59. Trees
8th day, 1st month, standard year 29438
After that...several things happened. I got a fever, and Tahl gave me water. I had several terrible nightmares. I cried. I yelled at Tahl. She didn't yell back.
I wondered if my Master was going to abandon me.
Well...
Okay, enough of that.
I remember seeing my reflection for the first time afterwards. It was my reflection in some water. I looked terrible. The thing is, I still do, sort of. I still have a bunch of scars.
I cleaned myself up in the stream. I felt quite a bit better afterwards. It was sort of like...no matter how terrible things are, no matter if you nearly died, at least there are still trees, right?
I'm always amazed when other people tell me they never feel anything like that.
-----
It was after that that Tahl told me about my Master. She said he thought I was dead. She said that everybody did. I asked...I remember asking...didn't the Council even send someone, just to be sure?
I remember quite clearly one thing she said: Dooku was destroyed, Qui-Gon. He wouldn't have been able to launch a recovery effort in that state.
It sends a shiver down my spine, even now.
------
After that, I had my worst nightmare. This one was me, and I wasn't dead but my Master thought I was, and he had a torch in his hand, and I tried screaming but I was burning and he looked so shattered...
I would rather not be writing about that.
Looking at the trees, after I woke up, made me feel slightly better,
It didn't last that long though. Me and Tahl were eating, and we felt something. The forest went silent, and we couldn't hear the birds anymore. Something was coming.
I was utterly terrified, but I didn't want to
be. I didn't want to feel scared anymore.
I couldn't.
I started running. Tahl yelled after me. I found a tree and climbed up it. It hurt quite a bit, but I didn't feel like I could slide off and die, because I'm not afraid of heights. Never have been.
I found what I was looking for, and then dropped down again. I landed next to Tahl, who looked like she was trying very hard not to hit me.
"It's a small ship, fighter by the looks of it." I said. "Definitely not friendly. It was skimming the trees, Tahl. Any idiot knows not to fly that low. It was looking for something. Or, shall we say, someone."
"That," she said furiously, "was probably the stupidest stunt you've pulled to date."
"They know we're here!" I said,
"It was totally reckless!"
"Would you let it go? I knew what I was doing!"
"It was dangerous and stupid." she said. She sounded an awful lot like...
"What, are you my Master now? Did you not just hear me? I said I knew what I was doing!"
"What if you had fallen?"
"I wasn't going to fall. I'm a Jedi too, remember?!"
"You're not all healed Qui-Gon, are you forgetting a couple days ago you almost died?"
"Only wishing I could!" I snapped.
At that, she started to cry. I'd never felt so awful in my life. But...since I clearly have a downright stupid streak...I just sat down on a tree root with my back to her.
The trees above me seemed to be creaking their disapproval. The wind shifted some leaves beneath my feet, as if they were flying away from me.
I got up and went to her.
I rubbed her heek. "Please don't cry," I whispered.
She leaned on me, and I put my arms around her.
"What is it?" I asked her, although the answer to that should really have been obvious.
"I don't know anymore, Qui..."
She hadn't called me that in quite a while. "What don't you know?"
"You..." The tears had gone now, but you could see where they'd been. "I don't know how to handle things anymore. I don't know what will hurt you. I don't know how to help you.You're so different. Why did they make you different?"
I still don't have an answer to that one, Tahl. I'm so sorry.
"Sorry," she said.
"Why?" I asked, confused. I should be the one apologizing.
"I don't know," she murmured.
"I'm sorry too," I said, hugging her. "I'm sorry too."
Me and Tahl went looking for the swoop. I didn't even remember there being one, but it came back to me eventually. Tahl was too busy ranting about where it could be to actually look for it, so I found it.
The plants had utterly crushed it.
I realised something in that instant. I swore loudly. "The sacred forest. Or Elii Mwet."
Tahl stared at me. "Qui-Gon...what does that mean
in Basic?"
"I'm so stupid..." I muttered.
"What does Elii Mwet mean?" Tahl demanded.
"We're done for this time-"
"Qui-Gon!"
"Elii Mwet is what the Philomel call the forest," I told her. "Beautiful Death."
With that now hanging in the air, we had to make plans to get out as soon as possible. We decided to follow the stream. It would, we reckoned, lead us to the village eventually.
