Back to Kyp!

Chapter 6

As soon as the door slid shut, I pulled myself up from the floor. My legs nearly buckled from underneath me and my head whirled with dizziness. Seems I still wasn't back to full strength yet, so I quickly made my way to the bed and lowered myself onto the edge.

"What the sith just happened?" I asked myself out loud. I replayed the last few minutes in my mind. Jaina came in…we argued…we kissed…she got mad and threw me across the room. Then I did it again. Jaina came in…we argued…we kissed---

"Oh my gosh!" I said, running my hand back through my tangled mess of hair. "We just kissed!" The import of those words and that action hit me full force and I flopped back onto the bed to stare at the ceiling. "Oh, no, no, no, no, no! This isn't happening!" I sat back up and put my face in my hands. How had I lost control of the situation? Whatever the answer, I needed to regain some control and I needed to do it right now.

Okay…deep breath…and…now…think.

Jaina had kidnapped me…sort of…and all because she thought I was going to marry Li'andra. At the thought, I laughed out loud. Not in a million years! But not that Li' hadn't suggested it. In fact, she and I were discussing that very thing at her country house when the urgent message, which I now knew had been from Jaina, commed through to me. I thought it was strangely worded---

Durron,

Important info—need to meet now---outside in gardens---TELL NO ONE.

I should have taken more time to question its origins, but the Council had been waiting and hoping for a breakthrough in the Alpha Red case and it seemed our informant might give us exactly the intell we needed. I couldn't miss the opportunity.

So I made my apologies to Li'andra, despite her anger at being pushed aside, grabbed my cloak, and left. Again, I should have sensed something was amiss when I walked out into the gardens. Something had been off-kilter, and too late I realized it was Jaina. She had seemed…different…determined. And when she pulled out a blaster and shot me, well, need I say more? I was stunned, in more ways than one.

Which led me to my current predicament.

I was stuck on her ship because of a misunderstanding. I'd have to talk to Li' about that when I got back. But when would that be? I didn't even know where I was or even what time it was. Jaina refused to tell me where we were going and she refused to return to Denon. And to top it all off, I had just kissed her.

What was I thinking! Kissing Jaina Solo was the last thing I needed to be doing. She made me want things I knew I couldn't have. She had always had that kind of power over me. I don't know how many times in the past I had looked at her and Jag Fel wishing that it was me she was with and, at the same time, chiding myself for even entertaining the thought. Not only was she way too young, but she was also the daughter of my dearest friend, the man who was the closest thing to family I had left.

What must she think of me? I had come close on several occasions, some even recently, where I had nearly let my emotions and desires concerning her get out of hand. In the past, she had been quick to squash any advances I made, but lately, since her return, things had been…different. She seemed more open, more receptive to our friendship. She touched more, smiled more, and seemed surer of herself in a softer way than she had as a young woman. I could even swear that sometimes when she looked at me I saw a hint of desire shining in her own eyes. But I quickly dismissed it as my wild imagination.

One instance popped into my mind immediately.

She had been back for about three weeks, maybe longer. We were both working long hours together for the Jedi Council, and I was finding it quite enjoyable. Jaina had a great sense of humor and she was smart as a whip. It didn't take her any time at all to do the required background research for her new position on the Council, and soon she was accompanying me to meetings, able to discuss issues as well as any other member. Must have been those Leia genes.

We were already comfortable with one another again, just like when we had flown with our Force bond during the war, but better. She wasn't trying to be the dominant one all the time now. She realized she still had a lot to learn and wasn't afraid to cede some of the control to me. I could see how much she had grown as a person in the last five years, and I liked her even more, if that was possible. Jaina had always been one of the only people I truly liked and respected, in spite of her youthful arrogance. I could see a bit of me in her, perhaps, which connected us---and I didn't connect to many people.

It was a nice change to have a true friend back in my life. But all the while I kept trying to ignore my ever-burgeoning attraction to her. Five years had been good to her, in many ways. One of which was her physical appearance. She was still short, and I liked that. But what I liked even more was the way she had matured into full-blown womanhood…curves in all the right places and then some. I caught myself staring at her various attributes on more than one occasion, and she noticed me a couple of times herself. I immediately blew it off or changed the subject, but Force! I couldn't stop! To me, she was the epitome of what a woman should be--- strong and yet soft when and where she needed to be.

