I know you are waiting for my final chapter of Second chance and it will come soon, but before I wanted to share that first part of a short fic about the " you are nothing without me" unfamous incident. I hope you will like it.
VERO
Title: We might as well be strangers ½
Authors : veronique
Email address:kyomine2002yahoo.fr
Category:romance/angst
Pairing: Alexander/Hephaistion
Date:16/08/2005
Feedback: please, but if you don't like it, be constructive , I don't want to read sarcasm or snarks.
Archive: if you want I'm okay
Rating:nc 13
Disclaimer: I don't own them. They're characters belonging to Warner Brothers Pictures, to Oliver Stone, to my imagination, and to the ages. This is a work of a fan, done for no remuneration save the satisfaction of the work.
Special thanks to Rothalion ;) .
Summary: My take on the infamous line of Alexander to Hephaistion " you are nothing without me".
We might as well be strangers 1/2
Alexander was at work in his office. He had just finished drafting his new law concerning taxes when Eumennes, without knocking at the door, entered in quite panic. The intruder sighed deeply as he closed the door. Alexander looked at him somewhat surprised but not upset.
"Is there something wrong, Eumennes?"
"Sorry, Alexander, didn't have time to knock."
Alexander frowned, waiting for Eumennes' explanation. The secretary took a seat in a nearby chair and after sighing again, began.
"It's Hyacinthus! He is angry with me!"
Alexander laughed incredulously. "Are you telling me, Eumennes, that you are afraid of your own page?"
"It's not that! But, well Alexander, I've bedded him a few times and we had fun but yesterday he found me in bed with Calista and now, since this morning he is ranting about it continuously! He is so jealous! I feared that this might happen."
"What?" Asked Alexander, totally amused by the situation.
"That he'd fall in love with me! He said he wasn't but now, he can't bear to see me approach someone else! If someone is getting jealous because you bed someone else, it's because he is in love Alexander, you should know that! Especially you!"
Alexander smiled curiously.
"Why 'especially' me!"
"Hephaistion is your lover! I mean, come on now, excuse my honesty but we all..."
"Go on, Eumennes." Alexander prodded when he saw that Eumennes was hesitating.
"Well, Hephaistion leaps at anyone's throat in a blind fury if they threaten to besmirch his shinning pride; I can't imagine what you have to deal with in order to curb his jealousy after you bed some one other than him."
Alexander laughed. "Hephaistion has never played the role of a jealous wife, Eumennes." He sat up a bit straighter and shook his head. «Hephaistion knows his place and is secure in it.» Eumennes looked genuinely surprised. "What? I cannot even picture Hephaistion being jealous. That's as ludicrous as when Ptolemy complained that Hephaistion was chasing after Thais. Well, you look less than satisfied, what is it?" Said Alexander.
"Nothing" said Eumennes.
"No, you started it, finish it." Ordered Alexander but still in a friendly tone voice.
"It's just surprising that's all. I thought he was the kind of man to make a scene, after all it's natural to be jealous when you are so hopelessly in love. It's not pleasing to see the supposed love of your life in the arms of another, by the gods you'd think that the rumors alone would whip him into a jealous frenzy. Just look at Hyacinths!"
Alexander frowned, he didn't like where this discussion was going but he wanted to know more about what Eumennes was thinking.
"So, you would dare suggest to me that my Hephaistion does not love me because he isn't 'jealous' of Bagoas or my wives?"
"I didn't say quite that! I mean, you aren't jealous either when he ..."
"When he, what?" said Alexander who began to feel jealous at the mere thought of Hephaistion with some one than him.
"You hear the rumors… and I heard Drypetis was really pleased with her husband's ministrations as well ." Despite himself Eumennes smirked as he watched as Alexander began to squirm.
"I asked of him a son!" said Alexander very upset now and of course Eumennes noticed and took a twisted joy in it.
"See, you, The Great King Alexander, you too are even capable of jealousy"
" No, Eumennes, I am not!" he yelled back defensively.
"My king, you are a poor liar, you say one thing but your face is telling me the contrary."
