Just got back from a family trip to Vegas—plenty of inspiration. I also went back and changed a few things in earlier chapters, once I realized how off-based I was. I've gotten over my bump, and now know exactly what's happening, so stay tuned! Thanks to everyone who's reading and reviewing! lyssa
Sara spent the next few days puttering and on the phone with Lilly. She tried three different arrangements of the dining room table and did things like pick out paint chips. She felt faintly ridiculous and fraudulent doing it—she had no idea what this was about. Lilly consoled her and advised her to pick colors like purple and gold-toned beige accents for her bedroom when Sara decided she wanted something with very rich, dramatic undertones in preferably darker, feminine colors. Lilly told her ruefully that the purple with gold-toned beige accents were probably the only colors that fulfilled those requirements. She picked ocean tones for Jules and rich purples, mauves, magentas, and pinks for Grace, per their mother's instructions. The kitchen was very ugly, so she picked a tile mosaic for the backsplash in the kitchen, blue-green paint for the rest of it, stainless steel countertops, and frosted-glass maplewood cabinets. Lilly seemed like she would be excellent at designing and she decided to wait before picking more things out.
Tuesday morning she awoke very early and went on a run before showering. She loved running; it was her way to pound out all her thoughts and frustrations and anxieties. It was already very hot. The girls and Lilly were supposed to arrive around one but they were calling ahead of time. She cleaned a little bit more and paced a lot.
About noon, her cell phone rang. After jumping out of her skin, Sara answered it breathlessly, "Hello?"
"Hey," Lilly said apprehensively. "We're about thirty minutes ahead of schedule. We'll be there in about a half hour."
"Okay, great. You have directions?"
"Yes. The moving van is right behind us." Lilly's lips curved upwards. "Quit freaking out. The girls actually might be excited." Sara could hear a begrudging, "Only not really" in the background. "It's going to be wonderful," Lilly continued without a hitch "Thank you again for everything."
"No problem. I'll be inside." Sara smoothly hung up the phone and began tapping her fingernails again.
She spent the next half hour obsessively watching the driveway. Her heart jumped a mile when she saw two cars pull up, first a silver SUV followed by a sea green Taurus.
Both cars stalled briefly before stopping. Sara stared out the window until the occupants of the first car—Lilly from the passenger side and a teenager from the driver's side—got out, daughter helping mother, before she ran outside.
The teenager from the first car was very slender with a soft boyish figure; she wore jeans and an Indian blouse with three-quarter sleeves even though it was August and they were in Vegas. The blouse was very loose and a gorgeous aquamarine color, with silver and blue beading. Her hair was a very dark blonde and flipped outward with many layers and brushed-aside bangs. Her skin was light beige, her makeup flawless, her face a cute heart-shape. Large Jackie-O sunglasses were perched on top of her forehead.
Lilly looked much frailer than the last time Sara had seen her; she must have lost at least ten more pounds. She had eschewed the auburn wig in favor of a stylish purple scarf, but that made her cheeks look even more hollow and sunken-in. She wore a linen sweater—Sara suspected being sick made her feel cold much more profoundly—and comfortable slacks, and looked like she was down to her inner steel wire with nothing to disguise it.
The second twin—Sara felt horrible because she didn't which one was which—emerged from the Taurus. Her hair was shorter, about chin length, with side swept bangs. It was a little darker than her sister's, more sun-kissed brown than ash blonde, but there was very little difference. She was larger—bigger, broad shoulders, long powerful arms, curvy chest and hips, and defined legs. She was very muscular, but not bulky or fat—it made her look clean and strong. Her face was longer and more ovular and her skin was tawny. She had deep, bright blue, nearly violet eyes—twin one had more muted blue-green-gray ones—and flawless makeup, too, though less of it. She wore a coral tank top edged with gold sequins and a coral-and-gold drawstring layered prairie skirt, which looked quite cute. Long earrings dangled towards her neck. She walked purposefully towards her mother, and stood on the other side. They climbed the twisting path towards the porch where Sara stood.
"Sara," Lilly stepped forward first to embrace her. "How are you doing?"
"Good. I've been good." Sara swallowed and smiled. "How about you?"
"It's been busy. Very stressful. Some good, some bad, of course," she stepped back. "This is Grace." The first twin, in the aqua shirt, stepped forward to hug Sara.