I scolded myself for letting my thoughts stray so far down that particular path. I knew Jaina didn't think of me in such a way, she had made that clear years ago. So by harboring such silly notions I was only hurting myself. Could I be around her and keep my feelings hidden? Sure. Hadn't I done it for years already?

But then there was the night we went flying…or should I say, the night we were going to go flying? See, we never really made it off the ground.

When she walked towards my starship in that little black number, I couldn't help myself. I whistled. It escaped my lips before I knew what was happening. Of course, I tried to play it cool and said something like, "Wow! You clean up great," or some other lame comment. But she blew me away! (Again…curves in right places…)

After we finished eating, we popped open the Corellian brandy she'd brought. I tried desperately to ignore how romantic the atmosphere was, how gorgeous she looked, how warm and fuzzy I was starting to feel after the second glass. Let me say, it wasn't easy. A couple of times, when she looked at me, I could have sworn her eyes were practically begging me to kiss her. But this was Jaina Solo. If I thought she wanted me to kiss her, then I was losing my mind. No, I pushed those thoughts as far back into my mind and heart as possible.

"So," she said, her pretty face flushed, "are we going to fly this thing or what?" Then she sipped the remaining bit of her glass and sat it on the table.

"Let's do it," I stated, swigging down the last gulp of my own glass. I stood and held out a hand to help her up. I must have pulled a little too hard because she practically smacked into my chest so I put my arms around her to help steady her. Bad move. When my hands made contact with her bare back, I felt my mouth go dry.

She giggled (unusual for Jaina), and swayed trying to regain her balance. "Sorry," she apologized as she looked up at me from her place in my arms.

"That—that's okay," I mumbled, quickly getting a grip on myself and setting her a safe distance away from me. "The cockpit's this way," I said, motioning for her to walk back down the corridor we came through. Letting her go in front of me was another bad move. Watching her walk, hips swaying femininely, that bare skin begging me to reach out and touch it--- it was so wrong. I chose to blame it on the brandy and forced myself to stop.

When we reached the cockpit, I stood and observed her reaction. Her slender hands glided across the unusual Sekotan instruments in awe, her obvious respect for my ship secretly pleasing me. Li'andra had been on my ship only once, informing me afterwards that she would prefer to not come back again. Seems it creeped her out, the whole living ship thing. But not Jaina. She knew the importance of this ship to me and appreciated it for the wonder it was. I smiled from my place in the doorway.

"I'd forgotten how beautiful she was, Kyp," she said smiling, her eyes sparkling in delight. "And I'll admit it. I am still a bit jealous that you got one and I didn't." I loved when that spark of mischief flashed across her face. It meant that she was just about to surprise me with something unexpected. I watched as she took the few steps required to bring her directly in front of me, mere inches separating us. She reached out and started playing with the buttons on my shirt. "But I won't hold it against you as long as you let me fly with you." As she said it, her eyes never left mine, and at that moment, I would have promised her my very soul had she asked for it.

"You know you can borrow her whenever you want, Jaina," I said quietly.

She smiled and added, "But it wouldn't be any fun to do it alone, Kyp. It would be so much better if we did it together."

Was I hearing her correctly? Or were my fantasies now creeping out of my dreams and into my waking moments? Had to be the brandy…had to be.

But then she was still gazing up at me, those dark eyes setting me on fire and I felt myself being pulled even closer to her, my mouth lowering nearer and nearer to hers. I was going to kiss her, and by the look of things, she was going to let me. Time seemed to slow down. My heart was pounding, desperate to claim her as mine, but my mind was resisting. This was Jaina! She didn't feel this way about me…or did she?

I paused, our lips separated by a scant sliver of air, hovering expectantly. I waited for her to pull away, to smack me or laugh at me…anything. But she didn't. So, I moved in the remainder of the way, our lips barely brushing against each other. And then---

Bzzzzzzzz! Bzzzzzzzzzz!

I jolted back, lost in a fog of desire, and it took a moment to clear my head.

Bzzzzzzzzzz! Bzzzzzzzzzzz!

