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TIDUS
The first time Elma ever approached me with that look on her face, she was coming to tell me that Dona was severely drunk and was choking on her own vomit in the bathroom of a house party. It had been my job to sit her upright and hold her hair back as she emptied her stomach over the toilet bowl and then drag her ass home.
I'm supposed to be in math class right now, just as Rikku should be participating in gym, Paine and Gippal should be in Shop and Lulu and Wakka in Science. I should be laughing at something Rikku is saying in regards to the overweight PE teacher oggling girls in shorts and tight t-shirts. I should be watching the way Lulu is re-braiding her hair with those long pale fingers. I should be listening to Gippal and Wakka arguing over which videogame is the best. I should be silently agreeing with Paine as she rolls her eyes in disgust at the pointlessness of their debate. It's obvious that Undead Gladiators from Hell is the best game ever. Why do they even bother discussing the matter? What's more, I should still be reeling with delight over the fact that we all have free tickets to see Lotus Venom this weekend.
But the moment I notice Elma hurrying towards us from the girl's locker room with that look, I forget all these things and feel my heart fly into my throat.
Something's wrong, and my instincts are telling me that this time, Dona's not the one in trouble.
"Yuna's in trouble . . ."
I don't even stand there to hear the rest of Elma's breathless sentence, because as soon as those first three words process in my mind I am already bolting towards the change room with the gang following close behind.
The world has turned red and gone deathly silent behind the roaring in my ears.
I don't really remember much about what happened in the time between me barging into the locker room and cradling Yuna against me. There are flashing images in my mind of Dona's terrified face, and the feel of her skin under my hand as I press her against the wall, but it's kind of like I'm looking at it all through the eyes of a stranger and not really experiencing it myself. I don't remember speaking the words that I said to her, but I can hear them resonating in my head, hot on my tongue and burning my mind. I meant every word. And Dona knows it.
Yuna looks so cold on the floor, naked and shivering like an abandoned foal. She needs to be warm. She needs someone to wipe the blood from her face and the tears from her eyes. She needs someone to fight away all those demons and the bad dreams and the shadows that seem to haunt the corners of her life.
At least I can take care of the first few things.
I don't even really know why I'm apologizing to her. Nevertheless, the words are pouring from my lips and I can't seem to stop them. It's only when I start talking that Yuna starts to cry, holding onto me as tightly as I'm holding her. She cries so softly that I wonder if she's making any noise at all but for the occasional hiccup against my shoulder.
I hate Dona. I hate her. I hate her so much it makes my stomach twist just thinking of her.
Sometime later (not sure how much time has gone by) I pull back a little bit to look her in the eye. "Can you heal yourself?" I ask, trying to keep my voice from shaking as I wipe the blood from her upper lip and chin. She blinks a few times before nodding slowly.
"I . . . I think so. It'll take a lot out of me, though."
She pulls my jacket tighter around her, hiding her nudity from our eyes even though we've already seen what she tries to conceal. It occurs to me with a jolt that I've just seen Yuna's bare body and I hadn't even realized it in my anger. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes as I take a step back to give her more room. A pale white light glows beneath her skin and I can feel cool energy radiating from her. Her lips start to shake and more tears leak out from under her eyelids. I can see the bruises on her body slowly start to disappear, and just as they vanish completely she goes limp and lets her head sag forward, breathing heavily.
"No more," she pants. "I'll faint if I try to erase the pain right now. I-I can deal with it for a while."
Rikku and Gippal help her to her feet and I note with a rush of heat to my face that my jacket does not entirely cover her lower half. Realizing this, Paine quickly snatches a pair of sweatpants from the lost and found bin close by and hands them to her, giving me a discreet look out the corner of her eye. Slowly, still trembling weakly, Yuna tries to dress herself, but gasps as her fingers slip and cause her arm to twinge with obvious pain. Automatically, Lulu moves forward and helps her pull the sweatpants up, her jaw set grimly for the task. Yuna's face goes pink with shame.
She looks so pathetic that I have to turn away. If I keep watching her in this state I might go insane and beat the shit out of the next living thing I see. Briefly Lord Braska's words come back to me, taunting me as they dance circles in my head.
Can you look me in the eye and promise me that you can protect her from the evils of your world?
Once, part of me thought that I could.
