Chapter 5

The small test fell to the floor with a thud the minute Sydney looked at it, her eyes instantly overflowing while she put both her shaking hands over her mouth, trying to stifle an unexpected sob. 'I don't believe it,' she mumbled, quickly bending down to pick up the test, staring at with her wet eyes as if expecting that the result somehow mysteriously could have changed within the last 5 seconds. Realizing that naturally it hadn't, tears welled up in her eyes once again, as she took a few steps, looking out into the room with the same stunned surprise she had expressed when first opening her hand. This was totally unexpected! She hadn't even dared…

'Syd, are you in here?'

Hearing Vaughn's voice she spun around trying to wipe away her tears so he hopefully wouldn't notice that she had been crying, but as he entered the room, his charismatic smile broadening at the sight of her, she soon found out that he didn't need to see her tears to figure out that something had upset her – they knew each other so well by now that it was almost impossible for them to keep things from one another, because every feeling expressed, or suppressed, always showed itself in some discreet fashion revealing exactly how they felt whether they intended to or not. And Vaughn had seen this side of Sydney all too many times these past weeks and he knew exactly what it meant – the look in her eyes, the frightened and guilty expression on her face told him that something had reminded her of the assault, almost sending her back to the mental state she had been in at that time, and seeing her like this only convinced him that his fears about her going on missions again were justified. If memories could do this to her, then how would she react to meeting Sark in person? He didn't dare guessing.

But even though he recognized her reaction it seemed to be a little different this time – she looked frightened and guilty all right, her eyes bearing the crucial evidence of her distress, but at the same time there was something that didn't fit in. Her appearance lacked the usual sign of submissiveness, the humble, devastated look of someone who had just been severely miss-treated, and even though that pleased Vaughn it also confused him. Somehow Sydney looked both happy and sad at the same time.

'Sydney, sweetie, what's the matter?' he asked, his smile already being long gone as he walked towards her, just wanting to take care of her as well as he could. But when he got a little closer his eyes fell on the test in her hand, and his astonished reaction was obvious,

'How can you…no, I mean…do you think you are…', he stuttered as he nodded towards the test, wanting to indicate what he was talking about.

Sydney glanced at the object in her hand, then looked at Vaughn, tears of sweet relief once more running down her cheeks as she sobbed,

'I thought I might be, but look…' she held up the test, smiling the best she could '…it's negative! It was a false alarm!' Having made her last comment as she walked up to him she put her arms around his neck, feeling the soothing effect his touch had begun to have on her again, immediately noticing how Vaughn also relaxed the minute he was convinced that she actually wasn't pregnant. Just standing there for some time Vaughn suddenly broke the silence, whispering,

'It's not that I'm not happy that test was negative…' he nuzzled her neck, '…but it really would be nice to have kids with you some day.'

Pulling away she looked him in the eyes, surprised that he hadn't presumed the obvious; that the baby she had thought she might be carrying most likely wasn't his. But should she tell him that? Did it matter now? Having seen the inquiring look on her face, Vaughn frowned, not knowing what he had done to puzzle her in such a way, and he said,

'Tell me what's on your mind. It doesn't matter what it is I can handle it.'

There was no doubt that he seriously meant what he said, and it was comforting to know that there was nothing she could do or say that would scare him away. So with some hesitation she therefore told him,

'It's been a long time since you and I have had sex Vaughn, and we always protect ourselves…' she took his hand, entwining her fingers with his while adding,

'…so if I had been pregnant the baby would most likely have been…'

'Don't say it!' Vaughn interrupted, his eyes glazing over with fury as he realized, way too vividly, what she was talking about. His imaginary version of the rape played in his head, as it had done so often right after the assault, making all his angry and guilty feelings reappear, only this time they were worse than usual. Knowing that Sark's intensions had been to hurt and humiliate Sydney as much as possible was bad enough, but suddenly realizing that an act as terrible and despicable as a rape could have resulted in creating something as wonderful as new life was just too much for him to take. It hurt him unbearably to consider the fact that Sark indeed could have made a child with Sydney, with the woman he loved, and the thought made him feel utterly awful. Not just on Sydney's behalf but also on his own – it made him feel less of a man knowing that he hadn't been able to stop this bastard from not only raping and dehumanizing his girlfriend but also from making her fear that her rapist had gotten her pregnant. And as he stood there, looking into the eyes of the woman he loved so deeply, all the vindictive feelings that lay buried deep within him surfaced, rigging his thoughts with several different ways of giving that son of a bitch what he deserved. If he could have just 10 minutes alone with that creep he would teach him a lesson too severe to forget. 10 minutes was all he asked for.

