10th day,8th month,standard year 24933
Where should I start?
Yesterday I was let out of the Healer's. I spent most of the day with Tahl,Clee and the others, telling them everything that had happened. Right at the end,Clee gasped and said:
"That means...he...he died so you could live! He..."
We were sort of all silent then, because it was true, and I felt like being sick all of a sudden...being sick again...because it was true, if he hadn't wanted to save me, he wouldn't have died.
Why did he try to save me? He could've waited! I would have saved him! He didn't have to die!
HE DIDN'T HAVE TO DIE!
Yoda would whack me hard if he saw what I just wrote. I know,I know anger is the path to the Darkside. But...he died.
He died because of me.
I want to put down this journal and cry,but...well...another part of me wants to just keep on writing. And I also don't want to cry because I'm writing this in the star-map room, and people keep coming in and out (Master Cilia just walked past and smiled at me. She was one of my teachers when I was seven, and she knew Master Karshan.) So I couldn't cry, because someone would see.
Anyway, after Clee made her comment on my story, everyone went incredibly quiet...I think it was because we'd been told, all the time, about Knights dying to save others, Masters dying so their apprentice wouldn't be put in danger...but this was the first time it had actually, well, happened to us.
To me.
But,anyway,I am now offically Master Dooku's apprentice. He took me to the Council, and they gave their approval. Tahl said I should be happy, because practically the split second I didn't have a Master another one grabbed me straightaway. It was said to cheer me up, but it didn't really.
Well, that's it. I'll be back to taking classes tomorrow, and before long, being sent out on missions with my new Master.
Tahl's probably looking for me...better go...
*****
11th day,8th month,standard year 24933
I'm living with my Master in his quarters now. They moved me here this morning. I have a new home. But what happened to the old one? Master Karshan's area? Did they give it to someone else? I really wish they'd let me stay there, I liked it...but then I suppose Master Dooku would've had to leave his own home to be with me, and I don't think he'd have liked that.
In the afternoon,I have lightsabre class. I'm glad it's that and not anything else, because lightsabre class is the only one I'm really any good at.
*****
It's evening. Actually, it's night and I really should be sleeping, but something happened today-
I went to lightsabre class, and Dilan and his friends were waiting for me. And as I walked past him, Dilan said loudly. "Better stay away from him. He might drag us down to the Darkside too." And I tried to ignore them, but they kept looking over at me and smirking all day, and I didn't want to tell anyone, because...I'm not sure...because the Darkside's taken so seriously and maybe...maybe...well, after Dilan said something loudly about future traitors to the Jedi, Yoda gave him a sharp look and then looked at me, and I just couldn't read that look and...
I'd never turn to the Darkside, though. I'm sure Yoda would tell me not to worry, that it was just stupid comments made by a bully. But I can't stop thinking about it. You see...
I have never told anyone this, not even Tahl. I'm afraid of writing it down in case someone finds it. But when I was little, only about six or seven, there was a teacher here who was very skilled at foresight. She died ages ago...when I was eight, I think. Her name was Master Ololian, and once she spoke to me. I was in the Room Of A Thousand Fountains. I can't remember what I was doing in there, but she came to speak to me. She sort of looked at me, except her eyes were closed...we had quite a long conversation, I can't remember most of it, and she said something like "The Darkside will follow you like a shadow, child. From now till the day you die!"
Perhaps it's silly to dwell on something told to me when I was six...and I heard she was nearly expelled because she frightened people with her predictions so much...but I think it's true what she said. I don't know how, something's just telling me that it is! And I don't want it to be. It can't be.
Can it?