A Ghost Story

Chapter 5

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. All rights to the story and movie, 'The Ghost and Mrs. Muir' belong to Twentieth Century Fox Incorporated. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Any JAG episode through Season 10 is fair game. We will focus primarily on "The People vs. Mac' and 'Soul Searching' in this chapter.

A/N: Thanks to Aerogirl for her beta reading skills and excellent input.

2340

Tuesday

November, 17 1998

Holding Cell

5th Precinct

Washington D.C.

Mac sat on the metal bench, waiting for Bud to arrive and hopefully get her out of here. The cell smelled of body odor and urine and something else that she didn't even want to think about. She had shot Chris Ragle tonight. It hadn't been intentional, but that didn't matter. He was dead.

Bud was at that moment speaking with the arresting officer and his superiors. He'd been authorized to speak on the admiral's behalf, and the local police were allowing NCIS to further investigate and the government to handle Mac's possible prosecution. It was a long process, but it looked as though she would be transferred to the US Naval Brig there in the District.

Mac scooted to end of the bench and closed her eyes, only to be struck with the image of Chris's surprised and pained expression as he died, literally, in her arms. She squeezed her eyes tight, trying to banish the image.

Her life had been in a tailspin over the past two weeks. Chris brought with him what he always had, utter chaos and bone-melting desire. She had resisted him this time; she had surprised him and herself when his kisses and the memory of what they'd once had failed to draw her in. Chris had found a way into her life anyway.

Now, because she had even allowed him near her, she would probably be sent away for the rest of her life. And now because of her, Lieutenant Colonel John Farrow's career was, for all intents and purposes, over. Assuming he could stay out of Leavenworth.

She opened her eyes and looked over her shoulder at the woman who sat next to her. She wore tattered jeans and a stained T shirt. Her complexion was pasty and her hair, thin and parted in the middle, hung limply in a dull black tangle down her back. Her arms were thin and marked with scars, probably from needle marks. The woman was trembling visibly, and as Mac looked at her, she asked,

"What are you looking at? You got a problem?" Anger seemed to radiate from the woman's every pore.

Mac wordlessly shook her head and turned around on the end of the bench. She was near a window, and could see the clear night outside through the bars. She still couldn't understand how this happened. She had wanted to get away from Chris, but never in her wildest dreams did she ever think of killing him. Intentions didn't matter now, though; she understood already where the evidence would point. Her prints were on the gun, and she had powder burns on her hands. It was already over and she knew it.

She looked away from the window and saw a shadow in the corner of the room. She blinked and tried to focus. It was Harm; he was there, crouched down, just a few feet from her at her eye level. Drawing in a breath in surprise, she covered her mouth, not wanting to attract attention to herself.

Harm brought his finger to his lips to try and calm her and remind her that she was the only one who could see him.

Mac felt such relief at seeing him that she felt tears stinging in her eyes. She took another breath to calm herself.

"It wasn't your fault, Mac. I saw it; you didn't mean to shoot him." His voice resonated in her ears, reaching down into her heart. He had come to her as if he had been summoned, at the perfect time.

Mac shook her head and began to cry silently. The woman beside her on the bench sensed that she was crying and reacted immediately.

"If you're gonna bawl like a little girl, get the hell off this bench! What in the hell do you have to cry about anyway, Miss Uptown?"

She had noticed the nice clothing Mac wore, the clean manicured nails and the salon haircut. Women like that made her sick; what could she know about having to survive in the world, with no one to help you?

"Go on, get off!"

Mac stood and stepped over to the window, turning her back to everyone as she tried to compose herself. She was calming down, in spite of everything that was happening. She knew she had to get it under control or she would be in a great deal of trouble before she even left this cell. Who knew how long it would take to get out of here?

Harm stood next to her now, and when she glanced to the side, his patient and reassuring smile was there, comforting her to her soul. She had no idea why he was still with her; she only thanked God that he was. How she wished she could just turn into his arms and disappear. She needed to feel safe, if only for a moment.

He seemed to know what she was thinking as he answered her. "You are safe, Mac, and you are going to get out of here."

The darkness in the cell concealed her glance to the side when she saw Harm standing close to her. Then she turned just slightly to see him more plainly. He looked down at her with a touching familiarity, like someone he had great affection for. His expression held none of the fear or tension she felt. The look in his eyes reassured her without a word.