'You don't have to say it…I get the picture…' he almost hissed, his anger and fury shining through him as he abruptly retrieved his hand, starting to rush out of the room with long hasty strides. Without even thinking about it he grabbed a vase from the bathroom counter, tossing it against the wall in powerlessness before he disappeared through the door.

'Vaughn…? Vaughn!' Sydney cried, the confusion being painted on her face when she, a few seconds later, heard the sound of the front door slamming.

- - - - -

A faint breeze forced Sydney to pull her blanket tighter around herself as it discreetly announced Vaughn's return. Even though she knew he had come home she didn't move but continued to sit and stare at some random tv-show playing on the television in front of her. Feeling Vaughn's weight beside her as he sat down on the couch she turned her head locking her angry eyes on his, coercing him into to saying or doing something. Anything. She needed him to explain himself.

'Listen Syd, I didn't mean to…' he started, reaching for her hand while hoping that the touch would mend some of her hurt feelings, but the moment his fingers brushed against hers she moved her hand with a quick, annoyed motion. It was clear that this time her reaction hadn't been caused by the continued discomfort she felt around men, but by a completely normal feeling of desertion – she was angry with him for leaving like that, and her patience was running out,

'I can't believe you ran out on me like that!' Her voice was cold and harsh, in no way disguising how she really felt, and Vaughn's bad conscience made him react instantly,

'And I'm sorry about that Syd, because I know that I told you I could handle anything, but you can't possibly understand how hurt I felt when you…'

'Hurt! What made you feel hurt! I haven't been raped any more or less just because I thought I was pregnant! So what changed so drastically that you had to walk away in rage?' Her anger was carrying her away and she was, perhaps unfairly, taking him apart,

'Why couldn't you be there for me! Why wouldn't you support me?'

'Because I love you god damn it!' He had gotten up, his face curled up in a frustrated frown as he, almost by accident, exclaimed how he truly felt about her. Recognizing her shocked surprise he continued,

'When you told me that Sark had raped you I was so angry, wanting nothing more than to find and kill that bastard, but I didn't do or say anything because I knew it was you I had to focus on… he wasn't important…' trying to hide his uneasiness he added, '…but when I realized that Sark could have made a child with you Syd I just…lost it! I'm the one who loves you, I'm the one you should have children with, not some violent, malicious creep who forces himself on you! I had to find him and…' running out of words he shook his head while watching Sydney approach, the look in her eyes having changed radically in the last few seconds.

'I didn't know you felt this way… I'm really sorry Vaughn…' she almost whispered, feeling utterly shameful as she put her hand on his cheek, trying the best she could to show him how much she regretted her earlier comments. She hadn't considered the fact that her sadness and pain naturally effected Vaughn and she felt awful for not having known that he probably suffered almost as much as she did.

'It's doesn't matter,' he said, holding her just a bit tighter than before, 'I guess we could call it even!'

With a warm smile he looked at her, discretely taking his time to notice her pleasant womanly scent, the exhilarating feeling of her touch and the breathtaking beauty of her face. Never had he known a woman with such magnificent features and at that moment he had to restrain himself not to kiss the fullness of her lips or to let his hands explore her strong, sensual body. But even though he wanted her with every fiber in his body he knew that that was a line he shouldn't cross – Sydney had to be one to make the first move not him, but it had been so long since they'd been together and he really, really missed her.

'You know one thing though?' Sydney asked, reacting to his smile with genuine relief, 'Even if we might be even now…' the playfulness was showing in her eyes, '…the broken glass in the bathroom wont clean itself up!'

He couldn't help but smile at her comment, thinking about just how typical it was of Sydney not to clean up the glass because she wanted to teach him a lesson. And it was exactly one of the reasons why he loved her – she wouldn't let herself be bossed around. By anyone. Mentally repeating those three words of affection he felt a lump in his throat when realizing that Sydney actually hadn't said them back. She hadn't told him that she loved him too and that was very unsettling for him, because what if it turned out that she didn't! That wasn't something he wanted to think about.

'If you open a bottle of wine…' he said, gently caressing the arch of her back, '…I'll take care of the bathroom.'

He let his fingers linger on her back just a few seconds before breaking away, and when he saw the slightly flustered look on her face he watched her with surprise, finding it hard to believe that she had actually responded physically to his touch. It naturally pleased him but it also confused him to some point, because now it made even less sense that she hadn't told him that she loved him too…

As Vaughn left the room Sydney walked into the kitchen, retrieving a nice, cold bottle of white wine from the fridge while feeling exactly as surprised by her own reaction as Vaughn had been. Was she really ready to be intimate with him? Her body seemed to think she was…

Silently pouring wine into two glasses she wondered about the night's events and, in particular, what Vaughn had said to her. She felt guilty for not having told him that she loved him too, because she did from the bottom of her heart, but in spite of that she didn't want to let him know how she really felt before she was also able to actually show him how important he was to her. She wanted to save that moment for a time where she could kiss him and she wasn't sure if she was ready yet – no matter what her body told her.

