Chapter 4:

It was only afterwards, lying contentedly in James strong, if slightly pale arms that Lily spared a thought for Sirius when James asked, "So how come you and Sirius were together?" Lily tensed and gasped.

"W-what? We...um...what do you mean, Sirius and I weren't together..." Lily broke off, unsure of what to say to explain herself.

James laughed at Lily's odd behaviour, "Yes you were, on the Quidditch pitch. Was I really that good that I made you forget?

Lily let out a long breath of relief, "Oh then hahaha, um he was just helping with me with something for Transfiguration, you know how useless I am at it! How did you know where we were anyway?"

James smiled down at her, "Remus told me, said you and Sirius had gone off down to the pitch but i didn't wait to hear what for. Which reminds me, i should go and find the them soon, Moony will be going to the hospital wing soon and I wanna go make sure he's alright." With that he slid out from under Lily's head and crossed the room towards the ensuite bathroom. Lily kept a frozen smile on her face until the door closed and then let it change into a look of pure panic. He's going to find out, he'll go and find Sirius and then he'll figure it out and then he'll punch Sirius and then he'll come and break up with me! Oh my God I can't breath! Lily was now gasping for air and had slid to the floor beside the bed. Trying desperately to stand, Lily grabbed at the bedside table, only to knock off a glass sending it smashing to the floor. The noise caused James to rush out of the bathroom and found Lily hyperventilating on the floor. Quickly he rushed over to her and knelt beside her.

"Lily, Lily look at me. Look in my eyes, Lily concentrate on my eyes and breath, ok? Breath in and out." But this did not help, in fact looking into James's trusting brown eyes made Lily start to cry, which only made it harder to breath. Eventually she managed to calm herself and once her breathing had returned to normal and she had stifled her tears, James looked at her seriously. "Lily, you've been acting strange all night, has something happened? Firstly, forgetting where you were last night and now a panic attack, what's wrong?"

Looking at him, an earnest look on his face, sitting beside her simply loving her, made Lily begin to cry again. She decided to go for the safe option, she needed to speak to Sirius before she could even think about telling James. He pulled her close to his chest and comfortingly stroked her back, "Lils what's wrong? Come on, just tell me, I'm sure we can work it out, whatever it is."

Lily sobbed harder at this and hiccuped, "It's my parents, Voldemort attacked and...hic...they didn't survive." Silently she smacked herself for what she had just done. Oh God I'm a terrible person. I'm using my parents death to get out of a situation I brought on myself. I'm a horrible, horrible person!

James pulled her closer towards him and enveloped her in a proper hug. "Oh God Lily I'm so sorry! I had no idea, why didn't you owl me, I'd have come back straight away? How are you coping, not very well by the looks of things!"

Lily looked up at his face and gave him a watery smile, this is why i love him, he's so amazing, God why'd I have to go and fuck it up so completely? But instead she replied, "I didn't want to worry you and besides I'm fine,"

James interrupted her at this, "Yeah that's why your sitting here hyperventilating! What do you mean you didn't want to worry me, Lily you know you can tell me anything right?

At this Lily looked away, Does he know? Oh lord, why is he so understanding, can't he just be a bastard and make this whole thing easier? She forced a smile onto her face and said, "Really, I've known that this would happen for a while, I made my peace with it a long time ago. I guess having you here just makes me think that's all." At this James opened his mouth, with a questioning look on his face. She realised she'd slipped up and he was going to ask what she was thinking about so she quickly continued, "But anyways i don't want to talk about this anymore, ok? I'm fine now really, why don't you go and see Remus and I'll see you tomorrow. Be careful tonight, I don't want...well you know." When he opened his mouth again to ask if she was sure, she went on, "Really I'm fine, now go before I get sick of you!" With a laugh she pushed him back towards the bathroom. He didn't look completely convinced, but went anyway, understanding Lily wanted time alone.

Once he was safely back in the bathroom, Lily quickly left for her own bedroom. Once she had dressed and combed her hair, she left for Gryffindor tower. She would have to wait to talk to Sirius until tomorrow, but she needed to talk to Mia now. Mia will understand, won't she? Butterflies began to creep into Lily's stomach as she gave the Fat Lady the password and slipped up the stairs that lead to the girls dormitory. When she reach the seventh years door, she stopped to take a moment to collect herself and then she heard someone call her name from below.

"Lily," He said it so softly she was surprised that she heard. She turned and looked down over the banister to see Sirius below. "We need to talk." But at that moment the portrait hole opened to reveal none other than James.

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