..: Teachers Are Funny When They Stab People :..
I have a Happy Bunny wristband that says "Teachers are funny when they yell." The title's a variation on that. Weird, I know.
Thank you to EE's Skysong, psychobunny410, crystalwish, and todd fan for reviewing! Skysong, I can't find the ficcie…or the author. Stupid search engines are pretty crappy. Eishk, an allergy doctor? I only have to go to the doctor's for check-ups or over the summer (cuz of cheerleading). But I do hate getting blood tests (high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, and heart attacks run in my family). Ya know, last time I got one, the nurse was an intern, so she used a bigger needle. It hurt! Not like it doesn't always hurt, but my arm felt like über sore after. Plus it bled more. Icky. OMG, when I read the penguin thing in HHGTTG, I was cracking up so hard! Ford makes me laugh. Arthur makes me sad that I'm an Earthling. Zaphod makes me…glad I'm not whatever Zaphod is. Psychobunny, Todd hasn't said it before, but it was in one of my parodies. Ooh, thanks for the tripping suggestion! I read your review right when I was working on this one part…plus one of those annoying Movie Surfer things on Disney Channel was on…it was one of the ones for Sky High. The movie looks more than a little stupid, BTW. I mean, honestly. Warren Peace? He's the son of a superhero and an evil villain, and that's the best name you can give him? Especially since he looks like a rebel and generally pretty disturbed boy. Anyway, those two things inspired what I did in this chappie. Tee-hee.
You wanna know a random fact about me? I love Not Another Teen Movie. I think Sam Huntington (Ox) is hilarious. I've seen the movie Jungle 2 Jungle just about every time it's been on Disney Channel. And yet I did not realize that that was Sam until a few weeks ago! I was looking up stuff on Sam Huntington and was like, "So THAT'S where I've seen him!" I know, I'm pathetic.
DISCLAIMER: "His name's Mimi-Siku. Roughly translated, it means 'cat piss.'"
Rogue, who was apparently suffering from insomnia, could hear Logan having a bad dream a few doors down. So she decided to check it out.
Logan was tossing and turning and mumbling incoherently in his sleep. Rogue bent over him. "Logan," she said. She could've covered her hand and poked him awake or something, but obviously she wasn't thinking.
Logan was having a bad dream about that one time when he got injected with all the adamantium and stuff.
-Creepy surgeon guy with a Vader-esque breathing mask and a really long syringe-
Logan twitched.
-Logan submerged underwater-
-Logan on a table in front of several people-
"Logan. Logan, wake up," Rogue said, her hand hovering over his face. It's called COVERING IT AND TOUCHING HIM!
-Several long syringes with huge tubes for injecting things-
-Something that looked like molten lead on fire-
-Logan on a table underwater-
-Blurry figures with champagne flutes-
-Barney playing on the TV-
-Logan's entire body marked up with lines for cutting open-
-A surgeon injecting the first syringe-
Logan woke with a start, then a yell, then a stab, then he was okay.
Wait, what was that last one?
Oh yeah, he stabbed Rogue through the chest.
To break it down, he woke up, he freaked out, he thought he was still in dream land, he saw Rogue, he thought she was someone else, they both screamed, he ran his claws through her chest.
Logan immediately retracted his claws when he realized that he had just stabbed her. Rogue was busy gasping for air.
Logan freaked out. "Help me!" he yelled. "Somebody help!"
Then Rogue grabbed his face.
All the veins started standing out on Logan's face, as well as the veins on Rogue back where her stab marks were. Yeah. Her nightgown is conveniently designed to have that part of her back completely bare. Go figure.
While both Rogue and Logan gasped for air, Bobby, Roberto, Sam, Ray, Evan, Rahne, Amara, Todd, Lance, and Wanda came running down and crowded in Logan's doorway to see what was happening.
Scott, Jean, and Ororo came running in just in time to see the wounds on Rogue's back heal up and disappear. Rogue let go of Logan, and he collapsed on the floor.
