"Buffy?" Angel said as they entered his room later that evening.
"Yeah?" She said putting her bag on the floor.
"What's wrong?" He asked her as he moved closer to her. "What happened to you in Sunnydale?"
"Huh? Wh..what do you mean?" She asked. She knew he knew something was up but she prayed that Oz hadn't gone back on his word and in fact HAD told Angel bout her little trip to 'the land of the not living'.
"What happened to you? God, you've changed so much. You're distant. Even to me." He said sitting down on the bed. "Buffy what happened? Did I do something?"
"What? Angel of course you didn't. What would give you that idea?" She said sitting down next to him.
"Well, you've been distant. And you only become distant with me when I've done something that made you mad." He said looking over at her.
"No Angel. You didn't do anything. I'm not mad at you." She told him taking his hand in hers.
"So then what is it?"
Buffy lowered her head. She couldn't tell him, but she had to. "A lot has happened since I moved to Sunnydale. I've seen a lot, been through a lot." She said getting up from the bed and pacing. "Yes, I've changed but only because the things I've seen and been through have changed me." She said. "I'm not the same person I was before. I tried to hang on to her, hang on to the girl you loved, but I couldn't."
"Buffy what are you talking about? What happened to you? What did that town do to you?"
"Not the town, well not directly."
"So who?"
"Not who, what?"
"Buffy just tell me what happened."
"My responsibilities, they're what changed me."
"You mean being the slayer."
"Yeah. I went to Sunnydale, not really wanting to do anything that had to do with slaying. It hurt to much, to slay and not think of Merrick and all the other things I lost because of it, including you."
"Buffy you never lost me." He told her.
"Yes I did. Our friendship suffered because of my being the slayer."
"No, if anything it got stronger. We did so much together. We patrolled, we trained." He said standing up and walking over to her.
"And in the process we, I lost my child hood and I took yours with me." She said to him.
"You didn't TAKE anything from me Buffy. I wanted to help you. I needed to help you, because if I didn't and you had died, then I would have felt responsible. Besides I couldn't just let you fight alone. I've been protecting you since we were five and I wasn't gonna stop just because you were the one doing the protecting now." He said to her.
"I feel like I brought you down with me and I'm doing the same thing to the gang in Sunnydale." She said running a frustrated hand through her hair. "I'm like the plague, I ruined my life, now I'm ruining the lives of the people I care about." She said turning away from him. "Maybe I should've stayed dead." She whispered.
"WHAT???" Angel yelled.
Buffy turned to look at Angel. "Nothing." She said trying to go around him and out of the room.
"Buffy don't lie to me." He yelled grabbing her arm to stop her escape. "Tell me, did you. die?" He asked his anger fading at the thought of his best friend lying in an ally or cemetery drained.
"I..I.. I was only gone a minute." She whispered.
Angel just looked at her in shock. "You. you died?" He said letting go of her arm and moving to sit back down on the bed.
Buffy bent down, laying her hands on his knees, she looked up at him. " Angel. I'm okay now. I'm back. Besides it was no big deal." She said trying to shrug it off as though her death hadn't been the life shattering, life altering event, it had been.
Angel stood up so quickly that Buffy fell over onto her butt. "Not a big deal!?! Buffy, you DIED! How is THAT NOT A BIG DEAL?!?" He yelled.
Buffy slowly rose from the floor and glared at Angel. "SHUT UP!"
Angel looked at Buffy.
Buffy looked up at Angel, tears forming in her green eyes. " Do you actually think, I don't care that I died? Do you think that my life means that little that I could shrug off my own death like that? I'm not ready to die." She said tears starting to flow down her face.
"And I'm not ready to lose you. I can't live in this world knowing that you wont be coming back to me." He said.
"Angel." Buffy said laying a hand on his cheek, which was now moist with tears. "There will be a time where you'll have to live in this world without me. Slayer's don't live long..."
"No Buffy. Stop it. Don't talk like that. You're gonna live a long life, with me by your side." He said placing a hand on each shoulder.
"Angel, you don't know that." She said through tears. "For all we know I could die again tomorrow."
"DON'T talk like that. Please Buffy." He pleaded laying his head on her shoulder.
Buffy didn't know what to do. She knew that lying to herself, believing what Angel was trying to convince himself of, would be the death of her, but she didn't want to make him hurt anymore then he already was. She couldn't believe he was crying though. He rarely ever cried in front of her, but here he was crying his heart out over something that, if she could help it, wouldn't come for a long time.
Angel stopped his crying and looked up into her eyes. Then he did what he'd been waiting so long to do, he kissed her.