"He doesn't love her and the others he never cared even a shred for. It was just sex for the sake of sex."
"Oh, how do you know? How can you be so certain?"
" I asked him." Stated Alexander resolutely.
"You sound like Hyacinthus, Alexander! It's the first thing he asked me after the Calista incident."
"I am not jealous..." Repeated, Alexander
"Did he ever asked you the same?" Eumennes cut him off.
Alexander thought a little bit before answering.
"No."
"What a cold hearted little bastard that Athenian is." Hissed Eumennes.
"Eumennes," said Alexander glaring at him to signify to watch his language. «Tread carefully here, man.»
"I'm sorry, Alexander, but honestly; in my world if you love, you are jealous if your lover are sharing the bed with others! It's only human."
"He told me once that he was jealous."
"Oh?"
"Yes, he was jealous of the world I wanted so badly, that is what he told me."
"Jealous of the world! By the gods Hephaistion is now an even greater mystery to me! I frankly don't know what you find to love in him, Alexander. I truly do not."
"Eumennes, we should stop, I know you don't appreciate him and I don't even know why I m telling you so much about something you obviously don't and will never understand!"
"What I understand my king, and I'm saying this for your own good because I worry for you, is that you made that man your chilliarch and he isn't even jealous about the other man who blatantly shares your bed! You should, Alexander, think about that."
"That is enough, Eumennes! I named him chillarch but it had nothing to do with his position in my heart! You, are insulting me! Get out!" Alexander was now openly furious.
"Thank you for hiding me from Hyacinthus, Alexander." said Eumennes "I didn't mean to upset you."
Alexander didn't answer, he simply waved to Eumennes to get out.
The king tried to focus on another law but he couldn't concentrate. He couldn't stop thinking about the fact that Hephaistion wasn't jealous, when he, himself, was each and every time he heard that Hephaistion had passed a night with someone else when he was on campaign. He always asked Hephaistion if it was or ever had been more than just about sex but Hephaistion, on the other hand had never talked about Alexander's bedroom activities. Now, having heard Eumennes 'lecture' this lack of concern on Hephaistion's part worried him. He studied his ring and shuddered at the recollection of how Hephaistion had been so afraid of loosing him to Roxanne. As he watched the light play off the stone he smiled at the remembrance; but his smile faded away as he reminded himself that it was years already ago, since that night; Hephaistion had shown no such insecurities towards him since then.
Time passed and Bagoas entered the room and asked what fragrance Alexander wanted for his bath. Alexander answered he would take his bath at Hephaistion's He'd decided sometime ago to spend the night with his lover and to find out more about Hephaistion's apparent lack of jealousy. Bagoas bowed as he bit his lips in frustration. Alexander noticed the familiar gesture that always betrayed Bagoas' jealousy. Hell, he even knew Bagoas was full of jealousy when he passed the night with Hephaistion or Roxanne but with Hephaistion, he had no clue. As Bagoas left, he thought about his wives, all were jealous too, Roxanne, was the worst of them all. Alexander stoop up and left for Hephaistion's office. He had to know more.
When he entered the small Spartan office, Hephaistion was at his desk, working. He was so focused that he didn't hear Alexander enter and he jumped in surprise when two strong arms wrapped around him from behind and he felt a gentle kiss on his cheek.
"Surprised?"
"I didn't hear you." said Hephaistion with a smile as he kissed the inside of Alexander's right forearm.
"I have time tonight, and I am going to spend the entire evening until morning with you, my love"
Hephaistion was still looking at the papers in front of him. "It is a nice idea Alexander, but I can't tonight. You gave me this mountain of work to do for tomorrow morning's meeting and I'm not done yet. I'll probably be busy all night with it."
Alexander was unhappy with Hephaistion's answer to his proposition. "Well then, I give you one more day to finish it so we can spend the night together." He kissed him on the neck this time.
Hephaistion moaned. "No, Alexander, I don't need or want a delay, I can do it for tomorrow besides the generals are expecting it for tomorrow anyway! You'll have to find someone else to keep you company."