Hearing Vaughn return from the bathroom she picked up the glasses, elegantly walking in his direction offering him one of them. As he took it their eyes met and Sydney instantly noticed an intensity in her boyfriend's eyes that she hadn't seen in a long time – he looked so happy, so in love, and she couldn't stop herself from reacting to his fierce, charismatic eyes with a warm feeling of attraction. Looking at him she realized how much she missed the relationship they had had at what seemed to be ages ago, and she was happy about the fact that she now was beginning to respond to his subtle sexual requests. That meant that she was at least one step closer to a normal life again.

Without saying a word she smiled, taking his hand, but at the same second the phone rang and Vaughn quickly let her go to pick it up. Watching him Sydney could see how the expression on his face changed and as he hung up she asked with concern,

'Who was it?'

He didn't hesitate to reply,

'Kendall – he wants us to come in right away…' he frowned, '…they have a lead on Sloane…'

- - - - -

People were scattering in all directions at the sight of the young, authoritarian brunette coming towards them with a lowered gun and a fierce look of concentration and determination in her dark, ominous eyes. She quickly, but efficiently, scanned the hallway she was running through, oblivious to anything or anyone that couldn't help her in her search for the two people she was, by now, desperate to find and capture. She knew they were both in the building looking to download the results of some new genetic research and she realized that it was not only important to keep Derevko and Sark from getting their hands on this valuable technology, it was also the perfect opportunity for the agency to in capture two of the country's most wanted terrorists. But neither of those reasons were on Sydney's mind as she turned a corner leading her further into the heart of Brucker Biotech – all she could think about was getting to Sark and somehow, someway she hadn't dared consider yet, make him pay for what he had done to her.

Hearing nothing but her own heavy breathing Sydney found herself in the more distant quarters of the building, getting dangerously close to the main computer, the only source from which Sark and her mother could get the information they needed. The adrenalin was pumping through her as she realized just how close Sark might actually be – chances were that she would run into him before long and even though that seemed favorable it was also something she genuinely dreaded, because there was no way of predicting her own reaction. She might freeze, stunned by both the sight and the memory of him, of his actions, or maybe she would be able to stay calm, emanating the same cold superiority as she usually did under similar circumstances.

Taking a few deep breaths she proceeded down a corridor, forcing herself to think in a strategic fashion making her push her feelings aside, when she suddenly heard the loud noises of people struggling followed by a single gunshot. Without thinking about it she turned back, running towards the door from which the sound had come.

- - -

The stairway was completely empty. With one cautious step after the other Vaughn followed a fellow CIA agent as they were nearing the top ledge of the stairs, both carrying guns ready to use if necessary. It had been a long time since Vaughn had been so nervous on a mission and he knew exactly why he felt this way today of all days – this was the first time since the assault that Sydney actually had the chance to meet Sark again, and Vaughn still doubted if she would be able to handle that or if Sark, once again, would find a way to hurt her, not just physically but also emotionally. It would have been best if Sydney had never went to Stuttgart with the rest of the team, he was sure of that, but now when they were here he had to face the fact that there was no way of stopping her from pursuing Sark at any cost. So, to stop himself from worrying too much, he had spent all day remembering the things that made Sydney such a brilliant spy – that way reminding himself of why she was more than capable of looking out for herself. But he still wasn't convinced, because he knew that there were two sides to Sydney, that she wasn't just the strong, intelligent, rational spy she always appeared to be, but also a soft, emotional, and sometimes insecure person. And it was that part of her he was afraid to lose if she had too many bad experiences – he knew she would always be an excellent spy, but it was her as a person he worried about.

Watching as the agent in front of him opened a door giving them access to the 3rd floor, Vaughn suddenly noticed movement in the hallway ahead of them but before he had a chance to react his colleague was knocked to the ground with a quick, fierce blow. Getting ready to defend himself Vaughn caught the eyes of his attacker and as he recognized Sark he froze for just a second, stunned by the many emotions washing over him that instant – he felt an anger so intense that it was hard to manage, his vindictive feelings almost overcame him as he realized that this was the chance he had been waiting for. He no longer cared about the agency or any genetic research – all he was interested in was finally getting an opportunity to defend Sydney's honor. At last he had that malicious bastard right where he wanted him and now he had to pay!

