Finally I found my way back to writing something longer. Once more it's mostly about our favorite hero-duo. And I finally get to write my very own take on the Sentimonster Adrien take. Many parts of this have ghosted my mind for some time now, finally I sat down to write it.

A little warning - the chapters won't be directly connected. Let's see it more as a collection of core memories that connect somewhere with said theory, or our two heroes finding out, that something is not quiet right. So there will be bigger, or smaller time skips in between. But let's figure that out, as we go, while we enjoy a all the fluff, angst and hurt, that comes to my mind. (If you know my other stories you know, that I like to mix my good and bad times as I go)

I hope, that there are a few people out there, who will enjoy this in one way or another. Also - I might include spoilers, for S5 as well (looking slightly at the second chapter).

Disclaimer: Miraculous Ladybug does not belong to me and I probably won't change a thing if it did.

Comments and Suggestions, criticism and kind words are all allowed. Also I am German and my Grammar and Spelling might be off and strange at all times.

Also - for the first chapter: Trigger warning. The theme of miscarriage is tagged as well and therefore I set the rating to M. I shall explain a little more of my choice down there in the notes as well. (We will continue on a lighter note after that - I promise)

Still - Have fun!

Prolog - Back Then

"I am sorry."

That were her doctor's last words, when everything was said and done. It was all she had, all that was left of that tiny being, that had grown within her. Nothing was left. No hope, no heartbeat, no dreams, that have dared to rise within her these past six weeks, she had known of its existence.

It wasn't the first time she had to go through this. The first time, that her body was not able to do, what it needed - what she wanted - it to do. It had been the third time - though this pregnancy had lasted longer, than the others, before her body has betrayed her once more.

Emilie had been in her eleventh week, when the doctor has found no growth since the last examination. When he found no heartbeat.

No heartbeat, she had continued over and over and over again within her head. Over and over caressing her bare stomach with her hands, hoping that this touch would bring back the life, that had dared to grow there - that had dared to make her happy, to make her hope once more.

But nothing had helped and that small, dead thing within her had been removed. Sucked out of her, taken care off, thrown away.

It had been a small procedure. So small - it had taken the doctors less than an hour and when Emilie had woken up, again, she was not pregnant anymore.

Once again, for the third time now.

But this time she had gone through it on her own. Her dear husband was away - working on this huge fashion show in Milan, that had been of huge importance for him.

It had been his dream - designing exquisite dresses, like those with the big names out there. She had ensured him to go - had promised Gabriel a showing baby belly upon his return.

And now…

No heartbeat.

When she had been to the last examination she thought, that everything had been right. Everything was normal. The baby within her was growing, healthy, probably a little boy - she had dared to give it a name already. She had made sure to only eat organic food, food full of vitamins and potassium. She had taken prenatals, made sure to have enough iron and folic acid. She had spoken already to that little one, sang to it, smiled, told stories about herself, her Gabriel, her sister.

But eventually the doctor had stopped smiling.

For there had been no fucking heartbeat.

And now, two days later she was all alone, again.

Emilie felt so tiny and weak. So broken.

The third time - yeah - she had gone through three miscarriages. How much more could she endure? How many more times would Gabriel even want to try again?

… or would he prefer another woman - another wife, one, that was not broken - who would gift him a child?

He wanted to be a father. And he would be such a wonderful one! He loved children - already said, that he would want nothing more, but to read to his child, teach him how to draw, play the piano with it, watch it grow. Boy, or girl - he would not care. And he would have wanted to spend so much time with it, model his schedule around his child.

…he would love it, like only a father would love his child.

"…e-excuse me…?"

A small voice came to her ears, bringing her back to the harsh and brutal reality out there and a warm hand carefully touched her shoulder. She immediately stopped shaking. Mechanically she turned around, her emerald eyes finding a small, very pregnant woman beside her. Her features, her black hair and dark almond-shaped eyes gave away, that she must be of Asian heritage, but she fluently spoke French, when she continued:

"May I help you? Is there something, I can do for you, dear?"