It was my ship's security alarm. Someone was outside. Jaina's forehead was leaning on my chest and I thought I heard a curse slip quietly from her lips. (Probably chiding herself for what we almost did.) "What is that?" she said, sounding surprisingly angry.

I moved over to a control board and checked. "It's my security alarm. It was just alerting me that someone's outside trying to get in." I punched a button to turn off the alarm and turned back to Jaina. "I'll just go see who it is. It might be one of the hangar guards or mechanics. I'll only be a minute." We stood looking at one another for a few seconds. I didn't want to leave her there, but I knew I better before I did something more foolish.

Then she smiled and it took my breath away.

"One minute and then you'll be right back?" she asked, once again finding the buttons on my shirt of interest. "Because I really want to talk to you about something…important. Okay?"

I breathed in deeply. "Okay." Then I kissed the top of her head and walked out of the cockpit.

As I journeyed to the entrance ramp, my heart nearly skipped a beat. Was this really happening? Did I really just kiss Jaina? The touch of our lips had been way too brief. I wanted to tell whomever it was to 'kiss off' so that I could get back to that cockpit and see if I had only been dreaming or if Jaina Solo was actually waiting there for me.

I hit the button to lower the ramp, tapping my foot impatiently. "Come on, come on, come on!" I muttered. When it hit the hangar floor with a soft bang, I took a few steps down and stopped dead in my tracks.

It wasn't a mechanic.

"Li'andra? What are you doing here?"

"I'm happy to see you, too, Kyp, darling."

Li'andra stood at the bottom of the entrance ramp and smiled confidently. She was looking impeccably beautiful, as always--- hair in perfect place, clothes in all the latest fashions, tailor-made to fit. Having grown up in a wealthy family she was used to getting everything she wanted whenever she wanted it, and seeing her here made me realize I was just another 'thing' she wanted. Knowing how she disliked my alien ship, I had a hunch she came for some other reason---and, I also knew that whatever it was would somehow have to be beneficial to her.

However, my mind was back in that cockpit where Jaina was waiting for me. I was dying to know what important thing she needed to talk to me about. Apparently, I took too long to respond because the smile faded and Li'andra put her hands on her hips.

"Aren't you going to ask me in? I did come all the way down here to see you and you know how I hate these kinds of places." She glanced around and wrinkled her nose at the smell of metal and grease.

"What are you doing here?" I asked again. "You don't even like my ship." I tried not to sound irritated, but didn't succeed. She looked at me curiously, then frowned, not used to my curt tone. Li'andra was a woman accustomed to being treated with kid gloves. She didn't like that I made her presence seem unwanted.

But it was.

She pushed ahead anyway.

"Well, I haven't seen you in nearly two weeks." She came closer and placed her hand on my chest. "I missed you," she said enticingly, looking up at me through her long, lush lashes. It struck me suddenly how her pale blue eyes I had once thought so pretty now seemed colorless and cold as ice. Jaina's were so different--- dark, vibrant, warm, intriguing. There were depths to Jaina that I had yet to delve into, unlike Li'.

Li'andra's motivations and desires were no mystery. Many would describe her as shallow, me included. On the other hand, she was a woman who knew what she wanted and brazenly stopped at nothing to get it. I liked her well enough, enjoyed her company, for the most part. But I would never fully trust her or respect her as much as I did Jaina. Li'andra and I had an…understanding. I accompanied her to public gatherings, my position on the Jedi Council lending credibility to her bid for political power, which she deserved as much as any other bureaucrat. She was politically gifted, and did, for the most part, want to help her home world as it continued to rebuild from the war. However, at the base of all of her actions was the hope of some sort of personal gain. It wasn't the most noble of attitudes, but I understood her.

What I had never totally figured out was what I reaped from our relationship besides the obvious physical attraction. Maybe being seen with a woman of such a high status in society somehow made me feel more accepted after the many mistakes of my past. Let's be honest. I could do with some positive PR. Or perhaps simply having the attention of such an attractive woman was my motivation. Force knew I'd never been much of a success in the romance department. Years spent feeling unworthy of being loved due to bad choices had left me pretty much a loner. My love life—and I use that term loosely—consisted of a brief encounter with an older woman and, more recently, years spent in confusion about a woman who was much too young.