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We end up taking Yuna back to Rikku's place, after sneaking out the back door of the locker room into the school's second parking lot. She is silent the whole time, and keeps her eyes to the ground at her feet. She moves between us like a prisoner being escorted to the electric chair.
Cid and Brother are both at work when we get to the duplex, but the crotchety old cat lady is sitting on her porch. She glares at us from her rocking chair, petting the three cats on her lap in a rather vicious way. The animals lie as if in defeat under her gnarled hand, knowing it is futile to try and escape from their mistress when she wants their company. I glare back and contemplate making a rude gesture, but Yuna stumbles up the front steps and I move swiftly to catch her around the middle.
"Sorry," she mumbles, hiding her face from mine. "Lost my balance."
I frown down at her and ask an incredibly dumb question. "Are you feeling okay?"
She replies tiredly that yes, she does.
"Do you feel light-headed?" Paine asks, as she and Lulu know more about 'doctoring' than anyone else in the gang.
"A little. Not badly, though."
She holds up two fingers. "How many?"
"Four. I mean, two. Two."
"Follow them."
Paine moves her fingers around before Yuna's face, and I watch with a clenched heart as Yuna determinedly follows their direction with her eyes. It seems to be a bit of a challenge for her, but she keeps up well enough. Paine doesn't seem totally convinced.
"I think you might have a slight concussion," she states. "If things get worse, we might have to take you to the hospital."
My innards squirm at the idea, but Yuna shakes her head forcefully. "No, no hospitals. I don't want anyone else knowing about this. I'll be fine, I just need to sit down for a while."
I guide her inside after Rikku unlocks the front door we automatically take her down to Rikku's room, where there is no light to hurt Yuna's eyes. She lies down slowly and sighs at the softness of the mattress, her brown hair pooling around her face.
I crawl onto the bed next to her and sit up right so that I can lean my back against the wall, and she mechanically turns to rest her head on my stomach. I swallow tightly as her arm drapes across my waist, and I slowly circle my arms around her. My fingers begin combing through her hair and I feel her sigh against me. Wakka flops down at the foot of the bed, and Rikku and Gippal position themselves on Yuna's other side. Paine perches on the edge of the mattress next to me, also leaning against the wall.
"Hey Lu," Wakka says softly as Lulu enters the room, having gone to the kitchen to get Yuna a glass of water. "You should sing for us, ya?"
I feel a small smile form on my lips. "Yeah, Lulu. Please?"
The mage sets the glass on the bedside table and straightens her posture. "Rikku, where's your acoustic?"
Rikku points eagerly to the closet door, and Lulu glides across the room to retrieve it. She pulls out the old guitar and strums it experimentally before tuning it to her taste. Then she returns to the bed and sits cross-legged at the corner of the mattress, settling herself comfortably.
Lulu has, quite simply, the deepest, softest, most velvety smooth voice of any person I know. Even the way she talks is musical.
The second her song starts, I feel like the universe is shrinking down and closing us all in its core. Time outside this little dimension of ours has frozen, and I am entranced as her words pour over us. I glance down and see that Yuna has her eyes closed as she listens, her head cushioned on my lower stomach. Her expression is so peaceful that I can almost forget what happened to her not long ago in the girl's change room.
Sometimes, I feel like the world can actually be perfect. The moments are rare, but when they happen, I can fool myself into believing it, no matter how fucked up my life can seem at the time. Just for a while, everything can be great.
Rikku is curled up against Gippal's chest, crying softly but with a smile on her face. Lulu's music always brings her to tears, but we know by now not to worry when we see them on her face. Wakka has an arm slung across his eyes, smiling lopsidedly. Paine leans her head back and occasionally lends her voice in harmony with Lulu. Though not quite as smooth as her twin's voice, Paine's voice is by no means a trial to listen to. Gippal has his face buried in Rikku's hair, too moved to do much else. The tough guy persona is all bullshit in moments like these; Gippal is a total sucker for music.
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Believe it or not, we didn't speak about the locker room incident right away. For the time being, we were just happy to linger in the warmth of Lulu's music. More than anyone, I think Yuna just wanted to forget about what happened and not worry about it, at least not now.
We spent the rest of the day just lazing around Rikku's house, watching movies and eating junk food. Yuna said that her head was feeling much better, and for some reason she is still wearing my jacket and the stolen sweatpants. I kind of hope she'll keep it on. It's almost like my coat is hugging her constantly, the very thing I want to be doing.
I never got that jacket back, but I don't mind.
