Holy shizzle! I'm blown away by all the reviews for chapter 19! Sheesh, are you people THAT easy to please? Hah, I'm kidding of course; you know I could never take you guys for granted! Thank you for being so supportive, it really makes all this worthwhile. Anyway, I'm glad the general consensus is that the bisexuality thing didn't bother you, and for those of you who don't like it, thanks for reading through all the same.
And by the way, yes, I will be bringing back Dona and Seymour to the story eventually, but I don't want them to be majorly involved because it would be way too easy to turn them into the bad guys. Besides, I want most of this to focus on the world outside of high school, and quite frankly, those two have absolutely nothing to do with the gang's environment. Oh, and for anyone who is wondering, yes, I do plan on mentioning the death of Tidus' mother in a bit more detail later on.
I'm really unsatisfied with this chapter. For some reason it was very difficult to write, but I didn't want to keep you guys waiting for too long until my creativity kicks in again.
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YUNA
No matter how many reassuring smiles I give Tidus, on the inside I am squirming at the idea of him sitting in a prison cell. Up until now I never truly believed he was capable of the things people have said he was. I refused to think that there was an indecent bone in Tidus' body because I was too enamoured by his carefree spirit and tough-but-secretly-kind nature. It did not occur to me until tonight that there was a chance that he could have hurt someone tonight. He could have used a switchblade on a helpless old man, or a cop. He could have kept that stolen gil. And as dear as he is to me, I simply cannot fathom how I have been so blind.
I wilfully chose to brush aside the darker aspect of his upbringing; I chose not to look around at the world he comes from. In all my arrogance (I know now that I have had that in abundance) I believed that Tidus would never resort to criminal means with me around.
Striding next to him, I occasionally see him dart a quick look in my direction out the corner of my eye. I can sense the uncertainty inside of him. He wants to talk to us about what happened, but I seem to be the only person really concerned about it. Rikku and Gippal are laughing at some joke I haven't been listening too, while Wakka and Lulu are heatedly discussing the difference between a slut and a prostitute. Paine is walking in silence, a dreamy expression on her face. Although we invited Baralai to come along with us, he politely declined and said he had to take care of some 'business', on which he did not elaborate. But before he left, we all caught the quick kiss he gave Paine. For her sake we decided not to tease her about it, but every now and then we shoot her discreetly pleased smiles. She hasn't noticed so far.
At one point Tidus reaches over and touches my hand. When I look up at him, he gives me a fleeting smile, which I tightly return. I am not angry with him, really. No real harm was done tonight in spite of its seriousness, but the whole situation still makes my stomach knot with anxiety. I am uncomfortable with the revelations intruding in my mind.
I know with a certainty I cannot place that Tidus is a good person. He is by no means perfect (who of us truly is?), but there is so much beauty in him that he simply glows with it. I have seen the distance in his gaze, heard the hard edge in his voice, and I have felt the heat of his anger. But I have also seen the love and affection he clearly holds for his friends, and the wonder with which he seems to regard a great deal for life and its intricate mysteries. And because of the complexities of his character, I have come to love him with an intensity and fascinated sense of respect that I have never felt before.
"Ow!" Tidus exclaims suddenly, cutting into my thoughts. I turn and look at him, startled as we all come to a halt. He is clutching his jaw tenderly, frowning in apparent pain. Rikku is staring at him in surprise.
"What?" she demands, sounding indignant. "It was just a little slap, Ti. No need to get all touchy."
"A, what you and I consider to be a 'little slap' are two very different things," he growls, shooting her a scowl. "And B, I already have a bruise there the size of a fucking shoe print in case you didn't notice."
Rikku leans forward to squint in the darkness and then suddenly looks remorseful.
"Oh, sorry!" she says, wrapping an arm around his waist apologetically. "How did you get that thing?"
He shifts uncomfortable and steals a quick look in my direction as Rikku drops her arm from him. When he sees me staring back, he glances away almost immediately. "I hit it on the pavement during my . . . encounter," he explains, keeping his eyes on his feet.
"Here, let me see," I command, gently taking his chin in hand so I can turn his head and examine the bruise. I am aware of his eyes on me, fierce with their depth and shine.
"What do you prescribe, Doctor Yuna?" Gippal asks in a mockingly serious tone. I make a face at him before returning my attention to Tidus' malady.