Only now, she wasn't so young. Plus, she was waiting on my ship, wearing a delightfully slinky dress, flushed and mellow from a fine brandy, and we had just sort-of kissed.

"Didn't you miss me?" Li'andra asked, pouting playfully.

I refocused on the woman in front of me. "Um, yeah, sure." What had she just said? "How did you know I was here?" I asked, changing the subject.

She started tracing circles on my chest, a move that might have worked to sway me some other time…but not tonight.

"I called your office earlier. Your assistant told me you mentioned coming here when you filed your meeting report."

Mental note: Talk to Mikel first thing tomorrow about his big mouth.

A glint sparked in her frigid eyes and she inched even closer. "I thought maybe we could go back to my place for dinner. On'ri is making your favorite," she cooed persuasively. She knew I was a sucker for her chef's braised nerf tenderloin.

But not this time.

"Sorry, Li'. I already ate," I said.

"Oh," she stammered, and for the first time I saw her confidence waver. Not for long though. Her wheels were already spinning, altering her plan to regain control. "Well," she stretched out, "we don't necessarily have to eat." Her suggestive expression revealed her true intentions. She needed attention…namely mine since I hadn't been around to lavish her with any lately.

I glanced back up the ramp into my ship. Had it been anyone else waiting inside and I would have gone with Li'andra. We enjoyed each other and her offer was tempting. But it wasn't just anyone up there in that cockpit. It was Jaina. For some crazy reason, I always seemed to put her first and maybe I always would. She would forever hold a piece of my heart—the biggest piece actually---, and even though I knew she would never reciprocate those feelings, it somehow didn't matter.

I looked back at Li'andra and grabbed her hands. "As tempting as that sounds, I was kind of busy right now. I appreciate your coming all the way down here, though. Why don't I call you tomorrow and we'll set up a time to go to lunch." I owed her that much.

She stared at me as if unable to believe that I was refusing her.

"Kyp, is everything all right down here?"

I flinched at the sound of Jaina's voice. Li'andra's eyes moved to focus behind me. "Busy, huh?" she spat contemptuously, and when I turned around I noticed Jaina wore the same perturbed expression.

"Not a mechanic, I see," Jaina stated taking the last few steps down the ramp.

Li'andra raked an assessing gaze over Jaina in her uncharacteristic outfit and then pasted on an artificial smile. "Hello, Jeannie."

"It's Jaina," I muttered, gaining an annoyed look from both women.

"Jaina, you look so…unlike yourself," Li'andra said, sidling up close to me and sliding her arm through mine. "It's a shame they didn't have that dress in your size. A perfect fit makes all the difference."

Alarms blared in my head. Provoking Jaina Solo was not a wise move, and I could sense her anger start to build. Images of her mowing down Vong during the war flashed in my mind. Would I have to protect Li' from her?

Surprisingly, Jaina reined herself in and replied calmly. "Well, we can't all spend our days being fitted for such fine attire, but we do what we can." She glanced at Li's arm through mine, and for a brief moment I thought I saw a flash of disappointment in her eyes.

"I was just inviting Kyp back to my place for dinner, but it seems you beat me to it," Li'andra said looking up at me, refusing to let go of my arm. "But I am not going to take no for an answer, Kyp. You simply must come and have a drink at least. It's been far too long since we spent time together." Then she glanced back over to Jaina. "I'm sure your little friend needs to go home and get her beauty sleep."

Jaina's shoulders tensed and her back went rigid. The muscles in her jaw clenched and her dark eyes flashed. Here it comes, I thought. I was going to have to peel Li'andra from the wall on the far side of the hangar. I braced for it…

But it never came. She simply stared at me, her eyes questioning, only I wasn't sure what she was asking. Jaina took a deep breath, and then her shoulders slumped just the slightest bit.

"As a matter of fact, I was getting ready to leave."

She was! I stared at her in bewilderment not understanding the sudden change. Jaina Solo was backing down? Giving up? Refusing to fight? Was I dreaming?

"I'll see you tomorrow, Kyp. Enjoy the rest of the brandy," she said, a sad smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

And then she was gone.