A/N: Hey everyone, how is the story so far. I hope it wasn't a disappointing type of sad story. I hope you guys like it leave a review okay.

Disclaimer: I don't own RK

Kenshin's point of view

Three years after the incident and I still feel like a hollow shell. Kenji is growing up to be a big boy with a child like innocence and an optimistic look on life. At least he is still happy. I can't stand how much he reminds me of Her sometimes. His big blue eyes and how he suddenly needs catfish every night. Even though Kaoru is gone, I still sit next to the river bound by what my boy what asks for. Being a person that used to kill and get hurt in the process I have built up a tolerance to pain. But in all my years I have never felt a more horrible pain than the one that follows me wherever I go, keeps me up at night, and doesn't let me forget. The pain that one would try to cry away only to find it is still there holding on to me like a loving friend. The pain that leaves you numb inside but only enough to intensify the hole from my broken heart. The one from losing someone…from losing her. I looked up at the orange sky and anticipated the best part of my day. The Moon was about to come out.

I felt something tug at my line, I pulled hoping I could go home and get this over with. When the shadow got to the surface, it thrashed about revealing it was the one I wanted. I put it in my bucket and began to walk home. As I was walking over the bridge I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the water. My face looked rugged, aged by my never-ending pain and stress. The creases ran deep like a river allover my face. Facial hair also made an appearance. I couldn't believe what I saw but I knew deep inside it couldn't be truer. I haven't been myself lately. I still do chores around the house make sure my boy has everything he needs from the moment he wakes till he is sound asleep. But as soon as he is I grab a bottle of sake and head back to the river to spend time under the silver glow cast by the Moon. I sit there all alone drowning my pain and sorrow with the alcohol. I repeat this same process every day without fail. I began walking again listening to the gravel crunch under my feet with every step. Everyone stared at me with worry painted across his or her face. I continued on towards home. I took a deep breath of air perfumed by the falling cherry blossoms. Kaoru loved the way they danced towards the ground.

"DADDY!" Kenji yelled excited as he ran to me. A hug and a kiss greeted me. "Whoa, that's big." He started dancing, filled with excitement from the fish I caught. I lifted and situated him on my shoulders. "Daddy guess what?"

"What Kenji?"

"Today auntie Ayame came to play with me."

"What did you two do?"

"We played with a ball, the paper kind that she had to blow. I didn't let it touch the ground."

"Wow really? You kept up with it this time didn't you."

"Uh-huh, one day I will be a strong man like daddy. I'll use my sword to help people."

"I hope you don't become a wanderer though."

"Maybe I will, I think I want to."

"Why do you say that Kenji?"

"Cause if you never became a wanderer then you never would've met mommy. You told me you love her very much and I wanna find someone to love too." I felt my heart wrench with pain at what he said. I do love her, and I always will. I hope Kenji finds someone too I just hope he doesn't have to go through this kind of pain.

"I'm sure you will find someone, but how bout we talk about that when you get older?"

Kenji smiled and said, "Hai, alright daddy, when I'm older." We roasted the fish together and he ate the thing all by himself. I ate rice and miso watching in amazement of his appetite. He became sleepy quickly, especially after his huge meal. I left him in the care of Yahiko and Tsubame and started back for the river, three bottles in hand. I memorized my way there in the dark so even though my eyes didn't adjust yet I arrived at the river easily. I sat under the tree and began to drink while talking to the Moon.

"I miss you so much. Kenji reminded me of the day we met. He said that he wanted to grow up to wander like me. He wanted to meet someone during his wanderings and fall as deeply in love with her as I did you." I finished the first bottle and wished I brought more. What Kenji said made me hurt more than usual. I looked up at the moon and began crying. "I would give anything to see you again. Your loving eyes, tender smile, and touch as gentle as a spring breeze. Kaoru why did you leave?" I finished the second bottle with one swift gulp. I felt its effects kicking in. My pain started going away but was haunted with the fact that this was only temporary comfort. "Help me… Kaoru I don't want to settle for this kind of a life." I was beginning to feel again so I gulped the third bottle down faster than the first and second. It was hard to make out anything in the darkness. My surroundings became fuzzy and I knew what was about to happen. I tried to stand up and go home but instead of that I was drawn to do something else. I went to buy a stronger drink, western liquor. I decided to buy wine and returned. I drank it down with reckless abandon. Of course I still was left empty I hated what I just did. Never on my life did I ever drink this much. It felt like I burned a hole in my stomach. Using Kaoru's sudden death as an excuse was the worst thing I could do. Everything was blurry and dark and the only thing that I could see clearly, was the Moon above me. I kept blinking because I swore I saw her face, tears falling from it. I was overcome with guilt and the last thing I remember was saying… "Kaoru…I'm so sorry…I miss you so much" I tried to fight it but obviously lost.