She wanted to speak, tell him everything, and spill her heart out to the only one she trusted. He was not a man, though, but a spirit; he could not help her now.

"I am a spirit, Mac, but I was human once. I remember the need to talk, to feel someone close to me." His eyes took on a sad expression.

Mac nodded almost in perceptively, fearing detection by her 'friend' sitting on the bench a couple of yards away.

She closed her eyes and thought hard about what she wanted to say to him. He seemed to know anyway. The first words that came to her mind were, 'Thank you.'

He smiled softly and leaned on the sill of the window, leaning more closely in so that they were nearly face to face. Mac could have sworn she saw a spark of something in his eyes. He answered her.

"You're welcome. Now…suck it up, Marine. Lieutenant Roberts is on his way down to get you out of here."

2332

Friday

November 20, 1998

Mac's apartment

North of Union Station

Mac lay sleeping fitfully in her bed. She had been in bed for an hour and still restful sleep eluded her. The events of the past few days were playing over and over again in her mind. Harm was watching over her, though now that Chris Ragle was dead, he knew she was not in danger anymore.

She had been able to avoid brig time with some fast talking by Lieutenant Roberts – and also some intervention on the admiral's part, Harm was sure. She wasn't out of the woods yet. That self-serving arrogant bastard Mic Brumby was going to do everything he could to get his client, John Farrow, off. He would do it even if winning meant trashing Mac and ruining her career. Farrow was implicated in the murder as well because of his past relationship with Mac, a relationship that Ragle had tried to use as blackmail. Thank God she had a good CO now and Farrow was honorable enough not to allow anything else to be said or done that would hurt Mac.

Now they would have to wait until court resumed Monday. Evidence had come to light from Benny Turpin, a loan shark whom Chris had owed and who Lieutenant Roberts thought might exonerate Mac. Harm knew it was just a matter of time; Mac would be back at JAG where she belonged.

He smiled when he thought of the conversation he had witnessed in the admiral's office yesterday afternoon. It was one of the times when being a 'ghost' had been an advantage. Brumby had nearly been bounced out on his ear. He had acted like an ass and the admiral had put him quickly in his place.

He had said one thing that had stuck with him, though. '….you're all just a little bit in love with her.' His expression turned serious when he thought, 'Who wouldn't love Mac?' To be working with her every day, to have to opportunity to love her like any other man… he knew he would never have passed up the chance.

Now he watched as she wrestled with her blankets and pillows, trying to get comfortable and fall deep enough into her sleep to make the pain and guilt she felt go away. He wondered again: why was he so connected to her?

He'd thought that when he found out about what had actually happened to his father he would find the peace he needed to rest and leave this place. Anything would be better than this limbo he was living in. Not dead but not alive.

Mac seemed at times to be living for him. She'd gone to Russia, with the help of Clayton Webb, and had been able to find out exactly where his father had been taken. Webb had used Mac's language skills and her knowledge of the existence of the book they found on the Hornet for his own purposes. It contained the names of POWs from the Vietnam War that were taken to Russia. Her presence there and her search drew out two former KGB agents who wanted that book destroyed and were involved in some shady arms deals. At great risk to her life, she had followed up on Harm's suspicions and found a woman, Pitchta, who had taken his father in. Harm Sr. had nearly killed himself trying to escape the prison in Siberia, only to be killed trying to defend Pitchta from a group of thugs who were trying to rape her. Through it all, Mac had been so brave and levelheaded. Now, because of Chris Ragle, the foundations of her life were crumbling beneath her feet.

He drew in closer to her, continuing to watch as she struggled with her dreams. She spoke groggily, still deep in slumber. "Harm…why can't you be real?"

"I'm real, Mac." He was trying to reach out to her and convince her that she was not alone.

"In my dreams…do you want to be in my dreams, Commander?"

"Red light, Major." It had been a while since he'd had to use the traffic signals, he thought, a grin spreading across his face.

Mac smiled then, the first smile Harm has seen since this whole fiasco had begun. He slipped into her slumbering mind and Mac saw him. He was dressed as he was in his portrait, in his khakis and looking as handsome as ever, and he seemed to be waiting for her. His body was surrounded by a grayish white mist and smoke. Mac was moving toward him but did not feel herself walking.

