Chapter 3-

After five minutes the dinner was over and everyone went to their house's common room. All the first year griffendors got wasted and passed out. All the older kids pulled all the first years pants down and drew stuff on their butt cheeks. The next day the first years woke up.

"Spiders are tickliling my balls" Ron said out loud. "Get them off"

Harry takes a look.

"There's a rat in your pants" Harry says.

"Oh, that's ok." Ron says.

Hermione woke up.

"Can I have a rat in my pants too" Hermione asked.

"Rats aren't gonna work for you." Ron tells Hermione.

"Damn! Look at the time" Harry exclaimed. "We're going to be late"

It was 9:05. Potions class ends at 9:10.

All three got up and ran to their class. They ran through the halls.

"Keep your pants on" Peeves the polterguiest yelled at them.

"Oh, shut the bloodyfuck up" Ron yelled back.

They finally made it and burst through the doors.

"Boooooooooooooo" The entire dungoen of kids yelled at them.

"What the hell is this!" Ron called out.

"Boooo" Snape yelled at them. "What a bunch of dumbasses! They come here more than thirty minutes late and they still forgot to put their pants on"

"What?" All three of them said. Then they looked down. They were all in tighty-whities.

"Now go take a seat." Snape told them.

All three sat down.

"Hey Nevile Saggbottom. What did you guys do today" Harry asked him.

"We got to make beer."

"I made beer in my pants." Hermione said.

"Man, we missed an awesome lesson"Harry whined.

"Hey guess what? The evil drug lord-who-must-not-be-named is back." Nevile informed them. "People say he is using an evil bong."

"Oh, you mean Weedlesnort." Harry corrected him.

"Isn't that the dude that O.D.ed your parents" Ron asked.

"Oh,yeah I almost forgot." Harry remembered. "I had like a prophecy made for me or something."

"And he's still tyring to kill you." Nevile finished explaining.

"We have to get that bong! It might work faster!" Harry said.

Nevile just rolled his eyes.

"Who thehell are you rolling your eyes at you roasted fuck!"Ron said angerly.

Nevile got up and walked right out of the classroom.

Snape chucked a piece of poop at him.

"Hey guys I forgot to tell you. I signed up for quidditch." Harry told them. "I'll be playing tomorrow."

The next day the griffendor quiditch team were in the locker room. They were getting ready for the game.

"Now, Harry. You better catch that flying piece of poop." Wood ordered.

"I'll do more than catch that flying piece of poop" Harry said drooling.

"Great! Now get out there" Wood said.

Then he spanked Harry's ass. Harry looked at him. Wood winked at him.

Harry walked out of the locker room. Harry looked up at the sky then snorted his lasts bits of cocaine. Fred and George came and stood on both sides of Harry. They both took out a joint, smoked it, then looked up at the sky.

"What are you looking at" Fred asked Harry.

"Wood spanked me a few moments ago." Harry told him.

"Nah, he does that to everybody." George said.

"Then he winked at me." Harry said.

"Oh yeah. About that part." Fred tried to explain. "Wood's a queer. Why do you think his name is Wood"

Soon enough they were all flying on their brooms chucking unconscience bodies towards the hoops for points. Then the enchanted flying piece of poop with wings flew a little to close to the sun and melted. Everyone underneath it had a diarrhea shower. So the game was a draw.

After the game everyone started celebrating. They were celebrating the fact that diarrhea just rained on them. Harry,Ron, and Hermione went into an empty classroom. But there was already somebody else smoking a blunt there.

"Hi, I'm Tom Riddilin." Tom told them.

"We're Harry,Ron, and Hermione." Harry said."We were just going to get stoned in here."

"Can I join?" Tom asked eagerly.

"Sure" Hermione said.

They all got in a circle and started smoking joints. Hermione got out the beer and hard liquior.

"...And that's how I got my scar." Harry finished, then took a drink of beer.

"Hey everybody guess what?" Tom asked them.

"Chicken butt." Hermione said.

"No. I have an evil bong in my dungeon. If you smoke it for an hour it will give you immortality." Tom said. "I'm going to smoke it tomorrow at 9:00 p.m."

"Cool." Said Ron.

"So where do you get your secrect stash from?" Tom asked them.

"Well, we usually get it from my brothers." Ron explained. "Then if they don't have any we'll just go to the forbidden forests ourselves."

"Yeah. Hagrid has a forest of weed now." Harry said.

"Holy crap! I forgot to take my riddilin pills!" Tom remembered.

He started jumping around the room like a monkey. Hermione chucked a glass beer bottle against the wall. It shattered. Tom ran out of the room.

"Group hug!" Hermione yelled. They all got up and hugged each other. Then they allpassed out.