"This is the biggest list of rejects I've seen in the whole of my military career!"

Papers flew as General Hume of the U.S. Army threw a folder down onto the glossy wooden tabletop.

"How the hell are we supposed to win the War on Terrorism with a crack-pot Special Forces unit of join-service losers?"

"Not all of them are losers...there's a few good apples in the bunch," one Air Force colonel piped up, her expression cautiously optimistic.

"Colonel Epefano makes an excellent point," Marine general, Albert Crosser, nodded. "Take Sergeant Pyke for example - he's the finest drill instructor on Parris Island at this time. His service record practically glows."

"That it does," Hume nodded, paused, and then snorted contemptuously. "Until you count the rape accusation that was recently filed on him by one of his own recruits!"

The room fell silent as General Crosser looked well put in his place. But then an admiral piped up, picking out one of the papers that had fallen from the general's folder.

"What about Lieutenant J.G. Burnett? She's a top-notch pilot and a damn fine officer - graduated top of her class at the Naval Academy."

"True, true," Hume nodded slowly as he picked up another personnel folder that lay near him. "Burnett is indeed a fine naval officer and an excellent pilot, according to her service record. However," Hume paused for dramatic effect as he shook the folder at Admiral Rueher, "Her medical record tells a different story! She's a fine pilot as long as she doesn't fly into any terrain that would exacerbate her acute claustrophobia and she suffers from severe clinical depression. She's on damn happy pills half of the goddamn time, for chrissake!

"Gentlemen...and lady," Hume nodded toward Colonel Epefano. "What we have here is a list of complete failures - the sheer dredges of military society.

"We have recommended here a Marine supply sergeant who beats his wife and blatantly disobeys restraining orders! We have a Naval master-at-arms dog-handler who can't take orders and mixes her alcohol binges with over-the-counter medicine overdoses whenever she's off duty!

"We've been given a boatswain's mate who starts bar fights at every port he visits; an Army medic who suddenly decides she's a conscientious objector and an Air Force intelligence staff sergeant who's been accused of selling top secret information to the enemy!

"Not to mention the Air Force warrant officer grounded for fraternization, bounced checks, outstanding debt, and improper conduct, the Army corporal accused of participating in an Army-wide narcotics smuggling ring and the Marine corporal who sells her body every night to the highest bidder!

"What we have here is a folder full of rapists, traitors, alcoholics, suicide watches, tree-huggers, druggies, prostitutes, and trouble-makers! Someone tell me how such an important mission is going to be successful when left to the devices of soldiers, airmen, sailors and Marines who would do the world a better service by serving time in Leavenworth?"

The room remained silent as a handful of high-ranking officers from every military branch glanced nervously at each other. General Hume's words seemed to have shaken all but one, an Air Force captain who had, until that moment, been quietly observing the meeting.

"May I point out, General, that these individuals were handpicked because they were considered 'expendable,'" the captain sat forward, propping his elbows on the table and folding his hands in front of him. "Many officers and officials consider the people in your folder to be just as you say - losers, the dredges of the military.

"But I've been out to visit each and every person in that dossier," the captain continued, his voice quiet, but commanding. "And I'm here to tell you that there are other reasons why those particular people have been picked. For one, there are people on your list who haven't done a damn thing wrong - Senior Airman Pine, for example, or Sergeant First Class Hinton, or even Gunny Sergeant LaFitte. In fact, by my count, there are at least eight people in that list who haven't done anything more severe than breaking the speed limit."

"So there is, so there is, Captain Talltree," Hume backed down a bit, but his black eyes remained hard as he eyed the Air Force officer at the end of the oval table. "But with the exception of Gunny Sergeant LaFitte and Sergeant First Class Hinton, those eight non-troublemakers have a military performance record that's barely mediocre."

"Military performance, yes – but every single person on that list is an expert in their field," Talltree folded his arms stubbornly. "Including the troublemakers. MA3 Perlmutter – the dog handler – is known as 'the dog whisperer' because of her undisputed expertise with military working dogs. Corporal Rudat is an expert in desert survival and warfare tactics. Senior Airman Pine is recognized as a go-to man for artic survival and search and rescue techniques – not necessarily because of his military experience, but because he grew up his entire life in No-where, Alaska.

"Staff Sergeant O'Hara – an expert in military intelligence. Sergeant Kasnerbogen specializes in ground-to-air missiles, artillery tactics, and air defense artillery. HM2 Greer is a decorated corpsman who's served with Marine units for the last four years. Tech Sergeant Parker – a gem of the communications field who has yet to meet her match in the world of computers and electronics.

"The list goes on, General – a full twenty names. So what if some of them have mediocre military records? Not all of them do. I'm sure GM1 Sneeden would be rather offended to know that you consider his military career, as a SEAL, is 'mediocre'."

Captain Talltree paused a bit for effect, his blue eyes gazing steadily at General Hume, as if hoping to gauge the man's reaction. Hume huffed a bit under his mustache, but remained silent, his eyes narrowed a bit.

