Dear Diary,

I made a deal with the devil...he's not hot or interesting it's...ugh Jax. He thinks he's hot stuff so we made a bet that if I can withstand his 'charms' I get money for my foundation. I got money for saving an old woman's dog and with the money I paid off Janine's and Mike's debts...all of them. The hotel fire was the best and worse time. I had a semi brother/sister reunion/fight and I got to kiss my ex...mmm his kisses wrapped in his strong arms it was a good day...not the fighting with sonny even though it is fun to clash heads...he reminds me of Luis so it's good. Ya I know it's been how many years/months I can't help it he was my angel until I met my leather wearing one.

Sonny has his 'call girl'...whore...don't know what to call her so I'll say mistress living with my ex...Yay no enthusiasm I have a son! His name is Diego. He wants to be in the business no fucking way in hell! Lost too many to the mob he ain't getting involved. He tried to steal from Jason I wanted to laugh so much when I heard that. No one can steal from Jase not only that you'd have to be crazy to try and Diego was he wanted to show ppl he could be tough and macho I so wanted to go a few rounds on the mat with him and show him he has a lot to learn. He thinks since he has street smarts he's all that that...BS.

He tried to choke Jase which was even funnier. I know bad Court shouldn't laugh but I can't help it. Jase left and I sat down and talked with Diego and told him he'd follow my rules or go back to the home services or whatever he didn't want to go back so I laid down rules he goes to school, has a curfew and if he's good like I don't know gets honor role or something I'll take him to AC and show him a legit mob family. Tagilotis are totally legit it's their rep that gets ppl off their back especially the five families those fools tried to mess with them and they lost big…I helped.

Diego can't stand Jax...points for him. I can't stand Jax and will be so happy when the damn bet is over and I can take the money from him and push him out of my life...off a cliff...into an ocean...just far away from me! He's so conceited and annoying and that accent gives me a migraine...oh ya I get them. Doc says its stress I just roll my eyes and Alcazar lightly slaps my arm to get me to be serious. Can you picture goof ball Lorenzo being serious when he's not being a mob ass? No, me either but when it's my health he'll keep his promise I guess to take care of me like I'm supposed to care of him. See the mob takes care of their own.

I have two brothers...Sammie and Lorenzo Sonny made it known I'm not his sister I betrayed him. I want to roll my eyes at how melodramatic and self-righteous he is but hey I'm just the lowly commoner in Sonny's kingdom not like I give a damn. He'll do what he needs to do and I'll try to be there to cushion his fall especially if Carly isn't. Ya I know all Jase and I do is keep our friends/family from crashing but someone's got to do it everyone thinks he's a god or maybe he does but even they fall so you got to be there for them.

Sonny has this defect he pushes ppl away and they are stupid and go away the thing with him is he blames himself for everything! He's a martyr but he'll never admit to it so you let him attack himself and the minute he begins to self destruct and pushes ppl away you push back Carly did it but no offense to her she didn't do it enough she pushed back but it wasn't to keep him safe...not really it was she wanted him back and she wanted his love. I know she deserves it but he's on a spiral downward he don't have time to give her what she wants/needs so she left. Jase can only handle so much so I stepped in and pushed him so hard he exploded at me but he was back from the edge.

I should be a shrink...but then again got my own problems. Lexi told me about Kris she's in the hospital that she wants so much to save her kid that she kinda pushed spam too much and she admitted they lost the girl. It's a shame a beautiful innocent soul is lost but never forgotten. Sonny did the right thing and gave permission for the stem cells so he has one daughter. I'm sorry Jase had to lose another kid...ya I know it wasn't his but he wanted to help raise her...I think it was a her...he would've made one hell of a father. I have this notebook ya I know I have a diary and a notebook but so what. In my notebook I wrote dreams cause Vic got me a stupid shrink who is totally gay but funny so I don't mind him, anyway he said to keep a dream journal so I did...in one I had a dream about Jase as a dad with his kids and a wife...no I wasn't his wife I pictured spam in that role yes I don't like her...she hurt my family and I wish she'd go back with Jax cause he's still annoying me.

Carly is with some doc named Steven...Elizabeth...we've actually gotten past our annoyances and are 'ok' I wouldn't push it past that. She's with Lucky again which I think is perfect they make such an awesome couple like Nik/Emily ya they got married broke the 'curse'. Helena isn't that scary honestly she's freaky I admit but I had a fight with her and when she pushed the wrong buttons...Luis and Jason I slapped her she was so shocked and I waited for her do something but she didn't she just stood there in shock and I shrugged and walked away. Still haven't seen her around...wonder if she's planning anything...oh well my life is chaotic as it is can't get worse.