"Great to meet you." Sara smiled and hugged her. "You must be Jules." She turned to the taller twin.
"Yeah," Jules smiled bravely and hugged her, too.
They stepped back, "Well, do you want to see the house first? I've picked out my bedroom, but you two can have whichever one you want."
"Let's walk-through." Lilly said, and the girls took her sides again, "Girls, I'm fine. Quit worrying so much."
Jules gave Sara a sardonic smile, "She says that a lot. Don't listen to her."
"A'right," Sara said. She led them in, "A lot of the furniture I've purchases has arrived. I haven't begun to contemplate decorating, though; you guys have to help with that."
"Oh! You girls will love that, won't you?" Lilly said archly and firmly.
Sara showed them around, pointing out features and rooms, "This is yours, Lilly." she said, stepping in to the master bedroom.
"Oh, Sara, no. I can't. This is your home; we're guests. I'll stay in a regular bedroom."
"No, seriously. You need to be downstairs and comfortable. This is your room."
For the millionth time since they had started planning this, Lilly looked out of place, awkward, and grateful. "Sara, you've done too much." She murmured.
They walked through the other rooms, "This will look really nice when you finish decorating," Grace observed.
"Thanks," Sara led them up the stairs. "I didn't know which bedrooms you two wanted, or what colors to paint. I also don't know when we're going to get everything done. School starts in two weeks."
"It doesn't matter." Jules said, "Let's just get everything moved in, and then maybe order something in and have you show us around town?"
Sara shrugged. "Yeah. That'll work. We can drive by the school, too. It's right near here." The girls looked at each other and shrugged and nodded.
They set an Adirondack chair up on the front porch with a blanket for Lilly and Jules, Sara, and Grace spent the next two hours helping the moving men. Sara was hot, sweaty, and sore, and completely shocked when Nick Stokes pulled into her driveway at 3:30. Jules, still looking overdressed, stood next to the Soffe-clad Sara on the porch and watched him pull in, "Who is that?" she said with interest.
"Nick. My friend from work. Only, he's supposed to be working right now."
"He's perfectly welcome," Jules said, and Sara shared a grin with her.
Sara walked slowly down towards him, "Hey," she smiled. "Aren't you supposed to be working?"
He shook his head. "Took the day off. My college roommate is coming to town for a convention; I'm meeting him for dinner. I thought I'd come over and see if you need anything, and meet your cousins. Is that alright?"
"Yeah, completely. Come on up. We've got moving guys moving everything big in—we're sort of unpacking and finding places for things. I don't think we'll be unpacked by Thanksgiving, though." They started walking up the path, "This is my cousin, Lilly. Lilly, Nick Stokes. We work together."
Lilly looked considerably more alert, and had a knowing smirk on her face. "Pleased to meet you. I'm the reason Sara bought a house."
Sara rolled her eyes, "It's fine, Lilly."
"Great to meet you too," Nick smiled.
"And this is Jules, and that's Grace—her daughters. They're seventeen."
"Eighteen in November, though," Grace said brightly.
Sara rolled her eyes and smiled, as did Lilly. Nick just chuckled. "Nice to meet you two." He said, "You should come by the lab someday. It's pretty interesting."
"Dead bodies aren't our thing, but we'll stop by," Jules said.
"What are you guys interested in? You go to college next year, right? Where are you applying?"
They looked at each other before shrugging. "We're looking out East, but everything is sort of in flux, you know……." Grace's voice trailed off. "I'm thinking biomedical engineering and she's thinking American history for majors. We're both looking into Washington University in St. Louis, and I like Northwestern, Duke, and Johns Hopkins, but she likes Yale, UPenn, and Georgetown, too. And we need safeties."
"Do we have to do college visits and things like that?" that had completely slipped Sara's mind.
They both shrugged again, "It would probably be nice."
"We were supposed to start last year, but then I got sick. Everything got pushed to the wayside. I'm not sure how we're going to do it right now. They'll probably have to send in applications blind."
"How does the college visit stuff work?" Sara said confusedly.
"Did you visit Harvard before you went?" Nick said.
She shook her head. "No, and I went a year early, too—I didn't have a senior year."
Nick cocked his head, "Didn't you have a perfect SAT score?"