Harm gave her a welcoming smile and enveloped her into his arms. Oh, this was wonderful, she thought. His chest was solid and warm under cheek and she could hear it… his heartbeat. She drew back and gave him a questioning look.

"I don't know, Mac; I just know I can feel you in my arms here in this place but not in the real world."

He savored the feeling of holding and being held. He knew now his connection was to her and he had no idea why. It had not been Diane and solving her murder, it had not been finding out what happened to his father – it had been about being here for Mac.

Mac had never felt such a sense of belonging in her life. She felt his hands stroke her back and comfort her. She felt all the fears and tensions leave her; she was safe, here with Harm. She spoke her thoughts aloud. "Oh…I've needed to be here for so long, I've needed to feel your arms around me…don't let go, please."

"I never will…" Harm knew now that he couldn't even if he wanted to.

Mac felt herself sinking deeper into his arms, slipping away from her conscious dream, finding the rest she had been seeking since she lay down that evening.

1830

May 11, 1999

Tuesday

JAG Headquarters

Mac sat behind Admiral Chegwidden's desk as she finished for the day. He had left yesterday with Clayton Webb. She had been surprised, given their altercation last fall in Russia, but something Webb told him yesterday must have made him change his mind, at least about this trip. Webb still bore a small scar on the bridge of his nose from the 'decking' he'd received from the admiral, for endangering one of his 'people.'

It had been relatively quiet for the past couple of days, and Mac was grateful. She and Bud had worked on the budget proposals for Headquarters; she decided that in that regard, Bud was brilliant. She leaned back in her chair and ran her hand over the smooth mahogany wood of the admiral's desk. About six months ago she'd thought she'd never be sitting in this chair, never mind be acting JAG while the admiral was away. Life was very different for her now.

She had become a 'Big Sister' to a troubled young girl named Chloe Anderson. She was able to help her reconnect with her father, Chief Kyle Anderson, who hadn't even been aware of her existence until he was informed by Mac. Chloe had filled a void in her life, the one that wanted to nurture and to be a mother someday. Thoughts of Chloe never failed to turn her mind to her own parents.

She had dealt with the death of her father two weeks ago and also her abandonment by her mother. Harm had convinced her to go see her father before he died, and though she had not been able to speak to him, it gave her a measure of peace and closure where her father was concerned.

Her mother had been another matter. With that thought she stood and walked over to the window to look out into the courtyard in front of JAG Headquarters. She crossed her arms in front of her, almost hugging herself. She remembered having to ask her mother to hold her. She had come to tell her that her father had just died. Her mother did not stand and walk to her, she had not opened her arms to comfort her, Mac had had to ask to be held.

"It's over…" she thought aloud. She shook off that feeling and tried to focus on the positive.

She understood more now, more about her father and her mother, and somehow it assuaged the bitterness she'd carried in her heart all those years. Her parents weren't perfect, far from it, but maybe they had just done the best they could at the time. Her father was beyond it all now and her mother… well, her mother was just what she was. As long as Mac didn't need anything from her, they would get along just fine.

She smiled as she remembered a dream she had, the one in which Harm held her. It made her feel safe and loved. The feeling she had from that dream somehow reassured her that she was worthy of love, that the wrongs done to her in her life were not her fault. She could go on and leave the past behind her.

She missed Harm suddenly; she hadn't seen him in some time. When she'd decided to go see her father before he died, it seemed Harm had been in her thoughts, but she did not see him.

The shadows in the room had begun to get deeper and Mac started to return to the admiral's desk. She once again spoke her thoughts aloud. "It's getting dark in here."

"Is it?" Harm answered her, startling her as she reached for the small light on the desk.

"Harm," she said in a loud whisper, though Tiner had left for the day an hour ago. "I told you, I really hate that."

"Sorry. I really didn't do it on purpose this time." Harm stood with his arms folded in front of his chest, casually leaning against the admiral's desk not two feet from where she stood.

"I was just thinking about you." Mac couldn't keep from smiling at him.

"I know."

"You know? What else do you know, Sailor?" She matched his casual pose, folding her arms in front of her chest.

"I know you turned down a date with one of DC's finest today." Mac had had to contact Detective Bigi on behalf of a poor sailor who'd been unfortunate enough to have parked his Corvette on the wrong street in DC. It had been stolen and was probably in pieces an hour after he found that it was missing.

