Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing nor it's characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.

Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi) , major A.U, some OOC I think, mpreg (mentioned, implied, so on)

Reflections of the Past

Part 21

Duo was floating in a soft haze of nothingness. It was dark and warm. He felt safe, but something tweaked at the edge of his awareness, telling him something that he should remember, something he did that was very important. Someone was talking to him, although it sounded soft and soothing, there was a trace of worry, of fear in it. He felt overwhelmed with the desire to comfort that person. Something deep within him told him that he cared about this person and would do anything to keep this person from hurt.

His eyes refused to cooperate as he forced them open. Blurred images coalesced into one very worried Heero Yuy, who practically leapt on Duo at the slight flickering of the doctor's eyelids.

"How are you?" Heero's thigh was pressed against Duo's side and he was running his fingers through Duo's short bangs.

"I don't know, really. Tired, yeah. What happened?" Duo sat up with Heero's help, propping him against pillows, his hand resting on the warm arc of flesh of his middle.

Duo watched as Heero's blue eyes widened with something akin to incredulity. "You… don't remember?"

"No," Duo shook his head, wincing at the ache there. "Did I do something again?" Unconsciously, his hand rested on Heero's, his thumb rubbing the other man's skin softly. "I didn't… hurt anyone did I?"

Heero's eyes dropped to the hand caressing his and Duo followed the other man's look as well. He shrank from the touch as if it burned. Disappointed dark blue eyes stared at him. "You don't remember anything at all?"

This was some how very important to Heero and Duo thought carefully. "Hmmm… Well, the last thing I remembered was staring myself in the mirror and you walking in. After that," he shrugged. "It got a whole lot blurrier after that. Why?"

Heero sighed heavily. "Duo, something is wrong and we don't know what."

That sparked fear as Duo's hand tightened on his distended belly. "With the babies?" He was beginning to love his children, despite his reservations of the matter at hand.

"No," Heero shook his head in exasperation. "With you. You don't even remember trying to induce a miscarriage?"

Duo sat up with a horrified gasp, his arm curling tighter over his babies. "I would never do such a thing! How could you even suggest something so vile! I'm a doctor, I would never condone killing anything."

Heero's hand came to rest against Duo's shoulder. "You did, we are not lying. You were spotting by the time we found you. Thank the Ancient it wasn't more serious bleeding or we would have lost you and the babies. You don't remember any of this?"

Duo shook his head in shock. "I would never… Heero, you have to believe me, I would never do this." Hands clutched the front of Heero's shirt. "I never condoned abortion even as my time as a doctor. Why would I do it on myself?"

"Shh, calm down. The babies are fine. They move often still. There is nothing to worry about," Heero drew Duo into a loose hug, not wanting tofrighten his mate. He was also aware that Duo was seconds away from complete panic and Quatre had strict instructions not to let that happen. "It was not you, you would never do it." He continued to stroke Duo's back long after the panting had evened out. He missed this, he missed the feel of Duo on him. He thought he had lost Duo forever, and it still might be true, but disturbingly, he found himself attracted to the doctor Keiran over the past month and not Duo the Healer. Although he knew they were the same people, but his heart jeered at him, accusing him of betraying his mate's love.

Duo was also feeling thoroughly confused. For someone who professed to not liking men, he was extremely aroused right now with Heero holding him so tightly. It was not only sexual but something in Duo's soul recognised the man and that part of him was calling out for Heero so loudly that his head hurt. Involuntarily, he pressed a soft kiss to Heero's shoulder, and felt the man holding him stiffen.

"I'm sorry, Heero, I didn't mean to do that," Duo jerked back while a tiny part of his mind jeered. He did so meant to kiss Heero Yuy.

"No," Heero held onto Duo's shoulder. "I'm sorry for reacting like that, but… Duo… No, you're Keiran. I feel like I'm cheating on my mate now."

"I understand," Duo smiled a little. "I feel like I'm breaking someone's marriage up."

