64. The Forgotten
21st day, 4th month, standard year 24939
Told Tahl.
I can't really elaborate on that.
22st day, 4th month, standard year 24939
Me and my Master have been selected for a mission.
I wish I could speak more about the missions. The people we've met. That girl with the bracelet.....the bracelet around her severed arm was all they ever found of her. The boy who killed the people who'd killed his family, right in front of me and I couldn't stop him...he'd tied me up. The prince who I was insanely jealous of for a very silly reason.
I'd like to write about these things. But it's...never the time. They're over now. Victims have become statistics and people have become nameless. I could list them all, in here, to make sure they're never forgotten. Is that the greatest gift a human being can give another, the gift of never being forgotten?
Perhaps Master would say so. Perhaps Yoda would say so. I don't know.
I'd miss someone out. I wouldn't get far, talking about everyone. There was Alixen...I remember her so well, and I don't know why....and there was Alex, and...their sister, and....Shadow, and Li and Li-Bird, and...and Lieson and....oh galaxies, all that business, and now there's Ruth and....
It'll work one day. But not now.
1st year, 1st month, standard year 24940
Happy new year.
Things aren't bad, you know. Things are just not bad. You have to make a choice, don't you? To become a Jedi. And a Jedi's entire life is one of choice. Do I behave selfishly or selflessly? Do I save myself or do I save them? And the harder choices, too. Her or him. Her or them. Them or them. I'm on the outside, and I'll always have to choose.
And I chose this.
And I'm there. I'm connected. It works. The galaxy works. It should. It ought to. There are good people, and there's bad people, but there's more good. And if we stop belieing in the good...
Well, I imagine people are, and they stop believing every day.
5th day, 2nd month, standard year 24940
More people to add to the list. More people who'll just get forgotten.
24th day, 2nd month, standard year 24940
There was a song on the holowave just now. It's leaving me already, but it sounded...meaningful. I don't know who sang it, though., It might be a droid singing it, for all I know. They do that a lot now, more than they used to.
20th day, 3rd month, standard year 24940
Today I was one of a group of Jedi selected to go testing children for Jedi potential. It's...
...well, people spit at us, sometimes, when they see us coming. Only sometimes. Others are polite. But I know that they all wish we'd go away. No-one wants to have their children taken away. Hardly anyone.
There was one child I remember. Black hair. Blue eyes. I took the midichlorian count for him. I remember his father...he was rich and powerful, he'd have easily been able to provide for his son....giving him up, saying he couldn't give him what I could...
I don't want to do it again. Not really. These people make an agonizing choice to trust you. You might not be worthy of their trust. You might make a mistake.
Who knows what my parents thought, when they handed me over?
5th day, 3rd month, standard year 24940
You don't get nearly as many presents, as you get older.
That's not a complaint, just an observation.
5th day, expansion week, standard year 24940
I feel sick.
Tahl keeps trying to keep an eye on me, or whatever she calls it. She...I think she hates feeling powerless. She was so worried when I mentioned I felt sick.
Not really the behaviour of a Jedi, is it?
It's a good thing I didn't tell her about the dreams, then.
1st day, 4th month, standard year 24940
Oh no. Oh no, no, no. How could they do this to me?
HOW COULD THEY?
How could it? How could anything?