"Just hold still for a minute," I tell him, moving my hand to rest over the bruise. He flinches at the shift of my touch, but he obeys me with a small smile hovering on his lips. It is then that I remember that the gang does not know of my White Magic abilities. Oh well. They'll learn soon enough.
I close my eyes and direct a string of my magic down through my arm and fingertips, gathering in Tidus' injured jaw. I feel him tense up with surprise, and sense the others watching intently, but I brush the disturbances out of mind.
A few moments later I pull away, opening my eyes once more and removing my hand. Tidus quickly reaches up to feel the bruise before a look of wonder appears on his features.
"Shit," he whispers, laughing uncertainly. "How did you . . .?"
"I had no idea you're a White Mage," Lulu says with pure admiration, while Wakka whistles through his teeth. Rikku and Gippal exchange amazed looks, while Paine just shakes her head at me slowly.
"Thanks," Tidus says, grinning broadly at me. "At least you're good for something useful, right?"
"Hey!" I protest, fighting my own smile. I swing at him playfully, and he dodges skilfully with a loud whoop. Our laughter echoes down the quietly lit street.
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Rather than walk all the way back to Rikku's, we all decide to stop at Lulu and Paine's house, which is much closer. It is certainly not an appealing structure aesthetically speaking, as it is filthy and very run down. The windows are grimy with dust, and most of them are boarded up. The floor is either covered with a mouldy grey carpet or choppy hardwood that would probably leave devastating splinters on bare feet. The ceiling is low and marred with countless water stains, and there are no light fixtures aside from naked light bulbs.
The second I walk inside behind the twins and in front of Tidus, I feel my blood suddenly go cold. I stop abruptly and my breath hitches in my throat. Tidus walks around me and throws me a confused stare before following the girls into the house.
"What is it, Yunie?" Rikku asks me, frowning worriedly. Wakka and Gippal move by me obliviously, but I feel Tidus give me another strange look.
"Something's wrong," I whisper, beginning to tremble. The air is charged with a darkness that makes my flesh tingle painfully. There is an ominous silence deafening me. "Oh God, something is terribly wrong."
"Mother?" Lulu calls, checking the run-down kitchen.
"Mom?" Paine tries, poking her head in what appears to be a small bedroom.
"Hey Lillith, you home?" Wakka bellows, tramping into the living room and making himself at home. Do none of them feel it? Do none of them sense the foreboding in the air?
My eyes fall to a white door with paint chips peeling off the wood. I swallow thickly and reach a trembling hand towards the small brass doorknob, wanting more than anything to turn tails and run.
"Where the hell is she?" Paine demands from somewhere down the hall, addressing her twin sister. "She is not supposed to be working an extra shift tonight. Didn't she say she would be home early?"
Her voice sounds very far away, smothered under the loud hammering of my heart.
Unable to stand the tension any longer, I shove the white door open and stand motionless in the threshold.
I scream.
A woman is lying huddled on the floor, naked except for a white t-shirt. Her long black hair, streaked with grey, falls into chaotic spirals on the linoleum floor around her shaking shoulders. Thin legs are curled up against her chest. A thin layer of sweat forms a gleaming film over her ghastly pale skin. There is blood everywhere.
In an instant, Lulu and Paine appear at my back. Shoving past me, Lulu releases an inhumane shriek and falls down at her mother's side, while Paine stands frozen in shock behind me.
I am vaguely conscious of the others flocking around the door, but the strength flees from my legs and I collapse to my knees, clutching the doorframe so that I draw blood from beneath my nails. Rikku cries out and staggers back against Gippal's chest, who starts moaning and buries his face in her hair. Wakka begins shouting the most violent streak of curse words I have ever heard, but I can barely register it.
Time has slowed down. The world has stopped spinning.
I want to be empty and unfeeling. I don't want to know this heart-wrenching emotion that consumes me from the very core. I don't want to see that woman's shivering body in the middle of a bloodstained floor. I don't want to hear Lulu's anguished howls. I don't want to feel Paine's unmoving body standing stiffly nearby, immobile and numb.
Dear Yevon let me be numb too. I cannot bear this.
Tidus abruptly grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me, roughly jarring me out of my state.
"Do something!" he roars, his eyes wide with panic. "For the love of Yevon, do something! Use your magic!"
I hesitate for a long moment, simply gazing into him blankly. But when I feel his fingers tightening on my arms, all my instincts start clamouring. Without a second thought I jerk out of his grasp and push my way into the tiny bathroom, suddenly knowing what I can do. Lulu is huddled over her mother's form, shaking her desperately.
