..: And the Moral of the Story Is… :..

DISCLAIMER: "It's finally happened. You've gotten so gay you've finally looped right around back to straight."

At the Institute, Xavier blinked and woke up in the med lab. "Welcome back," Jean said. "I knew you'd find your way."

"I had you to guide me," Xavier said. "…Now I sound like I'm a blind man or something." He shrugged. "How'd we do?"

They both turned and looked over at Logan, who was unconscious and bandaged up and hooked up to wires and still covered in RNAUF cuts. "All this crappy makeup itches," Logan complained.

"Well, it's your fault the real cuts heal too fast," Forge said. "Now go back to being unconscious."

HOWEVER LONG LATER…

Jean was checking Logan's wounds. She lifted the bandages to find – gasp! – completely healed skin.

Logan woke up. "Get yer hands off me, saucy wench," he growled, smacking her hand away.

"How're you feeling?" Jean asked.

"I'd feel a lot better if I had some beer," Logan said.

"Not gonna happen," Jean said.

"Stingy little…" Logan muttered.

"That was a brave thing you did," Jean said.

"I know," Logan said, preening. "Doesn't a hero like me deserve a beer or two?"

"No," Jean said. "Thanks to you, we had to put up with some of your more charming personality traits from her."

"But you lived through it," Logan said.

"Barely," Remy said, whimpering at the memory.

"I think she's a little taken with you," Jean continued.

"Father-daughter ship ONLY!" Rogue yelled.

"Actually," Tabby said, "There are quite a few fics floating around that-"

"Do you have a death wish?" Rogue demanded.

"Calm down," Tabby said. "I'm just warning you. It's more often in movieverse, at least."

"Can we get back to the parody?" Ororo demanded. "It's almost over!"

"And then all that lovely Rahm begins," Forge said gleefully. "And I will still have ABSOLUTE POWER!"

"Only a Sit' deals in-" Remy began.

"I KNOW!" Forge yelled.

"Well," Logan said to Jean, "You can tell her my heart belongs to someone else."

"Logan-" Jean began.

"Save it," Logan said. "Breaks my heart just to talk about it."

"But-"

"It's okay," Logan sniffled. "I gotta be strong."

"I'm really sorry," Jean said.

"I know," Logan said. His lower lip trembled. "SHE WAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BIKE I'VE EVER SEEN!"

Kurt bamfed in. "To anyone who actually thought Logan was talking about Jean, please line up so I can slap you."

IN THE WAR ROOM…

"There's an abandoned military compound at Alkali Lake in the Canadian Rockies, close to where we found you," Xavier said to Logan.

"Ohhhhhh Caaaaaanadaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Bobby sang. Badly.

Everyone did their best to ignore him. "There's not much left," Xavier continued, "But you might find some answers."

"Thanks," Logan said.

"Are you going to say goodbye to them?" Xavier asked.

In the TV room, Rogue and Bobby were playing foozball with John and Ray…wow, that's a really pink shirt.

"It takes a real man to wear pink!" John said. "Besides, I hate my blond hair, and I can't possibly make it any worse."

Xavier, Scott, Jean, and Ororo watched the news on TV. "The Mutant Registration Act lost its main proponent today with the dramatic reversal of Senator Kelly," Pietro the News Reporter Dude said, "Who until this time had provided the loudest voice in the cry for mutant registration. Blah blah blah, blah blah, blah blah blah blah."

The TV showed Kelly walking through a sea of microphones. "Pause the TV in 5…4…3…2…1…NOW!" Pietro yelled as Kelly grabbed suddenly at his chest and his irises turned yellow.

Ororo paused the TV. "Mystique," she said unnecessarily.

"Son of a bitch," Scott said.

"Oooooooooooooh Scott said a BAD WORD!" Jamie yelled.

Jean slapped Scott upside the head. "Scott!" she snapped. "You're setting a bad example for the kids!"

Logan shouldered his backpack and paused at the door to watch Rogue play foozball. Then he opened it and went through.

