A/N: Scrawler……this one's for you!

Elliot POV

He looks so damn smug. Confident. And maybe a touch of concern….yeah, you know…actually, I don't feel all too comfortable sitting on this couch. Not physically I mean. He can tell I'm uncomfortable. I hate shrinks.

"Elliot….I have to say, I was glad to hear from you."

"Yeah…well…I just figured the sooner I get this over with, the sooner I get back to work." And that's the God's honest truth. "So, where do we start…." I hate when he tilts his head like that, means he's about to go to work.

"I've noticed you've been a little distracted lately. Not like you at all. And the emotional weight of this case, seem to break you. And you didn't think it was even possible."

Geez Doc, could you be anymore right? "Well it's just when I saw that girl. I couldn't stop the thought. I just saw Elizabeth there, right there, like a sudden realization that not even they're safe. I cried for those children….I prayed for their souls. And I prayed for peace for myself, to let me know….they felt no pain, that they weren't scared." Honesty is the best policy I guess. He looks shocked.

"Did that help?"

"A little. But…..there's other things only my priest can help me with."

"Your faith, seems to keep you grounded."

"I guess. I always have to question why, but I pray for that answer. And I ask for forgiveness for all the evil I wish upon those perps." It's true, and the twisted fuck who made those kids like that, deserves to burn in Hell.

He seems almost satisfied with that. Almost. "Well, anything else…like I said, something has been on your mind…."

God, leading me like some damn witness. Oh, here goes, "Kathy and I. It's been…..weird, you know."

"Weird can mean a great deal of things. Like how?"

"Like we don't even know each other anymore…or even if we knew each other to begin with. After this long…you'd think we'd pretty much have it all figured out."

"How long have you been married again….I've forgotten."

Understandable, too busy ruining my career, " Twenty years….or it will be in a couple of months."

"Well, twenty years and four children can change any relationship."

"Not like this….I don't know what it is."

"Well, your oldest child, Maureen…she turned twenty last month correct?"

"She did, yes." So do the mental math. Don't even start with me.

"And Kathleen, seventeen and the twins, Richard and Elizabeth, twelve."

"You win the prize. There a point to this?" Ha, now he looks uncomfortable.

"Point being this. It's always been about your children."

"What in the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Meaning…..your job. The NYPD is an obvious choice for someone with a military background. And you had to take classes at night to just be home to watch your kids while your wife went to work during the day….to support your family. And whatever time you two did have together, you were busy with children, no time for the two of you. And it's a lot of work to make yourself a prominent detective with SVU."

"Uh huh."

"So, while you're putting in overtime…plus regular work hours. Kathy is left to be both parents….keep you updated whenever you get home. Your kids grow up…..without you being right there. I'm sure you missed all sorts of things because of work…maybe just because you needed to sleep…"

"No way. If I'm home, I'm going….even if I haven't slept for days." Been there…too many times.

"And that's why you're a good father. And she's a good mother. You both do everything for your kids. I wish all parents did that."

"So…what's this have to do with….weird?"

"All any woman wants is to be close to her husband….physically, mentally, spiritually. Because of four children and your job, you haven't been afforded the luxury of the intimacy, at least on a deeper level. And now your children are older, you are just left with yourselves. Hence this weird feeling. I don't doubt you love her. But, I do know one thing, the details of your job aren't exactly dinner conversation."

Am I that obvious? "I've been pushing her away. All this time. Not even realizing that I even was. I just needed to protect her…." What's he even trying to say…I'm confused…

"Elliot. She's your wife. She will always be your shoulder to cry on. The one person in all of the world that can understand you. And I think you know that. But you don't want to expose her to the evil you see….so you just don't say anything in an attempt to protect her and your children. But that silence is more damaging than anything."

"You're right. But yesterday, after I went home, she….uh, came home. And it was nice I….I told her what I saw…and she only cried a little. And that nearly ripped the heart from my chest. I just think she was crying because I was."

He seems relieved, "I'm glad you could open up to her…."