"Yeah?" She said putting her bag on the floor.
"What's wrong?" He asked her as he moved closer to her. "What happened to you in Sunnydale?"
"Huh? Wh..what do you mean?" She asked. She knew he knew something was up but she prayed that Oz hadn't gone back on his word and in fact HAD told Angel bout her little trip to 'the land of the not living'.
"What happened to you? God, you've changed so much. You're distant. Even to me." He said sitting down on the bed. "Buffy what happened? Did I do something?"
"What? Angel of course you didn't. What would give you that idea?" She said sitting down next to him.
"Well, you've been distant. And you only become distant with me when I've done something that made you mad." He said looking over at her.
"No Angel. You didn't do anything. I'm not mad at you." She told him taking his hand in hers.
"So then what is it?"
Buffy lowered her head. She couldn't tell him, but she had to. "A lot has happened since I moved to Sunnydale. I've seen a lot, been through a lot." She said getting up from the bed and pacing. "Yes, I've changed but only because the things I've seen and been through have changed me." She said. "I'm not the same person I was before. I tried to hang on to her, hang on to the girl you loved, but I couldn't."
"Buffy what are you talking about? What happened to you? What did that town do to you?"
"Not the town, well not directly."
"So who?"
"Not who, what?"
"Buffy just tell me what happened."
"My responsibilities, they're what changed me."
"You mean being the slayer."
"Yeah. I went to Sunnydale, not really wanting to do anything that had to do with slaying. It hurt to much, to slay and not think of Merrick and all the other things I lost because of it, including you."
"Buffy you never lost me." He told her.
"Yes I did. Our friendship suffered because of my being the slayer."
"No, if anything it got stronger. We did so much together. We patrolled, we trained." He said standing up and walking over to her.
"And in the process we, I lost my child hood and I took yours with me." She said to him.
"You didn't TAKE anything from me Buffy. I wanted to help you. I needed to help you, because if I didn't and you had died, then I would have felt responsible. Besides I couldn't just let you fight alone. I've been protecting you since we were five and I wasn't gonna stop just because you were the one doing the protecting now." He said to her.
"I feel like I brought you down with me and I'm doing the same thing to the gang in Sunnydale." She said running a frustrated hand through her hair. "I'm like the plague, I ruined my life, now I'm ruining the lives of the people I care about." She said turning away from him. "Maybe I should've stayed dead." She whispered.
"WHAT???" Angel yelled.
Buffy turned to look at Angel. "Nothing." She said trying to go around him and out of the room.
"Buffy don't lie to me." He yelled grabbing her arm to stop her escape. "Tell me, did you. die?" He asked his anger fading at the thought of his best friend lying in an ally or cemetery drained.
"I..I.. I was only gone a minute." She whispered.
Angel just looked at her in shock. "You. you died?" He said letting go of her arm and moving to sit back down on the bed.
Buffy bent down, laying her hands on his knees, she looked up at him. " Angel. I'm okay now. I'm back. Besides it was no big deal." She said trying to shrug it off as though her death hadn't been the life shattering, life altering event, it had been.
Angel stood up so quickly that Buffy fell over onto her butt. "Not a big deal!?! Buffy, you DIED! How is THAT NOT A BIG DEAL?!?" He yelled.
Buffy slowly rose from the floor and glared at Angel. "SHUT UP!"
Angel looked at Buffy.
Buffy looked up at Angel, tears forming in her green eyes. " Do you actually think, I don't care that I died? Do you think that my life means that little that I could shrug off my own death like that? I'm not ready to die." She said tears starting to flow down her face.
"And I'm not ready to lose you. I can't live in this world knowing that you wont be coming back to me." He said.
"Angel." Buffy said laying a hand on his cheek, which was now moist with tears. "There will be a time where you'll have to live in this world without me. Slayer's don't live long..."
"No Buffy. Stop it. Don't talk like that. You're gonna live a long life, with me by your side." He said placing a hand on each shoulder.
"Angel, you don't know that." She said through tears. "For all we know I could die again tomorrow."
"DON'T talk like that. Please Buffy." He pleaded laying his head on her shoulder.
Buffy didn't know what to do. She knew that lying to herself, believing what Angel was trying to convince himself of, would be the death of her, but she didn't want to make him hurt anymore then he already was. She couldn't believe he was crying though. He rarely ever cried in front of her, but here he was crying his heart out over something that, if she could help it, wouldn't come for a long time.
Angel stopped his crying and looked up into her eyes. Then he did what he'd been waiting so long to do, he kissed her.