I waited until I was sure Kyp was gone. Then I stood there alone in my cockpit and screamed. When I finally ran out of breath, I sighed, fell back into the chair and ran a hand back through my hair.
What the sith had I been thinking! That's right. From now on, screw destiny and this whole silly notion I had of romance and fated love! It was too much trouble---too painful. He wasn't supposed to be fighting against me. He was supposed to be cooperating and falling madly in love with me---not listening to a bunch of lies from that high-class tramp.
The idea that she said all of those horrible things about me didn't really hurt much. It was to be expected from the likes of Li'andra S'ynclair. But the thought of him believing all of those terrible things---how could he? How dare he!
Well, at least now I understood why he had been avoiding me for the past few weeks. It was all her fault. So, knowing what I did now, why did I continue to believe that he and I were meant to be together?
I sighed again.
I knew why.
It was the dream.
I had dreamed the same one every night since Li'andra's joyous visit to my office. The first few nights I wrote it off as my subconscious trying to rescue the tattered shreds of my self-esteem. However, when it continued to invade my nights, I knew there was more to it…the Force.
Even now, sitting in my cockpit staring out into hyperspace, I could visualize it like a holovid.
Blackness. That's all I see at first. It surrounds me on every side and I'm a little frightened. Then I hear a voice just as a tiny ray of light slashes through the darkness.
"Jaina, come back to the light. Come back to me."
I recognize the distinctly masculine voice. It's Kyp. My eyes look towards the sliver of light and my body tries to follow, but I stop when I hear a cry, a muffled sob. Out of nowhere, right in front of me appears a young man huddled on the ground weeping uncontrollably. His face is buried in his hands when I first approach. All I can see is his tangled mess of long, dark hair.
"Are you okay?" I ask and I know before he even looks up that it is Kyp, years younger. The pain and sorrow etched on his face are heart wrenching, so I kneel down to comfort him.
"I didn't mean to do it!" he pleads. "I only wanted to---they took my parents---the mines---so dark---my brother---I didn't mean to! You've got to believe me! Please, believe me!"
He looks as if one more rejection will put him over the edge, so I put my arm around his shoulder and pull him close. His head willingly rests on my shoulder as if he's been hungrily waiting for someone to embrace him just like this.
"I believe you," I whisper to the top of his head. "I believe you."
Suddenly, it's black again. Kyp is gone from my arms and I'm alone. But only for a moment because in the blink of an eye, he's standing right in front of me, smug grin on his handsome face, dark eyes smoldering with sensuality. It's back during the early years of the Yuuzhan Vong war, when he first asked me to be his apprentice. Only in the dream it plays a bit differently.
He smiles, takes a step forward, and offers a hand to me. "Be mine, Jaina," he says. Not 'be my apprentice', but, "Be mine."
I don't hesitate. I reach out and place my small hand in his, never taking my eyes away from him. He pulls me into his arms, snug against his strong chest, and my heart does that same little flip it always does around him. I look up at him and whisper, "I'm yours." Then he slides one of his hands behind my neck, pulling me in close for a tender, passionate, mind-blowing kiss. It seems so real…so amazing…and then he's gone again.
I panic. I don't want to be alone anymore. It's too cold…too dark…so I call out for him.
"Kyp? Kyp? Where are you? Please, Kyp, don't leave me here alone. I need you!"
Another cry sounds, only this time it is not the cry of an adult, but of a baby. A second shaft of light appears and I follow it since it seems to be guiding me to the cry. For some reason, I feel an urgent need to reach the baby, to comfort it and hold it in my arms. Suddenly, a crib appears in front of me. In front of it stands a man with his back to me, but, once again, I don't need to see the face. He picks up the baby and jiggles it in his arms to soothe its distress. I can hear him murmuring softly to the child.
"Shhh. Shhh. There now. No more crying, sweetheart. Daddy's here."
The sniffling cry soon becomes a sweet baby giggle, and then he turns around and smiles brightly at me.
