"Ahem. Step #1 in our guide in how not to like guys, is...?" Hermione stated as she stood in the Room of Recuirement, along with all of the other girls. Since she had walked by 3 times thinking, "I need a space where we can talk about NOT liking guys and how much jerks guys are and..." well, let's just say she ended up walking past around 20 times until she finally realized that she should go in. Inside, the room was black, and red, black to represent their hatrid for love, red to represent their hatred and anger. There were pictures of girl bands, books on the many succesful female muggles and witches stocked up on many shelves, and white bean bags on bleachers so everyone could see, and a HUGE white erase board in the middle for where many of them would teach. When they had all assembled Hermione had taken the first teaching job. She was now reciting what she had just taught them.
"Any ideas?"
One single hand shot into the air.
"Yes Ginny?"
"BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF THEM!"
"Ummm... what I SAID was beat the crap out of their emotional being, but, okay lets go with that! Now remember to only sit next to boys if you HAVE to, tear up all of your pictures of boys, and ignore them, the boys I mean, as well as... STAY AWAY FROM ALCHOHOL!"
"Why should we stay away from alchohol again?"
"BECAUSE Lavender, alchohol is like a basic Man attracter. So stay away. Any questions?"
Five hands shot into the air.
"Ginny?"
"Can I teach?"
"Yes.
"Okay, listen up girls! This is about to get interesting!" Removing Hermione's Lesson from the board, which was very very very very BORING, might I add, she wrote a Step 2 in HUGE letters and started drawing stick figures. "What we WILL do, is whenever one of them askes us out..." She paused to draw the image of a stick figure girl smacking a stick figure boy. "We will slap them. BUT, we won't stop there." She drew a picture of the stick girl knocking the boy to the ground and jumping uo and down on them. Then she made the stick girl throw the jerk into the lake, and attach a boiler to it. But before Ginny could get any further, Hermione jumped in and said, "Let's just slap them."
"Umm...Lavender! You're turn."
"Okay, so Step 3 is like where we all like, look SUPER beautiful to make us irrisistable, therefore making the boys even more hurt when we slap them."
Hordes of applaude greeted this tastic.
Hermione jumped in and said, "Lastly, travel in groups, okay?"
Everyone agreed and got up to leave. Hermione shrieked a "Wait!" and poofed them magical zit cream, perfect hair shampoo, the best deoderant galleons could by, and all that other stuff girl use. Then she said they could all leave. Together. In a group. Because techinically they were all in the same dorm... well, most of them. Anyways, they got into the common room, and instantly a group of used-to-be-sulking boys greeted them.
"Hey 'Mione!" Ron greeted. "Where WERE you? Dang, now you only have an hour to finish my homework!" Hermione, fed up with that approach, slapped him across the cheek and went inside the dorm.
"Ginny! Umm... Hi! You know what? Ummm..." Harry stuttered, thinking of what to say, when he suddenlyshouted out, "Your breasts look larger today!"
Ginny gasped, slapped him, stomped on his food, poked his eye, punched his stomach, then ran up the stairs.
Seamus got punched in the eye by Lavender as well. Thankfully, all other body parts were spared since everyone was preoccupied in the thing Harry had said to Ginny and gave the rest of the girls an excuse to run up the stairs. Safely in their dorms, Hermione issued a burn the photos search while Ginny did the burn the posters.
"Well, Harry, is that possibly one of those 'best voted pickup lines for the insanley brave? Or the insane?' Because whoot, that was one heck of a party you were having!" Ron told Harry.
"I don't, want to talk about it." Harry stated as he tried to repair his fractured ribs.
"What has gotten up to those girls?"
"I dunno, but I don't like it!" Harry said, switching to save is big toenail from extinction.
"Me neither." Ron's cheek was as red as his hair. And his red ears. And tomatoes. Stirred into a blender. "Damn, who knew girls could his so HARD?"
Hermione woke up and yawned. She was about to rush down the stairs when she remembered step #3: Look Beautiful. She looked at Lavender's mirror. Her hair was normal, her face was rosu around the cheeks, and her complexion was so clear it looked like movie star's. She checked her teeth and saw that they were perfect. She was about to head downstairs when she saw the notice at the bottom of the mirror:
WARNING: THINGS IN MIRROR MAY SEEM MORE PERFECT THAN THEY APPEAR.