She nodded, "Yeah. I got it October of my junior year, and decided that I didn't want to finish high school. A Harvard recruiter came to a nearby high school, so I went, and then figured out how to apply and go a year early. If I hadn't have gotten in, I would have just finished my senior year." She turned to the girls, "So, we like go and have a meeting or an interview or something?"
"We'll talk to their guidance counselors Thursday when we have our meeting. There's usually required alumni interviews and things. Didn't Harvard interview you?"
"Nope." She shook her head. "Wasn't necessary." She turned back to the girls, "So how does this college visit stuff work?"
Grace spoke first, slowly. "Well, you go to the school, take a tour, meet with an admissions officer…. you can stay overnight."
"We'll have to work this out later, Sara. They will be perfectly okay applying blind." Lilly assured her.
"I can take some time off. We just have to be really economical. Those are really far geographically."
"We'll decide later," Lilly said, "Nick, would you like something to drink? I think we have a fridge hooked up."
"Nah, that's okay—do you guys need help unpacking?"
"Yes," the girls said, quickly and nearly in unison.
Sara grinned, "You want to help me in the kitchen? We've got all these boxes—nothing put away."
"Great," Nick grinned.
"You two better finish your rooms," Lilly cautioned.
"Do you want to come inside, Lilly? I'll help you unpack as soon as we get the kitchen done."
"That sounds great." Lilly said gratefully. "I'm just going to sit in my chair for a while. There's some stuff, I should get, though, first…." They all walked inside.
"My cousins sure seem to like you," Sara ribbed as soon as they were out of earshot. "Must be the Texan charm."
"Worms its way into everyone's heart," Nick smiled, He lifted a box off of the kitchen table. "When did they get here?"
"About twelve-thirty. I think they drove part of the way last night."
"How's it been going?" Nick knew that Sara was worried the teenagers would hate her.
"Pretty well—but they've just been here two hours, it's been awkward, of course. It's just a hell of a change. Ask me how I am in two weeks." She looked at him more openly than she had looked at anyone in weeks, because it was Nick and she trusted him more than anyone right now. He had never betrayed her, it had never been awkward—everything was straightforward and accepted, even during their bouts of more distant politeness instead of true friendliness. "Nick, I'm just so scared right now—for me, for Lilly, for the girls. It's not what if I mess it up; it's when and how badly. And what is it supposed to be? A mother figure? A friend, a sister? I don't know. I'm just scared shitless."
Nick enveloped her suddenly. It was the first time Sara felt supported in weeks. "It's going to work out. Just go with it, feel it out for a few days, or weeks. Let it be natural. Everything will always work out for the best." He said, trying desperately to find the correct words of solace.
"Sara?" Jules stood in the archway into the kitchen. "Mom wanted me to give this to you. She found it and framed it and was hoping you'd want it."
"A picture?" Sara twisted out of Nick's embrace.
"Yeah. It's from one of the Christmases when you were a kid." She tilted it towards Sara.
The picture was large and horizontal. It was everyone—Uncle Nathan, Aunt Maggie, Sara, Lilly, Troy, Dan, David, and Leslie. They were posed on a couch in Christmas clothing, Sara remembered the neighbor coming to take the picture. She was about nine or ten. Troy was about sixteen, Lilly nineteen, Dan seventeen, Doug fifteen and Leslie fourteen, though ages didn't matter with Leslie. Sara was sitting in the front, looking slightly sideways and leaning against Lilly, who had her arms wrapped around her cousin protectively. Lilly had the same smile as she did now, bright and laughing and happy. Aunt Maggie and Uncle Nathan sat on the couch, and Leslie in her wheelchair was angled in, next to Aunt Maggie, who had her hand on the wheelchair's armrest. The boys stood behind them—Troy was leaning on the couch in the center, arms crossed and his shoulders hunched over. Doug was on the right, all the weight on his hands, and Dan was the only was standing correctly. The clothing was very funny, as were the hairstyles—all dated and early eighties.
"Oh, my god." Sara said. "This is great."
"Is that you?" Nick grinned. "You look so little."
"I was like, nine. Ten at most. I look like a ten-year-old."
"You were a cute kid." Nick said.
"Thanks," she smiled, "We should definitely put this in the living room or something. We have a fireplace. Let's put pictures on the mantle. Like, school pictures and things, you know?"
"Yeah, that sounds good." Jules said. "We can sort of decide what other pictures to put on the mantle later. Mom brought a ton."
