A/N: Hey everybody! I finally was able to buy some of the books (3-5) and they also had Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them so I got that too. I'm so happy! Finally I'll be able to look up things and stuff. I've just begun re-reading "Prisoner of Azkaban ."

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

You're Alive, That's What Matters

Hermione cracked her eyes open. It was now the middle of the night. She must have fallen asleep after lunch. By the way she felt, though, she could tell that Remus had fed her in her sleep. The darkness pressed on her like a prison. Hysteria filled her again. If she could just lift her head… Was that so much to ask? She struggled to move, any move would do; something to relieve her panicking sense of helplessness.

But the only movement Hermione could master was to blink her eyes. She screamed inwardly and mentally beat herself against the walls that kept her in her mind. Tears poured down her face, and she began sniffling, as much as she could manage to sniffle anyway. 'Good grief, I can't even cry properly,''she thought in despair. How would she ever return to a normal life? And what about Remus? Things began to sink in. Sooner or later Remus would be caught, and suffer a life sentence in Azkaban. All because of her. He would die in a horrible prison because of her. 'Why didn't he leave me in the hospital? What if I don't get much better, what kind of life would that be?' She hated the thought of being coddled for the rest of her life.

"Lumos," she heard Remus say. Hermione squeezed her eyes shut and hoped he'd think she was sleeping. Through her eyelids, she could see the light shining on her face.

"Hermione, I know you're awake, there's streaks of tears on your face," whispered Remus gently.

Defeated, Hermione opened her eyes, squinting in the bright light of his wand. Remus pulled her to a sitting position. Wrapping his arm around her, he put her head on his shoulder. "I heard you crying." He picked up his wand, offering to take a memory. "Please tell me what's wrong." He muttered the appropriate spell, but nothing issued forth. Hermione had closed her mind against him.

Remus lifted her chin so she was forced to look at him in the face. "Have I done something wrong? Do you want me to leave?"

Hermione blinked several times, holding back tears. Remus hated the look he saw in her eyes; it was heartbreaking. She looked like she had given up on life. He pulled out his hankerchief and wiped the tears from her face. Hermione did not answer any of his questions, so he just sat there and held her as she cried onto his shoulder.

"Please tell me what's wrong," he repeated after a few minutes, once more placing his wand against her temple. This time, he did receive a memory, two in fact. The first was he, reading the (mostly) false and unfair accusations made against him, and the fact that he had earned himself a lifetime sentence in Azkaban without a trial. The next one was the first memory he had seen (or rather heard), the one about the nurses talking of her "imminent" death.

Remus set the Pensieve down. He had an idea of what was bothering Hermione now, but it was not completely clear. He decided to ask some yes and no questions. "Are you feeling guilty about the results of my decision to remove you from St. Mungo's?"

Hermione reluctantly confirmed his theory, winking her right eye.

"Hermione, no matter what you think, it's not your fault. You couldn't have stopped me even if you wanted to.' Hermione's eyes looked rather stony at that. He looked at her critically for a minute, trying to deduce what he saw there. "I know – your condition must be really frustrating for you, is that part of it?"

Hermione avoided his gaze with her eyes. He concluded that he must be right. He desperately tried to find the right words to say. He thought about his own condition. Like Hermione, there was little chance he would be rid of it. Sometimes he wished he could knock the moon out with one big "Stupefy!" and end his monthly cycle. But of course, such wishes were all in vain.

"I don't know if this helps, Hermione, but when I was young, I had a similar struggle," Remus started, his voice pained, "One full moon night I broke out of my pen and had a rather rough night. The next morning – well, I was in pretty bad shape. I thought it was the end, but some unsuspecting Muggles came along and took me to the Muggle hospital. I've hurt many people while I'm in my state, and sometimes I wonder if I should have been left by that roadside."

He sighed. He'd never planned on relating that to anyone else, keeping it locked up inside. But seeing Hermione so helpless and frustrated, he felt compelled to show that he understood her situation to some extent.

Hermione was now looking into his eyes, her expression softening. Remus was doomed, once a month, to lose control of his body and mind, while there still was hope for her to fully gain both. And he did genuinely feel some of the discouragement she was experiencing now.

They both became aware that they were looking intensely into each other's eyes, their faces inches apart. Remus stood abruptly and took his lighted wand away from his face so she wouldn't see his embarrassment. "This certainly isn't going to be easy for you, Hermione," he whispered as he laid her back down. "But you're alive, and that's what matters. I want you to live, and get better. What is going to happen is going to happen, nothing can change that now. Please, don't give up. Don't prove me wrong. Don't make my action a couple days ago to be in vain."

He paused a long moment. "Are you comfortable?" At her affirmation, he whispered, "Nox." The light went out, and he settled back onto his mattress on the floor.

Harry impatiently endured his Occlumency lesson with Dumbledore. The Headmaster had promised a surprise at the end of the lesson, and he was dying to know what it was. Fortunately, Dumbledore's tactic of saving the surprise until after he completed his lesson proved to be useful. Harry did an excellent job of preventing Dumbledore from raiding his mind. Finally, after what seemed like ages, Dumbledore announced that the lesson was over. He picked up an envelope, and, smiling, gave it to Harry. "Fawkes came in handy today," he said simply.

Harry opened the envelope eagerly and started reading the letter. His spirits soared higher at every line. Remus had done something heroic, not crazy, and Hermione was alive and responding! She was even able to ask about himself and Ron, and their doings at school. He read Remus's request, and instantly decided he would see that it was carried out. Hermione would love it. "Can I show Ron?" demanded Harry.