"Marriage?" Heero asked blankly.

Duo pursed his lips. "Mmmm, mating, human style."

Heero nodded in understanding. "They have weird terms."

Duo shrugged. "Heero, what's wrong with me? I mean really wrong with me? What did Dorothy do to me? Am I really this Duo everyone calls me?"

"Yes, you are Duo Maxwell, you are too beautiful not to be him, and my mate is unique. You Healed that girl in that human village. That was proof enough. As to what the sorcerer did to you, we have a theory but it is not a good one."

"Tell me."

Heero fingered the short golden brown hair regretfully. "Duo used to have the longest hair I've seen on a man, on a person, on anyone actually. It was his only vanity and my Duo was never vain."

My Duo, that statement sent a flash of jealousy shooting through the doctor, who knew Heero was not talking about him.

"My Duo also never cut off his braid. That's why Gee believes that the spell, whatever it is, is closely connected to your braid. I remember the sorcerer having a braid as well, though it is blonde at not your colour. We believe your memories are tied up in there. If we can get the braid back, we will get you back." Heero smiled tenderly at Duo.

For some reason, that affectionate smile angered Duo. "Maybe I don't want to be gotten back," Duo muttered peevishly. "Have you ever imagined what it would be like for me? Wouldn't you be killing me?"

Heero was taken aback. Evidently, he hadn't thought of how the return of his mate would affect the doctor. They were two different people, although one and the same body. "I'm sorry, but I… I wasn't thinking but I really miss him and although I think that I may love you given time, you're not him."

Duo sighed, completely deflated. "I know, I understand that. But I can't believe Dorothy would do this to me. She's my sister. I don't understand what happened."

A warm arm snaked across Duo's shoulder. "We will sort this out. When we find the braid, we will decide then what to do. Until then, I think that you are under some kind of mind control from the sorcerer, how I don't know."

Duo tilted his head back to look at Heero. "Back up a bit, you could love me? But you just met me?" His eyes narrowed in accusation. "You are mistaking me for your mate."

Heero flushed but shook his head. "No, I know the difference very clearly. You may look like him, and even act like him on occasion, but I know for a fact that you are not him. But there is something about you, very much like my Duo that attracts bees to honey. And I am a bee."

Silence reigned as Duo continued to stare speechlessly at the attractive man before him. His heart was racing and that part of his soul was calling out again, wanting reassurance, wanting Heero so badly. In that short moment, Duo threw away human sensibilities on homosexuality and allowed his heart to take full control. Before even the idea was fully formed, he pressed his lips firmly over Heero's. There was a short intake of breath, from shock perhaps but finally a response as Heero's lips soften imperceptibly against Duo's. Those luscious lips parted sweetly and a tongue delved into Duo's mouth, questing there like a bee would for honey. Duo found himself touching the invasion tentatively before tasting and exploring Heero's wet access. This was a totally alien feeling, yet completely familiar as well but as Duo's mind reached for that elusive memory, the familiar pounding of a headache started. He quickly stopped that line of thought and allowed himself to just enjoy the moment. It appeared the twins approved the contact as Duo felt a soft flutter of movement within his belly.

"Keiran," Heero moaned, telling Duo that this man knew exactly who was kissing him and the doctor's pulse jumped.

Duo pulled away for a moment. "What did you call me?"

Heero's passion filled eyes cleared for a moment. "Keiran. Anything wrong?"

Duo smiled widely throwing his arms around Heero's neck. "You know who I am. You really know."

"Duo, I know who is my mate and who isn't, why do you think I feel uncomfortable touching you? I might call you Duo, but I know deep within my heart you are Keiran, the doctor from the Human village. You just affect me in the same way Duo does," Heero sighed, returning the choking hug.

"Get away from my father!" A small angry, but determined voice called out from the doorway.

The two sprang away guiltily, staring at little Odin, with a glare in his little blue eyes.

