what the two of you wanted more than anything. You don't deserve to be having the twins. He's not disgusting, Duo Maxwell, you are! You are the vilest creature that crawled up from the deepest cesspool the world has ever known. If you don't love him, stay away from him. Stop hurting him." With that, Wufei stalked out the door, leaving a totally broken hearted Duo behind.

Duo stared at the empty door. Wufei was right, he should have stayed away. Why did he allow them to bring him home?

…Should have stayed away….

…Don't deserve to have the twins….

…Why are you still alive?...

The whispers, they were so loud, so painful. Duo's fingers tightened on his only solace. He felt so trapped, everyone was against him, he would never amount to anything here. Why did he come back? Why didn't he stay with Dorothy?

…Leave…

…They hate you…

…Dorothy doesn't…

But he couldn't return to Dorothy like that, he mused, staring at the swell of his stomach. No, this wasn't right, he couldn't show the world what a twisted monster he was.

…The babies have to die…

Duo clutched at his head painfully, the whispers shooting through him, causing untold agony. He can't do that, can he?

…Of course, you can. The babies are nothing…

"The babies are nothing," Duo muttered, feeling a weight fall from him even as his children squirmed within him, as if in protest. "The babies are nothing," he said with more conviction this time. He placed his hand on his rippling stomach made by the frantic, worried movements of his children. "I can get rid of them. I will get rid of them."

He got to his feet and stalked determinedly out the door. He ceased to worry the looks got thrown at him and just started walking. He wasn't sure where he was going but he knew that he was going in the right direction. Whatever he needed he would find. The babies had to die, they didn't deserve to live.

"Duo!" Quatre's worried voice called from one of the open doorways but Duo ignored him. From the corner of his eye, Duo saw a rather guilty looking Wufei there but he paid them no heed as he strode out of the village.

The babies had to die.

Duo clutched the cross tightly. Once they were disposed of, he could go home, he would be able to return to Dorothy, who loved him, who cared for him and they could pick up their lives from where they left off. They would be a family again. He would marry a nice little lady, where she would be the one having the children for him.

"I can't believe you said that to him," Quatre raged at a contrite looking Wufei.

The dark haired Shifter had came into Quatre's dwelling ranting about the injustice of Duo's actions and the words that had been exchanged. It was moments later that Wufei realised that despite all outward appearances, Duo was not really Duo, their beloved Healer, but the Man Keiran who had agreed to be called Duo.

"I took one look at Heero and…" Wufei trailed off, looking down at his clenched fists. "I'm sorry, Quatre."

Quatre stood over Wufei, the restraining hand of his mate on his shoulder the only thing stopping him from knocking Wufei on his ass. "You insensitive, over bearing… You saw Duo the day we brought him back, you knew who he thought he was. Now even Odin refuses to be in the same room as him, how can you expect him to not feel a little out of place?"

"I'm…"

"Little one," Trowa muttered softly. "It's nobody's fault. Tensions are riding high, that's all."

Quatre deflated a little, his eyes going to his chief, who sat huddled in a corner, an age old pain reflected in his blue eyes. "Heero, Duo will be returned to us, I'm sure of it."

Heero nodded, but his expression told the others he knew they were trying to make him feel better. Duo's look of revulsion at the thought of lying with him was burned forever into his brain. His mate was ashamed of them and that more than hurt, it tore his heart out from his chest.

"We will clear this up, Heero," Zechs assured, wanting to end the pain for all of them. "Gee is looking for a cure."

But there was no such thing as a 'cure' for a dark spell except from the sorcerer who cast it, and the sorcerer wouldn't help them in any case.

"I will do my best," Gee said with a mysterious little smile.

Heero glared at Gee forcefully. "Duo's afraid of you. You will not touch him!"

Gee frowned at what he considered a young pup. "You have no idea why he is afraid of me. But I do."

A sentry burst through the doorway, announcing Duo had left his dwelling and that there was something odd in his expression. They rushed outside and saw Duo hurrying away into the Forest, seemingly uncaring where he went.

"Duo!" Quatre called out, hoping to get his friend's attention. Violet eyes flicked in his direction and then he was off again, letting his feet carry him deeper into the Forest. "Heero," he swung a worried look at his chief.

"I'll go talk to him," Gee cut cleanly through the protests that was cropping up and moved smoothly in the direction of his once student.

He needed to find that plant, it was somewhere, Duo knew it was there. He looked on the ground, trying find something when a sound caused him to look up. His lips curled at the sight of the little aged Healer walking into the clearing.

"What do you want?"

Gee took a step toward Duo. "We both know what you are, and I will be the one who will win in the end."

Duo took a step back from the small white haired man, apprehension hammering in his veins. He feared this man for some reason and he clutched at his security blanket, his cross once more.

Gee stared at Duo fingering his chain and took another step toward him, reaching out to take the chain. He could see the boy shaking at his nearness. "You know fear, don't you? Well, you should, boy. I will win this time."

"Stay back!"

"Let go!" Another step and Gee got thrown back by a large force.

"STAY BACK!" Duo yelled horribly, taking off deeper into the Forest.

"Damn it! DUO!" Gee struggled to get up to follow his student. He knew he had screwed up and played right into the sorcerer's hand.

Duo ran, his hand cradling where the twins still moved restlessly. He ran without a heed to the cries from Gee. He had to get away, he had to find that plant, he had to get rid of the babies. His chest was heaving and his stomach hurt badly by the time he stopped. He dropped on all fours, his head hanging while he tried to catch his breath.

"Stop moving!" Duo yelled at the curve of his belly. His children moved hard within him, almost as if they knew what their father intended to do. "You're leaving and there's nothing I can do!" Out of the corner of his eye, he saw it. It was a flower, pure white with only four lonely petals and it was the solution to all his problems. He grabbed it and stared at it.

…Yes, that's right…

…Just a little sip of the sap and it will be over….

…Can come home…

Duo closed his eyes and squeezed the flower over his open mouth. A small drop of the sap from the stem dropped onto his tongue. It was sweet and deadly. He swallowed it and lay curled up on his side, guilt swamping him mercilessly. His babies' movements were mocking him, accusing him a murderer. Oh god, he was… Hot tears ran down his face, his hand curling protectively around his stomach as the first stirrings of pain hit him.

Something within him snapped. What was he doing? How could he kill something? His own children? A cramp hit him hard.

"No, I didn't mean to… Help!" Duo screamed, curling over in pain. "Save my babies, please!" His back arched, his mouth opened in a silent scream as a hot poker pierced his belly.

Oh god, he was losing the babies.

tbc…

Erm... eep/runs and ducks/