Jean ran over to pick Logan up. "Scott, grab a pillow," she said.
Rogue turned to Ororo. "It was an accident," she said, and ran out of there. All the Evo's parted in front of her like Moses and the Red Sea. Bobby had a "Whoaaaaaaa" look on his face.
THE NEXT DAY…
Logan was in his bed. "Logan?" Xavier said.
Logan had finally come to. "What happened?" he asked. "Is she all right?"
"She'll be all right," Xavier assured him.
"What did she do to me?" Logan said.
"When Rogue touches someone, she takes their energy, their life force," Xavier explained. "In the case of mutants, she absorbs their gifts for a short while. In your case, your ability to heal."
Logan groaned. "I feel like she almost killed me," he said.
"If she'd held out any longer, she could have," Xavier said.
BACK AT MAGNETO'S BASE…
Kelly was stuck in a cell several feet above the water. He heard a door opening further down, and hit his head against the bars.
He was probably very shocked to realize that his head was sliding out in between the bars. After sliding a little further and looking kind of alike a particularly ugly fish, he pulled his head back.
He turned when he heard another door open, turned back to the bars, and this time slid his head all the way through. Freeeaky, no?
FURTHER OUTSIDE KELLY'S CELL…
Metal plates were flying up from a tower in front of a waterfall to line themselves up in front of Magsy's feet as he and Sabes walked over to Kelly's cell. Bending the bars open, Magsy walked in. "How are we feeling, Senator?" he asked. "Advanced, I hope." He looked around, saw Kelly's shoes on the floor, then looked at the bars opposite the ones he walked in through.
Magsy held out a hand and magnetically yanked the entire panel of bars away, then bent over the new window to see Kelly clinging on to the rock wall just below. "What the hell have you done to me?" Kelly demanded.
Magsy laughed. "Senator, this is pointless," he pointed out. "Where would you go? Who would take you in now that you're one of us?"
Magsy laughed and stepped back from the window so Sabes could pull Kelly back up. However, when Sabes grabbed Kelly's hand it just stretched…and stretched…and stretched.
Sabes grabbed Kelly's sleeve instead. There was a ripping noise, and Kelly landed with a splash in the sea below. Sabes straightened and turned around, holding up the ripped sleeve.
Magsy's lip twitched, and he turned and walked back out the bars. Sabes started to walk after him when Magsy magnetically unbent the bars.
Sabes, not being incredibly bright, ran right into the bars. He growled at Magsy's retreating back.
AT SOME BEACH…
Kelly surfaced in front of a boy on a raft and dove back underwater.
"That was kinda pointless," Forge said. Kurt hummed the Jaws theme.
On the beach, Lucid was poking a beached jellyfish with a stick. Torpid was standing over him, holding a mini dry-erase board in one hand and an erasable marker in the other. "Lucid, let it go!" the board read.
Lucid read the board, then went back to poking the jellyfish. Torpid added something to the board and held it in front of his face. Lucid read, "Lucid, PLEASE let it go!" He went back to poking the jellyfish.
Torpid erased her message and wrote a new one. It said, "I'M TELLING CALLISTO!"
Lucid took one look at the board and immediately dropped the stick.
"That's power," Callisto said smugly.
Then a shadow passed over then, and they all looked up and stared.
A naked, very pasty-skinned Kelly with gill slits on his back was walking up the beach.
Everyone stared. Robbie stared in the middle of dripping sunscreen on Amara. The sunscreen kept right on dripping, but even Amara herself was too busy staring at Kelly to notice.
"Is that a mutant?" Leech asked.
Even Remy, who was wearing dark sunglasses and making a cameo as The Hot Dog Vendor, stared. (1)
Kelly looked at a TV conveniently located on the hot dog stand, where Pietro was talking. "…of this week's U.N. Summit. With the leaders of over 200 nations attending, the secret service has transformed Ellis Island into a veritable Fort Knox for tomorrow night's opening gala. Who. Really. Cares," Pietro said, obviously bored with his report.