So. The village.
After...let's see...one water fight in a stream, which took me mind off everything for a while and which I'll be forever grateful to Tahl for, one thundrestorm, one...
Oh, the plants.
The forest was dangerous. Very dangerous indeed. It started to rain, and me and Tahl went to hide in a cave.
I didn't like it. It brought back too many memories. But then I got more and more uncomfortable, and it started to seem like something else was there.
I told Tahl not to move, and I found my lightsbare and ignited it.
There wasn't just one plant, or even a dozen. There were hundreds.
Tahl swore.
About a hundred darts shot towards us as one. We ran, lightsabres lit and slicing through the air, we got to the enterance, we were okay...
We ran through the rain, looking to get back to where we'd been camping before. I almost lost Tahl once, and it terrified me. We were both an utter mess by the time we stopped running.
"Well," I said finally, gasping for breath but trying to be amusing, "that's the last time I let you pick the shelter."
She was silent.
"What's the matter?" I said quickly, going to her. "You can choose the next shelter if it really means that much to you," I grinned at her.
She only looked up.
"What's the matter? Are you hurt?" I asked urgently. She was crying, and she didn't cry often...
"Qui..." she whispered. "We...we almost died in that cave. Didn't we...didn't we, Qui?"
"It was close," I said, "but we made it..."
"Too close, and it was my fault," Tahl said, tears on her face. "It was me, I was rash!"
"It wasn't your fault. Not at all." But I was worried sick suddenly. I could sense something...she was in pain.
"You're hurt!" I said.
She started to cry properly now. I put my hand on her shoulder...and felt blood there.
"What happened?" I whispered, in complete panic.
"Dart caught me..." she said through her tears. "All the way on...my shoulder."
I thought I was going to be sick with fear all of a sudden. It tok me way too long to actually think of something.
I can remember only a few things. Pulling the dart out of Tahl's shoulder, realising with incredible relief that she was going to be alright. ..Tahl crying...and then us going to sleep.
In the morning...thank the force...she was still alive.
-----
I think it was the next morning that I managed to contact my Master through our bond.
Qui-Gon? he said. My Padawan?
Yes, it's me! Please don't let go!
You...it is...but where are you?
Here! Childor! Please come soon!
It cannot be...no, you are dead, I am dreaming.
You aren't dreaming! I'm really here!
Then you are but a spirit haunting me, punishing me for my betrayal.
Betrayal?
Please, leave me to my grief.
Then, though the link, I felt nothing but bitter, angry pain. It was terrible, and I found tears in my eyes. But I didn't cry properly. I refused.
It wasn't long after that that I found Li-Bird. I heard it in the forest shrieking, and went after it, worrying Tahl in the process.
Li-Bird was so sweet! I loved her from the second I saw her. Tahl didn't quite share this view, but she agreed to let me keep her anyway. Eventually.
Actually, it was her who thought up the name. She wanted to name her after Li, the Muh-Hadden who helped us escape. I didn't like that at all at first, but then...well, I didn't mind. He did help us escape, after all.
9th day, 1st month, standard year 29438
Anyway. The village. Sorry, I sort of started rambling there. Well, maybe not. I mean...I don't want to write about some of the stuff that happened next. This makes me somewhat cowardly, I know.
Me and Tahl and Li-Bird reached the gate to the village. We cheered for a while...and then we saw the guards. Not Philomel...Muh-Hadden. There'd been a battle. There were blaster-marks on the wall.
"This village," I whispered in horror. "This was the equivalent of their capital..."
"And it's been taken." Tahl whispered.
"I have failed." I could barely breathe. "I've failed my mission. That was the whole point of everything..."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, the whole reason...the whole reason I came to Childor was to prevent this! The whole reason they tortured me was to find out..." I shuddered. "I don't understand how..."
Then Tahl said it. "Well-did you tell them anything?"
"What?"
"Did you tell the Muh-Hadden anything?" she asked uncertainly.
"No! That's why I don't understand why..."
"Are you sure?"
She didn't believe me. It hardly seemed real. "Do you not hear what I'm saying? I didn't tell Conn anything!"