Alexander broke his embrace to Hephaistion quite upset by the comment. He couldn't believe what Hephaistion had just proposed.
"I don't want to be with someone else. I want to be with you." He insisted.
"But I can't tonight!"
Alexander crossed his arms in frustration. "Fine! I'll pass my night with Bagoas or Roxanne!"
Hephaistion didn't take his eyes off from his papers. He hated the emotional blackmail that Alexander had resorted to! He felt that Alexander was acting like a spoiled child not wanting to accept no as his answer.
"You sound like a spoiled boy, Alexander. I have work, work that you gave me to do."
"And I told you, I can give you a delay, Hephaistion."
"I don't want your delay, Alexander, Crateros will think I'm unable to do it on time and I got a reprieve for my ineptness because I am your lover"
" I don't care about what Crateros thinks, Hephaistion!"
"I care, Alexander. I care."
"I see! So you care more about your pride than spending time with me!"
Hephaistion stopped writing and finally looked up at him.
"Alexander, I will have plenty of time tomorrow. You must know that since I am now your chilliarch I have more to do and more to prove to those who think me worthless."
"So you prefer me to pass the night with someone else and finish your damn work than enjoy the night with me?"
"I would prefer spending the entire night making love to you, Alexander. This night and all nights. Days too if I could, but it will have to be tomorrow night, Alexander. I just cannot see you tonight." Insisted Hephaistion, sincerely; his voice as cold as the ice.
"Fine! Your report and research had better be perfect for tomorrow, Hephaistion. I'll not tolerate you slacking off." Alexander scolded the beleaguered man as he rushed like a madman out of Hephaistion's office.
Once Alexander was gone Hephaistion put his face in his hands. Why was everything so complicated with Alexander lately. First, he really didn't appreciate Alexander's spoiled attitude toward him. Second, ever since he was named chillarch, Crateros was always waiting for him to make mistakes or for the proof of Alexander's favoritism so that he could attack him. He was under enormous pressure now that he was second in command. He always had to be perfect, to give the best of himself. He was proud of his new position but the constant pressure threatened to consume him. Now, as busy as he was, he needed to take a little break to calm himself down. He had done his best to not yell at Alexander for his attitude and using such petty emotional blackmail as threatening to spend the night with Roxane or Bagoas. Hephaistion was angry, he had felt cornered and now Alexander was again sharing his bed with some one other than him. He sighed deeply as he felt his jealousy rise again. He was almost about to leave his office to tell Alexander to not sleep with one of them but after a deep breathe he thought it wasn't a good idea. If he did not have his report completed for tomorrow, it would not only be bad for himself but also discredit Alexander's choice when he chose him to be a chilliarch Alexander was not as loved as before and now as the second in command, if he failed Alexander, it would give Alexander's enemies another opportunity to attack him. He recalled Aristotle's words to convince himself it was the better choice to stay in his tent and work.
"Excess in all things, is the undoing of men, that is why we Greeks are superior, We practice control of our senses, moderation, we hope (...)When men lie together in lust, it is a surrender to the passions, and does nothing for the excellence in us, nor does any other, excess Cassander, jealousy among them, but when men lie together and knowledge and virtue are pass between them, that is pure, and excellent when they compete to bring out the good, the best in each other, this is the love between men, that can build the city state and lift us from our frog pond."
Hephaistion thanked Aristotle for his good lessons and now could focus again on his work. He set aside his jealousy, and replaced it with a deep hurt at the thought of Alexander in another persons arms.
Alexander didn't pass the night with Bagoas or Roxanne, instead he passed the night being angry at Hephaistion. Jealousy! He thought. He wasn't at all, not in the least; Hephaistion preferred working than being with him. He cursed himself because he'd made Hephaistion his chilliarch, now that his lover was his second, they were both busy and it seemed, even more distant from each other. Hephaistion's new 'love' was his work. Then a bad shiver crossed Alexander's body as he suddenly thought about all the nasty things he heard about Hephaistion, that he was using the king to make himself higher and he was blind to not see it. Alexander suddenly panicked at the possibility this could be true. What if Hephaistion had never truly loved him and simply had just used him? He began to shake as he felt a panic attack coming. He would never be able to survive a such betrayal, then as he looked at his ring he calmed down a bit. Hephaistion loved him, he had proved it time and again through the years; but maybe, he thought, Hephaistion doesn't love him as much now. Maybe he even stopped loving him? Whatever the possibility, the doubt was there in Alexander mind and the waves of pain didn't stop as he cried all the night in fear of having been betrayed or of not being loved anymore.