Court

Dear Diary,

Wahoo! Jason's other sis is finally getting married can you believe it Skye finally corralled her stallion and what a stud Luke is so perfect for her! Diego is in love with Brook and Sage is after Dillian but he's with Georgie and I pray he stays with her I love Sage...I do but she can't jump into anything right away and Alcazar is trying to be a good uncle I'm her aunt I guess, so she comes to me for advice in love...um...why? I'm a divorcee here like I know shit about love. Oh well I tried to help her find someone and I think she's going to go for Zander which I can see especially since he told Faith where to go. Diego has finally given up his dream of being a mobster...yay! happy dance

Bridget was pregnant with Hope put her up for adoption and Spam wants her so...I'll do what I can because I know for damn sure Jase would be an awesome daddy. I met the judge she brought up bad memories but it was ok asked why I lost the kid I said something and she took it the wrong way. Bridget wants her kid back I'm trying to get her to give it to him anyway.

I told them Spam tried to slap me and I ducked Jase's eyes held betrayal we clashed on the docks said I had already taken away one of his kids why was I taking away another...he'll never know how much that hurt. Diego slammed Jax and I won the check. My foundation will be up and I'll be able to help kids so maybe they won't turn out like me/Sonny. Ya I know Sonny is fine but he's got issues hence his little episodes so do I but they're usually when I'm alone...well not but both Max and Marco know to keep their mouths shut or I'll kick their asses...did it once I'll do it again. Anyway let's put more salt on wounds.

Janine comes to town and lays into me about prohibiting her from entering casinos and bars in AC, island, Los Vegas, basically anywhere our name holds power. I paid off all their debts I don't want them starting any more not to mention I don't want to be cheated or have to go through the books all night trying to clean up her/his mess. Ya Mike is cleaning up his act and working at Kelly's to keep busy and pay for his food because I covered his rent. We can act close cause I know ppl see us together and are like 'aww' how cute father/daughter bonding...not...too much bitterness and pain underneath but hey I hide it well under blond hair and a fake thousand-watt smile.

Sonny likes whiskey I prefer hard music, pool, and Vodka to deal with my pain. Oh and my foundation...its coming but the press...ugh if I hear one more person ask me about stripping I'm going to take Jason's precious gun and shoot them all! Skye just laughed but Luke...I love him...he promised me he'd go with me and I was like yes! Let's go.

Don't know if we'll ever dig ourselves out of this hole...I think I'm finally adjusting to my life once I get the foundation fully off the ground then I'll leave for a while and finally heal instead of pushing it off and hiding it under bandages that can easily be peeled off.

My shrink is part of my board which is awesome cause he knows when I need a break and he also knows to keep Jax out of the office...unfortunately he's on the board I wish someone would buy him out...I still have Jase's check ya I returned it to him but then somehow it was in my mail box I'm thinking Max/Marco/Jase himself...don't know. Anyway maybe with the check I can buy Jax out and it'll be Jase instead...damn...that won't work either of course he'd be silent partner not like Jax is silent. Don't know I'll talk to Elton and see what he thinks.

Diego and Brook are closer so the rules are stricter and he knows I'm working and tired and stuff so he's learned not to push me. Sammie's been coming to town a lot staying at the loft and Diego is so cool with that he thinks Sammie is like an uncle which he kinda is. I'm laying down and writing got another migraine and can hear them talking about how stress is bad but it's not like I can help it I got too much on my plate but once I have everything situated then I'll take small bites.

I Met Carly's dad John Durant...does she know how annoying and full of crap he is? Guess not when it's your long-lost dad you look at him with rose colored glasses and nothing he does is wrong but see he tried to screw my family up...not Corinthos/Morgan I'm talking about Tagiloti/Alcazar ya they weren't legit then but what he accused them of was wrong and it went to court...well mob court if you'll believe it. All the families of AC got together to decide how to handle it, it almost cost them their rep I so wanted to punch him, and then he threatens me to Jase. Why he defended me I don't know...but whatever when he left I had my own talk with him...ok my fist did most of the talking it's not like I hurt him. I'm a weak girl here. Diego stopped me from really slamming him but I was soo mad I'm sick of being threatened and sick of having to act scared when I could do damage to them. I'm no bunny!

Courtney