LovePadfoot5867: yeah this is mostly about Sirius and Ashleigh, Remus is just the really good friend who Sirius gets jealous of lol.
Beauiful Enigma : And thanks, I hope I can update enough to make school just a little easier. Don't worry though cause life isn't all that great once you get out of school. Lol.
Remus stayed with us at the Leaky Cauldron along with James and Sirius. Dumbledore found out what our mom had done and she was now being searched for by all of her co-workers in the ministry. He told us to pack up what was necessary and go to the Leaky Cauldron until we were to leave for Hogwarts. The funeral was tomorrow and I couldn't stand to breath anymore. I had spent the last four days in my room at the Leaky Cauldron reading books and trying to escape reality. I was usually writing poems, stories, and reading books. I went to meet Adam and the guys down stairs for dinner. I had promised Adam that I would eat dinner with them tonight so he would just shut up about it.
"So I bought all your school stuff today." Adam said trying to get rid of the silence between us all. Remus had always been a great friend to me and I was glad that he was trying to be there for Adam and me right now but I just wanted my dad back. I grunted to let him know that I heard him. Tickle ran up my leg and onto my lap. I gave a small smile so I wouldn't cry because every time I looked at him he would remind me of dad. I fed him a piece of my carrot and he ate it happily.
"Come on Ash, you need to eat." Adam said putting his fork down.
"I ate." I said thinking about earlier that day. I had some fruit.
"You have to eat more. Dad would want you to." He said quietly. I looked up at him so fast I hurt my neck.
"Don't talk about what he would want. He's not here, I am and I'll do what I want!" I said pushing back from my chair and grabbing Tickle before leaving to go back to my room. Adam and I shared a room with two beds and the three boys shared a room. There was a soft knock on the door and it reminded me of my dad and I felt a stab in the heart when I thought of him. It felt so weird knowing that someone you were close to is no longer there. It made you feel hollow and all I wanted to do was eat to fill it up but I couldn't because I felt bad just going into the real world to get food. It was like I didn't want to live life if he couldn't.
"Hey." I heard Remus say as he sat beside me. I put my head on his shoulder. He was one of my really good friends and I always felt like I could talk to him about anything but right now I didn't want to talk. I wanted everything to be ok, I wanted life to be ok to live again.
"I didn't mean to yell." I said so quietly that I wasn't sure I even said it. Adam walked in and Remus took the cue to leave. He sat down beside me and gave me a hug. I just cried, I cried because I knew that it was real and I would have to deal with it.
"I know how you are feeling, I feel the same way but I am making myself be strong for you." Adam said and is saw tears slide down his face.
"I feel like it's not right to move on, like life isn't ok live anymore. Why should we enjoy things like good food when he cant?" I said through my tears. He held me tighter and we stayed like that for a while.
"Because we're still alive and you know dad, he always says that we should live life to the fullest even during the dark times." Adam said. And all I could think was that he doesn't always 'say', he always said. Past tense.
"I just don't feel right." I said lying down on my bed and pulling the covers over me. Adam left me alone to go to sleep, but even sleeping was hard to do.
I wore a simple black dress that hung perfectly on me and in any other circumstances I would have been glad to wear a dress like this. I sat in the front of all the rows of seats Adam was sitting next to me and Remus was on my other side. I stared straight ahead determined not to look at the faces giving me and Adam looks of pity. I could hear the ladies behind us talking about us already.
"Oh, those poor children, having to go through life without their father and their mother… running off to join you know who." The lady behind us said in a hushed voice. Adam knew what I was thinking because he squeezed my knee to prevent me from saying anything. People kept on coming up to us expressing their deepest sympathies. But none of them really knew my father, none of them.
"Your father was such a good man, he will be missed." An elderly lady with graying hair said to us. We nodded and stared straight ahead. A few people got up to say a few things, some people we didn't know and a few we did know.
"He was a gentle man who had a certain charm about him that made everyone love him within seconds. He will be missed so much by everyone that he left behind. His wonderful children, his co-workers and his friends." An old man who I did not recognize said. A few more went up and said a few things before they put our father into the ground. Adam and I went up together to place a single flower on his coffin. I placed my hand on the cool wood and a single tear went down my cheek. How could he have left us? And how could he not tell us about our real mother? I had so many questions that I wouldn't be able to ask now.
"Come on, Lets go sit back down." Adam said pulling me away from the coffin. I sat down and I put my head on Remus' shoulder. I closed my eyes and tried to will this all to go away. I just wanted to run far and fast from it all, get out and never have to deal with this. But even as I imagined myself running far away from all this I was still sitting in my same spot and all I wanted was someone to hold me. To surround me with love and be there for me. Sometime while I was imaging myself running far away we left and we were back in the Leaky Cauldron. We were all silently eating at one of the tables near the bar. I was actually eating even though I felt rotten for doing so. I reached across the table and took a push up pop that I had bought a minute earlier. I loved push up pops. I started to eat it and I could tell that Adam was glad that I was eating again. I felt bad that all this responsibility was pushed onto him. Why couldn't I be stronger so he didn't have to look after me all the time. Sirius was actually sitting next to me for a change and I didn't know what to say to him. I wanted so desperately to be in his arms while he told me everything was going to get better. I wanted to feel his heart beat against mine while I cried all my sadness away.
