66. Alex
18th day, 4th month, standard year 24941
Been a while, hasn't it?
Been a very long while.
I wish this journal made more sense. I wish I wrote in it more often. I wish it wasn't full of disconected ramblings and things that make no sense and people who show up and then leave. But that's life- everyone's life, not just a Jedi's. People come into your life and then just go away again. Things happen that have no point.
And maybe you want to know what happened.
Has it ever ocured to you that I might be lying?
I'm not lying, though. You probably don't remember Alex. I didn't remember Alex. Or Alixen, his sisiter, that girl who...got shot. Or his little sister, who I found on a planet destroyed by an earthquake...heh, an earthquake. Funny. I should feel like that almost redeemed my parent's deaths, but no, it hasn't.
Anyway, I was captured. You know that much. If you saw Tahl's entry...and I've read it thousands and thousands of times now, until I know every word as solidly as I know my own name. (And you know what? I haven't even properly reacted to it yet). The jail cell I was flung in wasn't bad. At least not compared to some of the other times I've been captured, one of which stands out on my memory more than almost anything does these days.
Alex was a guard there, and of course I didn't recognize him at first. It's not like he always remained a memory and nothing more, after all. He didn't treat me badly, but I saw him kicking people- joining in with the other guards and their 'fun'. I tried to intervene, and I think I was knocked unconcious by one of them. He was a big guy. Probably their leader. I think he left me alone because he was instructed to, because I was a Jedi, but I don't know why they wanted me to not be hurt in the first place. I suppose that I never will.
I'll never know where Alex got my name from, either. His commanding officer or the other guards or something, I assume- they'd have had to know who it was they were holding, I guess.
He came to bring me food and water one day.
"I think I recognize you from somewhere," he said, watching me through the bars. "I recognize your eyes, or something." I expected him to follow this up with you Jedi filth, or something along those lines, and was suprised when he didn't.
"What's your name?" I asked cautiously.
"Alex Risus."
I recognized the name then, and began to wonder.
"And you're Qui-Gon Jinn," he went on, "and you were there when my sister was shot."
"I...I was, yes. I remember you."
He scowled. "Well...you know what? You didn't have anything to do with it, so I'm not going to hit you for it or anything. Or kill you for it, or whatever."
"Oh..."
"Well, I suppose that's all we have to say to each other." He left before I could say anything else.
19th day, 4th month, standard year 24941
Well, of course there's more to that story.
I didn't see Alex again for a few days, and I figured he'd gone for good. I had an interesting dream one night before seeing him the first and time and seeing him the second time. It was two men, and they kept aruging, and I couldn't hear what they were saying- their mouths moved and I knew they were speaking, like how in dreams you know things that you don't know in reality, but no words were coming out.
It wasn't exactly a scary dream, but it didn't give me much comfort. Day four of captivity...or it could have been day five...Alex showed up again. He brought me food. There must have been a rota for who brought the food, I think. Other times it was different guards.
"I reckon you had a crush on my sister," he said, before he said anything else. He was smoking a death stick, and seemed to be in a pretty foul mood.
"No. I just liked her," I said.
"You might have been able to save her, though," he went on. "Maybe I should do you some damage, after all."
"You don't want to do me any damage."
"I guess not," he said with a sigh. He stubbed out the death stick on the walls of the cell. "Weird how things turn out. I never expected I'd one day be keeping you imprisoned."
"How did you wind up here?"
"You know what? I don't know." He shook his head. "Well, maybe I do know. I assume you remember little Kini."
"I found her for you."
"She's sick," he said in an offhand manner. "I need money to paid for a medi-droid for her, and this is a highly paid job. Course, there was almost definately a better way- but whatever it was I didn't run across it."
I inwardly not-quite-marvelled at the amount of bad luck Alex and the Risus family seemed to attract.
"You're thinking about all the bad luck we seem to attract, aren't you?" Alex said acidly. "I can see it on your face."
"Alex, listen to me..."
"No," he said. "You're just going to sprout Jedi wisdom, and it's completely pathetic, really, and I don't want to hear it."
"You thanked me once," I called after him. "I saved your other sister, you thanked me...but you do what you feel is right."
19th day, 4th month, standard year 24941
My Master has been keeping an eye on me. He's almost to the point of following me about. I've spoken to Tahl. A little. She said she almost erased what she wrote in the journal but then changed her mind.
Only a few hours ago, Master sat down opposite me and said "Padawan, do you think I've been a good Master? A good Jedi?"
He doesn't, now that I think about it, call me Padawan very often. "Yes," I said. What else could I say? "Of course. Why do you ask? What brought this on?"
"No reason," he murmured. Then he said, "I miss Amiri."
This took me aback. "Yes..." I stammered. "Me too."
Back to our story...
On day...I can't remember, day twelve or thirteen...Alex came by again, but he wasn't carrying food with him.
"You know what?" he whispered. "I don't envy the position you're in at the moment."
"Same here." I answered.
He scowled again. "I want to help you escape, you know...they wouldn't kill me, just put me in jail for the rest of my life, or something equally unplesant...but it's not me I'm thinking of, it's my sister. The surviving one."
"If you saved me from this, you think I wouldn't give you something in return? I can help you, Alex. I will."
"You might want to- I expect the Jedi wouldn't."
I decided not to try and find out where his distrust of Jedi came from. "I won't beg you, Alex. But I know you're good."
He looked at me and shrugged. "Whatever you say," he said. "I have no idea how you came to that conclusion, though."
Two days later he helped me escape.