Rogue heard the door open and immediately abandoned the game. "Aw, come on!" Bobby yelled. "We were winning!"

"You were only winning because she was playing, mate," John said.

Rogue caught up to Logan. "Hey!"

Logan turned around. "Yah runnin' again?" Rogue asked.

"No, not really," Logan said. "I have some things to take care of up north."

"Ah doan want yah ta go," Rogue said.

Logan took off his dogtag and handed it to her. "I'll be back for this," he said, then turned and left.

Scott's (Logan's) bike was parked oh-so-innocently just outside the gate. Logan looked at it, then around to make sure no one was watching, then got on and sped out of there.

IN MAGSY'S LITTLE PLASTIC CELL…

Xavier and Magsy were playing chess. Or, rather, Legion and Pietro told them what moves to make. (1)

"Rook to knight," David said. Xavier moved his rook and took Magsy's knight.

"Take the rook," Pietro said.

Magsy replaced Xavier's rook with his own. "Doesn't it ever wake you in the middle of the night, the feeling that someday they'll pass that foolish law or one just like it and come for you and your children?" he asked.

David turned into Ian, stared at Xavier, and pointed. Xavier moved a pawn. "It does, indeed," he said.

"Use your knight," Pietro said. Magsy replaced the pawn with his knight. "What do you do when you wake up to that?" he asked.

Ian turned into Lucas, who had a slightly manic gleam in his eyes. "Now attack the foolish knave, attack!"

"Oh, don't be so rude," David's voice said from Lucas's body. "It's just a piece of glass."

"Glass in the shape of a KNAVE!" Lucas said with a cackle.

"Really, you need to calm down," David's voice said.

"Shut up!"

"Now, that's not very-"

Lucas punched himself in the face. He fell over and rolled around on the floor, punching and scratching and even biting himself.

All three stared at him. "See," Magsy said. "My son's not that weird."

Xavier raised an eyebrow. "Charles Cody Lensherr!" he said to Pietro, who emitted a high-pitched squeal and ran around the room, screaming about cradle-robbing and the wedding and having a mom his age and all that stuff.

Then he tripped over Lucas (who was still grappling with himself) and slammed into the wall.

"And the moral of this story is," Tabby said. "Really powerful mutants have messed up kids."

Xavier and Magsy ignored her.

"I feel a great swell of pity for the poor soul who comes to that school looking for trouble," Xavier said, replacing Magsy's knight with a pawn.

Robbie the Unimportant Guard Dude came in to wheel Xavier out. "Why do you come here, Charles?" Magsy asked.

"Why do you ask questions to which you already know the answers?" Xavier countered.

"Oh, yes," Magsy said. "Your continuing search for hope." He nodded his head, and Robbie started wheeling Xavier out. "You know this plastic prison of theirs won't hold me forever," he said. "The war is still coming, Charles, and I intend to fight it…" He paused dramatically. "By any means necessary."

"And I will always be there…" Xavier said, also pausing dramatically, "Old friend.

Robbie wheeled Xavier out, and the plastic tube thing folded away behind them.

Magsy knocked over his own king.

"…Riiiiiiight," said Forge. "And that's a wrap!"

"Thank God, it's over!" Rogue yelled.

"Maybe for you," Bobby muttered. "Now I gotta be an Assicle!"

"That's what yah get foah bein' tha comic relief," Rogue said blithely.

Forge ran by with his RLLT (Red Lethal-Looking…Thing). "Anyone seen Rahm?"

(1) – Seriously, neither Patrick Stewart or Ian McKellen knew how to play chess. And the whole Lucas/David argument/fight bit is based on PyroManaic's ficcie School Life. Well, they weren't arguing about knaves, they were arguing over Robbie answering a question, but…yeah. Just go read it, it's funny stuff!

And that's that. Please review! And I should have Redneck Shrek 2 up soon. Before August 26, at least. Cuz that's when school starts (I know, it starts on a Friday. Weird, no?) and I promised myself I'd get the next ficcie up before school.