"And anyways, there was this other little saying I heard," She could hear Ron saying, "And it went like, Do married people live longer than single people, or does it just SEEM longer?" The boys laughed at this. Hermione's blood started to get warmer then usual. 'How dare they?' She fumed.
The next 'joke' was from Harry, and he said, "A rather well-proportioned secretary, Joan, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day but, on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs; she was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind you sunbathing on the roof but we would very much appreciate you wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday." "What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight." "
And the boys positivly HOWLED with laughter. Hermione could swear she could smell something similar to bacon. So then, Neville creeps up and says something, and Hermione was surprised at him, it wasn't like Neville to say such things, but after a while, she thought it made sense. Anyways, he had said, "I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to avoid hitting her.
This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and flipped the woman off.
"Man, that guy is stupid!" I thought to myself.
I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here's why:
I drive 48 miles each way every day to work, that's 96 miles each day.
Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.
Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway so if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane.
That's 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.
Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper to bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars.
That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day.
Statistically, half of these are driven by females, that's 18,000.
In any given group of females 1 in 28 are having the worst day of their period. That's 642.
According to Cosmopolitan, 70 describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding. That's 449.
According to the National Institute of Health, 22 of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98.
And 34 describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33.
According to the National Rifle Association 5 of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.
That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, is having the worst day of her period, and is armed.
Flip one off?
...I think not."
Hermione couldn't hear the boys. Her blood was not only racing the 200 mile dash and crossing the finish line in less than 2 seconds, it was out of the frying pan, WAY out of the fire, and deep into the firey pits of Hell.
The girls were startled as the Dormitory door slammed shut. Their heads darted up from the game of Truth or Dare, where if you said truth, you'd be magically compelled to tell the truth, and if Dare and you dont do it, you will be forced to run downstairs naked for 5 full minutes.
"A little late, aren't we Hermione?" Ginny asked, gestering to the clock as it was now 12:01. Hermione's mouth dropped. She had left the library at 10:00! Did she really last that long eavesdropping? "Got an excuse?"
"Well, I WAS going to tell you about my night eavesdropping on the I-could-almost-swear-were Drunken boys of Gryffindor, but I guess-"
"What happened?"
So she told them it. ALL of it. With Neville and Harry and the one whose hair now matched their flushed faces, and about all of the other boys who had said that stuff about them. More than half of them, OKAY, everyone except Ginny and Hermione, were happily going out with one of those boys. And, no one objected when Hermione stood up and started to yell, "BOYCOTT BOYS! BOYCOTT BOYS! BOYCOTT BOYS!"
Yay I am gonna write the rest of this story after I finish my Kingdom Hearts fic, and I am gonna write another one that is KINDA scary that came to me in a dream, that IS Harry Potter, after this. So keep your eyes peeled. Oh, and thanks to funny. com for the jokes!
KHdreamer