The next day at school, the first person I see is Dona. She is standing at my locker with a white gauze scarf wrapped around her neck, and the memory of my fingers wrapped around her neck visits me again. I still can't find it in my heart to feel guilt or remorse.
"Get the hell out of my way," I snarl, appearing behind her. She jumps and whirls around, her hand flying protectively to her throat. Then she regains her composure and takes a deep breath.
"Drop the badass façade for one second, would you?" she says airily, proving that she really is the slowest learner in the world. I could crush her easily, and she knows this. Yet she insists on not caring, or at least pretends not to. "We need to talk."
"No, actually we don't. Go away."
"Tidus, if you would just listen to me-"
"Listen to you? Listen to you? What on Spira do you have to say that can make up for what you did yesterday?" I demand, leaning in close and keeping my voice to a low hiss. Passing students eye us warily, sensing tension between the former power couple.
Dona glares at me, but holds her ground. "I'm not apologizing for pounding that little bitch into the ground," she begins. Seeing my expression, which could undoubtedly wither a rock, she quickly adds, "but I am sorry that I hurt you. You know I never stopped loving you, baby, don't you?"
"Dona, we dated for less than a month," I deadpan. "I used you, you used me. We left it at that, remember?"
"Well, we had fun, didn't we?"
"The operative word here being 'had'. Are you planning to make a point any time soon?"
She pouts at me in a manner I know she means to be attractive. "Oh come on, Tidus, are you really gonna look me in the eye and say you haven't thought of me since?"
Okay, so she got me there. She may be a manipulative bitch, but she's undeniably hot in a generic slutty way. Of course, I only thought about her briefly, and that was before I met Yuna, my wakeup call.
I roll my eyes and push her out of my way to get to my locker. Rather than leave, which would be great, she leans against the one next to mine and watches me gather my books.
"I did what I did because she doesn't deserve a man like you, baby," she says finally. "She needs a man who can wait on her and come to her every beck and call, just like she was raised. But you, Tidus . . . you're a rebel, you know? It isn't her right to try and change you and make you into a wimpy sap."
I turn and glare at her sharply and she just raises an eyebrow. "Don't give me that look. You have changed a little since taking her under your wing. What happened to the bad boy I used to know? Since when do you let some prissy little princess lead you around by the nose? I would never do that. I would do anything for you."
She moves forward and runs her manicured nail down from my jaw to my chest, her husky voice tickling my senses. I shake myself and shove her away. "Don't touch me," I snap. "I don't give a shit what you think about me, but there is no way in hell you're ever going to get with me again. We've had our moment. Whatever chance you may have had, you blew when you chose to fuck with Yuna yesterday."
Dona scoffs at me. "You aren't fooling anyone, Tidus. I know you. I know you much better than you think. I know that the longer you have to wait for the summoner's precious daughter to put out, the more impatient you'll get. The weaker you'll become."
I must be making some kind of facial response, because now she is smirking at me.
"Did you really think it would be so easy to get into her pants? She's the ultimate virgin, you realize. There's no way your getting past first base with her."
I look away sharply. "It's not like that. There's . . . there's stuff you don't understand."
"Love? You think I don't know love?"
Her voice is so soft all of a sudden that I can't help but look at her again. She is staring back levelly. Is she being serious? I blink and try to scan for any sign of deceit, but before I can conclude anything she drops her gaze almost bashfully. "You may not believe me, but what I said is true. I really do love you, Tidus. Nobody ever understood me the way you did. I . . . I've never had somebody like you before."
She pauses and I swear I just saw her blink back a tear. Weird.
"Look, what you're feeling for Yuna is understandable. She's pretty, rich, smart, probably a lot more interesting than she seems to me . . ." she waves her hand dismissively. "Anyway, the point is, I do get what love is. But we both know that you like to get whatever you want, and we both know that she is not the kind of girl who gives it up easily. She can't handle your fire, Tidus. Not like I can."
"I wouldn't- I'm not-"
"Oh, you'd try to be a gentleman at first, moving at her pace, holding her hand, taking her to the beach and doing all the romantic shit I know you hate. But eventually you'll start being a bit more forward, a bit more aggressive." Dona's voice has become much more sinister. "You'll start reaching farther up her shirt to try and unhook her bra. You might even try to sneak your hand down her pants, past those virginal white cotton panties. You'll even tell her you love her just to make her feel like everything is okay."