"Odin," Heero smiled. "Come here," he invited the small boy.

Odin stamped his feet, his arms crossed in front of him defensively. "What are you doing with my father?" He shot dagger glances at Duo. "Stay away from him! Go away!"

"Odin!" Heero barked, seeing the stricken look written all over Duo's expression. "This is your Papa. I won't allow you to be rude to him." He got off the bed towards Odin. "Come over here and apologise now."

The little boy continued to stare at Duo like he was his deadliest enemy and the doctor lay pinned by that look of pure hatred. Duo felt his heart clench, knowing that he was that repulsive that this little boy hated him with such a vengeance. He didn't remember what he had ever done to the little boy to warrant such hate. For some reason, Duo wanted more than anything to have this boy's love, but ever since he had stepped into the village, Odin had avoided him like he had the plague and then some.

"Odin…" Duo began, wanting to at least build some sort of relationship with the boy, now that he had decided he would be staying here.

"Don't call my name!" Odin yelled. "You took my Papa away! I hate you." The boy turned and ran from the dwelling, headed to places unknown.

Heero stared after his son, at a loss of what to do. He wanted to punish his son for trying to hurt Duo, but he understood in Odin's eyes, this man had taken away his Papa, the one person he lived for. He swivelled a look at Duo, who looked as if he wanted the ground to swallow him whole. "Duo, don't let him…"

Duo raised a hand to stop him. "He's right, I did take away his Papa. I'd hate me as well if I was him." He raised hurt violet orbs to meet Heero's. "Duo may never come back, can you accept me? Keiran Walker?"

The chief stared at his mate's familiar visage, but knew it wasn't exactly his mate who was staring back at him.

Hearing only silence, Duo forged on. "If Duo Maxwell never returns, I wouldn't mind being his replacement. I look like him, Heero and I know you are attracted to me. Is it possible that you could love me, just a little? I would never be able to leave once the twins are born. You know this and you are my only hope left. Tell me, Heero Yuy, can you love me?"

Duo was gathered into strong arms in an instance and kisses dropped onto his brow in fevered desperation. "Yes, Duo, Keiran, whoever you are, I think I just maybe able to love you." After I get over the damn guilt that would be eating me alive, Heero added silently to himself. But he had to remember what Gee said, that under all those layers and spells, Duo Maxwell still existed. Memories may not make the person, but they were the building blocks of a person's life. Still, the glimpses he caught of Duo beneath the Man were painful but it gave him hope that his mate would one day be returned to him.

…But will Odin ever accept you?...

…Always be important to Heero…

…Never you…

Duo winced as his insecurities started playing havoc with his mind again.

What should he do? How can Odin accept him then?

…He won't ever…

Duo felt his hand inching towards his cross, fingers curling protectively around it. What can he do?

…The boy would have to die…

Words, thoughts and emotions roiled within Duo as he tried over and over again for the next few weeks make Odin like him. The boy had brushed him off, sometimes screaming, sometimes with a cold glare and Duo was almost at his wits end. He only wanted the boy to like him. Each time he was rejected, Duo felt his spirits plunge deeper and deeper into the abyss of despair. Heero had tried his best to comfort him; they were still taking things cautiously and slowly, but he knew that the chief couldn't really force his son to do something he didn't want to do.

Duo returned to his only solace, brooding and clutching the last familiar thing of a life long gone – his cross. In his uncertainty and insecurity, a certain sort of trance-like state took over and he started to get horrible thoughts. Fighting them hurt but he just couldn't carry out what his mind told him to do.

…You will never get love with the boy around…

…Kill him…

…That's right, do it…

…The boy's alone now…

Yes, Odin was alone now. That young Shifter man wasn't around, and neither was Gee, who was constantly leering at Duo, yes it was time.

…The boy would have to die…

"Yes," Duo said, his eyes glazing over, the edges of his cross cutting into his hand. "The boy would have to die."

..tbc..

Tsu STILL urges reader not to kill her...