"As for the troublemakers? Sergeant Pyke has been cleared of all charges – the girl in his platoon was raped, but not by him. She never got a clear look at the attacker's face and the semen samples do not match those of Sergeant Pyke. MA3 Perlmutter has been to rehabilitation and has now been sober and clean for the past six months; in fact, she was just recently promoted. Corporal Krieger was indeed participating in a prostitution ring, but she's been to rehab herself, has sought the appropriate medical and psychological help, and has walked the straight and narrow for three months.

"As for Corporal Rudat and Staff Sergeant O'Hara – all accusations and investigations against them have been dropped. As it turns out, O'Hara was framed by the guilty party and Rudat was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. Lieutenant J.G. Burnett continues to have a stellar record and her psychological problems haven't affected her performance as an officer or a pilot. Warrant Officer Fairborn has paid off his debts, only bounced one check – which, as you know, results in nothing more severe than non-judicial punishment – and has been cleared of all fraternization charges.

"And finally, Sergeant Michaels…I don't know his whole case," Talltree paused long enough to scratch his nose. "But I trust his first sergeant enough to believe the man when he told me that Sergeant Michaels is not a wife beater, nor does he intentionally go out of his way to disobey orders.

"This might not be the crack-force team you were anticipating, General, but I believe these people have potential," Talltree raised a slight eyebrow, as if daring Hume to contradict him. "With the right training and the right leadership, I really do believe they can rise up to the challenges ahead of them and help us finally bring the war in Iraq to an end."

Author's Notes: I have recently re-discovered the joys of the best 80's cartoon show ever (in my humble opinion) - G.I. Joe. But while watching the show, strange ideas kept popping up in the back of my mind and finally, I couldn't ignore them any more.

I love G.I. Joe in it's original, uncorrupted form. However, I'd also love to see it completely revamped - more modern, more realistic and a bit more "adult" so those of us who grew up with it can enjoy it on a whole new level. And that's what I'll be attempting to do here - I'm not "rewriting" the original series. I'm simply taking the ideas of G.I. Joe and applying it to the 21st century and our current War on Terrorism.

Disclaimer: I don't own G.I. Joe or any characters except Sgt. Christian "Devil Dog" Michaels (my one original G.I. Joe character). I have used original characters and character names - that, however, is one of the few similiarities that G.I. Joe: Modern Day Heroes has with the original series. This is a completely new spin-off of an old series and I ask that you, Dear Reader, keep an open mind and not compare G.I. Joe: Modern Day Heroes to the 80's cartoon or the comics. I will try my best to stay true to the spirit of G.I. Joe and the personalities of the original characters; there will be deviations, however, for the sake of creative liscence.

And with that out of the way...here's the new G.I. Joe scenario:

With our current War on Terrorism, who needs Cobra? The Joes are a group of modern soldiers, airmen, sailors, and Marines brought together involuntarily, to create a Special Forces group to battle terrorism in the Middle East in the hopes that the War in Iraq can finally come to an end. In this new modern force, the Joes are evenly divided into four groups - five Marines, five airmen, five soldiers, and five sailors. Roll call is as follows:

USMC - United States Marine Corps

Gunny Sergeant Ettienne R. LaFitte ("Gung Ho")
Sergeant Richard F. Pyke ("Sgt. Slaughter")
Staff Sergeant Wendell A. Metzger ("Leatherneck")
Sergeant Christian D. Michaels ("Devil Dog")
Corporal Courtney A. Krieger ("Cover Girl")

USAF - United States Air Force

Captain Franklin E. Talltree ("Airborne")
Warrant Officer Dashiell R. Fairborn ("Flint")
Tech Sergeant Brianna L. Parker ("Mainframe")
Staff Sergeant Shana O'Hara ("Scarlett")
Senior Airman Albert M. Pine ("Alpine")

USAR - United States Army

First Sergeant Conrad S. Hauser ("Duke")
Sergeant First Class Marvin F. Hinton ("Roadblock")
Specialist Emily C. Steen ("Lifeline")
Sergeant David L. Kasnerbogen ("Bazooka")
Corporal Ronald R. Rudat ("Dusty")

USN - United States Navy

Lieutenant Junior Grade Alison R. Hart-Burnett ("Lady Jaye")
GM1 Wayne R. Sneeden ("Beach Head")
HM2 Carl W. Greer ("Doc")
BM2 Hector X. Delgato ("Shipwreck")
MA3 Seraphina R. Perlmutter ("Mutt")

Please, read with an open mind and enjoy! All suggestions, comments, and questions are welcome - no out-right flames will be accepted, however. If you don't like the idea behind this and if you're a purist who thinks that G.I. Joe shouldn't be "tampered" with under any circumstance, then don't bother reading. For those of you, though, who don't mind a fresh way of looking at an old story, then please - carry on and let me know what you think!