"Shut up," I whisper. She ignores me.
"She'll ask you to stop, she'll say you're moving too fast. You'll push her towards the bed and let her fall down on the mattress, not caring that she's starting to get that scared look in her eye. In fact, it might even turn you on more."
"You shut up, Dona." She just smiles deviously at me and continues.
"She'll beg and plead, saying she's not ready for this, but you'll just pin her down and kiss her to shut her up. Soon she'll start kicking and writhing underneath you, desperate to get away, but by then you'll have ripped off her shirt and-"
"I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I roar, slamming her against the locker. I can barely see straight; my head is clouded with visions of Yuna's terrified face, struggling under me and crying out for me to get off her.
Other students in the hall stop and stare at me in shock, and Dona's face as gone white with fear. But her eyes hold a spark of triumph, a glimmer of malicious satisfaction as my worst fear is exposed at the tip of her tongue.
Before I can make this scene any worse, I release her and storm away, too shaken to notice the frightened and confused looks everyone is giving me.
I can feel Dona's eyes burn holes in my back as I walk away.
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The rest of the week moves by at an agonizingly slow pace after my little encounter with Dona. Ever since then, I've been unable to get the idea out of my head that one day I might actually hurt the girl who means more to me than anything. I've never forced a girl into sex. All the girls' I've been with have been willing, if not slightly drunk in some cases. It just never seemed right to me that some guys feel it's okay to force their women into doing things they aren't willing to do. Maybe it's a leftover sentiment from my mother's rape murder. Maybe it's just me being a decent guy on the inside. Maybe it's because of the sick twisted feeling I get in my stomach whenever I think of Yuna in pain, or Yuna being afraid.
Yuna, having decided not to press charges against Dona and her little friends for reasons beyond my understanding, seems to be returning to her normal self with each passing day. She's a bit jumpier than she used to be, but that's only understandable. Soon she'll start looking her shoulder all the time, just like I do whenever I'm walking home by myself or if I know there's another gang out in the streets nearby. It becomes second nature. After being attacked, you're never quite at ease anymore. A part of you will always be on alert, always suspicious.
By the time Friday rolls around, I am nearly dancing with impatience. Ever since I was a kid, it's been my dream to one day see Lotus Venom live in concert, and now that it's actually about to happen, I can hardly even believe it.
The girls tell me and the guys to go ahead and meet them at the show, since they have to take their time to get all dressed up. As for me, I just decide to stick with jeans and a denim vest with no shirt on underneath. Concert moshpits are usually too hot for much clothing anyway. Gippal, like me, has no shirt beneath his brown corduroy jacket and is wearing ragged cargo pants. Wakka is decked out in his finest leather coat with spikes on the shoulders and chains dangling everywhere.
The amphitheatre, the place where all of Bevelle's concerts take place, is massive. It is easily twice the size of a blitz stadium, and is situated right in the heart of the city so that its location is available to people from all parts of town. It is the one building in all of Bevelle that feels as if it belongs to everyone from all social classes.
It's nine o'clock. There are countless cars and people flooding by us, ranging from rich socialites to street punks. There are security guards everywhere, eyeing us suspiciously. Inside the amphitheatre we can hear the screams of countless adoring fans calling for Lotus Venom to start performing, and I long to raise my voice with theirs.
The three of us wait by the gate to the parking lot to meet up with the girls, each hardly able to contain our excitement. Gippal has gone through five cigarettes in the last ten minutes.
"Where the hell are they?" he groans, lighting up his sixth. "How long does it take to get dressed?"
"They'll be here. You think they'd miss this?" Wakka replies confidently.
"Gentleman," a familiar voice says. We turn around and see Lulu, Paine, and Rikku all standing in a line, equally gorgeous in their concert attire. Rikku is wearing a short green skirt that could dually function as a napkin and a yellow bathing suit top. Her hair is little more than a mass of braids and beads.
Lulu is wearing an old Victorian dress complete with black lace and crushed velvet, and a slit up the side of the skirt shows a flash of white thigh.
Paine, to our surprise, is actually wearing tight pants and a form-fitting muscle-shirt without the company of her black hoodie.
"May I present, for your viewing pleasure," Lulu continues, her eyes flashing with anticipation as she and the other two girls step aside, "the new and improved Yuna Ressan."
Wakka's eyes widen.
Gippal chokes on a puff of nicotine.
And my jaw hits the ground.