Mac blushed; she was just not ready to go out with anyone right now. She felt like the kiss of death since Chris, though she would never have said that to anyone aloud. She wasn't ready for anything or anyone else. Besides, she wasn't lonely anymore; she had Harm.

"I don't count, Mac." Surely she knew by now how well he knew her, or how her thoughts, when he was near her like this, were part of his own being…such as it was.

"I think you do, and to tell you the truth…I don't want to deal with anyone other than you right now."

Harm's brow knitted but he kept his smile in place. "I know you probably meant that as a compliment…but…"

"Stop it, Harm… you know what I mean."

"I suppose so…but it's no kind of life for you."

Harm was trying to stay away, though his life was a void without her. He cared enough about her now to want everything for her, including a full life. He knew Brumby was trying to weasel his way into her life, but Mac was too smart for that. She had forgiven his behavior during her ordeal with Ragle, as a professional, but he didn't believe she would ever trust him.

And besides… there was just no chemistry there.

Chapter 6

Spoilers: Any JAG episode through Season 10. Our focus this time will be primarily 'Boomerang I and II.' 'Retreat, Hell' and 'JAG TV.' We will also refocus on the movie again briefly, with the basic premise in place.

A/N; Dialogue will not be exact or in order…this is a fictional fiction and I'm having my way with it.

0930

Tuesday

February 8, 2000

JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia

Mac sat at her computer terminal feeling absolutely miserable. It was 11 degrees Fahrenheit outside, and four more inches of snow were expected before the end of the day, which was in addition to the six inches that had fallen yesterday. Making her day complete was the fact that she had a head cold that had been hanging on since late last week.

Her computer had just informed her of a new message with its familiar 'you've got mail.' She didn't want to look; she knew it was Mic Brumby trying to needle her again by sending air and water temperatures in Australia. He had returned home to Australia two months ago and had been e-mailing regularly and occasionally calling.

Mac shivered as she read 85 degrees with the water temperature at 78. A sneeze took her by surprise and she grabbed a Kleenex from the box on her desk. She was beginning to think she was going to clean out all the tissues from the supply cabinet if she didn't get rid of this cold soon. She was chilled to the bone as well; the two cups of coffee since she had arrived this morning had not been able to ward off the chill.

Mic had very considerately sent along a picture of himself at the beach, waving at whoever was taking the picture. What was it about this man? She was attracted to him, she loved that he wanted her, but she knew her feelings did not match his. Mac knew it was more than attraction on Mic's part and she wasn't ready to go there; she was tired of one-sided relationships. Maybe she would never love anyone enough to give her whole heart to. Still, he was handsome, in his own way and…there was that body. Mac smiled and then suddenly sneezed again. 'Oh yeah,' she thought, 'really sexy, I'd just be a knockout with this nasty cold on the beach with Mic.' She wasn't ready for anything like that, that was for sure.

Bud knocked on the frame of her door, startling her from her reverie.

"Excuse me, Colonel; the admiral would like to see us ASAP."

"I'll be right there. Thank you, Lieutenant.'

"Ma'am." Bud came to attention and turned to walk toward the admiral's office.

Mac turned back to look at the picture of Mic grinning devilishly at her. Suddenly she felt infuriated, and clicked 'delete' with a vengeance.

"Jerk!" she growled to no one listening, or so she thought.

Harm had been watching her all morning. He'd stayed a little closer lately; he was beginning to get worried about her, and it wasn't because of her cold.

He knew what she had been thinking. Mic was beginning to wear her down. Harm knew he couldn't be the one she needed, but he sure as hell knew Mic wasn't either. Mic wanted to own her. For him, it wasn't about love, Harm knew. Unfortunately, Mac hadn't seen enough of the real thing to know the difference.

Mac joined Bud and Lieutenant Commander Mattoni in the admiral's office. The officers came to attention and were ordered to stand at ease and then be seated...

"Lieutenant Commander Brumby of the RAN has requested assistance from this office in a murder investigation and possible trial, of a Petty Officer Kevin Lee. The sailor was thought to be deceased, but evidence has come to light that he took the identity of Seaman Ian Dunsmore of the RAN and may have in fact been involved in his murder."

Mac shook her head slightly. How transparent could Mic be?

"Is there a problem, Major?"

Mac straightened in her seat. "No… sir. When will we be leaving?"

