Chapter 2: Atalantië (Downfall)

Soon, the Noldor returned to Tirion. However, their beloved city did not seem the same to Calime and she knew it never would. A time of peace and beauty had ended for them. With the death of the trees, had come the death of Valinor's light. Each day, Calime sat in her room, looking out at the grey streets below. No, there was no day, not as there had been. Night blended into night and each hour was a darkness lit only by Varda's stars. She felt a heavy sorrow that she was so unaccustomed to. Valinor was a land of fairness and merriment. The darkness confused her, felt unfamiliar and unrelenting.

Yet she also felt a forboding. Tears came to Calime's eyes as she sat there one day. Feanor had come to the city and Arnono had gone to hear him speak. Arnono had grown distant from her. He desired to go to Middle Earth but she did not. Her thoughts ran a mess through her head. If the Noldor were to try to leave the Blessed Realm as Feanor and Arnono apparently, wished, then something terrible would happen, she knew it.

She wrapped her arms around herself and wished that she could lay her head on his shoulder and cry away her fears. It was all too heavy for her and no matter how much she wished for it, time could not turn back and the Trees were still dead. She closed her eyes, hoping to open them and find light outside her window. However, when she opened them, there was nothing but the endless grey dark lit by cold and pale dots.

She shut her eyes again, unwilling to look at it. It was like a dark stain on the white folds of a gown. It marred the beauty that had been.

The door behind Calime opened and she turned to see who had entered. Arnono was standing there and for a moment, she thought she could have the comfort she seeked. Then she looked in his eyes and she knew that though they might still care for each other, there was nothing there to be had. All the dreams she had had before the Trees had died with them. There was nothing left. His eyes held anger and excitement and she knew something was changing.

Arnono shifted the pack he had on his shoulders, "Come with me. I swore an oath, Calime. I will travel to Middle Earth with Feanor and his sons, through whatever grief we may toil through. I wish you to travel with us as well. The Noldor leave now."

Calime stood, anger coursing through her. She turned away and folded her arms, "I bid you not to go, Arnono."

"It is too late now, Calime. I have already sworn the oath. I would not turn back any way. I desire to walk on lands untouched by elfin foot," he replied with passion.

She faced him. "Is that desire greater than the love that you bear for me?" she asked. "The Valar do not want you to go and you will leave in anger. What good do you think this will lead to? I feel a foreboding, as do many others. This quest, this oath, will bring us great sorrow. Would you wander willingly into that?"

"I will go for I cannot turn back now," he answered but his eyes softened. "Of course my desire is not greater than my love for you but an oath is. Come with me and we can build a home on those distant shores."

"Is it strong enough to loose me for?" she asked angrily. "Will you not listen to one whom you love and who loves you?"

Arnono's eyes turned sad, "Calime, please, I do not wish to loose you. I am listening to you; I only cannot do what it is you ask. I love you more than my life."

He reached for her, his heart aching to think that she would even doubt his love. She was the only one he had ever felt this way for in his more than millennia long life. But would he break and oath to be with her? He asked himself. Would he?

Arnono drew back his hand as Calime backed away from him and he answered his question. His desire to go to Middle Earth was too strong and he did not love Calime enough to be doomed for all eternity as he would be if he broke the oath. The foreboding many elves had had came upon him. It was heavy, as if his fate had been decided and his future self knew it but wished to turn back. But he could not turn back. His feet were set on his doomed path and he knew. He felt a shift in his fate.

Calime looked at Arnono with sad pain-filled eyes but he did not see her. His eyes were slightly glazed and his face was nearly emotionless. His lack of attention to her annoyed her to no end and she felt herself growing even angrier. He would not listen to her. He was going to go, no matter what. She would go with him then. Arnono was shaken from his daze when Calime tore a leather pack from the chest at her bed's end. She began to pack, nearly yelling at him in anger as she did so.

"I will go with you but only for a chance to persuade you to leave this foolish quest. But heed these words. If we reach the eastern shores, you shall have to fight hard to win my hand in marriage," she spat, hot tears of anger escaping her flaming eyes.

I should tell her not to come, Arnono heard in the back of his mind but he ignored it. He would pay no mind to whatever warnings he received.

"I will not be persuaded," he warned.

Calime had to take a moment to gain her control before she turned to him, "I care not what you say now, I will still try, though I don't know if it will be worth my pain to save your sorry soul. I hope you know that you are condemning us both."

Arnono felt a slight anger rise in him at her insult but its fire was doused by the pang he felt in him at her last words. He knew what she said was true, or would, at least. Whatever dangers and pain she faced would be because of his thick-headedness, if that is what it was. Arnono looked at Calime. Her eyes and cheeks blazed in her anger and her dark hair fell about her wine-clothed shoulders in flowing rivulets. He rephrased his question to himself. Was this quest, his desire, worth the pain she might face?

