60. Twice Killed
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I explained my plan to the others. Our main goal was the hangar. We could get in over the wall, and Shadow could provide a distacion.
Shadow agreed. Then she went away to hunt. Me and Tahl were left on our own.
We went into the center of the field, and looked up at the stars for a while and talked. I remember I was worried, and Tahl managed to comfort me. Then we saw some little glowing things rise from the forest...they were fireflies.
That is one of the very few parts of this whole thing that I'll look back on with any sense of happiness.
------
The next morning was grey and foggy, and no-one talked much. Shadow went out to look at the wall.
Very, very slowly, the day passed. Darkness fell. Shadow had found the perfect spot to scale the wall. We would all go over, Shadow could take on the guards, me and Tahl could get into the hangar and take a ship, and then pick up Shadow on the way out.
We climbed the wall. It hurt. It hurt Tahl too, I could tell...she still had the wound in her shoulder, after all.
After that...there was a lot of running. Running and hiding and dodging. We nearly got caught once. But we found the hangar.
"Listen," Tahl said to me. "You go ahead to the tower, and knock out the coding for my ship. I'm willing to wager it's the only Jedi craft in there, and the Muh-Hadden will have figured that out and locked down the systems. I'll sneak inside the actual hanger and make sure Clee's little shuttle isn't damaged." Her eyes were glowing. She liked adventures, she liked the last chapters where everything was resolved and the heroes avoided death. She smiled.
"I don't know anything about ship coding, you're the computer genius. Why don't you check out the tower?" I didn't want her to go off on her own. Conn could be around!
"You don't know what sort of ship it is. Clee checked me out on it before we left. I just need to make sure everything's still in shape." She winked. "And if you can't decode anything, just unlock it manually."
"Manually?"
"Well...I mean, just hack at the control panel with your lightsabre."
"And...will that help?"
"Will help lower your stress level for sure, now get going!"
So I did.
And suddenly I was terrfied. There was danger. Conn was here. Tahl was in trouble....
I started running back. Voices were on the air.
"YOU'LL PAY, YOU'LL PAY, YOU'LL DIE SCREAMING, YOU LITTLE-"
It was Conn's voice. I opened the door...they were there, Tahl's sabre blocked his staff.
I stared at Conn. He stared back, and gave a twisted grin. Tahl yelled at me to move, but I didn't care. I was rooted to the spot, filled with rage.
Since Tahl's attention was on saw his chance. He swung his staff at her. It flung her backwards, straight into the wall.
I dived at Conn.
I don't remember many details about the fight. I was livid. I hated him more than I'd ever hated anything in my life. He had to die, and die screaming and in pain. I was so angry I couldn't even fight him properly, and was hit in the face. Then I got out my lightsbare, and kept fighting. He had to die.
He started to get worried. I just kept going. Finally, realising he was out of his depth, he scrambled up the ladder to a ledge and then kicked the ladder away.
I jumped after him.
There was fear on his face.
In shock and fear, he thrust his staff at me...it caught my hilt of my lightsabre, and it deactivated with a hissing noise. Conn grinned and came forward to get me. He swung his staff, and I kicked him.
He fell. I heard the thud, and looked down.
I thought he was dead. I'd wanted him to be dead. I'd wanted to kill him.
I thought I'd done it.
I raced over to Tahl and checked for a pulse. I was terrified...but with relief, I realised she was still alive. I was trying to bring her around...but then...there was the sound of a blaster powering up.
"Well, well, Little Jedi, it's been a merry chase, but now it all ends." His voice was mocking. "No more running, no more hiding, no more of your tricks and games, and best of all, no more you!"
Tahl stirred. Conn kept talking.
"You have this most irritating tendency to not die. I don't understand it, frankly. There's nothing special about you, yet somehow you and your friend made it this far..." I heard his teeth grinding. . "A scrape of a boy, and a half-bred little wench."
I reached around to find my lightsabre. Of course, it wasn't there.
"Now, none of that," He prodded me with the blaster. . "Did you think you had killed me? Did you really think you could make it off planet? Did you think you had escaped?"
I said nothing.
"Look at me when I'm speaking to you, whelp!" He hit me across the face, and then spoke again, in a wicked voice. "But you have taught me something by your sad adherence to life. That is, to never leave your enemies alive, however barely." He took a step forward. "I would like to make you suffer. Especially after all the trouble you caused...but I will not. Instead, I'm going to kill you. And then I'm going to kill you agin. Just to be sure."
I was scared. Of course I was scared. But I struggled to find some peace. I sheilded Tahl and paid attention to...well, everything, for what I figured would be the last time.
He fired.
It hurt so much.
I didn't mean to look up at Conn again, but I did.
"Didn't finish you off, eh?" he said. "Well, let's try again then. After all, I promied to kill you twice."
He squeezed the trigger.
The shot was blocked.
10th day, 1st month, standard year 29438
Well.
To cut a long story short, our Masters had come. They saved us. Master Dooku defeated Conn, but I thought he was going to die and I'd just had enough, I even told Tahl to just let me die...okay, maybe events didn't hapen in that exact order...but I just don't want to think about it all that much anyway.
Anyway, some Healers had come. A girl I know called Ro, and her Master, Willow. Willow gave me some pills, and looked at me...the blaster bolt, she said, hadn't done as much damage as it looked. She said I'd be alright.
Then, exhausted and dizzy, I slept.
-----
In the morning, Li-Bird was there. In fact, so was my Master...his hands clenched into fists by his sides. He was asleep.
