Chapter 5:

When Lily returned to her dorm, the rest of the occupants were fast asleep in their beds. Lily sank onto her bed and held her head in her hands. Did that really happen? Did i just agree to help the most evil wizard that ever existed? Oh hell, what have i done?

Lily got up and slipped out of the dormitory, she decided she needed some fresh air to clear her head. As she got to the portrait hole she collided with someone, coming from the other side. They both fell to the ground and Lily realised that none other than James Potter was lying on top of her. A sudden wave of fear crashed over her and she roughly pushed him off her and fled through the portrait hole before he had a chance to complain. She ran through the hallways of the school until she reached the entrance hall, tugging ferociously on the doors she escaped into the cool night air.

The look on Lily's face had been one of pure terror, which caused James to wonder what could have happened. Deciding to find out he followed Lily out into the Hogwarts grounds. He saw her sitting under a nearby tree and quickly realised she was not shaking from the cold, but from the huge sobs racking her fragile frame.

James knew Lily would never let him comfort her, but he knew someone she would. He quickly transformed into his animagi form, a magnificent stag. Many times before James had come across Lily in his stag form and she had shared intimate secrets with him, he hoped this would be one of these times. He made his way over to her and gently lay down next to her and let his head fall into her lap. She sat their stroking his head absent mindedly, lost in her own thoughts. She never said a word, just silently wept, yet the presence of the stag was a great comfort to her and he knew it. Eventually, she raised herself from the ground, gave the stag a kiss and then made her way back to Gryffindor tower.

James was left outside to think about what could have possibly happened to make her so upset, he transformed back into his human self and then followed Lily up to the tower, mulling it over.

Over the next few weeks, teachers and pupils alike noticed a change in the usually vivacious Lily. After a while Bella decided to confront her friend about her odd behaviour and cornered her one night in the Gryffindor common room.

"Lily, may i sit down?" Bella asked with a timid air, Lily had been very temperamental during the previous few weeks.

"If you want to, but I have a potions essay to finish!" With this Lily bent back over her parchment and furiously carried on writing.

"Lily, I really need to talk to you. I know things have been strange between us since the first day back, but I was hoping that we could work everything out. You've been really stressed lately and I was wondering if I could help in anyway?" Bella finished looking hopefully at Lily. Lily surveyed her friend and realised she was right. Lily had been stressed and worse she'd taken it out on other people. Over the last few weeks, Lily had been in constant contact with Voldemort. She hated herself for betraying the headmaster, who had always been so kind to her, but she couldn't risk her parents lives. Lily decided that even if she could not tell her best friend the real reason for her stress, it would be good to have someone to talk with, maybe being friends with someone would make Lily feel less evil for carrying out the betrayal.

"Your right Bella, I have been stressed. I guess I've been listening to much to the teachers about the OWLS! I'm sorry about the day at the train station, I may not like Potter and Black but you have every right to hang out with them as long as you don't force me to!" With this Lily smiled at Bella and reached across the table and hugged her. Am i a terrible person for lying to her?

Over the next two years, Lily learnt how to balance her double life, consoling herself by thinking of James Bond. After all he lead a double life and he was still a good guy...right? Not only did she continue to excel at her academic studies, but she was proving to be particularly gifted at the Dark Arts. Voldemort kept his promise and trained Lily himself and was pleased with her progress. Lily avoided Potter as much as possible, his constant requests for her to go out with him, and her constant refusals and turned into a joke shared by the entire school, including the staff. James often thought of the night in 5th year, but had never figured out what had caused Lily's tears. He contented himself with assurances from Bella that Lily was all right, but a nagging voice at the back of his mind kept telling him that something was desperately wrong and he was determined to discover what it was.