Disclaimer: Regulus, Sirius, and the rest of the Harry Potter universe belongs to JKR. I am not JKR.
WARNING: HBP Spoilers contained; minor this chapter, very major later on.
Brother Mine —
You were sorted into Gryffindor?
Really?
. . . was that a joke?
Somehow, from Mother's reaction, I don't think it was.
I think I should be more surprised than I am. But I'm not. Gryffindors are supposed to be brave, right? You've always been the brave one. You've always been my protector. Remember the time when I broke one of Mother's favorite china plates, and you said you'd done it? She blew up at you. You still have the scar along your cheek from one of the shards of china she hurled at you. And she just repaired it afterwards, anyway. I never understood why she got so angry. But you protected me. You always protected me.
Still, you can be brave and be in Slytherin, right? Slytherin's tradition. We're Blacks, you know — we belong in Slytherin. I know you like being different, but — oh, I don't know.
I can't help but feel a little bit like you've betrayed us. Betrayed me.
This is a stupid letter. For one thing, I started with "brother mine" — how stupid can you get?
But I couldn't bring myself to write your name. Don't know why.
I still can't.
This is so stupid. I'm not going to send it. I'll just throw it in the fire and start over.
— Regulus
Brother Mine —
Um, congratulations. On getting into Gryffindor.
Oh, sod it, I can't do this.
And I still can't write your name.
—Regulus
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He tries again and again, but he simply can't. He cannot write his brother's name.
Brother Mine —
I've given up. I just can't do it. Write your name, that is.
You betrayed me, know that? I loved you so much, and you went prancing off to Gryffindor. Wasn't our friendship worth anything? You're my brother. You can't walk away from me like that.
I wonder what you'll think when you don't get any letter from me. That I'm angry at you, probably. Well, I think I am. But that's not why.
I can't write your name.
I can say it fine. That's different. But I can't write it.
The fire sure is getting a lot of kindling tonight.
— Regulus
Brother Mine —
Got your letter. All your new friends sound great.
I hope you picked up on the sarcasm.
Not that you'll ever get this letter. I've given up on that.
But I kind of like writing them. I can get as mad at you as I want, or as sappy as I want, and you won't know.
You didn't even say you missed me. You went on and on and on about James and Peter and Remus and how great they are and not one "miss you" or "love you" (although I can't say I expected that).
But I miss you. And I love you, too.
Not to mention that I envy you and I need you and I'm starting just a little to hate you.
— Regulus
Brother Mine —
Mother and Father got a letter from your Head of House today. It said that you and James Potter used an illegal hex to make some Bertram Aubrey guy's head swell to twice its normal size.
You've only been at Hogwarts a month and a half, and you've already gotten caught using an illegal hex. You should be glad you've only got a double detention.
Illegal. You realize that? You've only just turned twelve, and you've already been found using illegal magic. And just for fun.
I don't understand you. Really, I don't.
— Regulus
Brother Mine —
I got your letter. About your birthday. (A few weeks after the fact, I might add.)
So glad to hear that birthdays at Hogwarts are so much better than the ones here. So glad to hear that your friends there appreciate you more than we ever did. So glad to know you'll find it perfectly easy to just drop me for those Gryffindors.
Well, I don't care. You can do whatever you want. Next year, I'll come to Hogwarts, and find my own friends. In Slytherin. And I won't miss you.
And I won't be sad when I throw this in the fire. Not this time.
— Regulus
Brother Mine —
I still do love you, you know.
— Regulus
Brother Mine —
I have to say, it's lonely here without you. You and Bella and Andie and Cissy all off at Hogwarts. But I miss you most.
I'm not sure if I could write your name now. Maybe. But I've stopped trying.
Only a little over a month until you're home for Christmas. I'm looking forward to it so much, but I'm also kind of scared. What if you don't want to hang out with me anymore? What if you'd rather be with your Gryffindor friends than us?