"I need to go talk to her, actually." Sara said, "Excuse me." She walked quickly past the movers, who were placing a piano—a piano? —into the corner of the living room, under Grace's instructions.
"You guys brought a piano?" Sara said.
Looking awkward, Grace replied, "Well, yeah. We didn't want to sell it or anything."
"Alright." Sara said, "You guys play?"
Grace nodded. "Mom made us start when we were about six. We both play for school, too; I play cello and she plays clarinet and alto sax."
"Are you going to play at school here?"
"Yeah. We have to enroll on Thursday and all."
"Yeah. I have that marked down."
"Okay."
"Cool." Sara tried to think of something insightful or interesting to say.
"I was thinking—tonight's probably not great for going out and seeing things. And I don't think Mom will ever get down to see the Strip."
"Grace?"
"Yeah?"
"How's she doing? I'm…. sort of in the dark, I guess. We've only been able to sort of plan all of this out right now."
Grace contemplated, and sighed. "She's dying. She's knows it and we know it. Grace House—has she explained everything there?"
"It's got some cutting-edge treatments that could help."
Grace swallowed and sighed again. "They bill it like that, yeah. But most of the cutting-edge treatments are to reduce pain as you die. It's a high-tech, very personal palliative care clinic specializing in people who are dying and know they're dying but want stronger holistic and spiritual guidance. It's Hospice, essentially. Grace House continues the treatment, but it's not to cure you; it's to keep you and your family comfortable and sane as you die. She'll have chemo and radiation, but only to reduce pain; she'll have pain treatments, too. She's been dying for months—the cancer was too advanced to operate on. She would have just stayed at home and died there, but you're here."
"Me?"
Grace looked like she was about to cry. "She wanted us to be taken care of. I think she wants to make amends for the crappy way it ended between you and my grandparents. She wanted you to take care of us."
"Oh," Sara said. She closed her eyes to think. "Do you, um, want a hug?"
Grace stepped in and hugged her. "Thank you for doing this, you know. I mean, you don't even know us."
"It's fine," Sara said. "Just—please—give me some leeway. I don't know what the hell I'm doing here, either."
"This'll be fun," Grace stepped back wiping her eyes. "I'm going to go upstairs and make sure my room gets set up properly."
"Kay." She watched Grace march slowly upstairs before turning into Lilly's room.
Lilly was sitting in a squashy armchair placed in the center of her room. The moving guys were assembling her bed; they were probably the nicest moving guys Sara had ever met. She was reading a book and resting quietly. Three envelopes were in her lap. "Hi," she said, looking up. "I needed to talk to you."
"Shoot," Sara said, perching lightly on a box.
"I heard you talking—to Grace—so I amended my speech a little bit." She took a breath. "I'm sorry. I tried to keep you in the dark, but I'm not going to be here for Christmas. Maybe not even Halloween." She shook the envelopes in her hands. "These are for the three of you—for afterwards. They'll be in the desk that's going in the corner. There are more papers too—funeral arrangements and contacts and whatnot. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't tell the girls."
"Of course," Sara said, before Lilly continued.
"I've only got a few weeks to make sure the three of you can live together—it's only for a year, but I'd like someone to look after them, you know? After they go away to college and stuff. If they prefer to be independent, okay, let them stretch; if you three can't get along past polite roommates there won't be any retribution from the grave. They're good girls. They're strong and smart and talented. They both like to help people, both want to make differences in the world. They'll go far," her voice took on a hint of forlornness. "Just—keep them safe. They're both type A's. Jules especially has a tendency to veer out of control with her controlling. Grace will bottle things up quietly until the day she dies. Jules is very hell-bent on perfectionism and doesn't forgive—or forget—too easily, and gets very easily disappointed in people when they're not as perfect as she wants them to be. And Grace doesn't have that sort unforgiveness and sharpness, but she wants to succeed as badly as Jules does, only she doesn't have much of a backbone. She's not very assertive or aggressive. She's a lot more understanding, though. She just gets scared a lot more easily. Jules gets down in funks really easily. Jules is a little too inward-focused; Grace doesn't think that she's that deserving of much. Jules is very independent and freethinking, but she wants everyone to think like her, to be as intellectual as her. Grace just wants to belong, to be comfortable and accepted. They're both quite materialistic. And they both don't have too much faith—in anything. I've tried my best but there's still a lot more to be done for them." Her voice was distant. She didn't look like she was talking to Sara. Suddenly jarred back on topic, she continued, "They're honest, straightforward, and bright, but they'll deal with this in very different ways. They're both just so smart. Wait till you see them in school. Jules is extremely analytical and imaginative. Her favorite subjects are English and social studies—she writes so well, she does these amazing papers. The way she writes—it's just wonderful, it always has been.And Grace—she thinks in objects, you know? Very mechanical. She's great at three-dimensional arts and crafts. She's just so creative and always has a new way to design things. Grace can make anything, from scratch, even if she's never seen it before." She's excellent at the sciences, too—chemistry and physics and biology. She just visualizes things so well, like cells and atoms—just understands and can see how they work and move and live. They both hate math—it doesn't fit in to either one of their learning styles. They both think it's too static." She realized how far she had veered off-topic. "I have a lot of other things, written down. Please go through them, or let the girls. But, first, I'm really getting ahead of myself—" she laughed a little. "Are you okay, taking this on? I should have asked. I'm sorry. If you just want to make sure they get through high school I'll be grateful, too."