"Look, there's Mommy right now. Say, 'Hi, Mommy!'" and he takes the pudgy little hand in his and waves at me. I can't help but smile back as I look at Kyp and the chubby little cherub in his arms. I reach out and those tiny fingers reach for me. As I take the baby into my arms and feel Kyp's wrap around me, I'm filled with an amazing peace…an absolute knowledge that this is right…and not just right, but necessary.
And that is where it ends. Crazy it may be to trust a dream, but I was certain it was the Force trying to tell me what needed to be done. It is what finally convinced me to take action and make sure this all came to pass. Only I needed a little help on the particulars.
So, I sought the help of an expert.
Sort of.
I was feeling the need for some family time.
When you're having a stressful time of it, parents can sometimes ease the pain simply by treating you like you are still a little kid. So often they refuse to acknowledge your faults and insist on offering comfort any way they can, which often involves over-indulgence of some sort. Always good for a wounded ego or a broken heart.
And there was something else I needed.
Some advice.
Only I'd never let them know that's what I wanted. Force, no! I'd never hear the end of it.
I decided to take a few days off and go visit my parents. They were currently on Ossus while Mom was doing some work with the Jedi Academy. Mom was instantly suspicious of my arrival, but Dad, as usual, was blissfully ignorant.
Just how I wanted him.
"Hey, Dad."
Dad looked down from his squatting perch on top of the Falcon and smiled at me.
"Hey, sweetheart! I thought you were out with your mother."
"Yeah, well, I could only take so much more mother-daughter time. I think she was on lecture number 237 when I left."
We exchanged a knowing smirk and he motioned me up. As soon as I finally climbed my way to the top of the Falcon, he gestured, "Hey, pull up a hydrospanner and have a seat." And I did. I knew my way around the Falcon almost as well as Dad. We had always shared a love for all things mechanical. It was one of the things he shared with me, and, because of it, I had always had a special connection with him that my brothers had not.
"We haven't done this for a long time, princess," he remarked as I settled into place next to him.
"I know. I kind of miss it sometimes," I answered wistfully. And I meant it. Instantly I felt like a little girl again, remembering all of the times he had spent time teaching me about his beloved ship, patiently standing by as I wired my first instrument panel. Even though Dad couldn't use the Force like a Jedi, he was still my biggest hero.
I handed him the tool and started studying his handiwork. We continued working side by side for some time, each knowing instinctively what we needed the other to do at any given time, and before we knew it, the Falcon's malfunctioning sensor array was once again in prime condition. Or what passed as prime condition for a hunk of junk like the Falcon.
Of course, I'd never call her that to Dad's face.
As we were cleaning up, Dad must have noticed my distant expression and unusual quietness. Usually with him, I was cutting up, telling jokes and sharing embarrassing stories about Mom and Jacen. But not tonight. He knew something was wrong. He could tell. And he didn't need the Force to figure it out.
"Something on your mind, Jaina? You've been awfully quiet tonight. You're starting to remind me of your brother," he added teasingly. Jedi philosophy, (I know because he expressed this sentiment upon many occasions) had always left him slightly in the dark. He usually left all of that mumbo-jumbo stuff to Luke and Jacen, but I know he'd never pegged me for being that type.
I smiled back at him, sensing the hint of worry he held inside for me, and wanted to reassure him that we were still okay.
"Don't worry, Dad. I'm not going to go off and try to 'find myself' like some others who shall remain nameless." At his obvious sign of relief, I chuckled and then immediately sobered. It was now or never.
"Dad, can I ask you something?"
Dad was obviously stunned. It wasn't often that someone in our family actually asked him for anything. I could tell he felt a bit of pride that I had come to him instead of someone else, although I also noticed a flash of uncertainty in his eyes. He was probably wondering what I was about to say.
"Sure, sweetheart. Ask ahead."