The next day, Alexander was exhausted and Hephaistion was upset at the thought of his lover having sex the previous night with Bagoas. Try as he might the king was so worn down that he couldn't keep himself from yawning throughout Hephaistion's speech.
Even though Hephaistion's report and project was brilliant, Crateros saw in Alexander's apparent boredom, failure and an opportunity to attack Hephaistion. Once the meeting was done, Alexander congratulated Hephaistion for his brilliant work as usual. Crateros stayed while Hephaistion tidied up his papers.
"What are you waiting for, Crateros?" asked Hephaistion who was so upset with what had just happened.
"It wasn't that good! Alexander was yawning and even with this display he congratulated you! Your project is full of failure but since you are using him, he let it pass and still congratulates you! You are just a whore! How can you look at yourself in a mirror and be proud of yourself! But for some it's only the rank that matters, isn't it Hephaistion."
Hephaistion was about to explode. "You do not know anything about why Alexander was yawning. It was not because of any problem with my reports! He congratulated me because I deserved it! You are just jealous Crateros. I pity such feelings!"
Crateros saw that Hephaistion was about to lose his temper and continued to attack. They were soon fighting and insulting each other harshly in front of the large group of people who heard their raised voices and came to see the fight.
Few minutes later, Perdicass showed up at Alexander's tent to inform him that Crateros and Hephaistion was fighting furiously. Alexander asked what had happened and Perdicass said something about Crateros having insulted Hephaistion but he has no more details except that Crateros had indeed started it. Alexander's blood boiled. If Hephaistion's pride was under attack the man could turn into a whirlwind of fury. But what about him? Alexander cursed Hephaistion under his breath, he could sleep with the entire world and Hephaistion did not care. His damn work! His damn pride, but his damn pride is not suffering if he, his lover is sleeping with others! That he doesn't care thought Alexander angrily as he barged out of the room consumed with anger.
"Crateros! Hephaistion! what is the meaning of this display?" he yelled "I already told you both that I will not tolerate this petty infighting! I could kill you both without a thought and I am thinking of it! Both of you apologize to each other right now!"
Hephaistion shook his head and crossed his arms. "He insulted me and my work Alexander."
"I don't care who started it or why! Both of you apologize right now or you both will regret it." Alexander leveled a death glare at Crateros.
"I'm sorry, Hephaistion." He said as he extended his hand to Hephaistion. Despite having to apologize Crateros still felt victorious. He'd brought Hephaistion to the edge of anger and he was quite happy with himself. He made no attempt to hide from Hephaistion that he was not sincere.
"Hephaistion!" ordered Alexander in the face of the stubbornness his lover was exhibiting.
"I, did 'nothing' wrong." Hissed Hephaistion as he came closer to Crateros in order to shake hand.
"I am sorry, General Crateros."
"So, friends again, ehh?" said Crateros. Hephaistion felt humiliated. Crateros wasn't at all embarrassed, the truth was Crateros had trapped him and he fallen for it. Once again made the king's silly fool.
"Friends again." He mumbled loud enough for Alexander to hear him. They shook their hands.
"Fine!" Alexander looked at Crateros and said "Next time, I'll have you executed, the both of you!" Alexander was very angry at Crateros and understood he hadn't been completely honest; then he turned to Hephaistion and his anger erupted when he saw the look of disdain on Hephaistion face.
"And you! Without me, 'you' are nothing! Do not forget that Hephaistion!" spat Alexander as he stormed from the tent surrounded by a stunned crowned.
tbc