She wanted to be with him more than anything in the world. Just to see him once more, just to here him say the things that made her feel so safe…that would make all of this go away…But she knows that what she did was wrong, and that he'll never forgive her. So she sits in the dark and empty room, and cries.
Then, she wakes up and realizes that it was all a dream. She never had him, and she never hurt him. Maybe there was still a chance, maybe she could ask him, and maybe he would say yes. But maybe not. Maybe he'd laugh at her like she was a circus freak; maybe she'd be too scared to ask him. All of these things played over and over in her head, and nagged at her until she knew she had to talk to someone about it. But who? Any of her friends would probably tell her to just do it, but that's not what she wanted. She wanted advice. But that was something they couldn't give her, because they didn't have much experience either.
The whirlwind of excitement that usually followed the last few weeks of June into July was forgotten that summer. Maybe it was because of all of the terrible news that her friends had received, or because they were all getting older, and summer could be stretched as far as needed in order to finish whatever devious plans the various cliques had come up with for their summer, plans that could make or break friendships. She usually followed along with most of her friends' plans, because she knew that things like that could destroy the sister-like bond she had with them.
Yet here she was, having to debate with herself about going to her best friend's end-of-summer party, or going to her cousin's second birthday party. She knew the obvious thing to do was to go to her friend's, but her cousin had just gotten a new pool with a hot-tub that had a water fall in it, and she was ecstatic to try it out. But if she went to her friend's, HE would be there, that could be her chance to ask him. But there was a chance that he would say no, and then she'd feel like an idiot. She turns off the light and goes back to sleep, to a more peaceful dream where she's on an island with him, and they're as happy as could be, feeding each other grapes one by one…