I took a few seconds to decide on how to word my question without giving too much away. I wasn't quite certain how he would feel if I told him I was in love with Kyp Durron and wanted to find a way to make him see we should be together. No, Han Solo might not be too keen on helping his only daughter land a man. So I chose my words carefully.
"How did you know that Mom was the one?"
Not what he had expected, I could tell.
"Well, now, that's a loaded question." He leaned back on his elbows and started grinning that familiar lopsided grin of his. That's when I know whatever he's about to say is going to be good. I had heard about my mother and father's courtship from other people and even some from Mom, but had never heard it directly from him.
"I guess I knew she was the one when we first met on the Death Star. She called me 'flyboy' and ordered me into the garbage chute." I laughed, having never heard this version before, and a silly smile stretched across his face as he replayed their meeting in his mind. "Yeah, Leia was spunky all right. Then she told me I had to take orders from her and called Chewie a walking carpet. It was love at first sight, only it took a while to convince us both. She fought it, but finally love won out."
I snickered behind my hand, knowing he was avoiding one small part of the story. "Love won out, eh? I thought you kidnapped her when she nearly married Prince Isolder."
Smile—instantly gone from his face.
"Yeah, well, there's more to that little story than most people know," he remarked with a touch of irritation in his deep voice, shifting uneasily in his position.
"Like what?" I prodded. I wanted to know the whole story.
He stared at me for a moment, deciding whether to divulge the requested information, and finally caved.
"Well, for starters, I was under extreme pressure at that point in time. I'd just been gone for several months fighting that blowhard Zsinj, the whole time thinking only about getting back to your mother and finally settling down. All those years of fighting had left me exhausted, physically and mentally.
"Then, I get back only to find that that Hapan pretty boy Isolder is trying to snatch her away, and she's actually considering it! In fact, everyone is telling her it's a great idea--- except for Goldenrod, ironically."
I chuckled at the revelation, knowing the antagonistic relationship he and Threepio had always had together. Funny that the droid would be the only one on Dad's side.
"Jaina," Dad said, his voice sounding serious as he looked straight at me, "your mother was the most important person in my life. She still is. The thought that I might lose her was unbearable. So, I did what had to be done. Leia is the most compassionate person I know, and one of her faults is always putting others before herself, sometimes even the ones she loves. I knew that, knew that she was seriously thinking about marrying Mr. Perfect because she thought it would be a good alliance for the Republic. I couldn't let that happen…couldn't let what we'd built be thrown away so easily."
"So you won a planet in a game of sabaac and kidnapped her?" I asked playfully, only the look on Dad's face was not a playful one.
"Jaina, I did what was absolutely necessary."
He stated it with such conviction that it sent shivers down my spine, and in that instant I knew what had to be done about Kyp. My mind whirred with ideas as Dad continued on and I pretended to be listening attentively.
"Be thankful I did hijack your mom off to Dathomir or else you wouldn't be here, kid. You'd be living in the Hapes cluster with all the Ta'a Chume's of the galaxy. Instead, you're your old man's pride and joy." Then he threw an arm around me and squeezed me to his side.
"Thanks, Dad…for everything."
"There. See now? You're smiling just like your old self again."
And I was.
Enough of this nice girl stuff.
It was time for some action.
So, after looking back over the last day, maybe seeking advice from my father was not the wisest move, but somehow at the time he had made perfect sense.
"Oh, sith!" I declared out loud. Suddenly, I remembered what was waiting for us when we landed…what I had arranged to be waiting for us. True, I had borrowed the idea of kidnapping Kyp from my dad, but I had the privilege of learning from his mistakes. He should have had someone waiting on Dathomir ready to marry them as soon as they landed. Letting Mom have so long to mull things over was the wrong thing to do.
However, I took care of that little problem in my plan.
"Oh, sith!" What had I done? I felt like screaming again, but it gradually turned to the desire to do something else...laugh.
So I did...uncontrollably.
Force, I couldn't wait to land.