54. Glass Breaks
33rd day, 5th month, standard year 24937 (well, almost)
I don't know where Amiri is. We can't reach her.
*****
33rd day, 5th month, standard year 24937
Oh Force if you can hear me, please make her come back somehow, please, she's gone, I expect she doesn't want to return and it's all my fault, tell me where she is DO something, she's been gone for hours, she CAN'T have done anything wrong...
...she'll walk though the door any minute now, I love you, bring her back please....
*****
35th day, 5th month, standard year 24937
I tried to erase everything up there, but I couldn't.
Amiri, why can't you contact us? Please? How could you be so selfish? You're not selfish, you're not.
So that means you must be
*****
1st day, 6th month, standard year 29437
Dead.
*****
I sat at the table. Master came in suddenly.
"I will never forgive him for this. Not ever."
He pulled his robe down from a hook on the wall and put it on. It's funny. He hardly ever wears it. It makes him look strange.
"Where are you going?"
"To the Council, whether they'd like to see me or not."
"Let me come with you."
"Very well."
I jumped up from the table and went to find my own robe. As I put it on, he spoke.
"It isn't your fault, Padawan. I blame just a few people...not one of them is you."
I nodded.
Then he added. "I would also appreciate it if you let me do the talking."
We left. Down the corridors, past Amiri's abandoned room, past various people walking the opposite direction, and to the Council Tower.
------
Mapru was waiting for us. I looked up at my Master, but his expression was unreadable.
"Master, I think it's best we ignore him..."
Mapru overhead, and stepped in front of the door.
"Ignore him. Such childishness, hmmm? And from a Padawan of yours, Kanak. Isn't that suprising?"
My Master made a noise a little like a growl, and stepped towards him. "And your own Padawan, Tilmar? It's a shame he isn't dead...isn't it?"
The Council Chamber door opened and Vione came out. She took one look at the situation and her claws came out. (She's a Lecu Noorian. She can do that. Personally, I think it would hurt...her hands are all scarred over.)
"Enough," she said.
They stopped. At least it hadn't come to blows.
"Thank you. Dooku, I'm sorry. Go back to your quarters, this won't solve anything."
"I'm not sure about that."
"Please." She sounded very tired. "Have you forgotten what you are? You're a Jedi. And this is not the way you act."
He glared at her.
"The same goes for you, Tilmar," she added, not glaring back.
He grunted.
I spoke up. "Amiri's gone, Master Vione. She might be dead. What's going to happen? Aren't you going to do anything?"
Everyone looked at me. I remembered I'd been told not to say anything.
"We've sent out a search party, we've checked footage from the secruity cameras...we've done all we can. What more would you have us do?"
"She left of her own free will," Mapru spoke up.
"In answer to your question, Master Vione," I said loudly, in order to drown him out if he started speaking again. "I would like all of you to stop acting like she's some sort of criminal! She wouldn't have left if..."
I glanced at my Master; he didn't say anything. In fact, he was encouraging me to continue with his eyes.
"...if you hadn't done what you did."
Vione rubbed the scars on her hands; her claws had retracted. "We acted within the Jedi Code. It's been around for centuries, we're entited to seperate Masters and Padawans if we think they've been paired wrongly."
"But you don't know. You can't see into Amiri's mind. Or Vulna's." I added, wondering where he was anyway. "You've made a mistake. Everyone has, me included, probably...and we have to put every effort possible into making sure we find her! She's one of our own. She's like family!"
"And Jedi don't have family." Mapru said.
"I know. But I don't care!"
The Council room door, left forgotten, opened. Yoda stepped out, clutching his stick tightly.
"Care," he said determinedly, "you should."
"Yoda-" my Master spoke up.
"Master Yoda!" he snappped. "Why are some things so hard to remember, for younger Jedi? Respect. Care. Why is this?"
"My concern is for Amiri," I said. "not about whether thousand-year-old rules are kept or broken."
Yoda closed his eyes. I expected my Master to speak up then, but he didn't.
"Correct, Master Mapru is. Amiri left of her own free will." Master did open his mouth at this, but Yoda held up a hand to stop him. "Lost she is. Perhaps not forever. But we have done what we could. No more can we do."
Master opened his mouth again, but then he just turned his back and left, leaving them and leaving me. I looked around at the remaining three people in the room, bowed, and then ran after him. No-one tried to call me back.
*****
2nd day, 6th month, standard year 29437
After I'd done my lightsabre practise for the day....five hours trying to force down my fear and anger, it was the most difficult lesson I'd ever had...I went to find Vulna. I was worried. I didn't know where his new quarters were, I hadn't seen him in any classes, and I wanted to see if he was okay.