But the surprise he had felt when seeing Sark had its unfortunate consequences – instead of Vaughn making the first move Sark had already jumped at him, grabbing his arm and banging it against banister in an attempt to make him drop his gun. But, as if Vaughn saw this as a wake-up call, he succeeded in freeing himself, in response twisting Sark's arm in such a way that he dropped his gun instead, hereafter hitting him in the face to get him away. As if wanting to return the favour Sark instantly slammed his elbow into Vaughn's face, quickly thereafter pushing him up against a wall making him lose his gun before being shoved into the banister once more. When Sark struck again Vaughn managed to avoid the blow, in return hitting Sark across the face, making him take a few unsteady steps down the stairway, placing him just a few feet below Vaughn. Stopping a blow from above him Sark hit his opponent right in the kidneys making Vaughn crouch for only a second – but a second was all Sark needed to kick the back of Vaughn's legs making him lose his footing and stumble to the ledge below him. With a swift motion Sark picked up a gun, instantly turning around, pointing it at the man at the end of the stairs.

Knowing it would be impossible for him to get away Vaughn lay perfectly still staring into the eyes of the young, blond man coming towards him with a raised gun and a cold, stern look on his face. There wasn't a doubt in Vaughn's mind that Sark was going to shoot him and he was surprised when his opponent suddenly stood still, lightly shaking his head while sending Vaughn a sarcastic, condescending smile, saying,

'I told Sydney you weren't man enough for her…' he lifted his brows, '…and now I've proven my point…don't you think?'

Taking a few steps he continued,

'Do you really believe that a man like you who can't even stick up for himself, non the less anyone else, deserves a woman like Sydney!'

Pausing as if expecting an answer Sark was staring at the man lying on the ledge in front of him but Vaughn had no intensions of saying or doing anything that might make the gun pointed to his chest go off any sooner than intended. The only thing he did was therefore returning the stare while Sark dismissively shook is head adding,

'I didn't think so, but don't worry…' his smile returned, '…I'll be more than happy to take her off your hands…again!'

The comment was like a blow to his stomach and Vaughn felt every jealous, vindictive feeling fill him again as he saw the vicious, self-satisfied look in Sark's blue eyes. Every part of him wanted to get up and fight but he was trapped and it was obvious that moving more than an inch would be nothing short of suicide – he therefore tried to appear calm but inside he was fighting every second to keep his rage under control.

With a smug look on his face Sark smiled enjoying the obvious effect his comments were having on Vaughn but simultaneously realizing that he had to get this over with quickly. He had already attached a detonator to the main computer to make sure that there would be no evidence left of his, and his accomplice's, whereabouts and he knew that he had to be out of the building within the next 5 and a half minutes. In other words, he was in a hurry. With that in mind he got ready to fire when a thought suddenly occurred to him making him exclaim,

'She hasn't told you, has she?' He tried to suppress a smile while asking his question finding Vaughn's obvious bewilderment highly amusing and therefore he quickly added,

'That when I did her she couldn't stop screaming at the top of her lungs…' he took a step forward, his malicious smile broadening, '…begging me for more…'

Blinded by his feelings for Sydney Vaughn suddenly lunged towards Sark who wasn't late to punish him for his recklessness – a single gunshot was fired to his chest making him fall back in pain. Getting ready to shoot the second time Sark raised the gun again when he suddenly heard another gunshot - this one knocking the gun right out of his hand!

- - -

Having followed the loud noises Sydney found herself on the stairway approximately 1 floor above Sark and Vaughn. The sight of Sark had made her pause, memories of that night filling her mind, while her body was eagerly trying to convince her to give in to her fears and run away. But the minute she recognized Vaughn she pushed all other feelings aside, instinctively reaching for her gun and firing without further consideration. Not giving a damn about Sark at the moment Sydney spurted down the stairs yelling out Vaughn's name, hoping that he wasn't too hurt to answer her. When she reached him Sark was already out of the room and Sydney quickly sat Vaughn up unzipping his jacket to make sure that his bulletproof vest had actually done its job. Seeing the bullet fall to the floor she let out a sigh of relief, resting her head against his, hereafter gently kissing his forehead while asking,

'Are you okay?'

He nodded and in a voice saturated with pain he uttered,

'Go get him…I'll be alright, just go get that son of a bitch!'

Without hesitation she got up, sending Vaughn an encouraging glance before running down the stairs. The door to the 2nd floor was open and she chose to believe that it probably was Sark who had left it that way and she therefore ran through it. Knowing that he hadn't had the time to get too far she picked up her pace, running through one corridor after the next, and when she reached one of the buildings more deserted areas again she suddenly saw him turning a corner ahead of her. Following him she ended up in some kind of storage room where she saw him stop, scanning the place to find a way forward, but before he had a chance to continue Sydney drew her gun, demanding,

'Freeze!'

- - - - -