Disclaimer: I don't own FMA and none of the other stuff belongs tome either.
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They were all at Hughes' house for 4 days looking at photos of Elycia until Roy turned up and the second Hughes turned to open the door they were out the window and the sound of a car speeding away could be heard.
Envy couldn't drive so many pedestrians died that day.
On their way back to Dante's, Edward noticed that Al was engaged in battle with a laser-jet printer. The printer had dealt several major blows, and Al was covered in paper cuts, but he wasn't giving in. Still, Edward felt that he should try to help, but he was still mad about Al stealing his pencil case, so they all just watched. Envy's idea of parking, by the way, was crashing into an office building. He never liked brakes, he preferred the old fashioned way of stopping a moving object.
"Wazzup, homie?" Edward asked Al.
"I is getting owned by dis – what am I saying? I'm being attacked by a laser-jet printer!" cried Al.
"Oh, well… carry on!" said Edward.
The printer started aiming its lasers at Al, as well as the post office. "DIE LETTERS, DIE!" it said.
No matter how big the bubbles Al blew were, the printer would not stop its merciless onslaught! It got out the giant instant-death laser, and aimed it at Al.
"Al… OH FORGET THE PENCIL CASE! I'LL SAVE YOU BROTH-" Edward's alarm went off. "Oh crap – its time for FMA! Envy, do you have cable at Dante's?"
Envy nodded.
"THEN DRIVE!"
With that, they all jumped into the nearest car and drove away. Yes – the keys just happened to have been left inside.
They got back just in time, although they had missed the intro.
"Damn! I love the Rewrite intro!" said Sloth.
In the first commercial, they all decided to eat muffins, but Dante didn't have any, because she hated cooking and she wouldn't buy any because she thinks they're too expensive and every week when they go grocery shopping she is certain that they'll be on special the next week but they never are.
They couldn't even make the muffins themselves, because Dante was afraid that Envy would burn himself on the stove and the others didn't know how to use the stove and Envy couldn't show them how to use the stove because he wasn't allowed to use the stove because Dante wouldn't let him.
So they decided to go shopping for muffins.
Gluttony was left to tape the rest of the episode in case they didn't get back in time. They couldn't trust him in a food shop anyway.
They finally arrived at a muffin shop. There were all sorts of muffins – all the sizes of the rainbow!
"Yippee!" said Envy, upon discovering a green muffin.
"I think it's just mouldy, Envy…" said Wrath.
Envy sighed and put the muffin back, but he was crying on the inside. He was crying on the outside too.
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Roy was only up to the 43rd photo album when Hughes went to answer the telephone. Roy was the one calling, he had his cell phone in his pocket and he had stayed up all night practising using it without looking in case he went blind by some freak accident… that may or may not be caused in a piano-related incident.
It was just the chance he needed to find the confidential file Hughes had about weasels and get out of there. Unfortunately, he was distracted by a jar of peanut butter on the kitchen table. Roy didn't have any peanut butter, he had spent many a year wondering whether life really was worth living without it…
"Must…have…PEANUT BUTTER!" yelled Roy. He pounced on the jar, before realising it was just painted onto the table.
AND BACK TO THE OTHERS!
"Do you think we have enough muffins?" asked Lust.
They had three trolleys full. But upon being asked whether they'd be using 'cash or credit card', they realised their little problem… "THESE MUFFINS AREN'T THE LOW FAT KIND!" screamed Envy, after which he fainted.
"Oh yeah – we don't have any money either," said Edward, emptying his pockets only to reveal some rubber bands and his pink Tamagochi.
Everyone sighed, at first Envy didn't, because he was still unconscious, but then when he regained consciousness, he did. Everyone called him 'Princess' from that point also.
Greed had an idea. Yes – this may be a good time to block your ears. "I know," he said, "all we have to do is disguise ourselves as firemen who are trying to rescue a kitten from a tree and we need the muffins to lure in a dog to chase it out of the tree because our special ladders broke when we drove the fire truck through the car wash ignoring the height limit."
"Maybe we could just steal them," said Pride, as though Greed had not spoken. "Our special abilities should ensure that we-" Pride was interrupted by a fire truck that smashed through the wall and squashed their carefully selected muffins.
"Hurry! We need three trolleys of muffins to lure in a dog to chase a trapped kitten down from a tree!" said one of the firemen.
The shopkeeper complied.
"See?" said Greed. "It worked for them…"
"You mean they weren't real firemen?" asked Edward.
There was no time to deal with the idiots – NO ONE interrupted Pride in the middle of a speech, NO ONE would get away with- Pride was distracted by a muffin with a smiley face on it and was immediately surrounded by hovering love hearts. The background even changed.
"I can see the whole scenario unfolding now," said Sloth. "He's going to keep that muffin and it's going to get mouldy and then he'll lock himself in his room for days and I'LL be the one who has to come up with an excuse as to why the Fuhrer's just disappeared…"
"Nah – it's only lust," said Lust, so we can assume she knows what she's talking about.
Anyway, they all went back to Dante's house with muffins once they had realised that they had no souls and could just tell the shopkeeper to look behind him and then run off with the muffins without feeling guilty. Edward felt a little guilty, but after much, MUCH thought he had realised that the fake firemen were actually the Military gang wearing firemen helmets so if they could steal muffins then so could he. He also just wasn't really thinking about what he was doing – seeing Riza in the fireman helmet with a fake moustache was just too funny.
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A/N WooPaH-Y! Please Review - it'll make up for the fact that they didn't share their stolen muffins with me. I am soooo way thankful to my reviewers, just a general statement - I am not actually responding... that would be against the rules...