"Hey." He said after Remus, James and Adam got up to go and get some more ice cream from the shop.
"Hi." I said softly looking down at the table and tracing the grains.
"Look, I'm sorry, I know you must be tired of hearing with that but I am, not just for your dad but for hurting you." Sirius said quietly. I looked at him. Even though I was mad that he broke up with me this is what I wanted to hear.
"Don't worry about it, I haven't thought much about us anyway." I said. He looked hurt but he covered it up.
"I understand, I mean you have been dealing with a lot. I miss you… I don't know what came over me when I broke up with you but I miss you." He said. I wouldn't look at him because I thought maybe I would just run into his arms. So I remained quiet because I missed him to. I missed a lot of things, I missed having such a perfect life.
"Um, Excuse me, Ashleigh?" I heard a male voice say and I turned to see who it was. I looked at him trying to remember where I had known him from.
"Yes?"
"Hi, I'm sorry if I interrupted anything but I'm Jon." He said and then it hit me that my pen pal was standing right in front of me. The guy that I had been exchanging letter and packages with for the last seven years. We had always talked about meeting each other but we never got the chance and now he was standing right in front of me. He had dark brown almost black shaggy hair that hung near his face. He had some stubble on his face and his eyes were bright green.
"Jon? As in Jon Jon?" I asked knowing I wasn't making much sense. He laughed and ran his hand through his hair nervously.
"Its actually just Jon. But you can call me Jon Jon if you like." He said. I laughed looking down feeling embarrassed.
"Wow, what are you doing here? Oh my gosh, go ahead and pull up a chair, if you have some time." I said. He nodded and pulled up a chair to sit in front of Sirius and I.
"Um, I'm going to Hogwarts for my last year." He said totally surprising me.
"Really? Are you serious?" I asked. This was incredible but why would he leave his friends and family to come to this boarding school?
"Yeah, I decided to come here because you have always talked so highly of it." He said. I stopped smiling because I was suddenly reminded of my father and that this year he wouldn't be at the school with us. He wouldn't be keeping an eye on us so we didn't step out of line and he wouldn't be there to slip us candy after class. Adam came up to us with another push up pop in his hand for me.
"Hi, who are you?" He asked bluntly, handing me the ice cream and taking Sirius' seat.
"Uh, hi, I'm Jon." He said reaching his hand out to shake Adams'. He looked at me and I nodded to tell him that it was ok. This guy wasn't a bad guy.
"Its Jon, my pen pal." I told Adam and he relaxed a bit and shook his hand.
"Wow, I've heard so much about you. What brings you here?" Adam asked him.
"I was just telling Ash that I am going to spend my seventh year at Hogwarts." He told Adam.
"Yeah, why? I mean why spend your last year at a completely different school?" I asked. He looked down at his hands and I thought that maybe I had said something but when I went over what I had said to him, I didn't think anything was offensive.
"Well, um, my, uh… my best friend died and um, I don't want to go back to being reminded of him, especially at school. Change should be a good thing for me." He said finally looking up at me. And right away I saw pain in his eyes just like I saw pain in Sirius' eyes that night when we talked about his family.
"I know how you feel when you lose someone." I said squeezing his hand to silently let him know that I was there for him. Over the last seven years we have become great friends to each other and I was always there for him during his fights with his parents or his friends and he was always there for me too. He was almost as close as Adam was to me.
"Who did you lose?" He asked me.
"My dad." I said in barely there whisper. It still felt weird to acknowledge that he was gone. Every time I thought about him something inside me hurt so bad I just wanted to cry. It was hard to realize that I would no longer be able to hear him laugh or make fun of me playfully or even tell me off when I stepped out of line.
"So this is your boyfriend huh?" Sirius said behind me coldly. I turned and glared at him for even saying anything.
"He's not a boyfriend, he's a friend… and does it really matter if he was? Its not like i'm attached." I said back as coldly as he did. James, Remus and Adam gave out a low whistle and looked the other way.
"Am I missing something?" Jon asked.
"Absolutely nothing, lets go talk." I said pulling him up the stairs to my room. I didn't want to be alone with him but something told me to do it to make Sirius jealous. I didn't know why I felt the need to make him jealous when he shouldn't even be mattering to me on a day like this.
"Wow, you look great, your pictures don't do you any justice." Jon said once we were in my room. I was making sure I was packed up and ready to go tomorrow morning. I wasn't excited to be going back at all, in fact I dreaded it.