Author's note: Hey, kids, Raven again. This next chapter is just a little look inside Jhonen's mind while he attends that horror known as a football game. Read, enjoy, and try not to be offended.

-raven, your friendly neptunian insomniac

A short commentary on football

How the hell did I get here? There's too many people. WAY too many. Okay, well, as long as I'm here, I may as well go sit down. This looks like a meeting of some sort. Maybe I've been brainwashed into joining a cult...No, this doesn't look like any cult I've ever been forced into...

GYAAAAH! Why is there nose! So many people yelling and screaming. Loud, non-metal music. playing. Who's running around down there?

What the hell? Is this some sort of sacrificial ritual? Those large people seem to be attempting to kill each other and gain hold of a small, oddly-shaped object. More people are screaming now. I don't see any blood, though. Maybe he broke the other one's back.

And now there are strangely-dressed women running onto the field to dance. They must be offering the souls of the fallen to the gods. And...now giant spiders are coming onto the field. Oh, look, there's Mimi. I didn't know she joined a cult. Well, NOW there's blood. I didn't know a spider could do that. Reminds me of Alien. People are screaming again and running away. You'd think that after all they saw, this would be nothing. Oh well. Not everyone can appreciate ritualistic killing.

Eh, I'm bored. Time to go join in on the fun, I think. Wonder if the knife will be sufficient?

Author's note: Told ya it was short. I'm running out of ideas. If nobody gives me decent plot suggestions, I'll have to write a fangirl chapter. And we all know there's WAY too many of those. (Not that I hate them; I just read one, Attack of the Scary Fangirls, that rocks.) Until the night, mes amis.

-raven, your friendly neptunian pyro

Attack of the Cheese People

"Where the hell are we?"

"Do you think I know?"

"Check the map!"

"Map?"

"Oh, God. Don't tell me-"

"I'm illiterate, dear."

"You're illiterate."

"I'm a spider. Spiders don't read."

"I read!"

"Shut up, Zita. I'm trying to drive, here."

The bus veered to the left, and everyone on board was suddenly vacating their seats. Spiders squealed and skittered up to the roof, clinging to the metal for dear life, while the two humans returned to a sitting position in the hard plastic of the bus seats. Mimi cursed and punched the dashboard, denting something that looked fairly important.

"Oh, great. You stupid vehicle! Now look what you made me do!"

"Uh, Mimi, calm down. We need to get to New York, preferably intact." Jhonen attempted to calm the spider down, but a hiss and a spray of venom quickly convinced him to abandon his efforts.

"Can we stop for food? I'm hungry," whined Roman.

It had been awhile since they had eaten. Two days, to be exact. But most of the time, Mimi had been too psychotic for either Roman or Jhonen to suggest anything, much less a food run.

"We'll stop in Wisconsin, got it? Now I don't want to hear another WORD until then!" Mimi's many eyes flashed red.

"Hey, Uncle Jhonen, help me and Spoon throw stuff out the windows!" Moose grinned and started prying loose some of the plastic seats near the middle of the bus.

"Moose, be careful. Those things are heavy." Jhonen moved to assist her, leaving Roman to deal with the psychotic black widow.

"MOM! I CAN'T GET THE BRAKES TO WORK!" Mimi kicked the brake, and something made a loud crunching sound.

"Mimi, dear, stop getting hysterical and try the brake. It's that little pedal next to the acceleration." Mother Widow looked up from her knitting, sighed, and ignored her daughter's screams of anger.

"Oh, look at that. It worked." Mimi smiled and looked back at the road.

And realized she'd left the pavement a minute or so ago.

"Oh-"

-THUD-

And for the second time in five minutes, everyone vacated their seats. Moose went through an open window with a bus seat and six of her siblings. Fortunately, Mother Widow caught the spiders before they hit the ground, and though the bus seat was damaged beyond repair, everyone else was okay. Mimi managed to get the bus out of the ditch, and they were back on the road by sundown.

"Okay, guys, we are in Wisconsin," announced Mimi.

"How do you know that? I thought spiders were illiterate," muttered Roman.

"Look out the window and tell me we're not in Wisconsin, Human."

Sure enough, there was cheese everywhere. That, and cows. Field after field of lumbering beasts and huge blocks of Wisconsin cheese. People on the side of the road gave the bus steely glares, and their expressions soured even more when the bus seats started to fly out through the windows.

"Oh, look. Cheese people." Jhonen yawned. "I'm going back to sleep."

"Wait for it..."whispered Zita. "Wait for it..."

Jhonen started. "Wait a minute...Cheese people?"

"FOOD!"

Roman dove out one of the windows and tackled a large cheese figure. They swarmed him immediately, and within seconds he had disappeared from view. Mimi stopped the bus, and a small swarm of spiders skittered out, eager to do battle again.

"Woot!" squealed Flan. "More fighting! This time, we get to kill CHEESE!"

"Oh, for God's sake. This is ridiculous! CHEESE? I mean, Mormons were one thing, but this..." Jhonen sighed. "Okay, let's go fight the cheese things."

"DIE, CHEESE, DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!" screamed Mimi, landing on a group of cheese things.

"Hey!" A muffled curse came from beneath the mass of lifeless cheese. "I'm under here, you know!"

"Oh. Sorry, Roman. Having fun?"

Roman stood up and hobbled away. "Yeah, yeah, whatever."

Moose swallowed a cheese person whole and giggled. "I LUVS cheese!"

"Are we done yet?"

"Not quite, Uncle Jhonen!"

Ten minutes later, Jhonen shoved the last of the cheese into a cooler one of the tourists had left behind. Roman was busy tending to the wounded...eh, well, if shooting everything that moved constituted as tending to the wounded...

"Okay, that was stupid," muttered Jhonen, settling down in his seat to wait for Roman to come back. "What now? Angry Canadians?"

"You shouldn't have said that, you know." Mother Widow sat down a few rows up. "After all, we're going to be in Canada for awhile, and they're still pissed as hell about the whole slave-labor-in-Canada thing."

"Great."

Roman was finally carried back onto the bus, and Mimi floored it.