"You won't be. Commander Brumby has requested Lieutenant Roberts and Lieutenant Commander Mattoni in this investigation, and you are to help distribute their case loads."

The admiral looked at the other two officers. "Mattoni, Roberts, you will see Petty Officer Tiner for your travel itineraries." The admiral looked at all of them. "You have your orders, you're dismissed."

Mac was shocked and more than a little embarrassed. 'That creep!' she thought, her face flushing red with anger. All the weather reports and notes requesting that she take some leave to come and see him. Now when she had a chance to go, he doesn't request her but Mattoni? Bud? What a JERK!

The officers filed out of the admiral's office, with Mac leading the way and heading straight to her office.

Harm observed her as she slammed the door and plopped down into her chair. Oh, Mic was playing her alright and Mac was falling for it…hard. Mic was smarter than he'd given him credit for. Why did he have the feeling of watching a shark close in on its prey?

He thought of making himself known, but what could he say? He was just the shadow of a man, and Mac was lonely, he knew. She needed someone who could actually be in her life and he could not be that. He just had the hell of watching her pick the wrong man. Surely Mac was smarter than that, but he had no right to choose for her.

2115

Tuesday

February 15, 2000

Sydney Harbor

Sydney, Australia

Mac stood near the rail of the ferry, looking out at the water and the bridge whose lights winked above her in the sky like stars. She looked up at the bridge as the ferry passed under it and said aloud, "Eternity." She had read somewhere that on New Years Eve that word had been written across the bridge in lights. Mac smiled when she thought that it had seemed an eternity since anyone had held her in their arms. She had come out alone tonight to try and clear her head and take in some of the sights alone. Alone – another word she was getting tired of.

The admiral had allowed her to accompany the body of the Australian sailor who had been buried in Kevin Lee's family plot, back to Australia. She had a few days before she had to return, and she had been grateful for the break. She felt that even though she'd arrived two days ago, she only just now beginning to warm up. Going to Manly Beach yesterday had been wonderful; the sun felt so good on her skin, it had warmed her all the way to her bones.

Mic had been very attentive, as always, and his attention was always flattering, but there was something possessive about it too. Mic always seemed to push her one step further than she wanted to go, on a lot of levels. She didn't really know what to do about him.

Mac heaved a sigh and walked to the upper deck of the ferry, trying to find a spot that would allow her to be alone with her thoughts. What was she doing? Here was this great guy, someone who admired her, wanted her in his life without reservation. She was attracted to him, she liked him. He was a good attorney, though he could be a bit of a snake at times.

Why was she fighting this so hard?

"Maybe because you don't really want him, you just don't want to be alone." Harm materialized right beside her.

Mac startled. "You know, you would think I'd get used to this by now." She spoke under her breath though there was no one on her end of the ferry.

Harm smiled and leaned against the rail. "Apparently not."

"What are you doing here?" Her voice was still a whisper.

"I just wanted to see you. You look beautiful tonight, you know."

Mac wore a sweater in a beautiful shade of green that hugged her curves and that was just off of her shoulders. Her skirt accentuated the curve at her hips, making her look enticingly feminine. The sun had turned her shoulders the color of cinnamon and had left the tip of her nose pink. He had never wanted to touch her so badly since he had begun this journey with her four years ago. There was something about tonight; she was at a crossroads of sorts in her life. Harm felt that the decisions she made during this trip would change everything for both of them.

Mac blushed. "Thank you."

"So it's you and Mic, huh?"

"I don't know. He is a nice guy."

Harm smirked, thinking that was a matter of opinion.

"You don't like him?"

"I don't really have an opinion. It's none of my business." His voice had an edge to it that Mac hadn't heard in a long time.

"What going on here, Sailor? Are you angry with me?"

"I'm not angry with you, maybe the situation. I can't do anything about it. I just stand on the side lines and watch."

"Sometimes I wonder why you're still with me, why you aren't somewhere else. You could be with your father, or with Diane. I know you loved her."

"I don't know, Mac, I seem to be focused on you." The love he had for Diane wasn't part of him anymore and he truly didn't know why he wasn't with his father.

Mac joked, "Maybe we were star crossed lovers in another life."

Harm looked at her seriously. "Maybe."

"You don't believe that, do you?" She gave him a questioning look.

