Chapter 11—
"Aren't you going to kiss the bride?" I asked facetiously, plastering an innocent grin on my face.
By the look of utter astonishment on Kyp's face, I could tell it had not fully registered with him that we had indeed just been officially joined in holy matrimony. Oh, this was just too delicious! I raised a hand to my mouth to stifle a laugh. He had made it so easy! He had hurried the cleric droid along himself, oblivious to what was really happening. I could not have wished for a simpler go of things. It seemed the Force was with me on this one.
A chuckle escaped from behind my hand and I saw his expression change from disbelief to restrained fury.
"Stop laughing, Jaina," he demanded gruffly. "This isn't funny."
Of course that only made me laugh harder.
"Yes…it really is!" I replied, tears beginning to pool in my eyes.
The frown on his face would have scared the living daylights out of anyone else, but not me. It somehow gave me a sense of satisfaction to see him so upset. Was that wrong? Wrong to take pleasure in the fact that for the first time in two months I wasn't the one lost in a cloud of confusion, wondering if my life would ever fall into place?
"Jaina," he said firmly, "I'm being serious. Are we or aren't we actually married?" Then he thrust our marriage certificate under my nose indignantly.
I wiped the tears from my eyes with the back of a hand and then stared boldly into his dangerous eyes. "Oh, you better believe we are!" I declared triumphantly. "And you made it so, so easy," I added, drawing out the last part for emphasis. "I was afraid you would find out and stop it before we were finished, but I shouldn't have worried. You were the perfect bridegroom, darling," I said, batting my eyes.
He was seething. I could see his nostrils flare, his jaw muscles clench and unclench, and he was silent. I suddenly felt a flicker of uncertainty.
"You lied to me," he said quietly.
"Not really," I defended myself. "I just didn't tell you the whole truth."
"You manipulated me against my will—"
I interrupted him. "Hey, you're the one who ordered the 'economy version'…bare minimum, remember?"
"I thought I was arranging our refueling, not our wedding!" he exclaimed. He had lowered his face to within inches of mine and I could tell he was breathing harder.
He was actually angry. How dare he! I thought he might be a little resistant for about all of two seconds. But then I figured he would laugh about it and even accept it. Was being married to me such a horrible fate? Did he care about Li'andra more than I thought he did?
I stared back, my own anger beginning to swell.
"Manipulated you against your will, huh? Lied to you? Well, you would know all about that, now, wouldn't you?" I spat, reminding him of a certain incident from years ago.
His confidence seemed to waver just a bit. "That—that was a long time ago, Jaina. You can't hold that against me. I—I thought we had already ironed that one out."
"Tell that to all of those innocent Vong you murdered on board that worldship," I muttered. I shouldn't have.
He backed off. "That's why you did this? To get back at me? To show me how it feels? I thought more of you than this, Jaina."
I rolled my eyes. "Oh, get over it, Kyp. That's not why I did this."
He glanced at me, studying my expression until he was satisfied I was telling the truth. After a few moments, he spoke. "Then why?"
"You know why, Kyp."
He studied me some more and I thought I saw realization dawn in his eyes. "You're kidding me, right?" he finally said.
"Kidding you?" I said incredulously. Was he honestly so ignorant of my feelings? "No, I'm not kidding."
He snorted in disbelief. "So, you arranged all of this, the kidnapping, the wedding, just to keep me from Li'andra?"
"Li'andra!" I exclaimed contemptuously.
"Yes, Li'andra. Look, Jaina, I know you don't like her, but don't you think you could have just talked to me about this instead of going to such extremes?"
What an idiot!
"You think that I did all of this just to get you away from Li'andra?" I asked for clarification.
"Well, didn't you?" he replied smugly, thinking he had it all figured out. He was such an infuriating man.
"No!" I declared. "Well, kind of, but not totally," I tried to explain.
Kyp chuckled. He was calmed down now, but I was getting all worked up.
"This has nothing to do with that—that tramp! Or does it? Apparently, she's all that's on your mind. Maybe I should have left you to her. Maybe you two deserve each other. And maybe I just made the biggest mistake of my life!"
I finally stopped my tirade, and Kyp just stared. "So we are really married?" he asked again.
I growled and did a little dance of frustration. "Yes, you moron! We're married, although right now I wish we weren't. Too bad we can't just go have it annulled. I would do it…happily."
"And why can't we annul it?" he said curiously.
"Legalities. Unfortunately, no marriage can be annulled until a period of thirty standard days has passed. I already checked into it before I—" I stopped for a moment deciding whether to continue. Why the sith not! "I checked into it before I decided to bring you here. It was one of the reasons I chose Cloud City. They said it's to give the couple a chance to reconcile and make a go of it. But once it's consummated---"
Kyp just kept staring at me making me even more self-conscious than I already was. I had to get away from him, or at least change the subject. Thinking about consummating anything with Kyp Durron was not a good idea at the present time.
