14th day,9th month,standard year 24933
Master just walked into my room and told me we
were both going to Ilum, where I could construct a lightsabre. I sort of
stood there and blinked.
"You mean I'm allowed to make one now?"
I said finally. I have a few friends who are older then me- though I don't
see them much now- and they say you can't make a lightsabre until you're
'ready'. Was I 'ready'? Because I didn't feel it. My classes weren't that
good, and I never do anything special...although, I did work on a lightsabre
hilt, with the help of Yoda. But I didn't think I'd be getting crystals
for the hilt to complete the 'sabre, not yet, I wasn't ready...
"Yes," he said. "You are. I've informed the Council
that as my apprentice, you should have your own lightsabre to use properly,
not one on loan from the Temple."
I didn't know what to say, so I made do with
"Thank you."
"That's quite all right." And he gave me
a smile- a warm smile- and exited the room.
You know, since I don't write in this journal much, I haven't actually said what I think of him. My Master. He's...hard to figure out. I suppose if you didn't know him, you'd think he was cold and a little harsh. And he's always hard on me when I'm learning my lessons, but when I've done something right, he gives me a proud look and sometimes a smile. He likes me. A few days ago, after I'd finally got the hang of a really hard kata, he took me aside, smiled and said.
"Very, very good. You will be a fine Jedi."
He's like that with the other students too...Yoda asks him to take lightsabre classes sometimes and if a student's just mastered something difficult, he will congratulate them. And,if someone's having difficulty, he'll go over it with them, as many times as needed. I like that about him. He seems to have a soft spot for Tahl, too, I think. Tahl's firey, and not afraid to speak her mind, and I think he likes that, although Yoda says she should control her anger. But I agree with my Master. Tahl is wonderful just the way she is.
It's been a month, though, a month we've been
Master and Padawan, and Yoda came once to check up on us.
"Not developed a proper bond,yet, have you."
"The boy is learning, Master." Dooku had said
patiently. "In time, we will have a training bond, and a strong one, at
that."
I nodded.
Yoda gave us both a look. "Be forced upon one
for sake of advancement, a training bond should not. Develop with trust
and respect, it should."
"Yes, Master," we both said.
But we will form a training bond, I'm sure of it. All Master/Padawan pairs do. But what if they don't?
Never mind. I must pack for Ilum.
*****
16th day,9th month,standard year 24933
We're back. And...
...and there's so much to tell you I'll never be able to write it all in one entry. But here goes:
The flight to Ilum was uneventful. So was getting up to the cave where the lightsabre crystals are. I mean, there was plenty of snow, and I was freezing, but we didn't get attacked by any Ilum monsters that I've heard tell of. It was when we got inside the caves that things started happening.
All these things will probably be garbled and not in the right order and things, but I'm trying. It's just that the caves were...
...well, it was like they could see everything. Like they could see inside me, and to the future and to the past, it was like the caves were made of Force...both sides of Force. Maybe that's why I was so scared when I was outside them.
"Go inside, Padawan," came my Master's calm voice.
I reached for my training 'sabre and took a step forward, but my Master shook his head.
"Your weapon is no use here. The only things you will fight here will be your own fears. The only weapon you can use against them is the strength of your soul." He sounded different saying that...older. (He's only twenty-five, after all.) And...sort of warmer, but colder. I know it makes no sense. It was like.. he was disliking the fears...disliking fear...but was pleased with me.
So I went inside. I walked. I walked for a while, until the light from the cave's enterance had all but gone. There were ghosts. Shadows. Old warriors, gone for centuries. Some smiled. Some didn't. Carvings and names were written on the walls, from the floor to the ceiling, high above me. There were so many. It was like standing inside a history book. Standing inside history. I felt so small, and slightly frightened. Then one ghost broke away from the others, and floated down to me.
"Do you know what you've done?"
He was a man with very long black hair, and purple eyes. His clothing was old. Thousands of years ago. I remembered the things I'd read about Knights long ago. I might even know who this person was. There was a burn across his face. How did he die?
"Do you know what you'll do?"
He isn't real, I thought. He can't scare me. He's just an echo from the past...
...or the future...
"What did I do?"
"You killed us!"
A cold wind blew. But there's no wind in here, I thought, and shivered.
"How?"
"Get out!" he snarled. "OUT!"
The caves shook with that yell. Dust was dislodged and fell around me, sticking to my hair. I stepped back, scared. Something was stopping me from running, though.