"Me too. I never thought it would feel so wonderful to have her help me, calm me like she would one of our kids after a nightmare….my job is my waking nightmare." Come on, you can't blink back the tears forever….hell with it. If this is what he needs to see….

Easy there Doc. Not exactly a fan of men…touching me. Around the shoulder. Fine, I'll live. Thank God he can't tell anyone about this. I'm done.

Stop. Touching me. Thanks.

"So, how was your day…after you got home yesterday?"

Innocent question, "Well, the whole family was there for dinner. Maureen brought her new boyfriend over to be traumatized." I still despise that weasel.

"And I take it your not fond of him?"

"Clearly. He wants to be a defense attorney. Only thing lower than the perps they defend. But if that's what she wants and he makes her happy, so be it. Also, found out my son was caught kissing in a closet ,with his girlfriend." I think he knows I'm proud of that, "Not that I condone that sort of thing, but I've been there. And Kathleen, found her boyfriend, with another girl. She was…upset. But she did see them."

"Sounds like a circus."

"Yeah. But I'm the ringmaster. After dinner, Kathy and I talked. Outside, under the stars. That was nice too. She, uh, did tell me that the not knowing was getting to her…and that she had thought about leaving me. She said that if I hadn't said anything….she would have been gone."

"That's pretty big Elliot."

No shit Sherlock. "It was…I was floored. But she also said I should never hold anything back from her again….and I agreed." All night long! God, might have to do that again…and again….and again…

"Agreed? How?"

You finally asked the right question! "We made love…for the first time in almost a year. And it was FABULOUS."

"Kinda explains the elevator. If you don't mind…."

"What, you want details?" I'd almost give it up.

"Not anything that graphic. More like who was in control? Did you let her take of you?"

"Several times." Did I just say that? "But I did take charge from time to time….what does this have to do with anything?"

"This change in attitude. I thought it was something at home…."

"When it all hit the fan and I mentioned my daughter, you thought that I was working myself out of my own life. Like my mind wanted to see her so bad it put her there." Yeah, you'll get over it. I'm a detective, I put stuff together for a living.

"Exactly."

"Thanks then. I would have liked you to, uh, have done this better, but I'll take it."

"Understand that you'll still need to see me…."

"I know….say….can I ask you something…honest opinion."

"Sure."

"I asked Kathy about her wedding ring. It's just a gold band…but I asked in a round about way if she wanted a diamond ring. I think it's the least I could do….she deserves it. And I was thinking about asking her to renew our vows for our anniversary. The way it should have been, to some degree." He looks almost touched. Shit, so am I.

"I had no idea you were such a romantic."

"Sue me. I lover her more than life itself. Think it would piss her off if I bought her a gorgeous ring….remotely pricey…nice." Actually, I can almost hear her now…oh, Elliot….you didn't have to. And I can almost can see the tears in her eyes when I ask her to marry me…all over again.

"She'll be pleased…not at the ring…so much as the sentiment. The fact that your love for her is deeper now after all this time and four children….is more important to her than anything you could ever buy her."

"Yeah, well, I love her….I don't really understand the things I say and do because I love her….I just know that's how I feel."

Uh oh. I don't like that look. "Does she know this is how you feel?"

After last night, I sure hope so. "I think so. Maybe. I don't really know." I hope to God she does. "But, uh, to be honest, I'm worried for her."

"How so?"

"Because of what she knows now. And I know from now on, there's no secrets, no protecting her. I know the nightmares I have…I hate to think that I gave those to her…"

"Then you will just have to comfort her just as she has you." There's that look again, "Can I suggest something a little unorthodox?"

"It's your game, I'm just a pawn." How true that is.

"Let's ask her how the new knowledge sits with her. Furthermore, you can tell her how you feel…and stop avoiding my questions….and know for sure that she knows how you feel."

Great, he's serious. Do I have too? "If that's what you think is best…."

"I do."

Great. Just dandy. Oh well, at least I get her to stare at while he tries to shrink us both…..