"So, too bad, but you'll have to put up with me for at least another month, in name, at least."
I waited for him to speak, but again, nothing but staring.
"Anyway," I continued, "I'm going to get us refueled so we can take off and get to Nar Shaddaa." I started to walk away, but he grabbed my arm and spun me back around.
"We have to talk about this, Jaina…figure out what to do," he said.
I yanked my arm away from him. "I'm going to get us refueled," I stated firmly, then I started walking again.
So much for my kiss.
All right…so maybe things had not gone quite so well after all.
I was still angry with Kyp. He wasn't cooperating like I wanted him to. Sure, he had eased the ceremonial hassle by hurrying the droid along, but now he was being an absolute jerk. Bringing 'her' up…on our wedding day! The nerve!
I fought to silence that little nagging voice in the back of my mind that kept bringing up the fact that I had indeed manipulated him just a bit. But the man left me no choice. I had to do it.
And now he wanted to undo it. Well, he was just going to have to wait. Even if we didn't stay married, at least he would have to take some time to think about his relationship with Li'andra. I was determined to make it as difficult as possible for him to get out of this situation. An old saying Uncle Luke told me years ago suddenly popped into my mind. 'Nothing great was ever achieved without a great deal of sweat.' He used it at the Jedi Academy when we used to train in the scorching Yavin heat. Now I would just adapt it fit my dilemma with Kyp.
I was not giving up.
After we were finally refueled, I headed back to the Jedi Sabre. I paused and gazed ahead at my ship gleaming brightly where it sat parked in the crowded bay. The realization of what I had done finally hit me like a ton of durasteel. I gulped and forced myself to keep walking, keeping my eyes peeled for any sign of an angry Kyp waiting to meet me. However, he was nowhere in sight. Inwardly, I chuckled. Maybe he had hightailed it out of there and taken my advice to hitch a ride out of this place.
But then who could blame him? There was that little voice again. So maybe I was the idiot. In my desperation to be with him, I had taken the gundaark by the horn and rushed headlong into a catastrophic mess. What had ever possessed me to arrange all of this? Was I losing my mind?
Hell, it was already gone. Now the problem was how to clean up this disaster.
A lump formed in my throat and I just knew I was going to cry. Sithspit! I loved him! It had taken me years to figure it out, but I knew it as sure as I knew I was the daughter of Han Solo. Kyp Durron and I were meant to be together. Even the Force knew it. So why had it all gone wrong? What do you do when you love someone but they don't love you back?
I forced down the uncomfortable lump as I neared the entrance ramp and regained my composure. Once inside my ship, I glanced quickly down the corridor. Still no sign of Kyp, so I made my way toward the cockpit to prepare for takeoff. I sensed him through the Force before I even entered. He was waiting for me…in my chair.
"Jaina," he said, spinning the seat around to face me as I stepped into the small room. He looked cocked and ready to fire by the glint in his dark eyes and the firm set of his jaw. At that instant, I realized I needed to keep a cool head this time in order to retain control of the situation.
Deep breath.
"Kyp," I replied with an acknowledging nod. Then I began pushing buttons and checking controls. "We are now fueled up and ready to go," I announced, casting him a brief smile as I continued to work. "We'll be off to Nar Shaddaa in no time."
His eyes were boring holes into the back of my head, but I kept on working as calmly as I could. Through our fragile Force bond, I could tell he was wondering what in the world was going on in my mind. In a few moments, I heard him get up and move toward me, sensing that some of his tension had fortunately faded.
"Jaina," he said softly, his warm breath tickling my ear and sending a shiver down my spine. He had somehow slid right up behind me. I could feel the heat from his body and a mutual warmth started pooling in my stomach. I turned to look at him, surprised by the tenderness in his eyes. "We need to talk," he stated with gentle firmness.
I was expecting anger, not what I saw now. There he stood looking down at me with those soulful eyes, dark stubble covering his strong jaw, and that insanely thick hair mussed perfectly. My heart skipped a beat. Force! I wanted this man--- in every possible way imaginable…friend, colleague, husband, lover…all of it…all of him.
"I know," I answered breathlessly, secretly wishing he would just pull into his arms and kiss me senseless. Instead, I fought back a blush and cleared my throat. "Let me get us out of here and into hyperspace. Then we'll talk."
He searched my face again sending my insides into flutters. Then he nodded and started to leave. As he passed me, he paused and gave me a little half smile. He lifted a hand toward my face as if he was going to touch me, but he hesitated and let it drop back to his side.
So close. My whole being ached for him and that lump returned as I watched him walk away.
Concentrating on flying the ship took my mind off of things for a while, but once the coordinates were set and we were hurtling through hyperspace towards Nar Shaddaa, my mind came right back to my predicament.
What a crazy ride my emotions had been taking for the past two days, not to mention the last two months! I had thought it would be simple. I would come back into Kyp's life, make sure I still wanted him, let him know how I felt and then we would live happily ever after just like in those silly fairy tales Threepio would tell Jacen, Anakin and I when we were kids.
