A/N: Omg everyone I'm so so so so so so sorry that I haven't updated in forever, I really am...I've just been so incredibly busy, I've had homework coming out my ears and just lots of stuff going on, plus I lost the notebook that I've been keeping this story in (I write everything out before I type it) and so I couldn't remember what I'd written because I'd got about half of this chapter finished and then I lost it. So yeah. Anyways, I'm REALLY sorry and I PROMISE to update more often. Don't hate me, I love you all tons!
Saturday October 26th
7:45 am
Bed
I've been too depressed to write all week. Wednesday morning I got an owl from Dad asking me what my plans were for Christmas. Not one word about the divorce. I owled back saying I'd come visit for Christmas, because I'm never speaking to Mum again.
8:15 am
Breakfast
All week everyone's been asking me why I've been looking so depressed. I still haven't told anyone why. I want to tell Ginny, but she's never more than three inches away from Harry. It's impossible.
1:20 pm
Common Room
Ginny got fed up with my long face and dragged me away from everyone else.
"What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing!" I said, although I desperately wanted to tell her. Somehow, I just didn't want to see her face as she thought 'Gosh, how awful!' but nonetheless I wanted a hug.
"Don't you lie to me, 'Mione." Ginny said threateningly.
"Nothings wrong! Nothing you can fix, anyway."
"Hermione." Ginny looked all calm and I wanted to slap her. How come she is ALWAYS in control when I never am?
"Fine! You want to know what's wrong? MY PARENTS ARE GETTING A DIVORCE!" I screamed it so loud that the whole common room heard. I realized my mistake a second too late, as everyone present (which was about three quarters of Gryffindor House) went silent and turned to stare at me. But I didn't care. I was beyond caring.
So anyways, I screamed all this out and ran up to the dormitories. I expect Ginny'll be up in a minute to try and cheer me up.
2:30 pm
Bed
No one's been up.
Not that I, you know, want to talk to anyone. So I guess it's a good thing.
2:31 pm
Hmph.
3:45 pm
I've got Quidditch practice in fifteen minutes. I'm not going.
3:50 pm
Maybe I should go.Katie will go ballisticimus on me if I don't show. And she's bigger than me, and mean. And a prat that is an absolute slave-driver when it comes to Quidditch.
3:55 pm
Okay, I'm going. But I'm not - I repeat, NOT speaking to ANYONE about my parents. At all.
4:35 pm
Quidditch Pitch
I hate them all! Every last one of those stupid, awful, bloody sodding PIGS!
I am in the depths of bloody despair here, andKatie YELLS at me for missing ONE sodding catch. Okay, seven. But still. Doesn't she know that my life is falling to pieces? Doesn't she care!
No.
NO ONE CARES. All through practice no one would even look at me. So I wouldn't look at anyone either. Does it matter? The point is that no one gives a poo about me and my feelings.
I swear to God, if Katie yells at me just once more, I'm going to spaz and kill her.
4:40 pm
That's it! I'm quitting this sodding team! Katie is a PRAT! A horrible, bloody PRAT. What does she mean by yelling at me like that?
"Hermione! Pay attention to what's going on! Stop being so bloody stupid!"
I snapped at her, and said, "Fine! I don't want to be on your sodding team anyway!" And then I threw my broom down and stalked off in a tiff.
I could hearKatie raving on, saying, "What in the blazes has gotten into her?"
Yeah, right, like she doesn't know! Stupid lying prat, how dare she act as though she didn't hear my outburst in the common room earlier!
4:45 pm
Oh wait, she actually didn't know - she's been out doing Quidditch Captain-y things since early this morning.
I'm sure Ginny will have filled her in by now, though.
4:46 pm
Sigh. I don't feel like going back to the common room. I think I'll go sit on that little grassy hill-type thing by the lake and brood.
5:20 pm
On the hill
Fellow quidditchers are still at it. Brr, it's getting quite nippy out. What's that charm to conjure up fire again? Oh yes - Luma Solem.
5:25 pm
Nice and toasty here by my little fire.
5:45 pm
The quidditchers are done.I can see Ginny carrying my broomstick.
5:46 pm
God almighty! I was so busy making sure Ginny and Katie didn't spot me over here that I didn't notice Matt sneak up on me. Okay, so he didn't really sneak up on me, it was more of a delicate crashing through the underbrush, but still, it frightened me.
5:50 pm
Matt sat down beside me, and after a few minutes of sweetly romantic (ahem...not) awkwardness, he took my hand and said, "Sorry about your parents." As though by him saying it, it would automatically make everything better.
I just shrugged. "It's not so bad, it's just, well, you know..."