"Calime, wait. You should stay behind," he said, hoping to dissuade her where before he had tried to persuade her.

Angry shining eyes looked up at him and her hands still, "You would leave me behind now, would you? It is too late for that. I am coming with you and may you bear whatever guilt it brings."

She stood and heaved her pack over her shoulders. She paused when the sound of a trumpet rang through the room. She looked Arnono and knew it was time to leave. There was no more time for words, however sweet or angered they might be. Nor was there time to make new memories before leaving. Arnono slid out the door and she turned to her room one more time, looking it over with sadness. Then she followed him.

Crowds of Noldor who were staying behind lined the streets. They watched the parade, some with scorning eyes and anger, others with tears and sadness. There were wives and families being left behind by ambitious husbands. Parents were loosing their sons and daughters, siblings loosing brothers and sisters. Friends watched friends go and lovers bid a bitter farewell to lovers.

From the sidelines, a child suddenly came forth. His eyes were filled with tears and his cheeks and ears were red from running. He searched the parade as if looking for someone. Calime's heart clenched when she heard him cry. She drew her hood up and wept while she listened.

"Ata, ata! Please do not leave," the child cried. His mother came up behind him and swept him into her arms. Calime could not see the father but the mother had a mixture of hope and sadness on her face.

It occurred to Calime that some of the Noldor might be getting hope from this. She knew her kin were very curious. They would reach Middle Earth and scope out new land. Perhaps the man would send for his wife and child when he reached the eastern shores, she did not know. Nor could she fathom how one could hope for such a thing. The Noldor were leaving against the will of the Valar.

When the reached the gate, they were met by a pool of Noldor bearing the same emotions as the rest of the crowd. Calimë was surprised to find a few friends there. Cuanie, Calime's best friend, faced her with terrible anger and grief on her face. Calime looked her straight in the eyes, feeling no shame, for there was none to be had. When she had caught sight of the crowd, Calime had made a wise decision. She would not go to the eastern shores; she would only travel to the end of the western and then return with or without Arnono. Though she tried to send this thought to Cuanie, Cuanie huffed and slapped her.

"How could you, Calime?" she asked her fiercely. "You have friends here, you have family here. You cannot leave for Middle Earth. Would you betray us so?"

Calime showed her palms in peace, "No, Cuanie. I am only traveling to the edge of the west. Arnono is set on reaching the eastern lands and I still hope to have a chance to dissuade him. I am coming back, if I can," she added.

Cuanie sighed and embraced Calime, "He is a fool. He will drag you into whatever perils lay on the other side of this gate. Take care, Calime. Return with or without him, if you may."

The gates opened as Calime bid her final farewell to her friends, promising them she would return, whenever that may be. She looked around behind her for her parents but could not see them. She asked Cuanie to bring them a message and began to follow the groups of Noldor. They were halfway through the gate when a messenger from Manwe stopped them.

"Against the folly of Feanor shall be set my counsel only. Go not forth! For the hour is evil, and your road leads to sorrow that ye do not forsee. No aid will the Valar lend you in this quest; but neither will they hinder you; for this ye shall know: as ye came hither freely, freely shall ye depart. But thou Feanor Finwe's son, by thine oath art exiled. The lies of Melkor thou shalt unlearn in bitterness. Vala is he, thou saist. Then thou hast sworn in vain, for none of the Valar canst thou over-come now or ever within the halls of Ea, not though Eru whom thou namest had made thee thrice greater than thou art," he warned them. (Silmarillion, p. 85)

Feanor spoke next but Calime did not pay him heed. Instead she turned to Arnono, pleading with him once again.

"Hear what words Manwe says. Heeding them would be wise," she said to him. "Do not do this. You are walking to your doom. I fear we shall see much sorrow before we even leave these shores. Would you take both you and I through that?"

"My fate is set," was all he would answer. He looked at her with sad eyes as if it were the last time he would be looking at her. She had the urge to jump on him and beat him while she wept. He was being a fool. Was he not thinking at all? She would only follow him to the shores but that did not mean she did not care about what happened to him after. Her heart nearly broke thinking of the love she would loose and the dangers that could befall Arnono.

The Noldor began to march again and she stood back for a moment, hoping beyond hope that he would turn around and walk back to the city with her, begging her forgiveness. But he did not. She stood there instead, watching him walk away, shoulders slumped, not turning back to see where she was. She hid her face in her hood again and turned back as the gates shut. Just before they could, she caught a glimpse of her father looking for her. Her mother stood in tears listening to Cuanie speak. Then the sliver and white gate closed with a dull thud.

"Keep well for me Tirion," Calime whispered. "I know not when I shall return."