Well, this was no fairy tale and no happy ending. I had really screwed things up. Guess it was time to face the music.
I took a deep breath and set off for his cabin. No time like the present, Mom always said. When I reached his room, I knocked lightly and waited for him to invite me in. Maybe if I tried to act more like a dignified woman he would go easier on me.
"Come in," he said.
He was leaning over a small table, datapads and flimsiplast spread across the top in front of him. He had the sleeves of his loose-fitting black shirt pushed up to his elbows and the top few buttons were undone. When he turned to look at me, his sensuality took my breath away.
"Hey," he said, leaving the table and striding over to me.
"Hey," I muttered in response. He gestured for me to sit on the edge of the bed and then he pulled up a chair to sit in front of me. Once he settled in, he asked if everything had gone okay in the cockpit. I told him things went fine and asked how he was coming along with our plan for Nar Shaddaa.
"That's not what I want to talk about," he said. Suddenly, he reached out and took my hands in his. "Jaina, I've been doing a lot of thinking since we got…married." It seemed difficult for him to even say the word. "Wow. That sounds strange," he added with a chuckle. "Listen, I shouldn't have reacted so angrily. I'm sorry about that."
"Don't, Kyp," I interrupted. "You had a right to be angry with me—"
"Let me finish," he continued. "I think I understand why you did it…sort of. We've been friends for a long time, been through a lot together. It's forged a connection between us that no one else can possibly comprehend."
This sounded promising. I nodded in agreement.
"Now, we're both getting older and what we want out of life is changing. You're at the point where you're maybe thinking about marriage and a family. And that's perfectly all right. You should want those things, Jaina. You're a wonderful woman with a lot to offer."
"Do you really think that, Kyp?" Hearing him say those words sent those flutters into overdrive.
He smiled handsomely and squeezed my hands. "You know I do," he admitted. "I've watched you grow up, seen you go from a cocky little tomboy to this beautiful, amazing woman sitting in front of me."
More flutters.
"The down side is that while you were getting older, so was I. Now when you're just beginning to start your life, I'm already past that phase. I know not to expect love and family. I've learned to be content with my life as it is. Yeah, it's a bit lonely sometimes, but that's okay. I'm used to being a loner."
I pulled my hands from his grasp. "What exactly are you saying, Kyp?" I didn't like the sudden negative turn this conversation had taken.
"Jaina, I'm not totally sure why you did what you did. I know you think you did the right thing. Maybe you were afraid of being alone, or felt you owed me something. Maybe you saw my life now and felt sorry for me. But whatever the reason, I can't let you do this. I can't let you ruin your life because of me. You deserveda hell of a lot more than I can give you. You need someone young who can give you what you need. Me? I'm too old, Jaina…too set in my ways."
I had heard enough. "How old are you anyway? Eighty?!"
"What?" he said, taken aback.
"You heard me. You're not even forty and you act like your life is over! It only is if you let it be," I explained. "And I never took you for a quitter, Kyp Durron."
"Jaina, don't---"
"No! I will!" I stopped him by standing up. "You honestly think I did all of this because I felt sorry for you or because I owed you something?"
He rose slowly to his feet, a wary expression on his guarded face.
"Did it ever occur to you that maybe I did it all because I actually care about you? Maybe, I want to be married to you, even if you are a moron!"
His eyes were wide as he struggled to digest what I'd just said.
"Yes, Kyp, believe it or not, I actually even—get this—love you, and not that platonic crap either. I'm talking the real stuff—the 'I-want-to-share-my-life-with-you' kind. The kind that makes me think about you every minute of the day and night. The kind that makes me want to touch you," I said, reaching out to lay a hand on his chest, "all over."
I heard him inhale sharply and felt his heart speed up underneath my palm. Boldly, I looked up into his eyes, daring him to look away.
"I thought maybe you felt the same way," I added hopefully. "We make a great team, you know."
It was a miracle. Kyp Durron was actually speechless. It seemed I had the upper hand at last. I put my other hand on his chest and slid them both up around his neck. Leaning up on my tiptoes, I moved nose to nose with him. "Why don't you think about it some more," I whispered seductively, "then we can talk again later." Before he could say a word, I pressed my lips to his mouth in a slow, sensual kiss. At first his lips were stiff from surpise, but he soon loosened up and started kissing back. In no time at all his hands slid around my waist and pulled me closer. My fingers found their way into that hair of his I'd been dying to plunge into and I heard him moan pleasurably. Before things went too far, I pulled away slowly, sliding my hands down and away from his strong chest. I stifled a smile when I felt him shudder and sigh.
"I'll be in my cabin when you're ready," I added suggestively. Then I left him wanting more.
I was taking a big risk…maybemaking an even bigger fool of myself than I already had. But it had to be done. Kyp never could back down from a challenge, and that's what I was counting on.