He grinned and leaned back comfortably on his reporter's seat, propping his feet up on the desk. "So, Kelly, I hope you've connected the dots by now. Remember when Mystique!Guyrich said, 'What about the U.N. Summit?' Remember? So go run along and tell 'people like this Jean Grey' what you know!" The TV abruptly shut off.
Kelly blinked, then grabbed someone's clothes off a chain and walked off.
"Hey, um, you keep those," Todd said. "Or burn them or something when you're done."
AT THE INSTITUTE…
Rogue was sitting on a bench and basically doing nothing when Bobby sat down next to her. "Hey, Bobby," she said.
"Rogue, what did you do?" Bobby demanded. "They say that you're stealing other mutant's powers."
"No, no," Rogue said. "Ah borrowed his powers."
"You never use your power against another mutant," Bobby said.
"Then whah did you encase Juggernaut in a block of ahce?" Rogue asked.
"Well, technically, Juggernaut's not a mutant," Bobby said.
Rogue rolled her eyes, but went on with her line. "Ah had no choice," she said. Bobby turned away. "No, yah have ta understand meh."
"If I were you," Bobby said icily (PUN PUN PUN!), "I'd get myself out of here."
"What do yah mean?" Rogue asked.
"Listen, the students are freaked," Bobby said. "Professor Xavier's furious. I don't know what he'll do with you. I think it'll be easier on your own."
Rogue squeezed her eyes shut and swallowed her tears.
Tabby fanned her eyes. "Come on, girl, keep it together!"
"You should-" Bobby began, but Rogue held up one finger, cutting him off.
"One moment," she said, leaned over the bench, and punched Alex in the head.
Alex dropped the raw onion he had been snacking on. "What gives?" he demanded.
"STOP EATING THESE DAMN ONIONS!" Rogue yelled.
"Well, if you wanna get bitten by a yellow-spotted lizard, then be my guest!" Alex said, grabbing his onion and getting up, "BUT THEY WILL NOT GET ME!" He ran off, singing, "Dig it, oh-oh-oh, dig it, dig it, oh-oh-oh, yeah! Dig it-" (2)
Tabby punched him in the head. "I think the onion juice leaked to his brain," she said. "That or it's just his Summers blood." She shook her head sadly.
Rogue sat back down on the bench. "Okay, go ahead," she said to Bobby.
"You should go," Bobby said. Rogue got up and walked away, then turned back after a few feet to look back at him. He had an I-really-care-about-you-and-I'm-only-doing-this-to-help Look on his face. Rogue turned and ran.
Pietro ran by Bobby, sticking contacts in his eyes.
"OW!" Bobby yelled. "What the hell was that for?"
"Contacts," Forge said. "Now grin evilly."
Bobby grinned. However, it didn't come evil as much as it did…cheesy.
Forge facepalmed. "Never mind."
IN SOME PART OF THE SUBBASEMENT…
Xavier and Scott were staring at Logan's X-Rays again. "What are you looking for, Eric?" Xavier murmured.
Pietro ran in – and slid on the floor. He kept sliding all the way across the room until he slammed into the opposite wall. "What gives?"
Xavier didn't even bother turning around, but held up a new ray gun of Forge's. "Instant Waxer," he said. "Forge wanted to test it out on one of the floors, and this one was pretty scuffed up."
"You could warn a guy!" Pietro said.
Xavier shook his head. "No, we though it'd be fun to see if you'd slip."
Pietro glared.
Xavier and Scott, having not turned around, didn't notice. "It's strange," Xavier continued. "There are more powerful mutants out there. Why should this one be so important to him?"
Pietro tried to get up, slipped, and landed painfully on his chin.
"Did you bite your tongue?" Wanda asked.
"No," Pietro said.
"…Damn," Wanda said.
"Maybe it's his way with people," Scott said to Xavier.
"You don't like him," Xavier said. It wasn't a question, it was a statement. Pietro tried and failed to get up again.
"How could you tell?" Scott asked.
"Well, I am psychic, you know," Xavier said smugly.
