All characters and or places belong to Warner Bros. rights to characters belong to J.K. Rowling.

A story based off of "Randomizing the World". Please read that one first to understand how it works.

Zoom in down to a damp dark cave-like area where a seat sits in the middle. There is no one there. Time passes by and finnaly an old nasty man's voice is heard coming from the shadows.
"I'm coming I'm coming damnit. I knew you all would return to listen to Vol...sorry "that Dude your all too afraid to say his name" Story Time."
He sits down in the chair holding a large book in his hands.

"Ok where to start. Yes yes i know. This story is all fact and no fiction ya see? It's about how Harry Potter is indeed my son and not that stinky rednecked thief James Pothead-Potter and Lily sexywhore-something or whatever. Now It all started in my prime years at Hogwarts. I met Lily on the first day on that train that brings us to the Hogwarts grounds. We were in the same little room uh...thingy...and right away I whipped that sucker out in front of her."
He wiggles his finger in the air and then uses his hands to show how big it was.

"Yup thats right sonny."
he points to an invisible kid and gives him a thumbs up
"I took my wand out right in front of her and showed her how nice and long it was...What was that Jimmy?"
He smacks at the air.
"Stop thinking dirty like that. I mean I know it was a long woody but it was not "Wizards Pole" ill tell you. I was like what eleven? I hardly thought about them sweet assed bitches...Oh yeah...oh oh yeah. Eh eh sorry back to the story. My pimp status just comes out like that sometimes if ya knows what i be meaning. ANYWAY. Lily took a liking to me as well but then not but a minute later that Potter came in. He barged in with his joint in hand and "Bag-o-Weed" in the other. Yeah you know it he was worse than a Mudblood...He was IRISH. Ooooo weeee ooooo. I know horrible isnt it?"

He scratches his big pot belly.
"He sat down right next me and blew the smoke in my face and said "Yo whats up my white brother from another Jewish mother?" I spat back at him that i was clearly not Jewish, though i did agree with his other statement about the whole whiteness thing, because clearly where were both in fact white."

"Now then enough about pot…back to the sexyness which is Lily. She was sure fine and I wanted a piece then and there, funny part was I hadn't even gone through puberty yet so I don't know anymore. Anyway when i stopped daydreaming I looked over and what do you think I saw that dirty hippy doing to Lily?"

He leans over to the invisible kids supposedly sitting there in front of him.

"Yes exactly Jimmy…that's exactly what he was doing. He was sniffing her hair like some deranged dogs creature….or better yet a Mudblood. Yeah its true when your not looking they sniff you. It's a fact. But like I said before he was worse than a Mudblood he was Irish which means he had all the muddy mucky Mudblood ways and even worse versions of them from his Irish nature. But I'm just Irish bashing anyway…WHAT is it Jimmy? Excuse me? Are you saying I'm just making all this up and that James really was a cool guy…well I've got something to tell you…."

He turns around and pulls out his wand.

"See this here….yeah I know it is legendary. Well when I firs…AVADA KEDAVRA! Yeah hahaha no more Jimmy. SO anyone else have anything to say?"

No answer due to no one being there.

"I thought not."

"Now back to the story. As the train got nearer and nearer to our destination, that being Hogwarts they said to us to change into our robes. So of course I thought 'Looks like Tommy-boy gets a nice flashy flash. I sure do love the booby'. EHG wrong. Before I could even get the thought of her body in my head myself and the Pothead were being pushed out. She tried to sure coat it by saying 'You boys cant be in here with me while I change. Silly geese.'. But of course right when we were pushed out. Right to the window I went. It was like I was a peeping Tom. You see since at the time I was named Tom…..eh you kids don't get it. Just as quickly as we were pushed out she was done. I couldn't even get a peek, but I thought to myself 'There is 7 more years of her hopefully' Again how wrong I was…..

If people review to this story positively I promise to try and write the next chapter which will be entitled "The Sorting". All I wasn't is 1 more review to either this or Randomizing the world.