Emilie's gaze wandered to the big belly, that this woman carried, and she gulped heavily. She immediately felt envy hitting her most viciously in the guts, as she hastily brushed the streaming tears from her cheeks.

She still stood in front of the doctor's office, still feeling pain down there in her abdomen and even more pain in her aching heart. Still she could bring a faint - but faked- smile to her lips.

One she had presented many times before as the actress, that she was.

"It's nothing…", Emilie pressed between her lips, and she knew, that she had never presented a bigger lie before in her life. "Nothing, that couldn't be changed…"

Could it be changed? Was there something, that could be done? The doctor said something about tests - but she wasn't ready to comprehend something like that, yet.

Emilie could tell, that the woman in front of her did not believe her, her eyes searching for the truth, that the blonde dearly tried to keep hidden, as she herself pressed her lips into a thin line, before her eyes briefly wandered to the other patients, that waited at the other end of the hall.

Eventually she hurriedly reached within her purse, finding a pen and a small, pink notebook. In hurry, she scribbled something on the page, before she tore the paper out, handing it to Emilie with a small, ensuring nod and a comforting smile.

"If you ever feel the need to talk to somebody… I will listen…"

"Madame Cheng?", a nurse behind them called out for the pregnant woman in front of her. "The doctor is waiting…"

"Oh… of course…"

Said Madame Cheng once more laid her hand on Emilie's shoulder, as a small, silent sign of goodbye, before she turned around, to waddle away and towards the doctor's office.

When she was almost by the door, the blonde found the strenght to speak up once more:

"A boy, or a girl?", she asked, her own voice sounding so hollow, so exhausted. "The child, that you carry underneath your heart?"

The woman turned around yet again, her smile now wider and most brilliant, as she patted her belly. Being proud and so endlessly happy. Emilie would give everything, to have that as well.

"A girl. And I already know, that she will be the bravest and kindest one out there…"

This time Emilie's smile was true, again.

"Oh - I know she will be all that and so much more - with a mother like you!"

They did not share another word - Madame Cheng finally entered the doctor's office and Emilie walked down the seemingly endless hallway to get outside. Of course - her driver was already waiting for her. He was a man of only a few words and right now this silence was all she needed. To think, to contemplate about her future and her wish to become a mother herself.

No heartbeat…

While she was driven home, she would continue to rub her belly. Not because it was aching. But it was a habit she would have loved to keep up for the next 29 weeks, if the small one had developed accordingly. Mindlessly she would gaze out of the window, while her left hand kept on holding the paper Madame Cheng has given her.

She hurriedly put it in the pockets of her trousers, just when the gates to the mansion opened.

At home - a house that felt far too big without the sound of a child's laughter - she would send everybody home. She didn't feel like eating, didn't need her driver, not even her bodyguard.

She wanted her husband.

…she wanted a child.

Their baby.

But it was gone.

Emilie would walk these halls, until the sun went down. Didn't feel like resting. Sat in her favorite spot in the gardens for just a few moments, until she wasn't able to take the scent of roses and lilies and the silence anymore. She went to the cabinets in the kitchen to get a glass of wine. But stopped, before she would have poured some in her favorite glass. Eventually, she settled for a croissant.

With the small pastry on a plate she walked into her husband's office. She ignored the painting of herself in the very back, didn't look at their framed picture from their wedding. She just sat in his chair, inhaled his scent, that would always linger in this place and just let the time tick by.

Tears feel freely by this point. But this time she didn't dare to brush them away - didn't dare to mask her feelings with camera-worthy smiles. She couldn't do that, didn't need to be perfect at that moment.

With shaking fingers she reached out for the telephone, that throned on Gabriel's desk, her slim fingers brushing the cold, white surface.

Her first instinct was to call him. Her husband. Her love.

But he couldn't help her. For it was too late. The baby was gone. And for now he shouldn't feel all this pain.

Then she started to type the number of her dearest sister.