I half want to blow up at you, when you come. But I miss you too much.
It's so boring here, with only Mother and occasionally Father. And the portraits. I spend all my time memorizing life histories of our ancestors and learning Latin poetry. And when Father's here, I have to recite everything I've learned since last time, and it's never enough. It was easier with you here, because you were always lazy and didn't do the lessons. And I was the better son. But now I'm the only one. I don't compare favorably with anyone.
You always protected me. I never realized how much.
But now you're gone, and you know what? I'm not relying on you anymore. From now on, I'm going to defend myself. I'm not going to let anyone be my protector anymore.
You can't trust protectors.
— Regulus
Brother Mine —
I hate you. I hate you and I always will.
I thought you were coming back to us, that I'd finally see you again. I thought just maybe we'd have Christmas like we used to. You'd be my brother again.
Then, the morning of the day you'd be finally coming home, I walked down the stairs and found Mother standing in the hallway with a note in her hand, her lips all stiff and white like they get when she's really angry.
She gave me the note. It said you were staying the holidays at the Potters.
You didn't even ask. Just decided to go off to the Potters and forget about us.
Well, I don't care.
Not a bit.
— Regulus
Brother Mine —
It's a really good thing you didn't come for Christmas. I'm quite glad you weren't here.
I mean, if you had been, I wouldn't have spent so much time with Bella. She started teaching me magic, you know. Not just stupid stuff like Wingardium Leviosa. She's teaching me some really cool stuff, and letting me use her wand.
I didn't miss you at all.
— Regulus
Brother Mine —
It's been two months since I last wrote you.
I've been working out of a text Bella gave me. Mother's letting me use her wand, and I'm getting quite advanced.
I just wanted to say that I don't need you anymore.
— Regulus
Brother Mine —
Heard that you went around all April 1st dressed up as a white sheep making obscene gestures at our cousins and the other Slytherins.
I am not amused.
— Regulus
P.S. Mother told me that she's sending a letter to you demanding that you come home over Easter.
Doesn't matter to me. I'll be spending all my time with Bella anyway.
Brother Mine —
I am so sorry. I am so, so, so, so sorry.
I resolved to completely ignore you over the holidays. I stayed home when Mother went to get you from the station, reading in my room. She made you come greet me, which you did very resentfully. I barely acknowledged it, just nodded without looking up from my book.
You and I hardly even saw each other over the course of the holidays, except at dinner a few times. Bella was over constantly to help me with my studies. I enjoyed my time with her. I loved ignoring you.
Father was home for Easter supper. I noticed him looking at you angrily across the table, but I didn't care. I'd stopped myself from caring.
After supper, Bella and I went into the library to work on my studies. After a few hours, she sent me up to bed and went to join the grown-ups' discussion.
I was heading upstairs to my room when I heard a sound from your room. The door was ajar, so I went over and looked in.
You were standing over at the window, leaning on the sill, staring out onto the street. You didn't have a shirt on, and it took me a moment to realize that the dark stuff on your back was blood.
I took a step forward, and the floorboard creaked. You turned around, and sort of snarled at me when you saw who I was, and shoved me out and slammed the door in my face.
So I'm sitting here right now in my room, writing this, and my nose is still smarting a bit where the door hit it, and I'm thinking about you and all the dark blood dripping off your back, and I think I might just be sick.
I am so sorry. For everything.
I guess I need to light a fire for this. You know. To burn it. Before Kreacher or someone finds it lying around.
—Regulus
A/N: Well, this is the first thing I've ever posted on FFN without having the rest of it already written, so wish me luck to finish it . . . I think I actually might, though. I have two pages of the next chapter written, as well as two pages of a far later chapter that I scribbled down when I first got the idea. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed; I know the beginning was rather weird, but I just needed to get the story into gear. Now that I've set it up, things should be a bit more fluid. In any case, please review? You know us writers, we're half-crazed and start foaming at the mouth at the word "review". makes puppy eyes