"Mother!" she chokes, lifting the woman's head into her arms. "Oh God . . . don't do this! Dear Yevon, you can't do this to me!"
Paine has started crying silently, sinking down in the corner of the bathroom. She is unable to take her ruby eyes off her sister and mother. She is completely expressionless, and were it not for the tears rolling down her cheeks, I would not have guessed that she was weeping at all.
"Move," I command in a raspy voice. Lulu swears viciously at me and doesn't move from her place. I grab her by the back of her dress and heave her out of my way. There is no time to lose.
"Shut up, all of you!" I snap, strangely aware of a new calm flooding through me. "I can help her."
I kneel down next to the twins' mother and lift up the woman's head, somehow indifferent to the overpowering smell of blood around me. I feel it soaking through my jeans and dampening my legs. What was that name Wakka called earlier? Lillith?
"Lillith," I say softly, staring down into a pair of familiar tear-stained crimson eyes. They are dim and hazy from blood loss. She is so close to death; I can feel it hovering over her like a black cloud. "Lillith, I need you to follow my light. Can you do that? Can you make your way back to your daughters?"
"My girls . . . my babies . . ." Lillith murmurs, her pale lips quivering. "Twins."
"Yes. Now look for the light, Lillith. Don't go to the darkness. Your girls need you here."
I gently lay her back down and begin searching for the injury that is causing so much devastation. There is a deep gash in each wrist, too deep for coagulation to do any good now. The blood is oozing slowly like two calm deliberate rivers from the same source. It won't be long before she completely succumbs. I bite my lip and shake my head once. No. I will not allow that to happen. For Lulu and Paine's sake, I will not let Lillith die!
I close my eyes and fold my hands around her lacerated wrist, taking a deep breath to calm myself. The rest of the universe slowly begins to fade from my awareness. I no longer hear Lulu screaming, nor do I hear Paine's uneven whimpers.
Reaching into the deepest pool of my magic, I draw out a thread of white light in my mind's eye. With delicate precision born from patience and experience, I channel the light into Lillith's wounds. I can see the magic slowly beginning to fuse the skin back together and repair the severed tissue. I feel sweat forming at my hairline, dripping down my temple and between my shoulder blades. Calmly I force the discomfort at bay, as I cannot afford to break my concentration now. Once more I direct my attention to the task at hand. I mend the slashed artery in each wrist, clenching my jaws to fight my growing exhaustion. I have never had to use so much energy before. I am used to healing small cuts and bruises, and even a few fractured bones, but all that requires is minimal skill. This is an intense healing process, and not only do I have to seal the wounds, but I also have to restore the blood loss that will surely kill her.
I do not know how much time has gone by, but suddenly I am aware of a new kind of silence. I open my eyes and feel a wave of nausea and dizziness hit me. I vomit onto the floor and then collapse onto my side, my vision blurring.
And then there is darkness all around me, and I know no more.
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I open my eyes slowly, aware of warm softness all around me. I moan in pain as a pounding headache overwhelms me and I roll onto my side, eager to hide in the gloom of the corner I find myself pressed against.
Some time later, my memory catches up with me. I sit up abruptly and, trying to ignore the unexpected surge of queasiness hitting me, I pull myself out of the bed. I am in a small dark room with all the windows boarded up, and the smell of mothballs does little to ease my aching head. Where is everyone? The house feels very still and quiet. Is Lillith all right? Where are the twins?
"Hello?" I croak, stumbling out the door. "Lulu, Paine?"
I feel my way down the narrow hallway until a familiar shape comes dashing around the corner, nearly slamming into me.
"YUNIE!" Rikku squeals, throwing her arms around me. "Thank goodness you're okay. We were so worried about you!"
"I'm fine Rikku," I assure her, trying to pry her off with as much strength as I can. "Really. It's just that . . . would you mind loosening your grip a bit?"
"Right, sorry," she says meekly, releasing me at once. At that moment, Tidus, Gippal, and Wakka appear behind her. Wakka and Gippal give me a big two-way hug, lifting me off the ground and practically suffocating me.
"You're a miracle worker, you know that?" Gippal tells me, tousling my hair after they both set me down and leave me gasping for air.
Tidus moves forward and puts his hand on my shoulder, biting his lip worriedly. I note how pale he looks, and I fleetingly wonder if it was concern for Lillith or me.