The walk to Alqualonde was long and quiet. Calime walked several paces behind Arnono, watching his back. Fury burned in her veins. She could kill him. He wouldn't listen. Was there no way to persuade him to give it up?

Calime looked at the scenery around her. They were passing through the Calacirya in a straight path towards Alqualonde. A recollection of the Valinor of the Two Trees rested in the high stony walls of the pass. The rocks glowed faintly silver and gold, lighting the pathway of the Noldor. Behind the high peaks, Varda's stars glinted enchantingly, like clear jewels on blue velvet. This has been a land of such beauty under Laurelin and Telperion. It was still beautiful but Valinor was not quite Valinor any more.

She wondered what lay at Alqualonde. The Noldor would need ships to cross the ocean. What if the Teleri refused to aid them? Feanor's wrath would be great. She had seen what it could do before, but felt a forboding. That had been a weaker side of Feanor's fury. What could he unleash from inside him in his madness? What would the Teleri be provoking if they refused?

Feanor's host reached Alqualonde before theirs. What met their eyes when they finally passed from Calacirya was a shock and a horror. They were not far from Alqualonde, which was burning in the dark. Calime gasped. What was happening? Why was Alqualonde burning? She turned and looked helplessly for Arnono for some reason in the madness. A soft indrawn breath alerted her that he stood by her side. He was gazing down at her when she looked up at him.

To her surprise, he drew her into his arms, holding her tightly. "Calime, please forgive me," he whispered, his eyes reflecting the fire less than a league away. "I should not have drawn you into this. I did not know this is what it would lead to."

Calime wept into his chest, "Will you return with me now?"

"As soon as this is finished, I will," he answered, finally giving into reason.

Fingolfin led his group hurriedly down to the shore. No one stopped to consider that the Teleri might have been attacked by the Noldor rather than the other way around. Arnono drew his sword. Turning to Calime, he held her one more time.

"I promise you now, I will return with you to Tirion as soon as this madness is solved," he drew back. "I love you with all my heart, Calime. I was blind not to see that."

"Be safe, dear heart," she replied.

He smiled weakly at her and turned away, following Fingolfin's horns. The host charged into the throng and began fighting the Teleri. Calime gasped and sobbed as she watched the fray. Tainted water washed Valinor's jeweled shores in blood. High above the pearly towers of Alqualonde, the seagulls croaked out a mourning song for their beloved Teleri. Noldor and Teleri lay dying on the docks. In the sky Varda's stars sparkled brightly and Calime looked up to them briefly from where she stood. Their glittering light seemed not happy and calming as it had to her in the past, but sad. It seemed as though everything was weeping. The waves crashed against the rocks lining the bay, spraying their salty tears over the fighting elves. Yet still, though their kinsmen had fallen and were falling around them, steel rang on steel.

Calime nearly screamed in anguish. She knew that this was not right. Her face was hot with her anger against Feanor. Once she had revered the Noldorin craftsman, but now she watched as he mercilessly killed his Telerin kin. It mattered not if the Teleri had attacked the Noldor first. Feanor must have done something to provoke them. She looked down at the swan boats. Noldor were trying to capture the ships and the Teleri were trying to stop them. This was a consequence of Feanor's wrath, she knew it. Any respect she had held for him was gone in an instance and replaced with a burning hate. How could an elf abide by this? It was an atrocity that she was sure would be sung about with scorn all over Arda for many ages.

What if she was part of those songs? She would be part of those songs. She was there viewing the battle, from a ways away buy she stilled viewed it. She would be able to tell of the horrid tragedy with real emotion, the grief and horror that coursed through her now. She wondered if one day she would sit and listen to the tale and be brought back to this moment.

Calime turned her gaze to the dock where Arnono was fighting and froze. There was a flash of bright sliver and suddenly red blood was spreading out over Arnono's tunic. The Teleri that had stabbed him let go of his sword and backed up in shock. Calime's mind was blank as though it had frozen with her. Arnono fell slowly like an actor in a play. An empty moment passed before Calime felt icy cold seep over her. As if waking from a dream, a choked sound emitted from her throat and she tore pass the battling to the dock.

Calime met Arnono just in time to catch him. His arms went around her shoulders and he half held on to her, half hugged her. He held her tight with his failing strength. She wept and pleaded with him not to leave her.

"Lá, melmenya," she begged sobbing. "You cannot leave me." (No, my love.)

Arnono breathed heavily as his blood left his body, "I a…am sorry, Calime. I s…see now, I never sh…should have taken the oath," he swallowed. "Melinyel." (I love you)

He slid down slowly, his blood darkening Calime's dress. His last breath hissed from his throat and he fell limp in her arms, dragging her to the ground with him. He was dead. It felt like the sword of Orome had come down and smote her in half, so great was the pain that she felt. She gasped out a few sobs then stilled, any rational thoughts fleeing her mind.