The next morning

I woke with a very painful headache. The door slid to the side letting in a very painful light. I didn't see who walked in but guessed it was a doctor because the figure gave me an herbal medicine. She helped me drink it down. I looked up and could see her face…Kaoru. " Kaoru my love, I missed you so. I'm so sorry for letting myself go I promise to change because I can already feel my pain going away."

"Kenshin it's me, not Kaoru, it's Megumi." I blinked in a desperate attempt to prove my ears wrong. But they weren't it was Megumi.

"Megumi…What happened to me?"

"Kenshin, Sanosuke found you this morning past out next to the river surrounded by bottles of sake and a strong wine." She stopped, strongly disturbed by what I did. "He picked you up and took you home. I know you are overcome with pain but please promise you won't do something like that again. What kind of example is it for Kenji? Having a depressed drunk for a father."

"I know what I did, I can't believe I let it go so far. I missed her more than usual yesterday because of something Kenji said." I felt tears fall from my eyes.

"I'm sorry, but what did he say?" I looked at Megumi waiting for the right moment to say. Usually I cry alone, but this time I did it in her presence.

As tears were steadily running down my face I told her, " He said he wants to be a wanderer like me. He hopes that while he is he'll find someone to love as much as I loved Kaoru. I think children are more sensitive to feelings than adults are."

"Kenshin, He isn't the only one that can see and feel your suffering. We all do, I do."

"I know and I'm sorry for putting you all through this." She looked away, disappointed making me wonder if it was something I said.

"Kenshin, I don't think reliving your pain at the river is going to make things better. What do you do there anyway?"

"I spend time alone." I didn't want to tell her that I go there to be with Kaoru.

"Well okay but be careful, I don't want you to get sick." I tried standing but was stopped when she put her hand on my chest. "Where are you going?"

"I need to get a fish."

"Yahiko is already doing that, I will do the cooking today, and Sano will do the other chores around the house."

"And Kenji?"

"Tsubame and Ayame are with him right now." I couldn't believe they were all doing this to help when the reason I can't really move is because I drank until I passed out. Megumi left water at my side then left the room to do other chores.

Megumi's point of view

I left the room sliding the door shut. I could finally stop hiding the pain I felt. I couldn't believe what he was putting himself through. What would happen to Kenji if he left us? He was crazy. I made my way to cook breakfast and saw Kenji playing tag with Tsubame. His unstoppable laughter was what made me so happy. When I finally got to the kitchen I started soup. When I turned to get the Tofu Yahiko got that morning I saw Sanosuke standing there, looking very worried. "How is Kenshin?"

"Kenshin is fine, he just needs to rest. But I'm worried about him Sanosuke; we can't just let him writhe in pain. It's almost as if I can feel his health deteriorate with every passing day."

"I know, I feel the same way. It just isn't right to be depressed so long."

"Maybe we should find someone for him to talk to."

"Yeah fox, like who."

"I don't know, maybe Hiko can slap sense into him, or what about you? We can all come and try to talk to him."

"Okay I'll go right now." Sano left me to cook and went to talk to Kenshin.

Sanosuke's point of view

I arrived at Kenshin's bedroom. It was dark in a very depressing sort of way. "Kenshin? Are you awake?"

"…Kao…ru" Of course what else would he be dreaming about. I walked over and sat next to him. He has changed so much since that night. Tears were flowing from his eyes as he mumbled about his dream. "Kaoru I miss you, I love you, I love you so much."

"Kenshin, snap out of it, do you really think Kaoru wants you to go through this. I'm sure she would want you to be happy. Common and snap out of it already, live a happier life with Kenji."

"I can't"

"Kenshin? Your awake?" He rolled over and looked at me with pleading eyes.

"Please Sano help me. I can't go on living like this, I want to be happy for Kenji's sake, for my sake." I put my hand on his shoulder to try to comfort him.

"Kenshin, Don't worry I'll help you. Even if it takes years for you to finally accept that you can be happy, that Kao would want you to be happy." Kenshin nodded his head to acknowledge what I said.

"Arigato." Kenshin closed his eyes and feel asleep.

A/n: hey everyone! Thanks so much for reading see you in the next chapter.