Max returned to the house long after the sun set. She jammed her hands in the pockets of her jacket as she walked up the porch steps - hoping that this would prevent her from beating Zack too badly. She knew before she reached the porch and could hear his boots slapping the floor that he would be awake. She had left before he could make an angry point about them being different and she hadn't immediately returned to the safety of the house immediately - both of which were high on Zack's list of things good little soldiers did not do. But as she stood in front of the door, just staring at the handle, she told herself she wasn't a good little soldier. She hadn't been a soldier since she was nine years old. She was a woman, a human. "Soldier" was something deep within her, something she kept hidden out of fear. If she was a soldier, she was doomed.
She took a deep breath and took hold of the door handle. A million thoughts raced through her head in the millisecond it took her to turn the handle and push the door open. She thought of the last time she and Zack had fought - yesterday. She thought of turning and running into the wilderness. She thought briefly of a man millions of miles away. She thought of everything she had promised herself she would never think of again.
When she entered the living room, she saw that Zack had settled himself into a chair near the fire. She stood in the doorway, waiting for another speech - another attack on her lack of humanity. It never came.
"It's dangerous, Max," Zack said. His voice was quiet but filled with an emotion that was uniquely Zack - discomfort, rage, vulnerability, and hatred all rolled into one neat package. Because that was Zack - neat.
"What is?" she asked even though she already knew.
"Getting close," he replied and looked into the fire. "It's dangerous business walking out the front door."
She shrugged, mostly to prove to herself that maybe Zack's words had no truth. Maybe. "I can be just as dangerous to that world as it can be to me."
"That's the problem," he sighed. "One day you'll do the damage to them and they'll do the damage to you. You'll break a nose but they'll break a neck."
She wanted to tell him that it didn't matter anymore if they broke her neck because her heart was most important and that was already broken. She gave another noncommittal shrug instead.
"They'd have to catch me first."
He shook his head and clasped his hands together. "To believe that you can outrun any situation and control all the cards on the table is the belief of a fool, Max. If you're not more careful, anything could happen. You can prepare for anything but you'll find that the one thing you weren't ready for is happening. You can try your best to make everything go your way, but with the DNA, with the blood coursing through your veins, anything could go wrong. Look at Brin."
She shoved her hands back in her pockets and looked to the floor. She wanted to look everywhere but at Brin. Her sister had fallen victim to her DNA - something that could happen to any of them, including herself. Brin couldn't have stopped her Progeria. Maybe she couldn't prevent what evil thing was lurking around the corner waiting to claim her - or worse, drag her back to Manticore.
"I know the risks," she told him. "I don't need another lecture on them."
"You know the risks now," he replied coldly and turned to her, "but in two months, three months, when you're making friends and losing sight, you forget. You forget the risks and you end up…"
His voice trailed off and he turned back to the fire.
She felt her face go flush with anger. "End up what? Where do I end up, Zack? Huh? In a cabin in Canada with you to look after me to make sure I'm a good little soldier who doesn't make any more mistakes? Is that where I end up? Is it?"
"Yes!" he exclaimed and got to his feet. "Yes, that's where you end up! You end up here and I end up here with you!"
"I never asked for your help!" she exclaimed. "I would've done fine on my own! I had my backup!"
"A cripple?" Zack hissed. "You need me."
"Don't ever talk about him," she growled. She barely recognized her own voice. "Zack, I need a brother, not a keeper!"
"You have a brother!" he screamed. He was uncapping every bottle of emotion he had been collecting over the past few months and pouring the contents over her. "I'm your brother! I'm here to protect you, Max! I'm doing what a brother should!"
"No, you're doing what a soldier should," she said, allowing her voice to return to a normal pitch. "You're keeping the unit safe by sedating the threat. I'm the threat, Zack. I know that's what I've always been to you. When did I stop becoming your sister?"
"Don't make this about that," he seethed, not willing to let go of his anger just yet. "It isn't about that. It isn't about them. It's about you and your carelessness. I'm keeping you safe."
"Keeping me safe by keeping me in a cage?" Max said and shook her head. "You're turning your life into Manticore, Zack."
"Shut up," he said, a guttural growl punctuating his sentence.
"You're just like them now," she said just above a whisper. "You're turning freedom into a burden, into something that should be feared and not worshipped for the gift that it is."
"Shut up," he said more loudly. He turned his back to her.
She blinked back the tears that were forming. She wasn't sure if she wanted to cry out of anger or sadness - sadness for Zack, sadness for the turn her life had taken.
"Tell me something, Zack," she continued on quietly. "Have you ever had a friend? A true friend?"
When he offered no reply, she nodded and said, "I didn't think so."
She walked from the room, still blinking back hot tears. She went to her room and slammed the door behind her. She peeled off her jacket and threw it to the floor. She was tempted to lay down and hope for sleep, but she knew it would never happen. She had slept for two hours a few days ago, which meant she was caught up for the week. She paced the length of the room, hoping some divine knowledge would hit her between the eyes like a skilled sniper's bullet.
No such revelation came.
A/N: There's an altered Underoath song title in there somewhere. Internet cookies to whoever finds it.