I found him in the Glass Room. The Glass Room is odd. The ceiling's made of glass, and there's glass shelves stacked with glass ornaments and things. And there's a bed in there,a four-poster one. There's of lot of mystery surrounding that room...they say it belonged to the person who founded the Jedi order, and we're not supposed to go in there. But a lot of people do anyway...us Padawans, at least. We'd get punished if we were caught. I'm too afraid to. In case I knock over any glass or something. That wouldn't be nice. At all. But I went in there just this once.
I was taken aback by how pretty it was. I'd seen it sometimes, but I'd never actually stepped inside it. But now I had, and if you looked up you could see the whole sky. I loved it instantly. I'm going to have to go back in there sometime.
Anyway, Vulna was sitting on the bed, just staring off into space. He didn't seem to even notice me. I sat down too and put my hand on his shoulder.
He didn't speak for a while. I looked up at the sky. It was blue, turning red.
Finally he spoke.
"She didn't say goodbye to me."
And the guilt I suddenly felt for being the last person Amiri had spoken to far outweighed all the other guilt I held.
"I didn't even see her," he whispered. "She never said goodbye."
I tightened my grip on his shoulder.
"She...said some things to me," I said, and his head jerked up to look me in the eyes.
"What did she say?!"
I swallowed. "She told me you were like her own child. And she asked me to be your friend. To look after you."
He turned away, and then I realised he was crying.
"Shhh...it's okay, it's okay....We'll try and find her. We will find her." I said.
He swiped at his face with his sleeves.
"She loved you, Vulna."
"Jedi can't love." he hissed, and he pushed the pillows stacked up on the side of the bed. "They can't!"
I remembered something my Master had said. About Vulna not caring enough, not about light and not about dark. Well, he cared for love. And love was neither.
I think.
I waited why Vulna cried. Then, finally, he looked back up at me again.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For trying. For going up against the Council and stuff. And your Master, too. Thanks."
"That's okay." I said awkwardly.
"I'd better go." he said. The tears were gone from his face now. But I could sort of sense a whirlwind of emotions coming from within him. My Master's last words were given to him. Not me...
I took one last look at the sky and walked to the door with him. We parted ways in the corridor.
"Don't forget, Vulna," I said quietly as he walked away. "She did love you."
-----
When I got back, something happened. The room was dark. I could hear someone muttering to themselves in the other room. I felt a flash of fear. I opened the door and went in. It was my Master.
There was a bottle in his hand. He was muttering things about Yoda.
"....oh, the arrogant troll, not a warm bone in his body, not anything in him that might consider being kind to a frightened kid..."
I watched warily.
"I was too dangerous, of course, a time-bomb of evilness, future murderer, soulless demon, etc etc etc, and HE agreed, and HE only took me to get all the evil demonic murderer vile wicked nastiness out of me...otherwise they'd have sent me somewhere horrible, some war-ravaged planet, probably hoping I'd die....to hell with it, they probably had the cake and the confetti waiting so they could throw a party when I did die..."
I picked up the bottle and went to throw it out of the window.
"Don't!" he yelled, sane for a split second. "The window? Are you completely mental? It would hurt someone! KILL someone, probably! Think!"
"Oh. Sorry," I said sheepishly, and threw it in the waste disposal instead.
"Honestly," he continued, waving his arms about in a rather strange manner. "They call themselves good people? When so far all they've really suceeded in is hurting innocent children? If it weren't for you, and the fact that I'm training you, I'd be out of here like a shot. Become a poet. Or a pirate. Or a smuggler, or a Sith. No no no, really don't like them at all. If you had more sense, you wouldn't either. You should get out while you can, become a sewage worker or something creative like that."
He reached behind the cupboard and pulled out
another bottle. He took a long drink. "Not that you're senseless, o'course.
An' I'm not senseless either. Now kindly escort
me to my bedroom, Master Jedi, mad ramaging wallpaper is eating my socks."
He moved to throw his bottle out of the window
and I forced it out of his hand and dropped that in the disposal as well.
He flopped into the sofa, stayed there for a few minutes while I watched
nervously and suddenly went back to normal.
"What...did I do?" he asked, barely daring to look at me.
"Well, you were going on about how everyone hated you and how Yoda thought you were dangerous," I said hesitantly. "Then you started ranting about how the wallpaper wanted to eat your socks, so I decided it would be wise to not take everything you said entirely seriously."
"Oh," he said, and I've never seen anyone look
more embarassed. There was a silence for far too long.
"I'm very, very sorry, Padawan." he said finally,
and I knew he meant it.
"S'alright." I managed to say.
He nodded and turned to go to his quarters. Possibly to check on his socks.
I can't sleep.
*****