And next thing you know I'm blubbing on his shoulder like some great blubbing type thing.
He just kind of patted my back and made shh-ing noises like I was a baby or something.
God, I must look awful. When I cry my face always turns red and my eyes get really puffy and bloodshot. Not a good look for me, I must say.
6:10 pm
After I'd stopped crying, Matt kind of pushed me onto my back in the grass and kissed me. I kissed him back of course (because that's what girlfriends do) but, well...I just...I just don't feel a spark thing. Not like when Ron and I kissed, because that was all fireworks and waves crashing and planets exploding and jet engines firing and all that other terribly cliche stuff.
6:12 pm
I'm such a horrible person, here my boyfriend is trying to snog me senseless and all I can think about is Ron. RON, of all people.
Tuesday October 29th
9:15 am
Arithmancy
Ginny's been trying to corner me to talk to me about my parents, but I've become quite adept at vanishing into places she won't think to look, such as boy's bathrooms.
12:10
Lunch
If Ginny doesn't stop pestering me I'm going to pull a Voldemort and blast her with Avada Kedavra!
12:20
Loo
Christ, she followed me in here too!
"You can't avoid talking about it forever, 'Mione."
"Why can't I?" I yelled angrily, startling two first-years on their way out the door. "It's not like talking about it is going to fix anything - it's not like I can just have a good cry and everything will go back to normal!"
"I know how you feel, Hermione." she said quietly.
"NO - YOU - DON'T!" I screamed, knocking paper towels over in my angst. "Your parents aren't getting divorced - you don't know, no one does -"
"Yes, I do, actually." Her voice was calm, but there was a hint of coolness to it that told me she was getting angry.
"Yeah, well, take your best shot then." I snapped.
"Well, obviously, you're hurt because you love your parents and you don't understand how they can just not love each other anymore. You wish they were trying to work things out instead of just calling it quits. You're mad at your Mum because you feel this is all her fault, you're angry because you feel like they don't care about you at all, or otherwise they wouldn't be doing this, you're feeling guilty because you're wondering if possibly it's something you did that made them want to get divorced, you're upset because you feel you should have been doing more, you're incredibly depressed, you're pms-ing and you're taking out your anger on your friends and then get even more hurt when they don't come near you at all or talk to you. Is it any wonder Harry and Ron are avoiding you, lately you snap on everything that moves!"
That shut me up for a second.
"You're very good." I said after a pause.
"I know." Ginny said matter-of-factly. "Look, I do understand how upset you are, and we all really want to talk to you and help you out, but you have to let us! Stop being mad at us, it isn't our fault that your parents are splitting up."
"I don't think that at all," I said hotly. "I know it's not your fault."
"Then stop treating us all like it is, hmm?" she gave me a pointed look and then walked out the door, leaving me to fume and fret some more.
2:30 pm
History of Magic
Am I taking it out on Harry and Ron? Usually they're quite willing to let me join in the game of Hangman, but today they won't even look at me. And not in a mean way, but in a She-might-kill-us-if-we-look-at-her-crosswise-so-we-better-just-not-look-at-her-at-all kind of way.
3:05 pm
Hallway
Went up to Harry and Ron after we got out of class.
"Erm...you two, I'm really sorry for the way I've been treating you lately." I said quickly. "I've been taking it out on you, and I shouldn't have been."
"Hey, no problem, 'Mione." Harry gave me a friendly punch on the shoulder. "We understand. It's not a big deal."
"Yeah, not a problem at all." Ron beamed at me, and I felt my heart skip a beat. Oh damn him, why does he have this power over me? And why can't Matt have the same power?
I smiled back at them, and then Ron looked down at his watch and said, "Bloody hell, I've got to meet Lavendar...talk to you two later!" and rushed off. A second later, Ginny showed up and the nice bonding moment me and Harry might have shared was completely ruined.
6:20 pm
Supper
Apologized to Matt as well for being such a bitch. He just kissed me and told me he was used to it. He wants to take a walk after supper.
6:45 pm
Back on the grassy hill-type thing
Matt got me up to the hill and started kissing me again. Next thing you know, we're lying in the grass snogging for all we're worth. It was nice, but nothing spectacular. More like friendly snogging than any sort of passion, at least on my part.
6:50 pm
Oh, bloody hell. Why did Matt have to ruin it? We were snogging along happily, perfectly content, and suddenly he breaks away and looks right into my eyes all serious like, and says, "Hermione, I love you."
What am I supposed to say back to that! I DON'T love him! Yes, I like him, but I do NOT love him. I just kind of stammered something like, "Excuse me, why don't you, I left my brains up at the castle." and scampered away.
7:30 pm
Dormitories
CRAP!