Stopping halfway, she set the earpiece back down. For it didn't feel right to bother her with this painful topic, when her sister's marriage was childless as well.

At last, she reached inside the pockets of her trousers, retrieving the piece of paper, she had hidden there for some time now. Gulping heavily. Eventually she would type Madame Cheng's number and waited until the distinctive tooting would reach her ear. But she didn't need to wait for too long.

"Hello?"

There was that kind voice, again.

"It's me…"

Emilie didn't feel like saying much more. Didn't want to share her name. Though, in all honesty - the woman probably knew who she was talking to. Heck - all of Paris knew her name, her face, her life - for posters with her picture to promote her newest movie were plastered all over this city.

And the name Emilie Agreste was since her last movie one, that was very well known.

"I-I-", and yet she had not thought it through. She had not thought about a thing to say. And who would call a stranger this late? She would have loved nothing more, but to tell her everything: Talk about her fears, her worries, her worst sorrows.

But she recalled that happy, sincere smile, as Madame Cheng has patted her belly. Remembered her words.

…she shouldn't worry this poor woman any further. For it felt wrong. So much sorrow would not be good for the little girl the other woman was carrying within her. And deep down Emilie knew, that Madame Cheng in all her kindness would care and feel sorry for the actress she merely met at the doctor's office.

What if… her story would cause too much stress, too much pain…?

She wouldn't be able to handle the thought, that something happened to this woman and her unborn child.

"I thank you!"

She hung up, before Madame Cheng could have said something else - to convince her to stay on the telephone and to talk.

The piece of paper with her number was thrown into the bin by Gabriel's desk in haste and Emilie fell back against the back of the chair with an agonized scream. A painful one, as she felt her heart breaking in a billion pieces. She covered her face, shaking and sobbing. She felt shattered, and she wished, that her pain was enough to miraculously give life to the next child, she would carry one day.

…if they wanted to try once more.

…if…

…if Gabriel still wanted her as the mother of her child.

Why was it so fucking hard to have a baby? Her friends were awaiting children as well. No complications. Happy father's. Everything was fine.

But then there were the happily married Agreste's, who just could not become parents - no matter how hard they were trying, no matter how much money they had for the best doctors and treatments, no matter-

What if…

A strange thought crossed Emilie's mind, as she slowly lowered her hands from her wet face and turned around in the chair, to face the picture behind her. A painting, that she had gifted her Gabriel to his birthday.

A painting, that hid a peculiar secret.

What if there was a miraculous way for her to gift Gabriel with a child?

Without money. Without the help of any doctors.

A child, that was tailored just for them. A child, that would laugh, play and learn. That would fill these halls with life and her heart with joy.

She definitely would love this child - their child.

…at least it was worth trying.

Slowly she rose from the chair and walked over to the painting. She trailed the thick paint, until she found the hidden buttons - to reveal and open the safe, that only she, the builder of this contraption and her husband knew about.

Inside she found not much - a picture of them, that would always make Gabriel smile, an ancient book, that neither of them was able to decipher, and a box, with two carefully hidden treasures.

With dainty fingers she reached out, opened the latch and then the lid.

Inside she found two brooches. Beautifully crafted, enchanted by magic they were yet not able to understand. One was broken, the other perfect as it was.

Tonight she went for the broken one.

Said brooch resembled a peacock. Made from silver, but it still felt so icy in her hands. Heavy as well.

Gabriel had warned her to use this brooch. It was dangerous - especially since nobody was aware of the damage it would course to the one, who was wearing it - especially since it was broken beyond repair.

And still she pushed this warning into the darkest corner of her mind, as she put the brooch on her jacket.

She felt a rush of magic, that surged through her and the glimmering piece of jewelry. When she opened her eyes again, she found a small being in front of her, floating, rubbing its eyes, as if it had awoken from a deep sleep.

"Hey little one…", she carefully said, reaching out with a gentle hand, to bring it closer. "It's been a long time, since we have last seen each other. Is everything alright, Duusu?"

