63. Things Will Go All Twisted
6th day, 10th month, standard year 24939
I keep wondering if maybe keeping a journal is not so good for me. I don't know why. I'm not even particularly good at it.
What is normal, journal? So many times I've wanted to write 'Things were back to normal' here or elsewhere, and I can't. Is there just some point in your life when things stop being normal and they never return to exactly how they were? Is that how you grow up? And if so, it's a very cruel system.
7th day, 3rd month, standard year 24939
May as well make note of this. We're goin to Tatooine. Eight of us. Me, my Master, Tahl, Master Thea, Vulna, Master Kiloxan, Nela and Master Meesha.
Attempted genocide of Tusken Raiders. Tricky situation. You know these things by now.
9th day, 3rd month, standard year 24939
Have talked to two people. A girl called Ruth, and her grandfather. They are the only people left in their family, the Tuskens killed the rest.
There's been hostility between the farmers here and the Tuskens since...the beginning of time, or so it seems. And now there are far less tribes than there were.
I know what they do. They've tortured people before. And they hate humans more than ever now. Ruth and her grandfather are in danger from them now, and it's not even through any fault of their own. I don't really know what's right in this situation.
An update of sorts on Vulna: he and Kiloxan barely speak to each other. I've never really seen them talking properly before.
-----
Another update of sorts on Vulna: I just saw him talking to a girl.
I don't know who she is or anything. They were just in the marketplace, and I was...well, killing time I suppose, we can't do anything til tonight...and they were standing close to each other and talking.
Who is she? Did he just meet her today? I suppose he must have done.
I have to go now.
8th day, 3rd month, standard year 24939
Vulna won't say much about the girl. He says she's nobody important. To the mission, that is.
I don't exactly trust Vulna, but...well, never mind. I don't feel much like writing. I have work to do.
9th day, 3rd month, standard year 24939
Ruth told me something.
She said that before, she'd seen two other Jedi.
I wasn't surprised...you see a lot of Jedi on Tatooine, after all...but
then she described them to me (Well, we didn't have much else to talk about).
I'm not completely convinced, but I think it was Ololian and Mapru
she was describing.
She mentioned that she saw them kissing.
This sounds slightly ridicous, like we're kids exchanging rumors. But...
It's probably not even important.
Oh, and I asked her about the girl I saw Vulna
with. I tried to remember what she looked like...green eyes, light brown
hair...
Ruth doesn't know her. Well, no-one can know
everyone, after all.
I'm not even sure why I want to know. It's just...Vulna...he's always been...difficult.
Oh, and we didn't really get anywhere. Ruth and her grandfather are alive, although not necessarily happy, and negotiations with the Hutts about protecting the Tuskens pretty much failed, and my Master's heart wasn't in it. He didn't really think we were fighting for anything...I see his point, why should you care whether a group of people who kill and torture as they like live or die?...but you can't fight or something all the time.
I sort of wish we had spoken to more Tuskens. They can't be all bad. You can't have a group of beings where none of them have any redeeming qualities.
But anyway. We're going home.
30th day, 3rd month, standard year 29439
I wish something would happen. I keep thinking something is going to.
And I mean that I wish something good would happen. I still think about Amiri, you know.
13th day, 4th month, standard year 29439
Master's birthday. It was a quiet sort of day.
Haven't seen Yoda in a while. I believe he's on a mission, but....for all I know, he could just want to be somewhere other than the Temple.
I don't blame him. Master might, though.
We went to Didi's for Master's birthday. He said it was his treat for me...even though it was his birthday. Didi chattered away nineteen to the dozen. I sort of wish I hadn't gone. It was nice to see him, of course, but it was hard to pretend I was happy.
Has everyone always been this miserable? Why haven't I noticed? I know awful things have happened lately, but...we...
I don't know.
20th day, 4th month, standard year 29439
Interesting thing.
Today, our usual lightsabre master was ill. So Mapru took over. I think it's the second time he's done so. And he split us into pairs and told us to practise. And he went with me.
The fight I won't describe, mostly because...I can't really remember it. You know on holovision, when they'll show something with the hero fighting someone or other and suddenly things will go all twisted and the person he's fighting will suddenly turn into sombody he knows? It wasn't really like that. He wasn't laughing or taunting or anything. He even praised me when we'd finished. Well, not real praise...just something like...well, it was just a nod, now I think about it. I know he hates me, so it's not like I was expecting anything more.
But.
I'd injured him slightly during the fight. Nothing major, just ab urn. So after wards, I decided to go and apologize. I went to his room, I knocked on the door, he said, "Come in..."
He was standing with his back to me. I cleared my throat, and he turned around, and I opened my mouth but then hebegan speaking to me...and it didn't sound like him.
"Hello, young Jedi," he said.
Honestly, I should have run away then.
"Master?" I asked nervously.
"You wait and see, my young apprentice...it will be because of something you do that I will die...that Nela will die...that Clee will die...that Binn will die...you will be indirectly responsable for the deaths of your friends..."
"What?" I think I said.
"You heard me," he said, and smiled.
That was when my common sense kicked in and I turned to go, but he stopped me. He did this by suddenly appearing in front of me.
I was scared. Maybe he'd gone mad and was going to kill me. Maybe countless things were happeneing that I'd never known about.
"Onto more current concerns," he said to me. "This time, next year. You'll make a friend." He grinned. "You'll make a mistake. And then you'll make it again. You're arrogant. You're not even aware that you are. Who would have though, one small boy's arrogance could lead to so much suffering..."
I pushed past him and flung open the door.
"SHE WANTED TO SPARE ME THE DEATH SHE HAD, YOU KNOW!" he yelled after me. "She could have given me more power, had she wanted to! And if only she had - then I'd know what to do!"
I kept running. I can't even remember the rest. There might have been more. I might have even remembered somne of it wrong.
If I could, I'd never go near him again.
Understandably, perhaps, I didn't tell my Master about this.
I would like to wake up and discover it hadn't happened.