Li-Bird would hate it on Coruscant, I realised. So I went to let her go.
I saw the place where the thickest of the fighting had been. There was rubble and bodies strewn about the ground...the exact thing I'd come to the planet to prevent had happened.
I ran away.
I found the path to the forest.
I felt uncertain, but I listened to the Force. It felt like an old friend. So I headed down it, walking through dust...
...and I found Shadow.
"Man-Child." she said. "Shadow did not mean to follow."
"Shadow, are you alright? Why are you hiding in the weeds?"
She hissed at me. "No, no-none of the little human's business. Shadow saw the Man-Child wandering off toward the cells, thought best to follow. Not a good path to take, I think...but, ah..." She was shaking. She was hurt.
"You're hurt," I said. "Please come out."
"No!" she snarled.
"I just want to help on..."
"Shadow does not need...Shadow is-"
"Just let me help!"
Shadow tried to get away, but she fell. She cried out, and saw angry red burn on her.
She screamed at me in rage. "Man-Child!"
I managed to get her to her feet. "You need bacta," I said. "Please, trust me..."
Slowly...and painfully...we reached the edge of the village. But then Shadow spoke. "Shadow cannot go in there, Man-Child. You don't understand."
"I understand better than you think," I said. Then I saw a shape approaching us. It was Tahl.
"Listen to me!" Shadow hissed. "Shadow will not go to your little..." But she didn't know that word. "...to your people! You and I are different!"
Tahl ran towards me worriedly.
"What happened? You shouldn't be out here like this! Willow and Dooku are really mad! The ship is set to depart soon!"
I motioned to Shadow. "She's injured, we can't leave! We've got to get her to Willow or Ro or someone...Tahl, help me!"
But Shadow was trying desperately to free herself. Tahl looked from her to me. "Qui-Gon, just a thought, it seems like she really doesn't want medical attention."
"But she needs it."
Shadow suddenly sunk her teeth into my hand, making me jump. She turned to flee, but she tripped again.
"See?" I said to Tahl.
"I can take care of myself," Shadow said stubbornly. "Shadow always has."
"Qui-Gon, leave her, we need to go..." Tahl held out her hand. "If she say's she'll be fine, she'll be fine. Now come on, we're in enough trouble as it is."
But I didn't want to. It just wasn't fair...I'd survived the cells, but Shadow hadn't, not really, her soul had been destroyed...
"Shadow," I managed to say. "Come to Coruscant with us."
"What?" both Shadow and Tahl said in unision.
"Come on, you can recover, you can get a new life, you can find your family...make friends...you have nothing to lose, and everything to gain. The Jedi can help you. What do you say?"
But Shadow just stared. "C-coruscant?"
I nodded. "The capital of the republic. It's where I'm from."
She stared at me for a few long moments. "No, Man-Child. This is my home." She looked down at the ground. "I am who I am, Shadow has accepted this. You cannot change it. I will never be like you. That choice passed Shadow long ago."
I didn't want to, but I had to try and understand. Hoping that my Master would too, I ripped the robe he'd given me into a bandage, and wrapped up her wound with it. Then I helped her to her feet.
"Well," I sighed. "The ship is leaving soon. I suppose this is goodbye. We couldn't have done it without you...thank you."
Shadow just shrugged. "Shadow swore revenge on the Muh-Hadden, now I have it. Thank you, Man-Child. And you as well," she added to Tahl.
Tahl started to walk away, but I paused. Li-Bird was in my pocket, and I took her out. I hoped this would turn out all right.
I held her out to Shadow. "Her name is Li-Bird." I said.
Shadow looked from her to me.
"She's not really an indoor pet," I explained. "I can't keep her on Coruscant, she'd be miserable in a hospital room." Shadow just blinked. "She'll look after you. Just promise you won't...ur...eat her or something."
Shadow nodded, and she took Li-Bird in her hands. Li-Bird hopped onto her shoulder.
"Oh...and..." I wasn't too sure about this. "My name is Qui-Gon. Qui-Gon Jinn."
Several expressions passed over Shadow's face...surprise and confusion and then realisation. "Qui-Gon...Qui-Gon Jinn," she said thoughtfully. She closed her eyes. "My name is Loria."
"Loria," I whispered. "Thank you."
I went to join Tahl. I glanced back over my shoulder at Loria...she certainly looked a bit more human now.
"That was good of you, Qui-Gon," Tahl murmured.
"Hm?"
"I mean, with Shadow..."
"Oh. I just wish I could help her..."
"You have," Tahl insisted. "You've got to stop blaming yourself for everything that happened here."
"Alright. I'll let you know how that turns out."
"You do that." She grinned at me.
"I'm just..." I stopped in the middle of the street. "I'm just so tired."
"You should be," she said. "Willow's going to kill you for going out in your condition. Anyway, Qui, guess what?"
"What?"
"We get to go home."
She was right. We did.
I put my arms around her with a smile. "We get to go home..."
I kissed her on the forehead. She smiled, and when she looked up at me again...something had changed. It wasn't bad or anything, it was just...different.
She stared at me for a very long time. Almost a minute. I wondered exactly what she was thinking. Then she grinned. "Master told me this morning...you and Dooku get to ride with the healers."
"Lucky us," I said, smiling. "Tahl...see you on Coeuscant."
Tahl winked. "See you on Coruscant."
11th day, 1st month, standard year 29438
So..that's it. The good and the bad.
I thought that now I was back, all the good was fading away...but maybe it's not.
It's been a very difficult few months, though.