Sara's heart swelled a little. "I'll do whatever it takes, Lilly, as long as it feels right. That's the only thing I can do, right?" her thoughts temporarily fleeted to Nick.
Lilly's eyes swelled up. "Thank you. They probably don't need a mother anymore, most of the time, but they'll need somebody to be there. Thank you." She was silent for a while before continuing. "Just try to get to know them. They might push a little, but they're so lost right now, they'll work through it. When we go to the school, do you mind having a meeting with just you, me, and the administrators? It will need done. And there are things like their physicians—things like that. It will all be in my papers. I'm sorry. There's going to be a lawyer, and the will is very sound. I fixed it yesterday."
"Why didn't you tell me, sooner? About how sick you are? I've been babbling on about paint chips on the phone lately."
Lilly knotted her hands. "I was being selfish, again. I…need someone to look after the girls. I don't want Dan or Doug—I love them to death, but Doug is still as irresponsible as a teenager. You should meet his children. They're hellions, completely out of control. It wouldn't be supportive. Dan—he has a very narrow focus on everything. It's all about him, Katrina, and their kids. Whether it's Jules and Grace or a homeless person on the street, he doesn't care. Thom didn't have any family; besides, we hadn't been close to them in years."
"Why me, then? Lilly, we haven't talked in years. You didn't even know that I had met the girls."
Lilly shrugged, licked her lips, and looked down. "You're right. We hadn't talked in years. But, like you said, you've sort of kept in touch with Dad. He would talk about you, about your degrees and your jobs and things. And I was impressed. Sara—you were in foster care, and you got yourself through Harvard. Your mother killed you father, and you have a Master's degree. You've come from some of the worst conditions, period, and have a successful job. Now, since we haven't talked in forever, I don't know if you're successful personally. Speaking from experience, you've probably got a lot of demons. But you're strong. You just seemed so strong. And, when you were little, you were so smart and curious and concerned with doing the right thing. I had hoped those had stayed. If I had a bad feeling about you, I would have just stayed in Sacramento."
"Well, I can tell you right now, I'm not very great. My interpersonal skills aren't the best." Sara said wryly.
Lilly only smiled, "Then why is that Nick out there?"
Now it was Sara's turn to play with her fingers. "Nick's a good friend, and a good man. Nick always likes to fix things and make everything better. He sees four damsels in distress and can't help but get on his horse."
"Yeah. Okay," Lilly managed to keep a mostly straight face. She shifted a little, sat up straighter. "I know that we should put the bed together and things, but can we take a rain check? I'm a little tired."
"Yeah. Of course." Sara straightened, tugging at the sides of her shorts. She hated shorts. "How do you want to decorate?"
"I don't." Lilly said. "I'm not going to be here long enough to see the paint dry. I'd like you to have this room some day. Also, when it gets close to my time—" she looked up hesitantly, and Sara nodded to show she was comfortable discussing this. "I'd rather go at the hospital or at Grace House. I don't want you three thinking that my spirit is crowding you or anything. I don't believe in ghosts, but that would be too traumatic for me to live with."
Sara nodded, trying to think of something appropriate to say. "Okay. I'll make sure of that."
"Thank you," Lilly said. Her cheeks looked much paler than earlier; Sara realized that all her strength was slowly seeping outward.