"How do you feel?" he asks me softly. I smile up at him and touch his arm to reassure him, having regained my breath. There is still a lingering trace of fear in the depth of his cerulean eyes.
"I'm all right," I tell him. "But I'm more anxious about Lillith. How is she doing? And what about Lulu and Paine?"
"They're in the kitchen making us all dinner," Tidus replies with a crooked grin. "Lillith says she's never felt more energized. She wanted to see you as soon as you got out of bed and give you her thanks."
"I ain't ever seen Lulu and Paine so emotional, ya?" Wakka says to me as we make our way towards the kitchen. "They never cry, at least not in front of us." He looks so sad that I cannot help but link arms with him.
"Did Lulu cry for Chappu?" I ask him gently. He glances up at me in surprise, and I can feel Tidus' gaze sharpen on my back as he walks behind me.
"No," Wakka answers slowly. "No, she didn't. Not that any of us ever saw. I think she keeps all that stuff inside, ya? But . . . how did you know about-"
"She saw the pictures in my room, so I told her about him," Rikku cuts in, smiling at me. I glance over at Tidus, who abruptly avoids my eyes. I remember Rikku's words earlier in her basement room. Do I really remind Tidus of Chappu? Is that why he seems to care about me so much? The thought is both comforting and troubling.
Upon entering the kitchen, the first thing I see is the three women standing next to the stove, leaning over something boiling in a pot. Lillith is wearing a faded blue house rob and her black hair is tied up in a loose bun with stray strands falling down to frame her elegant shaped face. Her ruby eyes, framed with crows' feet and wrinkles, are creased into a smile as she laughs at something Paine says. Lulu is smiling widely, but I can still sense her heart fluttering with fear. I feel a powerful stroke of sympathy. She and Paine nearly lost their mother tonight. Even though I lost mine years ago, beyond the reach of memory, I can understand how difficult such a blow would be for them. Their father abandoned them nine years ago, and since then the three of them seemed to have a bond that was just as strong as the bond they shared with the rest of the gang, only on a completely different level. Lulu and Paine needed their mother in a way they would never need the gang, dear as their friends were to them.
Lillith glances up at me and the smile freezes on her mouth. She wipes her hands on her robe and steps towards me, her eyes never leaving me. When she is about an arm's length away and a strange quiet falls over the room, the woman suddenly reaches out to me and pulls me in a tight, unexpected embrace.
"I cannot thank you enough," she whispers against my shoulder. "I don't deserve what you did for me, Miss Yuna."
"Of course you do," I reply, returning the embrace. She smells like oranges, and her hair is slightly damp from a previous shower. "I would never forgive myself if I didn't step in and help. I'm just glad we all made it in time."
"I didn't mean to let myself sink so far down," Lillith admits, pulling back from me slightly. It is then that I realize that she is my height, and slightly shorter than her twin daughters. Her bone structure is light and slender, not curvy like Lulu or angular like Paine. "It's just such a shame that our first meeting should be under such circumstances. My girls have told me so much about you."
"Really?" I ask, startled. The twins look slightly embarrassed, wearing identical half-grins, and nod at me from behind their mother's back.
"Oh yes. Why, I already feel as if I know you so well," Lillith says with a light chuckle, affectionately tucking a lock of hair out of my face. The gesture is somehow very comforting, akin to what my own mother may have done for me had she lived to raise me.
Lillith is one of those women that simply radiate matronly kindness without appearing condescending or presumptuous. She is soft and inviting in a way that differs greatly from her daughters, who are cool and reserved, not often quick to express amusement. Perhaps they inherited their personalities from their father's side.
I smile back and allow Lillith to lead me towards the stove, where she is intent on showing me what she is cooking. Amazing how not too long ago, this woman was inches away from self-inflicted death, with a whole world of misery reflecting in her eyes. Now there is hardly any shred of darkness inside of her, and I cannot help but marvel at the range of emotions that must swirl inside of her constantly. Somehow, in the back of my mind, I feel a delightfully strong connection to the mother I never knew.
And all around me, the gang gathers close by as if to catch a ray of Lillith's soothing, if not unfortunately brief, warm glow.
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Yeah, I know! Not too much Tidus/Yuna action, but it will get better, I promise. And if this chapter confused anyone, remember I mentioned earlier that Lillith has chronic depression and that she cut her wrists while she was overcome with a particularly bad episode. I apologize if it doesn't seem very realistic, but trust me when I say I know from experience.