It was a very hot summer night, that time by the lake. The middle of the night, and I was sitting there staring at the lake. It seemed so unreal. Voldemort had been a very big part of every witch or wizard's life for so long, it was almost unbelievable that he was gone, forever. He would never plague the human race again. There would be no more coming home and hoping that everyone who lived in your house wasn't dead, no more self-sacrifice nonsense, and no more pretending everything was ok when it really wasn't. I was too good to be true. I almost wouldn't believe it. But I saw it happen. With my own two eyes, I saw it happen. I saw him disappear, never to bother anyone again, and it gave me mixed feelings. What would happen now? Things can only be perfect for so long. Eventually, things will crumble again, and the world will need another Harry Potter to save them. I just hope there's one for next time too.
I was just sitting there that night in June, staring at the lake and thinking about life. The breeze came and made the hot summer night seem less harsh. It made it almost seem cool. See, this is why I can never let go. The breeze was momentary, it came and it went. I had temporary relief and it left faster than it came. After the breeze passed through, it was just as hot, humid, and unbearable as it was before it came. It is so similar to life. For just a little while things will be ok, and then it comes back just as horrible, if not worse, than before. It makes me wonder what will happen now that what I have always known to be the ultimate evil has gone. The thought makes me shiver.
I wonder if Harry and I will ever rekindle our relationship. I've dodged it until now; I wish it weren't the most important thing in my life, but it is. But believe me, no one knows how pathetic I am more than me. I know the war, the people dieing, the sadistic things that happened were so much more important, but I can't help but think that no one understands. Yes, everyone falls for Harry Potter. Everyone wants him. Everyone is disappointed. What makes me different from the rest of them? I fell the hardest. No one crashed like I did. No one was in love with him like I was. No one wasted their life away pining after him like I did. No one fell as hard as I did.
"Wow," I hear an all too familiar voice say as they approach me, sitting at my spot by the lake.
"What's that," I ask.
"There must really be something pretty interesting going on in the lake, or you must be imagining a picture of me naked." He's trying to make me laugh, and if it weren't for the dark undertone, then it would probably work.
I'm just staring at him, marveled at how he can go on, how everything can be normal for him, how he can laugh and joke, when he was affected the most by it. I wonder why he came to talk to me, of all people. I'm almost tempted to pour my heart out to him, but for some reason the words "bad idea" are flashing through my brain.
"No, I'm just thinking."
"About me naked?"
"Quite the chirpy one tonight, aren't we Harry?"
"Something like that." Silence. It was so peaceful and relaxing that I was afraid to break it. I was afraid to mess it up. I've long since learned that my moments with Harry are short and far between. I've learned to cherish the moments, and hope he doesn't ruin them.
"Gin?"
"Hmm," I think as I curse him for breaking the silence.
"You know what I would be thinking if I were me but in your position?"
"How much of an idiot you are?"
"Something like that."
Wow, I love this boy. I don't know why either. If you asked me, I could probably give you millions of reasons, everyone being incoherent and none of them making sense at all. I suppose that is how love works. It doesn't make sense. Just like life. Not all of the pieces slip together. If you try, then you wait for forever. Take what you're dealt, even if you don't like it, even if it doesn't make sense to put it there, and even if it is going to hurt. That's the rule of the game. You just have to learn how to deal with them. It's rotten and horrible, I know. I just wish I didn't have to learn the hard way. I wish it didn't have to hurt so badly. I wish I didn't have to pretend so hard just to keep my sanity.
It's weird. Once upon a time, I would run out of the room blushing if he even glanced at me. Now I feel more comfortable around him than anyone else in the world. I'm thinking it's too bad that both of us are too stubborn to admit that we wish things were like before as I put my head on his shoulder. It's too bad that neither of us will recede and just tell the other that we're in love. It's too bad that it will have to wait for an angsty moment of weakness.
"You know what I love about you Gin?"
"What's that?"
"That you don't always have to be pretty."
"Gee. Thanks."
"No, I didn't mean it like... What I am trying to say is, you don't always have to worry that I won't be in love with you if you don't always look perfect. You always do though. You always look perfect, but it doesn't make a difference to you whether I do or not. I am supposed to accept you for just you, and there's nothing else to it."
Wow. I stare at him dumbstruck, speechless, wishing I could say something coherent and that would make sense. I wish I could say something that could give me back my dignity.
"Gin? Did you hear me."
"Yeah, I heard you, it's just, " and as I trail off, I see his face fall and his confidence drain, and it breaks my heart.
"You love me," I ask as I look into his flabbergasted face, the confidence coming back, and a bit of cockiness returning.
"Isn't it obvious," he asks as his face comes closer to mine, "Did you think I could move on after you?" And his nose is almost touching mine, but I am too giddy to say anything really articulate.
I would like to say that for the record that stars exploded in my eyes, and that I knew I was in love at that moment, but it would be a lie. I fell in love so long ago. I fell in love, and I can't even remember when. It came somewhere between being a childhood crush and growing into something more.