Disclaimer: Tamora Pierce owns these characters; I do not.
The mage Tristan Staghorn met me before he met Belden.
"Lady Yolane of Dunlath," he addressed me, and bowed. "Tortallans will be honored to have you as their queen." He took my hand andkissed it, looking up into my eyes.
I smiled, taking a liking to the man. "I hear you are sent by Emperor Ozorne to help with the rebellion?"
He nodded. "It will be my pleasure, Lady Yolane. I am at your service." He paused then added, "Your Majesty."
I beamed at him. He was a charming man, and I was glad he was staying with us at Dunlath.
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I had excused myself from the meal early, as Belden was becoming drunk again. I sighed – my husband would be a terrible king. Tristan would be much better.
Tristan. I cursed myself silently. I was married, and yet I was falling in love with the mage. I couldn't let myself do this – a queen wouldn't have an affair with a mage. The people wouldn't appreciate it. I had married Belden; I had to be faithful to him even if it made me unhappy. It was the queenly, noble, thing to do, I told myself.
There was a knock at the door, and I jumped. "Who is it?" I asked, hoping in my heart that it was Tristan.
"Tristan, Lady Yolane." He didn't have to tell me who he was – I could recognize his voice. I jumped to open the door, heart beating fast.
There he was, tapping his foot on the floor, a nervous expression on his face. When he saw me, he immediately stopped.
"Hello," he greeted me, venturing a smile. I returned it instantly – I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable.
"Tristan, what is it?" I asked him, not daring to hope. It was probably something having to do with the rebellion – perhaps one of the maids heard.
He walked in, closing the door and locking it. He then put his arms around me, waiting a moment to see if I would pull away. Seeing I was content to stay there, he began to kiss me.
I tried to get myself to think about how improper this was, but I was too happy. I would think about it in the morning, I told myself.
Kissing Tristan was more romantic than kissing Belden ever was. I ran my fingers through his hair, knowing that I would always remember this moment as the happiest in my entire life.
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A week had passed, and Tristan had not approached me ever since. I wondered if he thought that our night together was a mistake, or whether he wondered if I regretted it.
A maid brushed my hair while I thought about my lover. Did he truly love me? He had never told me that, so it was foolish to assume that his feelings for me were anything more than lust. I sighed.
To my horror, Belden walked into my rooms. For once, I noticed, not knowing what to think of it, he wasn't drunk. This probably meant that he had something important to discuss with me...did he know about Tristan? I stiffened.
I dismissed the maid quickly. Once she had left, I motioned for my husband to take a seat. "What is it, Belden?" I asked, trying to keep my voice calm.
"Yolane, I have heard...you and Tristan..." he left it there; his point had gotten across all too well.
I chose my next words carefully. "Yes, Belden. Tristan is helping me become queen. He has asked Emperor Ozorne for more mages at my request to help with the rebellion." It was hard to keep the sarcasm from my voice. Trying to embarrass my husband into leaving was my best option at the moment. The last part of what I said was a lie, but I knew Belden wouldn't investigate.
Belden looked more than slightly relieved. "You aren't...having an affair?" he asked bluntly, apparently tired of tiptoeing around the question.
I bit my lip. "No," I lied.
He smiled joyfully, and excused himself.
Relieved, I stared at my feet. But my pride hurt. I was a proud woman; I didn't want to have to lie about my love for Tristan.
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"Yolane, I love you." He had come back. I looked up at him from my sewing, smiling.
He sat next to me on my bed. "Do you love me?" he whispered, taking my hand.
"Yes," I told him truthfully. "Yes, I do."
Reassured, he began to kiss me. It was not a letdown; it was just as romantic as it was before, if not more so. Again, I melted.
Suddenly a thought began to gnaw at me. If Belden knew – or heard – about my affair, he must have heard servants gossiping. Anyone might know now – Mithros, Maura might know! My reputation was truly ruined now – it was as I feared. I would never be a popular queen. I would be gossiped about in Corus.
Tristan sensed my worry, it seemed. He released my shoulders, eyes full of concern. "Yolane, what is it?" he asked me tenderly.
"It's dishonorable," I muttered. "Everyone will know." I felt embarrassed repeating this to him, but still, I wouldn't let him walk over me.
He pushed a strand of hair out of my eyes. "No one will fault you for being in love, Yolane." He said it gently.
It was a good enough explanation for me. I relaxed. Sensing I was content, he pressed his lips to mine.
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He is gone. I am in a cell, crying. Maura is now in my place as the lady of Dunlath, the guards have told me; my name, Yolane of Dunlath, is ruined.
But more than anything, I miss Tristan. Even this prison cell would be less gloomy if Tristan Staghorn was beside me, telling me he loved me.
I cry every day and the guards yell at me to shut up. But how can I stop? Tristan has been turned into a tree, and I am in a cell. There is no more happiness in the world for me.
I'm not going to eat or drink anymore. I'm going to just die, here in this cell.