This was Feanor's fault and the fault of the Telerin that had struck him. The blame lay with the entire elfin race, including the Teleri. Rising, eyes darkened with hate and sadness, she slowly drew Arnono's sword. She turned around to face a stunned Teleri, who stood looking at Arnono's body with wide eyes. He then looked her with sympathy and sorrow, until he saw the sword in her hand.

One couldn't say he put up much of a fight when she raised it against him, screaming with rage. She spun fast, without much thought, blocking blow after blow as the Teleri blocked her own. Some how though, she managed to brake his defenses. He fought with stunned strikes, as though he was walking half in the dream world, half in the light. He missed her blow and the blade sunk into his chest with a sting.

Calime stopped, letting go of the blade as if it had stung her when she felt his warm blood wash over her hand and arm. The Teleri's eyes rolled back in his head and he fell into the sea. He was dead. She had killed him. It had passed in but a few moments. Had it actually happened? She was dreaming a nightmare that is all. She would wake up and find herself back in her room in Tirion. She couldn't move. She only blinked.

Reality came back to her in a rush. Dazed, she walked to the end of the dock. She could not go back now. Calime looked down to the blood stained shores. There was no going home, not after what had happened here. She had killed her own kin. She squeezed her hand as tight a she could. There was no punishment. There was no undoing it. A beautiful silver-haired Teleri had died beneath her blade. Arnono had died by theirs. Every moment seemed like an endless, listless nightmare. She did not know what to do in the present or what to do in the future. There was nothing to do with herself. She just sat there staring into the dead dark.

The stars shined above in the deep blue sky, shredding their cold clear light upon the Earth. Valinor was destroyed. The trees were gone. The Noldor had left Tirion. Arnono was dead. Teleri had died. Valinor was cold, grey and blood stained. Her jewel pure shores were no longer such. Her sea did not sparkled and the grass was not soft and green as it had been for Calime's eyes. Valinor was a dead dream. The past no longer held any merit; the memories were stained. The future held no hope. All was gone. The clear glass that protected Valinor's people from the rain had shattered.

What had she done? Why had she done it? Calime's dry eyes ached. There were no tears left for her to shed, she was empty. The sorrow she felt was strong and heavy. She wanted to lie imply on the ground, languishing and unmoving. She would be paralyzed beneath the weight of her guilt and despair. Her entire body would die beneath it. She would simply lie there in a Hellish eternity.

She closed her eyes and fell back with a thud. The world disappeared and she lingered in a placid limbo. Her body felt as though it were rocking back and forth. The pain was lulled from her and she heard only Eru's song.

She knew not how long she had lain there when she perceived a growing darkness in the sky through her dream-filled open eyes. She woke to hear large booms of the like she had never heard before. Light flashed across the sky. She quaked with fear. What was this phenomenon but the Valar's wrath? Indeed, the voice of Mandos came from between the clouds.

"Tears unnumbered ye shall shed; and the Valar will fence Valinor against you, and shut you out, so that not even the echo of your lamentation shall pass over the moutains. On the House of Feanor the wrath of the Valar lieth from the West unto the uttermost East, and upon all that will follow them it shall be laid also. Their Oath shall drive them, and yet betray them, and ever snatch away the very treasures that they have sworn to pursue. To evil end shall all things turn that they begin well; and by treason of kin unto kin and the fear of treason, shall this come to pass. The Disposessed shall they be forever.


Ye have spilled the blood of your kindred unrighteously and have stained the land of Aman. For blood ye shall render blood, and beyond Aman ye shall dwell in Death's shadow. For though Eru appointed to you to die not in Ea, and no sickness may assail you, yet slain ye may be, and slain ye shall be: by weapon and by torment and grief; and your houseless spirits shall come then to Mandos. There long shall ye abide and yearn for your bodies, and find little pity though all whom ye have slain should entreat for you. And those that endure in Middle-earth and come not to Mandos shall grow weary of the world as with a great burden, and shall wane, and become as shadows of regret before the younger race that cometh after. The Valar have spoken." (Silmarillion)

Calime felt that her heart could not break further. It was shattered glass within her chest. She was banished from her home. She literally could not go back to Tirion, whether she desired to or not. She sunk to the ground. She had lost every thing dear to her in one day. Valinor was destroyed.

Water fell from the sky. She had never seen such before but she was too deep in her misery to realize it was happening. She took upon herself the name Atalantie, down fall, for she was the downfall of a Teleri and she had lost all. She sunk deep into a reverie, moving blindly through the next days. Her sorrow consumed her, inside and out. She did not even notice when the Teleri and Noldor left in the swan boats.