She sighed and went to check in Ginny's, after making sure there were no notices. First she checked her teeth. Yellowing, some spinach stuck in one end, and needing a little straightening. She used the spell Madam Pomfrey had used on her in the year Malfoy gave her beaver teeth, then used the other dentist spells she looked up to help her parents. she magically brushed through her hair, yaadaayaddaayaddaaaa, until she looked almost like the picture in Lavender's mirror, exept no perfect complexion, her cheeks weren't rosey, and her teeth weren't perfectly white. She had opened the door when she heard a shriek telling her to stop. She turned around to see Lavender telling her it was a SATURDAY!
"So? What's the big difference with a SATURDAY?" Hermione replied, exaggerating the word more than Lavender had.
"Look at what your wearing!"
Hermione looked down to see a perfectly stain free and ironed Hogwarts uniform. She was about to respond when Lavender said, "Accio Clothes!" And avalanches of clothes fell on them.
"Are these all your clothes Lavender?"
"Yeah, well I went shopping a lot and-"
"OH MY DOG ARE THESE FRIEKEN BOXERS?"
"I-um-err-you see- I guess I accio-ded more clothes than just mine? Hehe? Anyways, we need you to look hot today!"
"But in these robes I surely will be sweating, I mean it's spring and 98 degrees, and-"
Lavender groaned. "Not that kind of hot!" She grabbed Hermione by the wrist and dragged her to a spot by the sunlit window.
"Stand still!" She commanded. She looked at a couple of clothes and arranged them into a pile. Then she viewed how they would match Hermione's body.
"Aha!" She handed Hermione a red strapless shirt and a short jean skirt. (Not a miniskirt, Lavender thought she had to get used to less than knee long skirt lengths.)
"Can I have a longer skirt and have sleeves on this?"
"No, that skirt stays the same but I will give you a spaggetthi strap."
Ron was unsuccesfully trying to read a book that Fred...or George... had given him called, 'Women: The ups, the downs, and how to understand' when boys of all ages starting oooh-ing and ahh-ing. He looked up and gasped. There was Hermione, looking like an angel that had fallen from heaven because she wouldn't obey the dress code. He walked up to her and walked side-by-side with her, trying to talk to her, maybe ask her out, but when he did she just pushed him aside and left the common room with the nearly invisible Ginny. Harry however, had obviously accio-d a bucket to his side to catch the drool in.
"I thought you liked Ginny, not Hermione!"
"Hermione was there too? Oh, I didn't notice her."
(Recap In Hermione's PoV)
Hermione took a deep breath and walked down the stairs, Ginny by her side. Immediatly the boys started ooh-ing and aahh-ing. She was embarrased at first, but then remembered that they only liked her for how she looked.
"YOU FRIEKEN PERVERTS!" She yelled. None of them even flinched. She waved her hand. Then she smacked the nearest guy, Seamus Finnigan, and he said, "Five more minutes Mom, I wanna finish looking at this picture I found..." She wrinkled her nose in disgust. Ron suddenly appeared next to her, smiling like he was on top of the world or something.
'Oh, so NOW he wants to be seen around me. NOW he starts to like, or is using me to get the guys pissed. NOW he notices me for who I REALLY am, not just some bookworm who does his homework for him!' In a fit of anger she shoved him aside and exited the common room.
Whew that was long! You'll be happy to know that now, since school is out, I'll have WAY more time to type up chappies! D Keep reviewing! They make me want to continue!
Ihateharryandhermioneshippers - I guess I did! D And one more thing, I VERY VERY VERY VERY much dislike Harry and Hermione shippers, but I can't hate them too much since a person in my family is one.
courtney of sparta - Don't worry, I'll finish it alright!
amrawo - Thanks! Even though this cahppie probably dissappointed you, I am not that good at humor, yet... I will get funny. Eventually. Hopefully. Please?
mysticofthepen - Same with what I said to amrawo, I'm not that good at humor. But don't worry, I'll put in more jokes... gets mischevious glint in her eyes
Like I said, please keep reviewing!
KHdreamer