The doors whooshed open, and Logan and Storm walked in. Well, Logan walked while Storm flew behind him.
"How come they're not falling over?" Pietro demanded.
Logan lifted a foot. "Special shoes," he said. "They're supposed to be able to stick to anything. Forge wanted me to test them out."
"And I'm flying," Storm said.
"And I have rollerblades," Scott said, sticking out a foot at Pietro while holding onto Xavier's wheelchair for balance.
Pietro turned (still on the floor) to Xavier. "Do I even want to know?"
"My wheels have traction!" Xavier said happily.
Pietro tried to get up and fell over. "How am I supposed to get up?" he demanded.
Logan walked over to Pietro and pushed him with a foot, sending him sailing out the door.
Unfortunately, the doors whooshed shut a millisecond before Pietro got there, so he bumped his head rather hard on it.
"…Ow."
The doors whooshed back open, and Logan shoved Pietro the rest of the way out.
"Where is she?" Logan demanded to Xavier.
"Who?" Scott asked.
"Rogue," Xavier said. "She's gone."
AT CEREBRO…
The door to Cerebro had just finished eye scanning Xavier. "Like, welcome, professor!" Kitty's recorded voice said cheerfully.
Everyone flinched.
The door opened, and Xavier wheeled in, followed by Logan. "Welcome to Cerebro," Xavier said.
Logan stared around at the big, round room. "This is one big, round room," he said.
"The brain waves of mutants are different from average human beings," Xavier said. "This device amplifies my power, allowing me to locate mutants across great distances. That's how I intend to find Rogue."
"Why don't you just use it to find Magneto?" Logan asked.
"I've been trying," Xavier said. "But he seems to have found some way to shield himself from it."
"How would he know how to do that?" Logan said.
"Because he helped me build it," Xavier said. "Now if you'll excuse me." Xavier put on the headgear while Logan walked out of Cerebro.
The doors shut behind Logan. "Have you ever?" he asked Jean, jerking his head at Cerebro.
"Used Cerebro?" Jean said. "Yeah."
"Not in the movie," Forge said through gritted teeth.
Jean rolled her eyes. "It takes a degree of control, and for someone like me, it's…"
"Dangerous," Scott finished.
Xavier wheeled out of Cerebro. "She's at the train station," he said.
"Where is it?" Logan asked.
"A few miles west of here," Xavier said.
Logan started walking off. "Logan, you can't leave the mansion," Xavier said. "It's just the opportunity Magneto needs."
"Listen, I'm the reason she took off," Logan said.
"We had a deal," Xavier said.
"She's all right," Ororo said. "She's just upset."
"Storm, Cyclops, find her," Xavier said. "See if you can talk to her."
Ororo and Scott walked off. Logan didn't look too happy about it.
IN THE GARAGE…
Scott stopped and looked around. "What?" Ororo asked.
"Where's my motorcycle?" Scott said.
"It's actually Logan's," Tabby said.
"It's Scott's in the movie," Forge said.
OUT ON THE ROAD…
Logan was riding off on his – er, Scott's – motorcycle. He saw a funny new button on it, decided "Why the heck not", and pressed it. The bike immediately sped up, and he practically flew down the road.
"For once, Forge didn't mess up on something," Logan said, and sped off.
"Why, thank you," Forge said. "…HEY!"
(1) – That would be Stan Lee's cameo in the movie.
(2) – Yellow-spotted lizards don't like onions, according to Holes. And what Alex was singing was the beginning of the rap "Dig It" written and performed by D-Tent (that would be, Shia LaBeouf, Khleo Thomas, Max Kasch, Byron Cotton, and Brenden Jefferson), minus Squid (Jake M. Smith) and Magnet (Miguel Castro). I think it's messed up that Jake didn't even get writing credits, since he and Shia came up with the original song and all. And I still don't get why Miguel wasn't in it, period. Maybe they didn't like him or something. And I think I'm gonna have Alex as the lead, to put him in that sort of role for a change.
Um…yeah. Review, please!