Said being looked up towards the blond woman, with big purple eyes, before it eventually smiled brilliantly up at the human in front of her.

"Emilie!", the entity sweetly chimed, reaching up with these tiny paws to cuddle her cheek.

She loved this small one dearly - just like a mother would love a-

"Duusu?", she carefully said, softly caressing the Kwami's head, which he always dearly enjoyed. "Can you help me?"

He was so innocent. So sweet. He definitely would not deny her wish.

"Of course!" He flew up in the air. Excited about everything, that would come, swiftly soaring closer once more. "You remember everything?"

Of course, she did. The words, she needed to speak, the object she needed to contain the magic, the gift, that Duusu's power could be.

Her eyes wandered around, searching for said thing, that she would enchant in only a moment.

Her eyes fell to the ring on her finger. Not her wedding ring - but the silver band, that rested there as well. Plain and simple - a family heirloom, that she would always keep and connected her always with her twin - the keeper of this ring's sister.

It was perfect.

She slipped it from her finger, holding it in her palm, before she raised her gaze back up towards the small God in front of her.

"Spread my feathers…"

That magic returned to her body. Stronger now, rushing through her like a warm wave. It filled her, surrounded her, as Duusu was pulled inside the brooch.

Emilie immediately felt stronger. Knew, that she could be faster. Her eyesight was better, as was her hearing.

But tonight she did not care about these powers.

Instead, she opened her left hand once more, seeing the silver ring still there, seeing it still unchanged.

She laid it on the floor, in front of her feet.

She gulped, then focused on the marvelous fan in her right hand, plugging a delicate feather from its middle.

For a brief moment she considered her choices, as she watched the fluffy down move in a magical breeze, that usually wasn't there - especially with the windows closed.

"Little Amok…", she breathlessly whispered, knowing and fearing that incredible power in her hand. Yet her body filled with awe, ready to take this step, ready to connect it with the ring.

And she did.

She was not afraid about the consequences. Was not afraid of what it would mean for her, to use this broken Miraculous in the first place.

She just wanted to be a mother. Wanted a child - people have killed for less.

And she - she could give life.

She - they - would be happy...

A light illuminated these dark walls. Briefly, warmth followed it and Emilie closed her eyes.

Before she opened them up, again, she heard a squeal of joy.

And then, there he was.

Emilie immediately crouched down and her fan fell to the ground. She wanted nothing more, but to bring that small bundle of joy up to her chest, to hold it tight. His chubby arms reached out for her, a toothless smile even reached his eyes. Green like hers.

"Hey little one…", she croaked, feeling those tears returning to her eyes. This time not from sadness, fear, or anger. No…

She picked him up right away, brushed his blond, soft hair from his face. Kissed his rosy cheek, his nose, his forehead.

She smiled. Feeling that small chest, as it filled with air. Feeling this small bodies warmth. Knowing, that there was a heartbeat.

He squealed again. Louder. Laughing, like only a baby could. Holding her with his gentle might close.

She had fallen for him on the spot - and her heart would always belong to him - this perfect child, she had created, birthed, gifted with life.

Her little Adrien.

A/N: The theme of miscarriage...

Let's say it's a theme, that follows me closely since March, given the reason that I was suffering one back then as well. Emilie's experience depicted here are basically my own (though I only suffered one). Of course - I know, that this theme is not for the faint of heart and yet it's deemed as taboo to speak openly about it. 1 in 4 women suffer at least once from it.
Speaking about it, made it easier for me - knowing, that I am not alone.

Writing about it is my way to cope with the loss, I have suffered. It's not done to get pity - but to spread awareness about a theme, that is painful - yes - but sadly, it's normal as well.
And believe me - I would have done everything to carry this child.

Emilie on the other hand is just lucky to have the Miraculous at hand.

Anyway - the next chapter will be a little happier and sweeter (and will contain a surprise 😊).

If anybody dares to read this, then I hope you will find some joy in it despite the rocky start. Ask, if you have questions and comments and kudos are - as always - very appreciated. And criticism as well 😅