"Considering that I never thought this kind of existence was possible, yeah, maybe I do." He folded his arms in front of his chest, waiting for her reaction.

"But I can't live my life…"

"For me…I know…I would never ask you to. Maybe I need to go away. Let you get on with your life."

Mac felt a panic rise up inside her. "Why should you do that?"

"I'm interfering, Mac, and you're all alone. Maybe it's my fault that Brumby is so attractive to you."

"What?" This was one argument she hadn't expected.

"Think about it. If you didn't have me, to talk to, to trust and feel safe with, would you even give him the time of day?" Brumby was a snake; if he went away, maybe she would see that more clearly. Harm looked at her, his eyes nearly glowing with emotion.

"If there wasn't an "us," would you honestly consider him?"

Mac was stunned into silence, her mind reeling with memories of coming into her apartment and knowing he was there, even when he didn't show himself. The times she was afraid through her trial, when she feared she could lose everything, he was there. His steadfastness gave her hope, helped her find her own strength. He had become her anchor, without her realizing it had happened.

She turned from him, hoping he wouldn't see the confusion he had caused in her mind.

"Do you really think I don't know, Mac?" He came closer to her. "I have to leave you alone for a while; I can't stay here and watch you…"

He couldn't stand by and watch her make the mistake of letting Mic Brumby into her life. No matter what he felt, it didn't change who they were. He couldn't be anything more to her than a dream of someone, a 'ghost' of a man.

"Harm…don't go away…no matter what happens…I don't want to lose you."

She had turned around and looked at him, trying to convince him of what she knew in her heart was true. Mac needed Harm; he gave her the emotional security her life had always lacked. She would never forget the peace she felt just being in his arms, if only in her dreams.

"I can't be what you need, Mac, and I don't want to interfere in your life. I don't know where I'll go, but I'm backing away for a while."

"Okay, I can accept backing away, if you feel you have to. Just don't leave me completely."

"I won't." His expression was sad.

With that he faded from her sight.

1445

Saturday

Qantas flight 298

Somewhere over the Pacific.

Lieutenant Roberts and Commander Mattoni accompanied the prisoner Kevin Lee back to the United States. He had been able to beat a murder charge in the case of Seaman Ian Dunsmore, but he wouldn't escape his desertion during the Vietnam War. The admiral had taken an interest in this case in particular; he was sure Petty Officer Lee would be serving his time in Leavenworth for a very long while.

Mac rested her head on the back of the seat and closed her eyes. She felt the weight of the diamond cause her ring to slide around her finger. She looked down at it, using her other fingers to adjust it. It was beautiful. Mic's proposal had been something straight out of the movies. She looked at the ring, which she'd agreed to accept only if she wore it on her right hand. Mic called it a miracle that had fallen down from the Southern Cross. She had been completely swept off her feet as he told her he was falling in love with her. She was getting on with her life, as Harm had asked – and Mic was real, while Harm could never be.

Harm was still staying close, though; he just didn't make himself known, and he could not be anywhere near her when Brumby was around. The only consolation he had was that Mic was staying in Australia and Mac was returning to the States. He watched her as she laid her head back again and closed her eyes. A question occurred to him.

"How could she have gone to him so fast?"

1830

Tuesday

October, 31 2000

Mac's apartment

North of Union Station

Mac was pacing her apartment, angrier than she had ever been at Mic Brumby. What did he mean, 'fiancée?' She still wore her ring on her right hand. How dare he take the decision out of her hands? Didn't he know how much pressure she was under now? She told him how she felt about this case. Going up against a very famous lawyer and also her former law professor, a woman who had belittled her and, in those days, seemed to take pleasure in every mistake she made. Juanita Ressler would try to use anything she could, fair and unfair, to win this case. She was prosecuting Ensign Susan Kingsley for the murder of Ms. Misty James. The ensign had caught her husband, Lieutenant j.g. Andrew Kingsley, in an affair with the victim. The defendant pleaded self-defense, but her husband had told Mac during the Article 32 investigations that Susan Kingsley had attacked and murdered Misty James.

Mac picked up the phone and dialed a now familiar number. She told him in the most colorful language that she wasn't very happy with what he had done. His answering machine had picked up.

"You don't tell the media that were engaged when we're not…and at this rate we're not damn well likely to be." She even threatened to use a lead pipe on him. He had better call her back or there wouldn't be anything to talk about…ever.