"Leave him alone," came the voice of another ghost. A woman this time. She looked even older, an echo from even further back. Her hair was white and her eyes brown. She gave me a grin and turned to the man.
"He did what was right. Leave him be." The man glared and turned his back, vanishing into thin air.
"He didn't kill us!" the woman called. "No more than we killed ourselves." She turned to me and placed something in my hand. "Go, child. You are innocent."
She vanished too. I looked at my hand. It was a blue crystal.
"Thank you," I whispered. I walked again. Through a world of rock and carvings. More visions, but they didn't talk now. Then I saw it.
Well, I heard it first...moaning noises. Something that was scared. When I followed the noises, I found something curled up on the floor. It was a small animal. A baby. It was some creature of Ilum...I'm not sure exactly what. I picked it up and tryed to keep it warm in my hands. It wasn't a vision. At least it didn't feel like one.
"Where did you come from?" I asked it. "Did you climb into here? Maybe I can get you out...can you find your own way?"
But of course it didn't give me any sort of answer, it had fallen asleep in my arms, so I went back to the mouth of the cave, through the shadows, to release it. Hopefully it'd find it's family out there.
But when I got closer to the mouth, it suddenly jumped out of my arms, and started running in the other direction.
"Wait! Come back! Where are you going?" I called, and ran after it. It disappeared, and I stopped. I was in the biggest and deepest part of the cave. It was dark. The only light came from the crystals. They made patterns across the walls and floors, blue, green, a few yellows and purples and pinks... surrounding me in a world of colour.
Then I heard the noise of something running past me. I whirled round. There was a dark shadow on the wall. I watched it, scared, and it grew quickly. I was powerless to stop it. It grew to a monster.
I should have run, or taken out my training 'sabre, or something...but then I looked to the floor, and saw that the thing casting the shadows was the tiny animal I'd found. I breathed a sigh of relief and went to pick it up.
And then there was a scream.
That scream made me freeze. It contained shock and anger and betrayal and despair all in one long, terrified breath.
But the strangest thing was, I knew that scream. I knew it. But I have no idea who it belonged to. Someone I cared about. But who?
As the scream rang out, the tiny little creature I'd rescued suddenly sprung to it's feet. It jumped up. And in a flash of light, it grew bigger. Into the adult form of whatever it was. Huge,intimidating,white teeth and black and red fur. It glared at me through dark eyes, and raised a claw.
I screamed then.
I backed away, because I didn't want to kill it. It's eyes were dark, but there was something in them. I didn't know what.
It raised a claw, and I had to meet the claw with my training sabre. In a flash it's arm lay on the floor,severed. There was no blood. And as I watched,a new arm grew in it's place.
I don't know what happened next. I don't know how to explain it. The animal vanished. A red crystal took it's place. I picked it up and fixed it into the hilt alongside the blue one. The cave seemed to vanish, and there was light. It took me a moment to realise it was the glare of sun.
Someone else came in.
It was a boy. Older than me. Almost a man, in fact. He stood there, alone, looking hopelessly around for something. Every so often he would lift a shadowy object up, looking for something. I noticed he held a lightsabre hilt in his hand too, and then I noticed his eyes. They were sad.
He looked straight at me.
"Ben?" he said.
I shook my head no. "My name is Qui-Gon. This is my lightsabre." I picked it up and handed it to the shadowy figure. He nodded. I saw him taking it apart, taking some of the pieces making mine and placing them in his own. I didn't mind. I was happy.
The sun glared down. I couldn't be in the cave anymore. There was dust and sand beneath my feet.
The man put my lightsabre hilt down on the floor. He looked at it, and then at me. But I got the feeling he couldn't actually see me. "Thank you." he said, and picking up his own 'sabre, left. I saw a sad resolution in his eyes before he vanished from view.
I picked up my lightsabre. There were three crystals now. Blue, red, and a new one, green.
I turned it on. The crystals and all the parts were still there. It glowed emerald. It looked right.
The sun had gone. The sand had gone. I was alone in the dark. Time to leave. But the little animal was there, a saddened mess in the corner of the cave. I gathered it up-very,very nervously- and went outside, through the visions and ghosts, back to the snow. My Master was waiting for me.
I bowed and held out the hilt for him.
"Well done." he said, switching it on and seing the green light. "Very, very well done. What have you got there?" he asked, seeing the creature I was holding. I hurried out further into the snow and let it go. A few seconds later, a bigger creature- obviously it's parent- came and lifted it onto it's back.
My Master came up and placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Again,well done, Padawan. Let's go."