Disclaimer: I'm pretty sure my name isn't Akira Toriyama, therefore I don't own DBZ.
A/N: Sorry It's been so long since updating this fic. For some strange reason I stopped writing this in the middle of an important sentence, so when I came back to it I couldn't remember where the heck I was going with it. So I think I wound up kinda starting over a little bit. And then getting writers block for a while... But then last night I came up with something that solves this thing that's been really bugging me, so it's all good. Longer chapter too. Enjoy.
It's been a year since that day I tried to end my existence with the cold blade of a knife. Since then me and Gohan have been training tirelessly together in hope that we might someday defeat the monsters that plague our world, freeing us from this nightmare. That's the dream we fight for, pushing ourselves to the limit of our abilities. Gohan never lets me push myself as hard as I want to, though. I would push myself to the edge of death for the strength to destroy the androids if he didn't make me hold back. But he promised Kaasan... And Gohan never breaks his promises...
Kaasan's been fighting the androids in her own way. She's recently started building the time machine, she's been working on the blueprints and equations for as long as I can remember. I think it's all a waste of time now. With Gohan and me training together, it's only a matter of time before we send those bakemono where they belong. Especially since I can turn Super Saiya-jin now. I've been able to for quite a while...
In the first few weeks of training with Gohan I could never quite reach the Super Saiya-jin state. It was always right beyond my grasp. But Gohan was confident I could reach it. Because he knew I had reached it before... Gohan and Kaasan both knew... In the chaos of that moment when I attempted suicide, I overlooked something. Something I didn't remember until long afterwards...
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I pound a fist into the earth in frustration.
"Damn it! I'll never become a Super Saiya-jin!" Gohan grins at me.
"Hey, don't beat yourself up over it. You nearly had it!"
"Nearly." I reply bitterly. "I'm just not strong enough!" I slam my other fist into the ground.
"Yes you are. You just need to try harder, that's all."
"Yeah right! How do you know?"
"I just do..." He replies softly. I look up at him. He has a look on his face like he knows something but doesn't want to tell me. That's when it clicks into place. I can't believe I missed it before.
"Gohan..." I say slowly "You turned Super Saiya-jin... that day... to restrain me, didn't you?"
"Hai"
"Why?..." I ask, already knowing the answer.
"Because you did..."
"Why didn't you tell me this?"
"Because you don't want to become a Super Saiya-jin that way. It tears you up inside every time you become one. Until it nearly drives you mad. Believe me, I know. Thinking about everybody's deaths. How I couldn't save them..." Gohan trails off. There is a long silence. Then I speak up.
"I have to, though... I have to become a Super Saiya-jin no matter the cost..." (1)
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I squeeze my hands into tight fists as the wave of despair washes over me. I reach the Super Saiya-jin state easily, but then I feel ideas seep into my head, seeming as if they were from another person.
You're worthless. You'll never become strong enough to defeat the androids. You're just a stupid little weakling. You're better off dead. Just stop this pitiful existence of yours. End it now.
I collapse to my knees, my head clutched in my hands, trying to stop the flow of thoughts. But I can't.
You're a burden on everyone. End your life so
I feel myself slowly giving in to their demands.
they can go on with their own.
You're holding them back...
"Yameru, Trunks! Snap out of it!"
I feel the explosion of a ki blast near my head, and fall into unconsciousness...
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I awake to the smell of burnt flesh and a bitter taste in my mouth, mixed with a metallic one. I open my eyes and then sit up quickly as I notice Gohan lying unconscious next to me. It then becomes clear where the smell came from. I notice a piece of cloth sticking out of Gohan's remaining hand. It's then I realize that the bitter taste in my mouth is from...
"A senzu bean..."
I tear the senzu bag out of his hand open it, desperately searching for another senzu bean. I can't find any. I vainly turn the bag inside out, refusing to believe it. Still finding none, the truth becomes undeniable.
"The last one... He gave me the last one..."
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Kaasan's face turns pale as I come through the front door of our home, carrying Gohan on my back.
"Trunks... You're covered in blood..."
"It's not mine..." I reply quietly. She covers her mouth, stifling a gasp as she suddenly notices the state Gohan is in.
"What... What happened to him?" she looks at me imploringly. I avert my eyes and walk past her towards the medical bay. I hear her footsteps slowly following. As I set Gohan down in the cot, Kaasan asks again.
"Trunks... What happened to Gohan?" I pause a moment before finally replying.
"I... I don't know..." I lie. She remains silent after that, quietly bandaging Gohan's wounds as I stand by the window quietly gazing into the darkness. She knows I'm lying, even if she can't guess the whole truth. Kaasan's a very intelligent person. And so am I.
"Trunks-chan..." Kaasan says softly. "Are you hurt, Trunks-chan?"
"Iie"
"Are you sure?" I pause a moment before replying.
"Gohan... gave me the last one... The last senzu bean..." I shift my gaze to her reflection in the glass. Her expression is unreadable. It's a while before she speaks.
"I see... You should still get some rest, Trunks."
"I'm fine."
"Trunks... It's not your fault." I don't know what my expression was when I turned around to look at her. All I know is that it was all she needed. She turned around and left me alone in the room. Alone with Gohan's unconscious form and the darkness.
(1)Here's something I wrote about the super saiya-jin transformation relating to this fic a while back:
"I've decided that you turn into a super saiya-jin not by anger, but by an emotion you don't want to feel. I can do this because I'm the author and I can do whatever I want and you can't stop me. XP It kinda fits too. Goku doesn't like to be angry. Vegeta, well he realised he was failing, he doesn't like failure. And Gohan blamed himself for getting everyone killed because he was a coward and too weak in the Cell Saga. (okay, I had it better when I first thought of this idea which is when I should have written this all down... Nyaa... ; (And just ignore the movies 'cause they don't count.)"
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Uwaaahhh! I just came up with this! Before I had Gohan keeping his arm, but it never seemed quite right. I got the 'last senzu' part in too! Two birds with one stone! Originally I had the first time Trunks meets Gohan (at least the first time Trunks-kun remembers) as when Gohan gives Trunks the last senzu, but that didn't have as much impact, did it? Yaay! I'm so happy! Though I really shouldn't be, poor Trunks-kun is even more messed up than before.
Trunks: "Yeah, thanks to all you crazy bi-"
--gets hit with a giant paper fan--
Trunks: Oro...
Anyways... Those of you who aren't as smart as Trunks and are wondering what in the name of Cerberus' left head happened to Gohan... Trunks was about to shoot himself in the head with a ki blast because of the 'voices' and Gohan pushed it away with his hand and got half his arm blown up. Trunks still got hurt though from what was left of the energy, so Gohan gave him the senzu. And Trunks doesn't really know what happened, but like he said himself, he's smart enough to fit the pieces together.
So Trunks is a smart and crazy, angsty bishounen!
He would still be that way without my 'additions' too, no way would he have gone through the androids reign of terror unscathed in the show. Toriyama-sensei's a really naïve guy.
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Well, the next chapter will hopefully be put up soon, it's been written for a long time. I think it was the first part I wrote actually... That's me, writing the middle before the beginning...Ja ne.