As she began pacing again, she looked up at Harm's portrait. She could see it from where she stood plainly. Maybe Harm had been right about Mic, damn him. She still missed Harm.

Harm had been as good as his word; he left her alone…as far as Mac knew.

The trial wore on; with daily reports form Trial TV about the case and about her personal life. When she was summoned by the admiral about the article in People magazine, although Mac had been livid, he had advised her well. She used the media the way Ms Ressler had at the beginning of the trial and in the end it had won the case for her.

After the trial was over and she had won her case, the media closed in on her as she exited JAG Headquarters. The reporter shoved a microphone in her face and asked her, "How would you assess the performance of both attorneys in this case?"

"I would fault Ms. Ressler for obscuring the truth and I fault myself for using trickery to reveal it."

0900

Tuesday

February 27, 2001

JAG Headquarters

Mac sat behind the admiral's desk, feeling very satisfied with herself. He had asked her to be acting JAG again while he was away. The admiral was taking a much deserved vacation. She was feeling more and more confident about her place at JAG. She was now chief of staff, and her ability to win the first televised military trial hadn't hurt her career either.

Bud had asked to see her regarding a wrongful arrest and confinement. Owen Zugler was suing the Navy in this case. It seemed this poor unfortunate soul had spent over a month in the brig because someone had stolen his identity to enlist in the Navy and had gone UA.

Tiner buzzed Mac's temporary office.

"I have Lieutenant Roberts for you, ma'am."

"Send him in."

Bud entered the office and came to attention.

"At ease, Lieutenant – have a seat."

"Ma'am."

Bud sat down, not knowing where he was going to begin. Mic Brumby had just left his office. 'Brumby and Brumby,' his card had said. He was asking a ridiculous amount of money for pain and suffering, lost wages and punitive damages for his client. He wondered if Colonel Mackenzie was even aware of her fiancée's presence in the office this morning.

"So your client has hired an attorney?"

"Yes, ma'am, and he's asking for over two million dollars in damages."

"What?"

Bud decided the best way to tell the colonel was to show her the attorney's card.

Mac looked at the card. "Brumby and Brumby?"

She looked at Bud, incredulous. What the hell? She meant to push back her chair to stand but did not quite push back far enough. It tipped back and Mac's body weight brought it the rest of the way backward and over.

Bud lept from his chair to help her. Mac was out cold. Bud shook her at her shoulders to try and rouse her, and she came awake, slowly. As Bud helped her up she tried to brush him away.

"I'm all right – Commander, I'm fine."

"Commander, ma'am?" Bud frowned in confusion.

"Lieutenant Roberts, I'm fine. I'll deal with….Brumby and Brumby." She stood and straightened her uniform.

Bud did back away… warily. "Yes, ma'am."

"You're dismissed."

"Ma'am." Bud came to attention, turned on his heel and left the room.

Mac sat back down at her desk and called Brumby and Brumby. She got the answering machine. Choosing not to leave a message, she replaced the handset on the receiver, deep in thought. How could he do this and not tell her anything about it?

She looked up from her desk and was nearly speechless at what she saw. It was Harm, looking resplendent in his dress whites, his gold wings gleaming above the ribbons on his chest.

"Harm….you look…different." He was walking toward her now, with a smoldering and seductive look in his eyes.

He had never looked at her that way before. Had he decided to come back into her life… now? She and Mic were getting ready to set a date for their wedding; she had finally moved the ring to the left hand. She tried to look away to clear her vision, but Harm looked so….good.

He walked all the way up to the front of her desk and, resting his hands on it, leaned toward her. He spoke in a voice hushed and deep.

"You know what they say about dress whites and gold wings don't you, Mac?"

"I…I heard they can be overrated." Mac swallowed hard; she didn't think she sounded very convincing.

"Wouldn't you like the opportunity to find out?" The look in his eyes made it clear that he had one particular way in mind.

Mac smiled slyly and answered. "Maybe."

Harm's sexy smile spread slowly across his face. "Maybe?"

"Yeah…Flyboy." Mac was looking at him and as she returned his seductive gaze, she noticed the flecks of green in the blue of his eyes. Her gaze shifted to the fullness of his lips.

Tiner chose that time to knock once and open her door. "Ma'am?" Did she call him 'Flyboy?' He noticed the colonel looked a little dazed.