She was growing red and worried. "Hey, listen Qui, don't be angry. I meant... I only was wondering if maybe you got drugged and told them something...something that you don't remember...and that would explain...it doesn't really matter anyway..."
That's when I really got angry. It was not the behaviour of a Jedi I was displaying back there. It definately wasn't the behaviour of a friend.
"You're wrong!" I snapped. "I remember everything! You don't know. You can't understand! No-one can! You think Conn was about to give me a rest by drugging me into oblivion? I wish he had!"
Tahl's tempre flared slightly then. "There's no reason to yell at me like that!"
"There's perfect reason! You think I just spilled under pain!"
"That's not what I said!" she screamed.
"It's what you meant!"
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Listen...that's not what I meant at all. Just calm down."
"Let go of me!"
I stormed off, away from her.
I walked to the thin forest on the other side of the field. Tahl had not followed.
But someone else had.
"Shadow! What are you doing here?"
It was the first time I'd seen her in the light. Her skin wasn't actually black...it was midnight blue. She had sharp fangs in her mouth.
"Shadow had every right to be in the Elli Mwet that Man-child has."
"That's true." I said nervously. "But you shouldn't startle people like that."
"Scared?" she asked, baring her teeth.
"Not of you." I said defiantly. "But a little surprised. What are you doing out of the cells?"
"Could ask the same thing for you. Shadow thought she'd never see you living again."
"But I thought you never came out into the forest..."
"Now and then and sometimes. To hunt. But, this time, Shadow has left the cells for good. No reason to stay there, anymore, not since the fight." She waved her clawed hand.
"What fight?"
She gave a sort-of grin. "Oh, Man-child's leaving caused much fighting between the Hadden. One did not think they were right to hurt a runt-baby creature..."
"Oh, thanks a lot."
She gave a hiss. "...and so the head Hadden got angry. Lots of yelling, then shooting, finally, lots of bodies for Shadow to feed on."
"So...who won?"
"No one. Fighter Hadden left. Leader and the others...well...they left as well. Shadow does not know why. Building all abandoned. So, Shadow went too."
I thought of something awful. "But there were other prisoners down in the cells, weren't there? Conn just left them down there to die?"
"None of Shadow's concern," she muttered. "Followed the Man-child's and his mate's trail."
I was puzzled for a second, then worked it out. "Oh, you mean Tahl? Tahl isn't my mate!"
"Then...why...is she with Man-Child? If not-"
"No, no...because she...she's my friend. Its nothing like what you're thinking." I felt myself going red.
"Friend?" she asked, confused.
"Yes! You know-someone I trust...who I like to be with...someone I love!" Suddenly, I was desperate to get back to Tahl.
Shadow looked at me in bafflement.
"A person I associate myself with!"
"Shadow does not understand," she growled.
"Qui-Gon?" What are you doing?" It was Tahl, with Li-Bird on her shoulder. I felt throughly relieved.
"Tahl...listen, about what happened in the field..."
"No, don't. I'm sorry," she blushed. Then she looked up at Shadow. "Ummm..." Shadow looked hungry, and I shook my head at her crossly.
"Who...who is that?" Tahl stammmered.
"It's sort of hard to explain."
"Could you try?"
"Okay..." Shadow was clawing at a butterfly as
I talked. "This...is my friend Shadow." Shadow popped the butterfly into
her mouth. "Shadow, this is my friend Tahl."
"Qui-Gon, where did she come from?"
"The cells. She was good to me in the prison. I was so sick...it hurt so bad, but she talked to me a little bit. She brought me water. I wasn't quite as lonely with her around, and I wasn't quite as frightened."
Tahl just lookd at me. I went on. "She says there was some sort of rebellion at the prison...she said that afterwards everyone left. I'm assuming they headed for the village to help with the invasion..."
"Makes sense."
I started to think.
"Shadow...you told me in the cells that you hated the Muh-Hadden, right?"
"Yes." she said.
"That someday you wanted to destroy them?"
"Yes."
"Then will you help us?"
She paused. I looked at her. I realised something...I could see myself in her. Sort of. I could see what I might have become had I stayed in the cells.
Shadow gave me a grim smile. "Shadow will join the Man-Child and Friend."
I beamed. "Perfect. I think I have a plan."