Dumbledore smiled at Harry's eagerness. "You may, but only show it to him, and bring it straight back. In fact, why don't you leave this with me? Bring Ron here to read it. We can't take any chances that the wrong eyes might get a glimpse of this."

Harry nodded and set off at a run.

'Ah, youth, always doing things in a hurry,' Dumbledore chuckled to himself.

It was barely two minutes before Harry sprinted into the office, Ron in tow. Ron read the letter with an ecstatic grin on his face. "Can we write her back?" he asked.

"Of course, I shall send your letters along tomorrow morning. They're both likely to be sleeping right now," Dumbledore explained.

Harry and Ron started scribbling madly away at their respective letters, looking like they were competing in some sort of race. Several minutes later, they declared themselves finished.

"Wait," said Harry. "What about Remus's request?"

"It shall be seen to," reassured Dumbledore. "I think it's a very good idea."

"Can't we visit them?" pleaded Ron.

"I've thought about that," admitted Dumbledore. "I think it would be too risky to ask him to lift his sealing spells. The Ministry might have found out about his location. Maybe even Voldemort has. There's too much we don't know. I'm sorry, but until I've found out more about the facts and what we can do, there will be no visits." Dumbledore looked at Fawkes. There might be a way to get there, but he wanted to experiment with it first. No use in getting their hopes up.

The boys' spirits dampened a little. All they wanted was to see her. Harry added a postscript to his letter, telling her what Dumbledore had said. He'd also written a short note to Remus.

"I'll let you know when there's a reply," said Dumbledore. "It's curfew, and I feel rather tired myself. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, sir," they chorused, and left his office.

Harry burst into the Gryffindor common room, a cheerful grin on his face, momentarily forgetting about being possessed in front of the entire class. As he entered, people began edging away from him, wondering if he would suddenly go insane. They were puzzled by his happy expression, because he'd been gloomy all day. Harry, for his part, took no notice. He just wanted to shout aloud that Hermione was alive. Unfortunately, it had been previously decided that only one more person could be told. He marched over to Ginny.

"Ginny, could you come to my dorm? We have something important to tell you," said Harry. Ron stood beside Harry, looking impatient.

"All right, make it quick, I'm trying to finish my Potions essay," she urged.

When they reached the dorm, Ron and Harry promptly started arguing over who was going to tell Ginny. Finally Ginny told them they could do it both at once.

"Hermione's alive!" they said in unison.

"Really? Why, I have to tell Luna, she's been–!"

"No!" shouted Harry. "No one can know."

"Why?" Ginny asked incredulously.

"Because we aren't supposed to know. If they know we know, they'll know that we've been able to communicate with Lupin, and they'd track him down. It must be kept secret," Harry said firmly.

"All right," Ginny agreed reluctantly. "How is she doing? Where is she?"

"Lupin's got her at Grimmauld Place. He's sealed it shut, though, so nobody can get in but Fawkes. Hermione's paralysed, she can't talk, but she's able to open her eyes. Lupin has been communicating with her through a Pensieve."

"So nothing in the paper was true, right?" asked Ginny. She'd doubted it ever since she first laid eyes on the headline.

"There's a bit of truth in it, but it's mostly exaggerated." He started explaining what happened from Remus's point of view, which Ginny found much more believable.

"Oh, and Dumbledore wants to see you first thing in the morning. He sent you this note," said Ron, handing her a folded parchment. "Destroy it after you read it."

Ginny read it, nodded, tore it up, and threw it into the wastebasket. "I'm going to finish my essay now. Goodnight," she said.

Ron turned to Harry as she left. "I thought you should know that everyone has been gossiping about you, it's spreading like wildfire through school about what happened today in class. Everyone thinks you're barking. Has Dumbledore been able to help you?"

"Yes, yes he has. I don't think I'll have another fit for a while. I don't have to worry about Hermione." He was, however, worried about Remus getting caught, but as Lupin wasn't in any immediate danger, it didn't weigh on his mind.

"Don't worry about them, mate. I'm sure it'll die down," Ron assured Harry, thinking about their schoolmates. "Let's go and do our homework, that's what Hermione'd want us to do."

"Let's do it in here," decided Harry. He didn't want to be stared at by the Gryffindors in the common room. For the rest of the evening, Harry coached Ron on DADA. Ron was good at the practical side of it, but not the theory. Harry wished Hermione were there; she was the expert at theory. 'I hope we'll get to visit her soon,' he thought sadly.

Replies to Reviewers:

BrennaM: I'm glad you like the storyline! It came to me rather spontaneously about a month ago and I immediately started writing it. Glad to hear from you:)

MoonyNZ: Yay, you like it! Yes, that's one of the reasons I think they make a good pair, because they're both intellectuals so they would get along better that way. Thanks so much for reviewing!

Angel-Within: Wow, glad you're hooked! Thank you!

BlackPaintedWhite: Hehe...it sounds like you're going quite some lengths to read this...thanks, I'm honored. :)

Dancing In Rain: Yes, I have no way of relating to that sort of experience, but I imagine it's pretty depressing, hence what I put in this chapter. Indeed, Hermione will make progress in interesting ways, as you will see in chapter ten and beyond. :) Thank you for reviewing!

LupinLover99: Here's another update, my beta reader was really fast with this one:) Chapter eight might be a bit slow in coming out though because I might end up re-writing the whole chapter. Thank you for your review!

Preview of next chapter: I don't have one this time because chapter eight is being changed. I'm currently discussing it with Le Grimoire, my beta reader. I figured you'd want this up sooner without a preview than later with one. :)