Mac startled. "What is it, Tiner?"

"Were you talking to someone, ma'am?"

"No, of course not. What is it, Tiner?" Mac hid her embarrassment behind her authority.

"I need your signature, ma'am, if I'm going to get these to the courier before noon."

Tiner brought the forms to her and she signed them. After he left the room she decided she would only look up from her desk when she absolutely had to.

At the days end she was finally able to get hold of Mic and what he said made her wonder if she had known him at all.

"Sarah, every time I make a decision I don't want to have to climb over you. You're just going to have to trust that I know what I'm doing is right for both of us."

His last words before he ended the call cut the deepest. She questioned his making a career out of prosecuting the Navy and the conflict it would cause in their relationship.

"How is what I'm doing any different from what you do everyday? You're prosecuting the Navy…the only difference is, you get to wear the uniform."

Once again he had thrown what he had given up in her face to try and control her. He had also reminded her of his sacrifice when she had finally agreed to a true engagement. If this was what he was like before they were married, how would he be when she was his wife?

2338

Tuesday

Mac's apartment.

North of Union Station

Mac slept fitfully, tossing and turning. She replayed all the events of the day in her mind. She thought of her discovery of Mic's new 'job.' His attitude toward her when she confronted him about it had made her feel as though she had been at fault for questioning him. He had completely dismissed her concerns, telling her he was looking out for 'their' future, that 'she' was tying his hands. She also thought of Harm. The vision she'd had couldn't have been the Harm she knew; what she felt when she looked at him was entirely different from her memory of 'her' Harm. What she felt was powerful, sensual, and it drew her like a magnet. If Tiner hadn't come in when he did, she would have been wrapping herself around him.

When she left for the day, she'd called Mic and told him that she wanted to stay alone at her apartment tonight, needing time to clear her head. The problem was that this quiet time wasn't helping at all; it seemed to be making it worse. Mac turned on to her side, pulling down one of the pillows to wrap her arms around it. As she tried to slip deeper into sleep, Harm called to her.

"Mac." His voice was a whisper in her unconscious mind.

Mac frowned in her sleep and then smiled as she remembered. "Harm." She had missed the sound of his voice so much.

He came into view, standing in the mist as he had before – only this time he was shirtless, wearing jeans that fit him as she had always thought they would. She had only seen him in uniform until now. They revealed the cut of the muscle on his lower abdomen. The strength and definition of his body drew her eye to every line on his shoulders and torso. She wanted to touch him and as she thought it she did. He pulled her close, and his embrace was warm and loving, giving her that feeling of belonging that she had only with him. When she pulled back to look at him, he took her hand from where it now rested on his chest. As he raised it to his lips he winked at her. He knew what she was feeling: she wanted him and he had no intention of disappointing her.

"Harm? I don't understand. I thought... that is, I believed that you and I, we were special, that we were on another level of love and respect… friendship." She barely recognized her own voice.

"And you think because you see me this way…we aren't?" Harm's eyes darkened and he pulled her closer to him. He kissed her, deep and long, with more love and passion than Mac had ever felt in her life. This was a dream…a wonderful dream of love. She wouldn't let it go, even if it wasn't real. Once in her life she would feel this loved and wanted for herself alone.

It seemed they were spinning in space as Harm's lips left hers and trailed down her jaw line to her neck. Clothing or restraints of any kind left them and in moments they were making love. Real love. His every touch seemed to set her on fire. She felt him tremble under her hands, his eyes begging her for more. It seemed they were soul to soul. Desire and release flowed through her, from her core to her heart. Every touch seemed to spiral her body higher, and the feeling took her breath, leaving her wanting more of him.

"This is what love is supposed to be, Mac; you deserve to be loved like this."

She knew now, what was missing from hers and Mic's relationship, this connection that had sustained her for so long.

"I know, I know…" Mac felt tears start to flow down her cheeks.

Harm pulled her back from him to see her face and gently wiped the tears from her eyes.

He leveled his gaze on her, looking deeply into her eyes, telegraphing all of his passion for her, barely restrained.

"Oh no, no, I'll never let you feel this way, not when you're here...like this…with me." He pulled her close to him and whispered her name into her ear.

He kissed her again deeply, plunging deeper and further inside her. He knew it was selfish, but he would lay claim on her heart and her body tonight.

TBC